do you ever just get hit with a truckload of inspiration from reading a fic because????? i have
this is a gift for @adreamingsongbird!! THANK YOU FOR WRITING SUCH A BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING FIC!! and for answering my questions about their clothes lmaoo
(you could read this beautiful fichere!! that’s right read it >>here<< and you should definitely read it right now at this moment because it’s great and i’m in love and did i mention that it’s beautiful???)
Bitty sets up a patreon with a low monthly goal to offset the cost of his baking supplies, offering rewards like early video access, Skype cooking lessons, and personalized recipes. At higher tiers Bitty will actually cook for you: $75 gets you an overnighted dessert, etc.
His normal viewers snatch up the rewards quickly, but it’s still not quite enough now that he’s baking for SMH and several Falconers.
Jack himself has been banned from pledging, but that doesn't stop him from telling his teammates about the site; wealthy, young, hungry teammates who promptly start trying to one up each other to get the ‘best’ rewards.
But the Falconers pledges are soon dwarfed by an anonymous donor who’s French and French-Canadian dessert rewards must be delivered by courier to an unknown destination. Since these requests seem to coincide with Jack’s home games, Bitty is sure the donor is actually his boyfriend and he plays along, dutifully handing off secret packages several times a month.
At least, Bitty thinks this is the case until a few months later when Alicia comes for a visit and asks that Eric please stop sending food because Bob’s been cheating on his diet using Eric as a middle-man.
i. they will not appreciate all your gifts, will akin them to
a cat bringing dead mice to their feet. this is fine. everything else you give,
they will find gorgeous. if you are vain enough, give them something of yours
to wear. if you are rash enough, give them something of yours to wear. they
will find it beautiful and every Other will know you’ve claimed that one. be
sure no one else, such as Not-Cat or even the crows, have done the same yet. a
human, no matter their talents, would be worth such a war. you must remember
this, if you see them keeping feathers-blacker-than-night in their
hair/pockets/pouches. you might be able to fool them from another Fair, but, if
the birds have gotten to them, there is no return. best to pick another that
can catch your attention. any of them would start pleased with that.
ii. to appear human while first wooing them is best. you will
need two ears, two eyes, a nose with (only!) two nostrils, 32 teeth, 206 bones,
and about 640 muscles that do not slide or slip or slush. both halves of your
(singular) face must react together, but not mechanically, robotically,
stiffly, or in any manner similar to plastic or silicon. one side of your mouth
must not be higher or lower than the other unless it is a facial expression, of
a half-smile or frown. your eyes must not be too close together, or too far
apart, your ears must be even, the spacing of your
nose-to-eyes-to-ears-to-forehead must all be within a certain ratio. if you
must, watch a good artist space faces to see the estimate. but you must not be
too perfect, either: your teeth not too straight or too white, your nails not
too clean or pristinely cut or without variation, your skin not too
blemish-free. you need some faults in order to appear human. you must maintain solid form at all times.
still, it’s likely they’ll know, regardless. at least, they’ll probably
appreciate the effort. (remember, being seen without protection is even more
telling. keep sugar and pewter/tin/aluminum with you at all times; these will
look enough like salt and iron. it is also advisable you carry ‘offerings,’
even if you never leave them anywhere. creamer cups are most popular.)
This is a guy who has a “thigh-ger” tattoo (tiger on his thigh) and a butterfly on his stomach and “big” on his big toe and he just got a bee on his ARM, at essentially the same time Steve Aoki referred to Louis’ dedicated fans as an “army of bees.”
Harry is the HBIC of the army of bees and he wants us to know it.