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Just your daily reminder that Dallon is God

Here are all the Dragon Age companions in a nutshell: 

Origins:

Alistair: Your senior officer who is so scared of taking charge that he pretends you’re the senior officer. You can make him king. 

Morrigan: Antisocial witch who totally turns into a spider just to fuck with Alistair. Will probably hold her nose and boink him later. 

Leliana: Ex-nun that murders people and tells you bedtime stories.

Sten: Murders a whole family. One of your more reliable companions.  

Shale: A fashion-conscious, bird-hating rock. 

Wynne: Magical possessed Grandma. <3

Zevran: Failed to kill you. Tries to seduce you instead. 

Oghren: Drinks so much that you forget he has other personality traits. You probably made him kill his wife. 

Dog: Who’s a good boy?! You are! Yes, you are!

Loghain: Doesn’t know why he’s here and frankly kind of wishing you just killed him.

Awakening:

Anders: All he wanted was to leave the giant tower he was trapped in and not be murdered. Jury’s out on how well that worked out. 

Oghren: Still drunk. He left his new wife so he could kill more things with you. 

Nathaniel: He’s forced into the club because ‘some of your best friends have tried to kill you,’ and frankly he’s concerned. 

Velanna: Fuck all you shem. She’s only here because she’s looking for her sister. Also her ears aren’t that big. 

Justice: He doesn’t know what he’s doing but you seem like a good sort so he’ll follow you like a confused and rotting spirit puppy. 

Sigrun: For a dead woman, she is the peppiest of the bunch. Will set Justice’s corpse spasms to music. 

Dragon Age 2:

Carver: Fuck you. Oh wait… maybe less fuck you. Or maybe he’s the fucker all along. 

Bethany: She loves you. Oh wait… no, she still loves you, even if you’re a prick. 

Aveline: Please follow the law. Please stop dragging her into your illegal messes. She just wants to be a good guard captain. 

Varric: He is writing all this shit down to tell embarrassing stories later. 

Anders: VIVE LA RÉSISTANCE! Also, Fenris can go fuck himself. 

Fenris: Murder ALL the mages. Also, Anders can go fuck himself. 

Merrill: The naive fish out of water from every romantic comedy, except she makes blood pacts with demons.

Isabela: FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT runs away with life-saving relic FLIRT SOME MORE. 

Sebastian: A priest who accidentally joined a gang. 

Inquisition: 

Cassandra: Best tank. Could probably have a faith spirit in her head and you couldn’t tell the difference. 

Blackwall: Liar liar beard on fire.

Solas: Liar liar egg on fire. Plus racism.

Iron Bull: Is literally called ‘liar’ and doesn’t lie to you for the whole main game.

Varric: He has finally reached a point where even if he tells this story honestly, no one will ever believe him. 

Vivienne: She will make you classy or so help her–

Dorian: Someone stop his country from embarrassing itself again please.

Sera: Down with the bourgeoisie, except not so far down that we can’t steal from them. 

Cole: Is even worse that this than Justice. You love your weirdo spirit puppy anyway.

Leliana: Someone said something mean? Cut out their tongue.

Josephine: Please just talk to people. Her life would be so much easier if you did.

Cullen: Can’t escape this franchise no matter how far he runs.

“Come on, big guy, you have to come out sooner or later,” Stiles was begging at this point. Was it ironic that the human in this situation was the one begging for attention? Probably. Will Stiles mention that to Derek? No, because he values keeping his face intact.

For all his placation and begging, all he gets is a solid huff from the wolf currently hogging all of his bedding.

He had come home like any other day, dropping his backpack with a much too heavy thud when he had found the wolf sized lump curled on his bed. He had to admit, the first few times this had happened - he cooed and ‘ahh’ed at the werewolf who had taken to finding comfort in the ode de Stilinski. Now? Not so much. 

Sure, Stiles’ heart melted every time he witnessed Derek’s in full shift and tried not to break the magic of how much more tactile the man became when less hindered by his human shape. But this was the third time this week Stiles would be remaking his bed for non-jizz related reasons and that shit took effort. Not even being chased by monsters winded him quite as much as getting a fitted sheet on his mattress did.

“Der, you can’t just hide in my covers forever.”

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