lovesong the cure

Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Remus Lupin & Sirius Black, Gryffindor common room, 1977

I started an 80′s Sheith playlist because I could _(┐「ε:)_ 

Song list under the cut || Listen

A Little Respect - Erasure || Burnin’ for You - Blue Oyster Cult || Don’t You (Forget About Me) - Simple Minds || Call Me - Blondie || Always Something There To Remind Me - Naked Eyes || Missing You - John Waite || You Make My Dreams - Daryl Hall & John Oates || Take On Me - a-ha || What I Like About You - The Romantics || Take Me Home Tonight - Eddie Money || Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper || Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now - Starship || Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler || Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley || Tell It to My Heart - Taylor Dayne || Need You Tonight - INXS || Hold Me Now - Thompson Twins || Think I’m In Love - Eddie Money || Every Time You Go Away - Paul Young || Just Like Heaven - The Cure || Holding Out for a Hero - Bonnie Tyler || Just Can’t Get Enough - Depeche Mode || Wake me up Before You Go-Go - Wham! || I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers || Sweet Child o’ Mine - Guns N’ Roses || Lips Like Sugar - Echo & the Bunnymen || Stand By Me - Ben E. King || I’ll Melt With You - Modern English || Baby Hold On - Eddie Money || Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics || Lovesong - The Cure || I Ran - A Flock of Seagulls || Space Age Love Song - A Flock of Seagulls || Electric Blue - ICEHOUSE

Whenever I'm alone with you...

You make me feel like I am home again: Cancer, Taurus

You make me feel like I am whole again: Scorpio, Libra

You make me feel like I am young again: Aries, Pisces

You make me feel like I am fun again: Gemini, Leo

You make me feel like I am free again: Aquarius, Sagittarius

You make me feel like I am clean again: Virgo, Capricorn

Lovesong (Connor Murphy x Reader)

Summary: Reader and Connor broke up and they reflect on their whole relationship, which was the best, but just not enough.

A/N: so, italics = present, normal = past (hope this makes it clear!!)

Warnings: broken heart, suicide mention, terrible, confusing writing by a girl who puts all her emotions in her stuff

Words: 2054, cuz I have a lot of feelings

Nobody goes through life without having their heart broken and one day you’ll wake up and it will be okay”

That quote floated around in your head, repeating itself over and over again. During some times, when everything became too much again, you would even whisper it to yourself. Almost like a prayer, hoping that eventually things will get better again. And you knew, that it must get better. Regarding, that the day your heart was broken was almost three months ago.
You wondered whether how long heartbreak could last. You asked your mother, your friends. And they all gave you the same answer: As long as you want to.
Was this the right way to get over a broken heart? By simply finding one quiet moment, in which you could get back on the ground again?
Again, you wondered when this day would come. A day in your future, which will be the final day you thought about Connor.

Maybe it would be some day, but not today. Today was somewhat different. This morning, you went out for your standard walk in the morning, until your knees nearly dropped, when you saw Connor again. The last time, you saw him was three months ago, after you screamed at each other, before he left your house, tears streaming over his face. And there he was. Laughing again. Holding tightly to somebody, you have never seen before. In that moment, your heart was breaking all over again.

In your entire life, you will experience so much love from so many different and unique people, yet there will never be the same one, as your first love.
It all started at a small party on a Friday evening at Zoe Murphy’s house. There were some people from school and a handful of ones from other schools, which you didn’t know. Your friends insisted on you going to said party, although you didn’t want to. These stupid partys. They always seem like fun, until at 2 AM a girl sits on the sofa, crying because of her boyfriend, while another couple makes out, whilst another guy throws up in the corner.  
Still, you agreed on going out together. Arriving at the party, already made you feel like it was time to go. As usual, you would be following your friends all the time, not talking to anybody and just hoping, that this evening would be finally over.
And that’s when you caught his glance from across the room. He was standing there in the corner, alone. Not sure what it was, but something about him has drawn you right into his presence, which made you feel safe, in a certain kind of way. Whether it was this ordinary love at first sight or just the simple realization that there is a person, who resembles everything you need – that was the night Connor and you fell in love with each other.

And now, there he was, with another girl. He stroked her back, he kissed her on her forehead. You were unable to move. You couldn’t even look away. In that moment, everything got worse again. The way he looked at her – some months before, this was you. You felt nauseous. You felt like crying. You felt as if your whole relationship was again right in front of you. From the very first day, to the very last.

How he looked at you, when you approached him. His eyes were big, as if he wasn’t used to people talking to him. How he stuttered his name. How he smiled, when you told him yours. The way, he tugged a strand of hair behind his ear. How he wondered, whether you could be a person, who would really want to stay with him.
How you just admired him. How you wanted to know everything about him. He was so pretty, he was so smart. He seemed like a guy, who wanted to be loved, and you seemed like the perfect solution.
And he admired you as well. How you laughed, how you blushed. The way you smiled, when he asked you whether you wanted to go outside, to escape the loud chaos on the party.
The way the cold air hit both of you. How you immediately felt cold, but without saying anything, Connor gave you his jacket. The moment both of your hearts were racing, when he took your hand. Hesitantly, but then your fingers entwined. The way the moonlight shined on his face. How pretty he thought you looked. And then, the one moment, when he put his hands on your waist, coming closer to you, when you put your arms around his neck, sharing a light smile, before kissing for the first time.

Oh God, how much you two have been in love. Everywhere you went alone, you thought it would be better if you could share it with Connor. And everytime, you were together, you never wanted to leave him again.
He felt the same about you. Out of sudden, there was a person, who really loved him. Not that kind of “love” bullshit, that only consists of kissing and sex. No, it was real love. How you would listen to his problems, eagerly helping him wherever you could. Whenever he cried, you would immediately sit on his lap, placing soft kisses on his neck, whispering all over again, how valid he is and how much you loved him.
There was a certain thing about your relationship and people did notice it. It was never a shy kind of love between you two. You met, and instantly were in love. And even months into your relationship, you still got all flustered sometimes and even blushed, when he pressed a kiss on your lips.
Before you, Connor wouldn’t have thought that he could love somebody. Or that somebody could love him. He was a broken person, trying to find someone who could heal him, and that person was you. And only you. It took him a lot of time, until he told you about his illnesses, his problems. How nervous he was about your reaction. He has already tried to prepare himself, if you would just leave then. How he cried, when you told him, you’re still gonna stick by his side, because he’s all you ever wanted. How you said “Love’s not only about being with each other. It’s also about being with each other’s wishes, problems and needs”.
Connor has never thought, that anything could heal him, but God, you absolutely did. He stopped smoking, he stopped doing things, which were bad for him, because he wanted to be fully there for you. And you for him, even at moments, that felt the worst for both of you.
“I…I just can’t take my life anymore.”
“What do you mean by that?”
He swallowed, nervously biting his lip.
“I don’t see a point in living anymore.”
In that moment, everything crushed in for him. He started crying, then you started crying. He grabbed your hand, as if he was afraid you would leave. But you couldn’t leave. Not after that. You didn’t want to leave. You wanted to be with him, until he felt better again, even if it would take you a million years. You loved Connor so much, you would completely give yourself up for him. Connor understood that, Connor felt that. He just didn’t know how to go on anymore.
You promised him so often, that you would be there for him, in every bad moment and in every good moment. He cried again, hugging you so tightly. Grateful, that he had you in his life. Grateful to have at least somebody, who cared, who didn’t close their eyes for his problems. It was true. Connor wanted to end his own life. But you just showed him another way of living, somehow.

You were his one and only person, who helped him so much. And he was forever thankful for you. Even now, when he saw you again, walking on the path, some steps in front of you. At first, he thought it couldn’t be true, but out of sudden, he caught your glance, your very sad glance. He felt ashamed. There he was, holding a new person he loved in his arm, while you were still all in love with him.
You wondered whether she would help him or make him feel the same way. If she knew about Connor’s problems, if she knew about his past. And if he really loved her, or if she was just touching him. If she really was somebody, not just some body.

How often Connor teased you. How often, he showed you, how much he wanted you. How nervous both of you were, when you had your first time sex. How it quickly became a standard thing, to show your naked bodies to each other. How often, he nearly slammed you against the wall, leaving a trail of kisses down your entire body.
How he whispered “I love you so much” afterwards. How you stroke his naked back, until he fell asleep. How often you two woke up together, your bodies entwined. When he gave you a small, sleepy smile, when you woke him up with a kiss on his cheek. How Connor played with your hair, when you were laying on his bed. How often, he would remember little things about you. How he watched films with you, he wasn’t interested in, but he saw how much they meant to you.
How you spent your afternoons together. Staying inside the whole time, showing each other your favourite bands. How your heart lit up, when Connor showed you a song and said this one would always make him think of you.
“I didn’t know you liked The Cure so much!”
“What? No, I…I just think they’re pretty okay.”
“And that’s why you own every album from them and…that’s a poster from them, right?”
“…you know, sometimes you’re quite annoying.”
“Then, do they have a song about loving someone who’s annoying?”
He chuckled. “Nearly every song.”
How he whispered some lyrics from your song in your ear.

“However far away,
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you”

How he’d kiss you, letting you know how serious he meant it.

And out of a sudden, all of this was gone. All the love was gone. You started fighting about irrelevant things. He started screaming at you, you started crying, yelling at him as well. How often your parents would knock on your door, asking if everything was alright.
How one day, Connor, with tears in his eyes, looked at you and said “Nothing’s alright anymore, is it?”
How you shook your head. Knowing, that it was over.
And that was the worst moment for both of you. Watching the other one, as they slowly lose interest in you. As they stop thinking you are the one. Just stop loving you.
One moment, before he would turn around and leave your house, without ever returning, you two hugged for the last time ever. Both of you were shaking. He held you so tightly, as if he didn’t want to let you go. That moment, your last moment, was still calm. You two forgot about all the bad things that happened. All the fights, all the screaming. There was just him and you, one last time together, for the last time a “we”.

And now, some months later, you saw each other again. Looking in the face of the first person who ever sneaked into your hearts. Connor’s eyes got wet, as well as yours. But instead of running over to each other, maybe even saying one last thing – you two recalled your relationship and your love. How wonderful this time was and how wonderful it was, to look back to it. There was no harm, no fear, no anger. Only love.

You two shared one last smile together, before each of you headed into new, separate directions, knowing that it might be over, but your love will always remain, as well as the memories.