loveless luck

My eyes fill with tears as I lay restless in my bed, wide awake like an owl
At night who begging my eyes to sleep through the whole day, and while my heart aches for your hands and the warmth of your resting stomach upon my sides I remember that you are out somewhere laughing and smiling and erasing me from your mind, the mind you dragged me into, the mind I grew to love and cherish, I thought I knew, was begged to trust. But here I am, heart aching. Broken and half missing I lie restless again in my bed, needing just one simple hug and hello from a person who asked for my love. Yet threw it out the door as soon as he could clutch it within his hands. And as the days go on, I fake my smiles and go without rest and push myself to act like a fake version of a happy me, but I am still open, body so broken and I ache. So tell me please one thing? Tell me when it’s gonna end? Or will I never get the hello iv waited for so patiently? … I can only think not because I was born not just a burden but cursed with poor loveless luck. No one to love my big heart I ask where it came from? But I guess that’s just the troubles of having a heart so big, when you lose a piece of it that became so big the weight of it lost within your chest drags you down beneath the floor, and the tears continue to flow, just so much less unknown. I continue to smile, cuz who wants a sad heartbroken me? Il continue to fake it even if it never stops, but do you fake it to, or was it all a show? ~ empty restless nights
—  ~ poetry by erica Lynn