lovely lonesome

2

Want and need were words that got eaten smaller and smaller: Freedom, autonomy, a perennial bank balance, a stainless-steel condo in a dustless city, a silky black car, to make out with Blue, eight hours of sleep, a cell phone, a bed, to kiss Blue just once, a blister-less heel, bacon for breakfast, to hold Blue’s hand, one hour of sleep, toilet paper, deodorant, a soda, a minute to close his eyes.

Modest Mouse

Montage

If you don’t know what you want. Don’t lead me on. Don’t dance around with my feelings. Don’t expect me to cave every time your fingertips prance around my body. I can’t take it anymore, it’s not fair. I’m left wanting things, I know you won’t give.
3

“At the very same moment you forced my retreat, you are also showing the world that my only weakness is you. After today, everyone will know that I will never sacrifice my only love no matter what I do.”

He asked me what it was like to have been in love. I said it was like having the stars, the galaxies, everything perfect and magical within your reach. But with that, came the greatest darkness I had never escaped and the most sadness I have ever believed. And that sometimes with love, you’re lonesome and weak.
—  M.M. Writings
Lonesome. Its a funny thing.
Being alone in a crowd.
What do they call it?
The lonely heart, the bitter one?
The clingy, needy young girl.
The bossy, trouble maker
Easy to love at first, but hard to love forever.
Has friends, but they don’t really care
Is shushed, told to be silent, but can’t help being naturally loud.
Dramatic at most, solemn at best.
Cares about everyone and everything,
Sometimes too much though.
Hates being told what to do and when things don’t go her way.
Is called perfect sometimes, but is far from it
If you look close into her eyes, you can see her yearning to be found, to be loved unconditionally.
Doesn’t want any strings attached, but she comes with strings.
A desire to fit in, so much she is willing to destroy herself in the process.
Maybe she will be lost forever, maybe thats who she’s meant to be.
The feeling of being unwanted always scratches in the back of her throat.
Acts strong but underneath that tough skin she is weak.
Looks up to people and yearns for their friendship and acceptance.
A little girl at heart.
A failure at best.
She is lonesome and lonesome is her…
—  Alexis Pendleton