they say that thirty meters down in the ocean, a diver loses his senses, forgets which way is up, and swims deeper and deeper and deeper down. they say it’s like being drunk (or stupid) (or maybe some of each) to get dizzy in a dark place and stay, to forget the thing that’s trying to kill you and follow it.
and i am always thirty meters under. it is always dark and i am always forgetting to breathe, always forgetting that you are the thing to escape from. this is the midnight zone they warned you about, i am too deep in to go back up.
Harnaam Kaur first started growing facial hair at the age of 11. She was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome, a condition that causes a hormone imbalance in women.
“I decided to keep my beard and step forward against society’s expectations of what a woman should look like,” Kaur said. “Today I am happy living as a young beautiful bearded woman. I have realized that this body is mine, I own it, I do not have any other body to live in so I may as well love it unconditionally"
Don’t tell me I talk about my illness too much. Every movement. Every breath. Is a reminder that I’m not ok. That I may never succeed.That I can’t do things that normal people do. That everyday is a struggle. Never ever tell me I talk about it too much.
the howlies got in a lot of bar fights. you might think that the last thing a bunch of soldiers would want to do with their free time is fight people, but actually bar fights were a great stress relief. nobody really got seriously injured, and we tried to keep property damage to a minimum. (and we also almost never started bar fights, for the record. most of the time it was guys from another unit who wanted to prove how badass they were by taking on the infamous howling commandos.) so bar fights themselves weren’t that unusual.
but peggy’s bar fights…oh, they were glorious.
see, peggy never got in a fight for no reason; she was smarter than that. but when she did fight, it was truly beautiful. ive never seen a better right cross, before or since.
so one time we were on leave, sipping drinks in this english pub. the howlies were at the back table, enjoying a couple pitchers, while peggy was up at the bar, chatting with the barmaid. many of the bars and pubs back then had female bartenders–filling the gaps with the men off at war. and generally barmaids (which was what a female bartender was called back then) were the sort of girl pegs got along with–sensible, dependable, and not willing to take shit from any man. so she often enjoyed commiserating with the barmaids while we drank. she used to say she had to be free of us ‘charming gentlemen’ before she wound up blowing things up as erratically as we did. which was hurtful. our explosions were very intentional. mostly.
so peggy got to chat about the best ways to hurl drunken idiots out doors and we got to ply steve with alcohol to see how much booze it would take to make him drunk. (tragically, we never found out.)
on this particular occasion, peggy was sitting at the bar when this mountain of a man came in. and i mean huge. thor-sized. like the hulk’s pinker younger brother. and with him came a dozen or so of his closest friends, all locals. (they may also have been poorly disguised orcs. im not sure, but i wouldn’t discount it as a possibility after seeing all the nonsense ive seen) the group of them made their way up to the bar, wedged their way in, and started harassing the barmaid.
now, i don’t know what they said. peggy refused to repeat it. all i know is that one of the larger idiots said something stupid, laughed, and reached out to grope the barmaid. his hand made it about six inches from her chest when peggy’s fist broke his nose. he hit the floor like a tree falling, and the bar went quiet for a split second before one exceptionally suicidal idiot lunged at peggy.
everything went crazy. there were a good few dozen of us 107th guys in the bar, and all of us knew and adored pegs, so when the mountain-men went after her, every fine man of the 107th went after them. but it turned out that the locals defended their own, and we were pretty evenly matched for numbers. within seconds, everyone was throwing punches. bottles were thrown. dernier used a tablecloth to blind a man and threw him out a window. dumdum used one guy’s fists to hit another guy. i hurled bottlecaps at people’s eyeballs, because it’s fun.(im a sniper. we like distance) steve tried to wade through the chaos to get to peggy, but people kept punching him and then clutching their hands in agony, so he got kind of bogged down.
at the bar, peggy was demonstrating exactly why she was the 107th’s darling–because she could put a grown man twice her size on the ground in two seconds flat. she knocked out six men; seven more promptly fell in love with her.
as the chaos began to wind down, most of the locals had either been beaten down or fled, and only the mini-hulk and a couple others were left, brawling like berserkers. we were just about ready to turn steve loose on them when the barmaid handed peggy a stool. peggy took it, walked up behind where most of us howlies were still duking it out, and broke the stool over the big guy’s head.
he went down hard. the rest of them surrendered out of terror.
(and, possibly, they had also fallen prey to abruptly-in-love-with-peggy-carter syndrome. but really, who wasn’t?)
Dr. McCoy has the medical-biological knowledge. Mr. Spock… is better suited physically and emotionally to stand the stress. Both are right, both are capable… and which of my friends do I condemn to death?
Having a chronic illness that limits your abilities to function like most other people can be the most loneliest feeling in the world. I’ve recently been struggling very much with this, making and keeping friendships has been difficult, and in this last year and a bit I have had my eyes opened to the world of loneliness, and it’s really not a nice place to be. However on the sunny side, I have learned ways and means of dealing with these feelings along the way - so here they are! 💕💕💕💕
1. ADOPT A CAT 🐱
I know, I know, I sound like a typical crazy cat lady. But seriously, cats are wonderful creatures, and pretty low maintenance to look after too, which is ideal when you don’t have a lot of energy. My cats have seen every single ugly part of my illness and still want to be around me regardless, and that’s something special that you won’t find in many people! So go on - adopt your own fur baby today and never feel unloved again!
2. GET A PENPAL 💌
This is really a solution for two problems; loneliness AND boredom. I’ve found this to be really helpful in lifting the spirits, I have two pen pals; one in Australia so our letters often take a couple of weeks to get to each other, and the other is in England so we send our letters often weekly. And trust me, when you’ve been feeling so ill and too rotten to actually be bothered to see anybody, getting a lovely handwritten letter can be so uplifting. Somehow there doesn’t seem to be as much demand with letter writing than if you were to speak to somebody online, it’s all at your own pace.
3. SOCIAL MEDIA 💻
I wouldn’t normally speak so positively about social media as I think at times it can be overwhelming (she says as she’s writing this on tumblr). But knowing that there are other people out there going through the same thing as you can be so comforting and can help to make you feel less alone. So get watching YouTube videos, reading blogs, following people on Instagram etc. We’re all here waiting to support each other and raise awareness!
4. LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS 💁🏻
This could be misconstrued as a negative thing but actually learning to protect your heart is one of the most important and positive things ever. The truth is that people often say things that they have no intention of following up, I suppose to be/appear a good person. But that can be such a damaging thing to do to somebody who is pining for company. I think the best thing to do is, if people for example say they’re going to visit you or take you out somewhere, to take it all with a pinch of salt. Appreciate the thought and gesture of good will, but if it’s been a few weeks/months and they still haven’t then don’t be too disheartened! And try your best not to hold a grudge, some things just aren’t meant to be, especially if they feel forced. (I also find its a good idea to not make friends with people who have busy lives if you yourself don’t.)
5. SELF CARE 🛀🏻
I feel like I go on about self care an awful lot, I’m starting to feel like an overindulgent hedonist! But if I’m honest, out of all the things on this list, self care has helped me the most. Take pleasure in the small things; go outside and feel the fresh air and sun on your skin, meditate for as long as you wish, doodle mandalas and pretty patterns all day long! And we all know you can’t buy happiness, but if you can afford to; eat the cake, buy the dress, and take the hour long bubble bath filled with Lush products! You are a warrior princess and you deserve to be treat with love, respect and kindness - so show yourself some compassion!
someone that is too perfect to your first lead, yet the writers often make them in delusional fantasy, that most of the time make audiences fall hard until audiences realize that those second leads would not get the girl.
Notable ones: Chilbong (Reply 1994), Junghwan (Reply 1988), Gong Taekwang (School 2015), Choi Youngdo (The Heirs), Yoon Jihoo (Boys Over Flowers), Oh Jaewon (Flower Boy Next Door), Kim Shin Hyuk (She Was Pretty), Kim Yoon Sung (Moonlight Drawn by the Clouds), …