‘ I have heard you mention the flowers before. ‘ One hip is cocked at a resting state, hind leg bent lazily as she takes a moment to give weary limbs a break. Bamardyn’s arms fold over her chest, and she doesn’t try to hide the lilt of curiosity in her voice. ‘ In Tenebrae — - what color are they? ‘
When you want the Zoldycks to be a fun, somewhat functional family so you make ridiculous AU ideas like:
•The entire family working on a family photo album composed only of Illumi’s tough and trying journey to the long hair he has now. Except Illumi doesn’t know about it until Hisoka of all people divulges the secret. Turns out everyone has turned collecting pictures of Illumi with his various hairstyles into a card game where the pictures are worth points. He is not pleased to hear this.
•Killua brings his first “best friend” (Gon) over and everyone except Illumi tries too hard to welcome him in. Ilumi tries to drive Gon away so the family asks Hisoka come and distract him. It results in Hisoka literally sitting on top of Illumi at one point while Killua and Gon play around.
•Alluka takes one of Milluki’s anime girl figurines to play with her dolls and now he can’t get it back because she’s booby-trapped her room so no one can get in. Killua and Kalluto refuse to go in and get it after having Alluka drench them in water and food dye so now he has to trick Illumi into going in.
•Kalluto walking in on the family all having a very heated discussion of something that occurred before he was born. Everyone is arguing that they remember the event better than the next person but no one remembers the entire thing so it’s just a yelling contest but no one save for Kalluto sees that.
•Hisoka comes over to dinner one night with Illumi after work or something and his entire family is acting off the premise that they’re dating— cause it seems like that’s the only reason Illumi would bring someone over— so they’re tiptoeing around it while still kind of hinting at it. Hisoka figures it out and thinks Illumi was making this a date and Illumi doesn’t get it until Hisoka kisses him goodnight. So when he finally figures it out, he runs back in and demands they all acknowledge that wasn’t a date and that Hisoka isn’t his boyfriend. He drags Hisoka back in and demands Hisoka tell his family that they’re not together. He does but the family doesn’t believe him because he’s laughing so hard. When Illumi insists, they all nod and say “Sure, Lumi, of course.”
He has a small and calm conniption and ends up having to sit at the dining room table, fingers massaging his temples. Hisoka locks his door for him and goes home.
•The family dog Mike gets out and the Zoldycks call on their neighbors Gon, Leorio and Kurapika, and Hisoka to help corner the dog— but be careful, because he spooks easy, can be violent, can run fast, and isn’t afraid of coming into your home, taking your stuff and fighting you for it. Also, Illumi and Killua may have trained him to attack certain people(Hisoka) upon command but they’re not willing to divulge that information quite yet.
•Kikyo with Kalluto run into Illumi at his regular salon where Hisoka works and she spends the entire time telling the other patrons, one of which is Kurapika, that she’s super supportive of her “gay son” and Illumi really wishes she would leave and also not talk to people that know him. She tells Illumi she’s going to go there with him regularly and he decides then he has to learn how to deep condition his hair by himself.
•Silva and Kikyo get a Facebook and have been wreaking all kinds of havoc for their kids
-They have been using it to make those dog-shaming posts. They take pictures of Mike looking extremely feral and irritated with signs like, “Bit the neighbor’s car today and ripped off his license plate. Now I can’t have treats.”
-Like all of Killua’s posts about his “weird ass family” and reply to them with “love you too, Kil!”
-Friend all of their kids’ friends and often communicate with them. Gon doesn’t mind it but Killua does.
-Share embarrassing photos and baby stories of the kids.
-No one in the family is safe, no one. The only option to save themselves is to cut the Internet. Milluki has been looking to smuggling a scrambler into the country but hasn’t been doing so well. They’re still hopeful.
•The entire Zoldyck family including their dog coming with Illumi as he starts to drive for the first time. But everything inside the vehicle gets pretty hectic with Killua and Milluki yelling and cursing about some show, Alluka singing loudly to the radio with Kikyo just yelling every time Illumi comes close to another driver and Mike barking every time she yells, causing Illumi to shout at everyone to stop being so chaotic, thusly scarring everyone and immediately silencing them. Everyone is quiet for a good hour or so until Illumi pulls over randomly, stares at Silva and asks where they are and why he stopped guiding him. Silva admits he was so scared, he forgot to direct Illumi so now they’re somewhere they’re not familiar with at night with a car full of people who’ve had to pee for over an hour but were too scared to ask Illumi to find somewhere. They get Illumi formal driving lessons after that and decide to not even try with Milluki. Everyone will just take lessons from then on and Illumi isn’t allowed to drive on family trips ever.
•And then them actually getting along. Having nice, civil family dinners and planning family road trips and birthday parties. The entire family dropping Illumi off at college orientation and they’re all heartbroken to see him go, but they won’t show it because they know if they do, he’ll choose a school closer to home for them. Sending Kalluto off to school by himself for the first time ever. Silva and Kikyo taking excited pictures of Killua, Gon, and Alluka about to go to their first school dance together. The entire neighborhood all coming into the street at 3 in the morning because they all woke up to someone stealing their lawn decor and they want it back, especially Leorio who is saying that garden gnome was special and that he knows for a fact Hisoka did it because doesn’t it seem like him to do that? Everyone trying to outdo each other during the holiday season and decorate their house the flashiest. So many possibilities and so little time