they say that thirty meters down in the ocean, a diver loses his senses, forgets which way is up, and swims deeper and deeper and deeper down. they say it’s like being drunk (or stupid) (or maybe some of each) to get dizzy in a dark place and stay, to forget the thing that’s trying to kill you and follow it.
and i am always thirty meters under. it is always dark and i am always forgetting to breathe, always forgetting that you are the thing to escape from. this is the midnight zone they warned you about, i am too deep in to go back up.
Harnaam Kaur first started growing facial hair at the age of 11. She was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome, a condition that causes a hormone imbalance in women.
“I decided to keep my beard and step forward against society’s expectations of what a woman should look like,” Kaur said. “Today I am happy living as a young beautiful bearded woman. I have realized that this body is mine, I own it, I do not have any other body to live in so I may as well love it unconditionally"
Concept: it is pouring outside and I am on the porch. You are inside reading on the couch. I come in, lift you into my arms and carry you. I seat you in my lap and pull you close. Thunder hits and you hide your face in my chest. I hope my heartbeat calms you.
Don’t tell me I talk about my illness too much. Every movement. Every breath. Is a reminder that I’m not ok. That I may never succeed.That I can’t do things that normal people do. That everyday is a struggle. Never ever tell me I talk about it too much.
• Various crystals that are apparently metaphysical and cure all known illnesses
• Essential oils
• Jesus, again
• Eating more protein
• Eliminating bad energies in my house
• Physical therapy, for some reason
• Jesus, a lot of people recommend Jesus
• A gluten free diet
• A sugar free diet
• A vegetarian diet
• A vegan diet
• Stopping the prescribed medications I have been taking for years and are proven to work with my lifestyle and body
These are coping mechanisms for many, they are by no means cures and I, and probably many others, would appreciate if those that are ignorant on our conditions to keep their opinions on our healthcare to themselves
Although men are more likely than women to be murdered, women are more likely than men to be murdered by a member of the other sex and by a spouse. MacKinnon (1987) reports that “four out of five murdered women are killed by men; between one third and one half [of murdered women] are married to their murderers. When you add in boyfriends and former spouses, the figures rise.” Dobash and Dobash (1977/78) reported finding that more than 40 percent of women who are murdered are murdered by their husbands. By comparison, only 10 percent of male murder victims are killed by their wives.
Walter Gove (1973) found that “for women the shift from being single to being married increases the likelihood of being murdered, while for men the shift decreases their chances.” Gove obtained similar findings for single as compared to married women as regards “accidental deaths.” It is, of course, likely that many accidental deaths were in fact murders. Such statistics served as the impetus for Blinder’s (1985) remark, “In America, the bedroom is second only to the highway as the scene of slaughter.”
The one where Y/N is an ordinary girl who just auditioned for fun, when she was actually chosen out of a group of models to be the love interest in One Direction’s music video for ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ by Harry Styles himself.
The building that held the audition was frightening.
It was freezing and there were a number of girls there that looked like super models, with they’re long, smooth legs and high heels, along with short skirts, and don’t forget the crop tops that revealed their tanned stomach’s.
God, don’t they ever have a candy bar?
Y/N thought while sitting across from one of them. The model was looking down at her phone with her gelled, pink finger nails. Her make up was on point and her high light was so bright, it could blind a person with 20/20 vision, Y/N presumed.
Y/N didn’t look like these girls at all. No, she wasn’t a model, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t happy with her appearance. She was wearing a black tank top along with some ripped white skinny jeans, that stopped just before her ankle. Her shoes were her common ‘go to’ black flats that were worn out, yes, but she couldn’t give them up.
Her hair was an ombre color, with brown and blonde mixed in, and it was in her favorite style, down, falling over her shoulders, long enough to cover the middle of her breasts.
The whole reason as to why Y/N even wanted to audition for this was not because of her love for the band, no, this is what Y/N wanted to do, she wanted to act.
It had been a dream of her’s since she was little. She would sit at home for hours at a time in front of her television, watching as many movies as she could. Then she would reenact them for hours and have a blast.
So when she heard that One Direction was holding auditions for one of her favorite songs, she figured this was her shot.
“Y/N?” Y/N’s head shot up quickly and looked toward the direction of the voice. It was a woman with blonde hair and a clear complexion. She was smiling with a clipboard in her hand and the other holding the door open that closed automatically if you let go of it.
“Yeah!” Y/N said quick, before bending down to grab her belongings that were sitting by her feet. “Right this way.” the blonde haired woman said as Y/N approached closer to her, walking through the doorway and into the bright, white room that held huge long mirrors hanging horizontally on the wall to her right.
“So the boys are going to see what you can do, okay?” “Wait, what?” Y/N’s eyes grew wide.
What the fuck? Y/N thought to herself while the lady was re-explaining herself to her. Y/N didn’t know the boys would be here! She figured it would be someone from their management team holding the auditions.
Now she was REALLY nervous.
She tried to hold herself together as the lady was still explaining everything to her. She felt as if the breakfast sandwich she had earlier this morning was going to soon meet her again, face to face, if she didn’t get out of this audition quick.
“They’re going to talk to you, ask you your name, get to know you a little bit and then play the song, to see how you react to it.” this lady was speaking very sweetly and calmly, but Y/N was surely going to throw up, either that or faint.
“Go right ahead.” were her last words to her, before Y/N was mindlessly walking further into the wide room. Her body froze once she first got sight of all the boys sitting at a folded up table, just a few feet away from the mirrors that were on the wall.
They looked even better in person. Y/N stared with slightly widened eyes as she witnessed them in action. Niall was laughing while pinching Liam’s arm, Liam was smiling and telling him to stop, while Zayn was laughing about something that Louis had told him softly and Harry- Harry was staring at Y/N.
He seemed to be the only one who noticed she was in the room with them. She smiled at him, Harry was always her favorite, she loved all the boys, of course, but she always found herself staring at Harry the most, just like he was staring at her now.
He had a brown hat on top of his head, it looked like the same one from the album cover of four, and a black button-up shirt that was exposing his tattooed swallows that were on his collar bone. His long, curly hair just barely above his shoulders, he looked breath-taking.
“Hello.” he spoke out and shortly after, the rest of the boys stopped goofing off and looked in Y/N’s direction. Her heart was beating so fast, she was sure at least one of the boys could hear it. “Hi.” Y/N let out softly, with her hands behind her back, fingers intertwined, she didn’t know exactly what to do with them.
“Hey love, wha’s yo’ name?” Louis called out to her as she smiled, “Y/N,” she saw as some of the boy’s eyebrows raised in an impressed way, as if though they weren’t expecting her name to be that. Then there was Harry, who was smiling widely at her before saying the word, “beautiful.”
Now she was sure her heart could be heard. Her cheeks were slightly turning pink from Harry’s comment about the name her father gave her. With her bottom lip tucked underneath her teeth, she stared back at the boys and mouthed Harry thank you, before Niall opened his open and began speaking.
“Where’r yah from, Y/N?” they were all quiet now, unlike earlier, before they realized she was in the same room as them, all eyes on her. She didn’t know who’s face to look at, so she just chose to look at each of them a little as she spoke.
“Here. Born and raised.” They all nodded and gave small remarks on it before Harry spoke up again, “how old are yah?” “twenty-one.” they all gave shocked looks, she didn’t look it, but maybe that was because she just turned twenty-one a week ago.
“Wow, you don’t look it,” Harry remarked with wide eyes still on her, while the others spoke in agreement toward him, “no?” Y/N teased with a scrunched nose, narrowed eyebrows and a shake of her head, something Harry found adorable.
“Nah.” he was staring dreamily at her now, this girl was the only one in this audition to actually catch his eye. Harry was honestly tired of seeing models in the videos, he wanted a normal girl who was humble and most relatable toward their fans.
He had seen on Twitter a few months ago, fans replying to their past video that had a super model in it. They were saying things like, “I could never look like her.” or “she’s so skinny, I need to lose weight now.” it was really upsetting Harry to see the fans think that the boys were actually into girls like that.
“Okay, show us wha yah got.” Harry had heard Zayn say, causing him to break out of his daze. “Okay,” Y/N said nervously, as Liam was reaching for the boom box before Harry spoke up, “No.” Everyone froze and looked at him, they looked as if Harry had three heads, except Niall, he was smiling like an idiot in his direction.
“Wha?” Louis asked Harry as he was staring at Y/N, who looked just as confused as the boys. “I- I said no. I like her, she’s hired.” he spoke in his deep, raspy British voice while staring at Y/N with a smile curved on his lips. She was smiling widely now, her eyes widening too, and Harry couldn’t help but think that he truly made the right choice with her as the love interest. He would barely have to act.
“H- Hold on, Y/N.” Zayn spoke before they all got up and pushed Harry into a spare room that looked like a closet. Once the door shut behind Niall, who was the last person to follow, they all stared at Harry with crossed arms.
“Wha are ya doin, lad?” Louis asked him sternly, “we haven’t even seen her dance.” “well, maybe she won’t have to!” Harry spoke up in a frustrated voice, “Hell! We can’t even dance!” they all looked at Harry and then slowly nodded in agreement, remembering horrible flashbacks from the X-Factor.
“Don’t ya see? She perfect fo’ this.” Harry was looking at all of them now as they were all listening closely to what he had to say. “The song is about a fan kidnapping us and us falling in love with her, she looks very similar, if not older, to our fans.” they were looking at Harry and agreeing as he spoke more.
“If we put a damn super model in the video, it would just look off pudding, you have to admit.” they all nodded in agreement to his words, “I agree,” Niall stated, stepping closer toward Harry, “I say we go with her.” Liam nodded, “Yah, no mo’ auditions.” “She’s the one.” Zayn said and Harry couldn’t agree more.
Once they all stepped out of the spare room, Y/N had been waiting for about five minutes, still standing in the same spot she started at, just feet away from the folded table that they all re-sat down at. “Alrigh’,” Louis spoke before any of the other boys did, Y/N’s heart was beating out of her chest, did she get this or not?
What could they possibly have talked about for such a short amount of time? She was so nervous, they probably were going to drop her and go with one of the super models that one of the boys reminded Harry of, “we’ve all come to the conclusion that we really like yah,” Y/N’s eyes were widening, along with her lips at this point, “and we would be honored if ya would work with us in this video.”
A rush of happiness hit Y/N in the face like a semi, “yes, yes- yes!” she squealed as they all clapped and laughed while she ran up to each of them and shook their hands properly. When it came to Harry, he shook her hand and then pulled her in for a tight hug, rubbing her back slowly while swaying her back and forth and then whispering, “I can’t wait.”
Y/N had to admit, she felt much more relaxed around the boys after a few days of shooting, especially around Harry.
It had been day two of shoot and they already got a few verses of the song done. Y/N had been having a blast filming with the boys and honestly didn’t even feel as if she were acting.
maybe she was. She couldn’t really see herself tying the boys up in the basement of her house while spoon feeding them and practically forcing them to contribute with her in the video.
They all would have laughs in between takes, talking about the last scene they filmed and how crazy it would be if they were really in that situation. Harry found himself laughing with Y/N more instead of the boys.
He loved being around her, hearing her giggle and watching as she would slightly blush after doing a take that involved her to get a little closer toward Harry than normal. This made him blush as well.
“Alright! We’re gonna do another scene now.” the director of the video spoke out loud over the laughter and talking between Y/N and the boys. Causing them to all look over in his direction, Y/N next to Harry once he got their full attention. He continued, “Y/N, for this scene, I want you to tie Harry to ‘your bed’.”
Her eyes nearly jumped out of her sockets, “ooohh.” all the boys said with a rawr of laughter shortly afterward. Y/N looked over at Harry who was smirking at the director, silently thanking him. “Yeah, yeah. You’re going to straddle him as well, while doing so, then maybe slowly lean down to his face while he sings the lyrics to you.”
“Hey, is this the music video fo’ Stockholm Syndrome? Or are we all surprisingly on the set of the next Fifty Shades of Gray movie?” a wave of laughter filled the room from Louis’ comment, leaving Y/N and Harry visibly blushing. She was wondering if he would be comfortable shooting a scene like that, practically the start of a kinky porno, and he thought the same thing with her.
“Wait, I don’ know if Y/N would be comfortable shootin’ a scene like tha’,-” Harry started, but was soon cut off by Y/N, “I’ll be fine,” he shifted his head away from the direction of the director to Y/N with narrowed eyebrows, “let’s do it.”
With that, Y/N was straddling Harry on a king size bed while tying his wrists above his head to the bed frame. As she leaned over him, he could smell her perfume, it was sensational, it smelt like tropical fruits from a beautiful island, almost as beautiful as her.
He had only been wishing he were wear a cup right now, to hide his boner if he would possibly get one during this scene, which he knew he probably would. Once she finished tying him up, she stared at him and smiled with her hands on her thighs, waiting for the director to cue the music and yell, “action.”
They stared into each other’s eyes for a while, Harry couldn’t imagine being more happier than he was right now. If the director or the boys weren’t watching, he would most-likely be showing his kinky side by now.
She was so breath-taking, it was almost unbearable, he felt as if he were being tortured by being tied up and now having access to Y/N’s body. Not being able to have his hands roam her slim hips while he pulled in her in toward his face, just inches from his lips, right before he would press them onto hers, moaning softly into it as he opened his mouth slightly, taking her bottom lip between his teeth and hearing her whimper to him.
“Woah,” Y/N spoke as she felt the member between her thighs that she was sitting on grow in Harry’s pants. Harry blinked his daydream away before looking down at his crotch and groaning in embarrassment / pleasure with his eyes shut tight and his head leaned back against the head board.
“We haven’t even started yet, Harry.” “Shhh.” he told her quietly, trying hard to not have the director hear them, “I’m sorry- just bare with me.” he told her after looking at the boys and he director and seeing that they weren’t paying any attention to them.
“Don’t move too much, please.” he demanded to her in a soft tone that nearly sent a shiver down her spine. She couldn’t believe she was having this much impact on Harry, just from sitting on him- well, more like straddling him. She nodded and bit her lip lightly, only imagining what he would do to her if the director and the boys weren’t here. The thought slightly made her wet.
“ALRIGHT! CUE MUSIC!” the director yelled and nearly made Y/N jump out of her skin, causing her to shift her thighs slightly upward, having her hands fall on top of Harry’s chest. His eyes grew wide as he felt pleasure from Y/N’s shock movement, which allowed a groan to escape his lips.
“Fuck,” he closed his eyes tight, “I’m sorry- he scared me.” Harry nodded, realizing that he had been a little louder than normal when he was asking to cue the music. “‘s alrigh’, just don’t continue.” he spoke softly to her with a chuckle escaping his lips after.
As much as he deeply wanted her to continue, he knew it’d be best if she didn’t. He didn’t know how the boys would react to him coming in his pants. He figured it would be something that should be saved for another time with Y/N. If there was going to be another time.
Once the music was playing, Y/N was doing exactly what the director was telling her to do, plus more. He had told her he wanted her to lean down to his face while Harry looked into her eyes, singing the lyrics with a shocked expression on his face. Harry really didn’t have to act for this scene at all. In fact he was hardly acting at all with Y/N.
During the scene, as Harry lip-synced to her, she would lightly kissed down his jaw, to make the scene more enjoyable and relatable to fans. Harry closed his eyes as he kept singing to her and then would slightly more his head to the side as she kissed further down his jaw to his neck.
His cock was pulsating at this point and Y/N was very damp too, the sexual tension was so thick between them that you could cut it with a knife. Oh, what he would give if he weren’t in a room with a camera and four boys.
“Alright, cut!” those words nearly saved Harry’s and Y/N’s life. If they were to continue any further, Y/N was sure she was going to forget all about the other people in the room and kiss her way down to the hem of his pants.
“Hey,” Harry was nearly panting to her, she shifted her head from the director’s direction, to his face with a smile, “yeah?” a smile formed at his lips now, “wha’ are yah doin’ afta this?” Y/N couldn’t help but blush at his words, he wanted to hang out with her, and she wanted that too, always has.
“Nothing, why?” she watched as his face brightened a bit from her response, “was wonderin’ if maybe you’d wanna go get coffee or somethin’,” he shrugged, with his hands still tied over his head, “spend a little alone time with yah.”
Y/N couldn’t help but nod in agreement with a smile painted on her lips, “I’d like that very much.”
Dr. McCoy has the medical-biological knowledge. Mr. Spock… is better suited physically and emotionally to stand the stress. Both are right, both are capable… and which of my friends do I condemn to death?