i wanna be your sunflower boy; / so you can hold me in your hands on the greyest days / and maybe smile, just a little bit. / press me between the pages of your poetry, / so even once june, july, and august have gone / my petals won’t cease to glow against your skin; / keep them for the months to come, / for when winter’s hidden the sun away and you need a little light to write by. / i wanna be your sunflower boy; / you know, your arms are more of a home for my roots than the soil could ever be / and even when the summer’s gone and the sky wears a blanket, / i won’t need the sun to keep me alive; i only need you.
I always compare my life, journey and achievements with those of other people. I even compare the way I look and the colour of my skin, the number of materialistic things I own, my skills and personality - literally everything.
This is me acknowledging that I have a bad habit, and this is something I need to work on, because everyone is unique and has their own set of pros and cons.
I’m not even close to getting started with fixing this but at least writing it out is the first step, so hopefully I can find the time to work on this after my exams.
Someday I will scroll down to this post and reblog it with an update saying, hey, I managed to overcome this. Until then, maybe this constant anxiety about wanting to be better than the people around me will be a motivator.
just because a love is temporary doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. sometimes love ends, sometimes love fades. you can’t always determine the course that it takes. you aren’t wasting your time; you’re just counting down the days until you meet the person with a love that finally stays.
i just want to fall in love, not the “you’re hot, i’m hot, let’s fuck” type of love, but the type where you see her in a light nobody has before. you notice the way one of her eyebrows raises ever so slightly when she gets confused, you notice how beautiful her sparkling eyes look when the sunlight touches them, you notice the way she hunches her shoulders back and taps her feet when she gets nervous, and each and every time she looks in your direction your heart pounds with such an intensity that it feels like thunder coursing through your veins. each second of eye contact makes you break a sweat, each accidental touch sends you into a frenzy, your body is buzzing and you feel as if you have been set on fire. you ache to know her deepest fears, her happiest moments, what makes her tick, what makes her who she is. i want to fall in love again and again each time i see her face, hear her voice, her laugh, or even smell her perfume. i want that type of love, god damn.
i don’t believe anyone is actually ever going to stay. all i’ve ever known is voicemails and unanswered texts. i learnt to count the days until i’m alone again rather than anniversaries. it’s always loved and lost loved and lost. so tell me, when are you leaving?
these days i’m terrified to go outside. always so worried, so afraid of seeing people and feeling that pain all over against constantly on the look out, losing my breathe over every blonde i see. it doesn’t get easier, it isn’t getting better. i don’t know how to tell you.
you look at me and sometimes it’s like you aren’t there. it’s like you see something, someone else entirely. where do you go? what are you thinking? when will you let me in enough to ever know the answer?
i’m trying everything to prove to you that i’m worthy of being the person you let your walls down for. i would never hurt you, never let you down. it’s like every time i take a brick down you build another in its place. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know what to do… tell me what to do…
i must have loved you in other lives
because when i see you
it feels like coming home.
no one makes me feel
more myself than you.
when my hand is in yours
it’s familiar and safe,
like i’ve known your soul
since the beginning of time,
through all the lives i’ve lived.
maybe that’s why
my love for you is infinite.
Tell me about the things you love, and the things you hate. Tell me what keeps you going, and what makes you falter. Tell me about the things that boil your blood, and the ocean you cry when no one is looking. Tell me anything. Tell me nothing. I will listen. Even when you have nothing but silence to offer. I will still listen.
“You’ll forget the colour of their eyes, and the way their voice sounds at 2am. You’ll forget what it felt like to be in their arms and the softness of their lips. You’ll forget the things you talked about and the sound of their laugh. But every once in a while, you’ll wonder where they are and who they’re with, and if they ever wonder about you,”
18:21 - People never leave you (moondustanddreams)