Id love to say “I’m not that complicated” but who am i kidding? The reason i am complicated though, is because of everything i have been through, i deserve to be complicated and it was necessary to raise my standards. I’ve settled for less than I deserve once and i never want to make the same mistake again. First off, you can look at other girls, soak in the beauty but don’t let me see, and when your with me make me feel like its ME who is the most beautiful girl. Don’t give up that easily, if you give up i give up. Make me a better person, tell me when I’m wrong in a sincere way, and kiss me when I’m right. Deal with my morning “look” and my restless sleeping. Be patient with my insecurities, god knows i have a shit ton of them. Let me be right sometimes, i do admit when i am wrong. Send me cute texts and surprise me on random occasions. Meet me half way. Help me focus on my priorities and my school work and motivate me to be healthy and active. Don’t call me clingy just because i want to wrap my arms and legs around you, embrace me also. Don’t make me feel like i am in a competition with anyone. Don’t tell me what to do, instead give me suggestions and reasonings behind your thoughts. Mostly, let me in, and i will let you in, do not make me regret it and do not break my heart. It is extremely fragile to begin with. Kiss me (with tongue) and rub my back. Let me take my naps on you and don’t get grossed out when i get up and left a little drool on you. Travel with me, encourage me, accept my family and accept my flaws. Listen to me talk about endless possibilities of space and the world. Be mine. Don’t make my worried heart worry anymore than it already does. Don’t fix me, let me be, just love me for every little imperfect flaw that make me me.
I thought about leaving her phone there till morning. I almost did. But i remembered she sometimes hides her I.D and debit card in her phone case and i didn’t want to risk it all being stolen. So back to the house i went.
When i got there it surprised me that quite a few people had actually left already. It was still crowded of course but it was easier to now walk through the rooms. I looked around for someone i recognized but i couldn’t find anyone. I had to do the one thing i didn’t want to do…go back to Luke’s room. When i knocked i could hear some shuffling around from inside the room. at first i though maybe he had a girl in there but then i heard the music that was playing inside stop.
when he opened the door i was surprised at first…his eyes were slightly swollen and his nose was a little red. Was he crying?
“What” is all he says rudely
“Have you seen Emma’s phone?” I quickly ask
“yeah it’s in here” he says letting me in his room… he walked to his desk and grabbed the phone to hand to me.
“thanks” i say as i go to walk back out..but something made me stop.. part of me thought i would get yelled at for asking him this but i did it anyways.
“Luke..are you okay?” i asked
“I’m fine” he quickly replied.
“are you sure..i can’t help but notice that it looks like you’ve been crying maybe”
“i wasn’t. but if i was why would you care? I’m just the jerk that took your virginity when you were drunk” he points out
“true. but that guy the morning after… who held my hair and rubbed my back when i was sick… that guy i care about. So i guess that’s why i asked. whatever” i say as i turn back around to leave
“wait. shit. sorry. you were just being nice and I’m being an asshole…again” he says
“yep” i couldn’t help but agree with him
“yeah sorry” he says leaning against his desk..his words surprised me.
“its okay..i understand that you don’t like me. i get it”
“Lucy..that’s not true” he says looking at his feet
“so you are mean to me because?… it fun?” i ask
“I’m a jerk because that’s just who i am..i can’t help it” he says as his words get louder as he walks to his bed and sits on the edge
“well why don’t you try to not be a jerk.. at least don’t be a jerk to a girl that you had awkward blackout drunk sex with” i say with a laugh.. now that its been a week i feel i can joke about it at least a little bit.
when i said my joke he didn’t seem all that amused with it. he turned his head so he was looking towards his window.
“that’s not funny” he whispered
“well i choose to try and see the funny side in it… I’m done crying like an over dramatic virgin..or what ever you so kindly told me the other day” i say rolling my eyes
when i look at him i see a tear roll down his face. i wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do. i could walk out and leave him and go back to my dorm or i could comfort him… but I’ve never been good at comforting people. i just stood there contemplating what to do as his hand reached up and wiped the tear away.
“if i ask you again if you are okay will you tell me the truth?” i decided to try again.
“just leave.” he says coldly
“nope” i simply say as i walk to his bed and sit down next to him. he is currently looking the other direction.
“why?” he asks finally looking at me
“say what you want, but something is obviously bothering you.. and yeah i could leave but i’m not going to. no one should be alone when they are sad” i tell him.
“fine” he says still not looking. “but if you tell anyone i fucking cried i will kill you” he says joking but i could tell there was also a little serious.
“i won’t” i say with a small laugh
“i’m just…i’m just so angry” he finally says opening up to me a little bit
“at who…or what” i asked still confused
“myself” he admits looking towards the window again
“why? what did you do?”
“i did you… I’m fucking angry about what happened between us” he said
i was confused about what he was talking about..and what he was angry about
“can you explain a little bit” i ask
“you were a fucking virgin and i knew it…yet i got drunk and took your virginity. we don’t even remember it. that’s not what you deserved. you deserved something special and nice… you just deserved so much more then what i gave you” he says to me.. still not looking at my face.
i could hear the anger and sadness in his voice. believe it or not i think this guy was being serious.
“look at me Luke” i say to him as he turns his head finally to face me. tears threatening to spill from his beautiful blue eyes.
“maybe it wasn’t what i expected my first time to be like…but it’s too late to change things. i will just make sure the second time i have sex that I’m sober and then maybe i can pretend its my first time” i say with a laugh since i was trying to lighten the mood. since he didn’t say anything i decided to keep talking.
“i was angry when it first happened. you treated me like such a jerk and i was angry that when I’m drunk apparently i will just get naked for the first hot guy i get alone in a room with…but right now..sitting her with you when you are not acting like a complete ass… I’m not angry…i know that inside you are actually a good guy. i think you are just afraid to show it for some reason.” i explain to him
“how can you be so sure?”
“i don’t know…. just a feeling i have” i say with a shrug
we sat in silence for a few minuets. i felt like maybe i should leave. he seemed to be done talking for tonight. i was getting sleepy because of how late it was. i decided to get up and walk to the door to leave. when i opened the door he finally spoke again.
“Lucy” he said as i turned around to face him again. “can you stay with me tonight?” he said looking me right in the eyes.
A/N- sorry its an hour late! i was taking a midterm exam. i wanted to get it up as soon as i could so i wasn’t able to read through it as closely as usual when i edit… so i will try to tonight. so if you see any major mistakes sorry. if you would like the next chapter send me a quick message.
It had been a long day - you know the kind. The kind of day that finds two men in your flower shop on their lunch breaks, each buying flowers for their girlfriends’ birthdays, both of whom happen to have a certain fondness for pink peonies. The kind of day that ends with your shop closing early because a pair of dumbasses find out they’re dating the same woman, and the logical solution is to beat the shit out of each other.
Yeah, it had been a hell of a day.
Sidling up to the bar, Nora scooted atop a swiveling stool and nodded at the bartender, summoning her regular order, a shot of Jameson and and a Bud Light. Knocking back the shot, she took a sip of the beer to chase it down, turning around in her chair as she swallowed.
“Thank God it’s Friday,” she murmured to the stranger on her right.