A little drabble inspired by @ripplestitchskein… and also beacuse I would love to have Blackbeard in Storybrooke.
“If it isn’t the glorified canon fodder!”
Killian heard the bane of his existence
before he saw him. He’d entered Granny’s with the hope of having a quiet drink
before heading home, hoping it gave Emma’s mother enough time to pack up her
monstrous wedding planning folder and leave them in peace. He should have known
he wouldn’t be so lucky.
Killian swiveled in his stool to face the
man occupying the booth near the back of the diner.
“I see you’re still amongst the living. How
unfortunate.” Killian snarked as he made his way over to sit himself opposite
“I thought I’d try to find the appeal of
this hideous town and I’ve got to tell you, Hook. I’m coming up short.”
“No surprise there. You always were on the
“Says the pirate incapable of holding onto
Granny appeared with two glasses and a
bottle of rum, placing them wordlessly onto the table before disappearing
“That depends on your definition of
treasure.” Killian poured them each a generous serving.
“Remind me. How many times now have you
lost your ship to me?” Blackbeard asked smugly.
“Enough times to know I always end up
getting her back.”
“Is that a wager I sense, Hook?”
“You sure you’ve got the knack for it?
You’re looking rather down and out, mate.”
Blackbeard’s eyes bored into him before
“Cards or dice?”
“Whichever you feel more confident in. I’ll
be winning either way.”
“Strong words from such a weak pirate.”
Blackbeard taunted as he pulled two dice from his pocket.
“You’re not going to throw a child’s tantrum
once I wipe the floor with you, are you?”
“If it’s a duel you’re after, I’ll be happy
to splay your defeated carcass out on this strangely tiled floor, just say the
Killian chuckled with fire in his eyes; a spark
of that old bloodthirsty villain within rising to the man’s bait.
“Just roll the damn dice, old man.”
Emma heard the loud, boisterous and off-key
bellows of their duet as she trudged across the wooden deck to the water’s
edge, looming over their seated silhouette’s observing the tide in the
“Ah! There she is. The love of my life. My
beautiful Swan.” Killian greeted her drunkenly.
“So this is the Mrs?”
“Uh… hi?” Emma greeted, confused as to who
the hell Killian was with.
“Emma, love. This horrid sight is
Blackbeard? He’s not like… some weird uncle of yours or something, is he?’”
“Not a chance!”
“Me?! Related to that mongrel?!” Both men
objected at her question with vigour.
“So you’re the woman this pathetic sailor
lost his ship to me twice for. She’s a sight to behold, I’ll give you that,
“Show some respect.” Killian growled.
Blackbeard turned back to a confused Emma
with a sloppy smirk, failing in his attempts to look seductive.
“Darling, if it’s a real pirate you wanted,
I’d be more than happy to grant you the experience of a night with a true
“I will throw you into the water, don’t
tempt me.” Killian warned, humour gone from his features.
“Sorry but I like my pirates clean, dashing
and in their prime.” Emma threw back at the man.
Blackbeard surprised them both by letting
out a guttural laugh, slapping Killian’s knee in the process.
“She is also very cold and wanting to go
home. Come on, Killian. Let’s get you back.”
Killian agreed as he wrestled himself into
a standing position and wrapping his arm around Emma’s shoulders.
“I don’t suppose you’ve got a spare bunk
for me to bed down on for the night?”
“Your barnacle encrusted backside is coming
nowhere near our home.”
“Ah yes. I forgot. You traded the sea for
bricks and mortar. Probably for the best then. Only a true seaman can sleep
soundly with the rocking of the waves.”
“Try not to drown, old man.” Killian left
him as he and Emma turned from the docks and headed home.
It was two days later when the couple crossed
paths with Blackbeard again as they headed down main street.
“I thought I could smell a traitor.”
“Why are you still breathing? I’d have
thought you’d have keeled over by now.”
“Oh, the first of us to go will be you
considering how soft you’ve gotten. I’d offer to do it now but I don’t want
your yellow bellied innards soiling my sword.”
“Say the word, Blackbeard. I’ll happily put
you out of your misery like the tired old sea-dog you are.”
“You keep dreaming big, Hook.” Blackbeard
turned and began to walk away as if their presence wasn’t worth his time.
“You’re on borrowed time, remember that!”
Killian muttered curses about the ‘scurvy riddled
cretin’ as he turned back to an open mouthed Emma.
“I don’t get it. You two were making with
the singing and drunken antics the other night. What happened?”
“It’s a pirate thing, love. It’s just the
way it is.” He explained, rather embarrassed.
Emma shook her head, not understand the
strange relationship her fiancé held with the other notorious pirate in town one bit.
Since it is the birthday of the biggest nerd to ever exist, here are 56 facts to represent 56 years since the birth of our favorite stag
he has so much nervous energy, he constantly is shaking his leg during class or flipping his quill through his fingers
every photograph of him from before age 11 has his hair slicked to the side (thanks to copious amounts of Sleekeazy) and to this day just the scent of his fathers potion makes him gag
in fourth year he decided that he looked better without glasses and for two months walked around hogwarts essentially blind. sirius was his guide.
in fourth year james broke his ankle tripping down stairs.
james refuses to say that not wearing glasses and breaking his ankle were related in anyway whatsoever
he constantly cracks his knuckles.
when james was young, he made a friend with a muggle child at the park. he really, really wanted them to go to hogwarts together so he kept on trying to teach them magic
it didn’t succeed and on the day before james left for hogwarts he went to the park and said goodbye
he cried for hours after
he snores like a freight-train
his handwriting is incredibly messy, in part because his hand cant keep up with his mind, but mainly because he thinks his sloppy handwriting looks cool
he tucks his hand into his fists when he punches
bc of this he’s broken his thumbs more times than he can count so hes gotten really good at basic healing spells
but his thumbs still look a bit wonky regardless
he has random freckles on his collarbone, left knee and on the back of both of his hands
each year he thinks of a new ‘cool’ catchphrase that he thinks will 100% catch on
it literally never does
the summer before 6th year he and sirius constantly hung around near muggle shops to learn about muggle fashion
sirius wanted to piss of his family, james wanted to impress lily
he had a lisp up until he was ten. he had a hard time with his ‘th’ sounds.
in fifth year he announced he wasn’t going to cut his hair until either…
A. the gryffindors lost a quidditch match
or B. they won the house cup
the gryffindors never lost a match, and so his hair ended up resembling that of a lions mane (he liked to pretend he was a real-life mascot for the team instead of a 15 year old with wild, ungroomed hair)
when they won the house cup it was sirius who cut it off
which was a bad decision bc sirius was drunk and delirious (both from winning and from getting a bludger to the head)
it ended up with james having fifty more cowlicks than he already had and patches of hair altogether missing from his scalp
he, of course, wore this haircut with pride bc it meant that gryffindor had won the bloody cup
he lowkey slept with his stuffed lion until he was 13
even then he always had him under his bed up until harry was born, he then passed down the raggedy old thing to him
he doesnt trust horses tbh their eyes are too human-like for him to feel comfortable around them
he has a small gap between his two front teeth. you cant notice it from far away, but up close you can tell he definitely has one
sirius and james pretty much shared a bed the first three years at hogwarts. sirius had really bad night terrors, and james had always wanted a younger brother to protect so it worked out well
he proposed to lily after a battle. they had lost ten people in under two hours. he didnt have a ring, but it didnt matter
the next day he “properly” proposed in their flat (it was really james’ and sirius’ flat but lily essentially lived there now). he gave her his mother’s engagement ring. he transfigured the diamond to take the shape of a lily
in second year sirius bet that james couldnt live off of a diet of strictly chocolate frogs.
james took the challenge but ended up in the hospital wing a month and a half later with scurvy
from second year on he would always consciously change the pitch of his voice whenever he knew lily was in ear shot
it was only in the beginning of 7th year when she got drunk in the head common room with him did his tone accidentally slip back to normal
this is also the night he had his first kiss with lily, because she realized what he had been doing all this time and how ridiculous it was and how ridiculous he was and how ridiculously in love she was with him.
james would always throw the invisibility cloak over himself in the ultimate game of peek-a-boo with harry
it was great until harry started to become mobile and pull the cloak over himself, ending up in a four hour search for an infant who had fallen asleep under a sheet of invisibility
his shoes are ALWAYS untied
when he starts talking about something he feels passionately about, his voice automatically gets louder and louder until he either finishes his point or his throat goes hoarse
james’ first word was “uh-oh”
he is obsessed with qudditch. he would have practices at night because he thought other teams would spy on them and practices would last 6 hours or more. like he honestly made oliver wood look like a casual fan
before 6th year he and sirius got tattoos.
james got antlers smack dab in the middle of his back, while sirius got dog prints leading down his lower back
they were both 10000% sober and not at all drunk nope not at all
they didnt realize they actually had tattoos until a few days later when they were practicing quidditch in the potter’s backyard. they had both taken off their shirts to bc it was august and hot and ‘oh my god, padfoot you’ve got a tramp stamp’
james was really short up until the summer before fourth year when he shot up like a foot in a half
it took him until he was 18 to actually get used to his height and not trip over his own gangly limbs
6th year was the official “james potter is convinced he is john lennon” year. lily never admitted it but john lennon had always been her favorite beatle.
he never seems to get cold?? it would be the middle of winter and he would be in hogsmeade with a light-weight robe on while everyone else had on like four layers of wool.
he had a really bad habit of flipping his wand in his hand. most of the time it was fine, but one time he accidentally set a first year’s uniform on fire.
james died with bloody knuckles, he may not have had his wand but he refused to die without a fight.
Summary: It’s Killian and Emma’s first wedding anniversary, but Killian is sick and has no clue what day it is. To make matters worse, he is driving Emma crazy as she takes care of him.
Note: So many men are big babies when they get sick (apologies to any men who may be reading this), so I thought the same could be true for our former pirate. This goes back and forth between Emma and Killian’s POV. Hope you enjoy it! ~Steph
…Man Flu: Part 1/1…
Today is our first wedding anniversary. This first year of marriage to Killian has been the happiest of my life.
Minus the last three days, that is. When I said the vows in sickness and health, I never imagined this.
I squeeze my eyes closed as the ringing once again fills my ears. Why did I give Killian that damn bell?! He’s been ringing it incessantly for the last two days. I thought it would be an improvement over him bellowing my name every five minutes, but I was sorely mistaken.
Three days ago, Killian came down with a cold. The usual: scratchy throat, cough, runny/stuffy nose. But you would have thought the man had contracted the plague. He hasn’t left our bed and complains about every little symptom. Here’s a man who has lost his hand, been hit by a car, been stabbed, nearly drowned, been tortured, and actually died. I’m sure in his more than 200 years he’s endured even more than that. But somehow the common cold brings him to his knees.
There’s a name for this. Man flu. Basically, men act like babies when they become even slightly sick. Apparently, my brave, strong, resilient pirate isn’t immune to such an affliction. And now I must also suffer.
The bell rings again, followed by a pitiful moan of “Emma”.
“Coming,” I grumble, as I head up the stairs.
I find him in our bed, the comforter pulled up around his neck. Tissues are strewn everywhere. His hair is sticking up in all directions and his nose is red. His blue eyes are watery.
I come to stand before him, hands on my hips. "You rang?“
"Love, do you think perhaps you could close the curtains? I’m afraid the sunlight is hurting my sensitive eyes.”
I bite my lip, but nod. "Sure.“
I walk over to the window and pull the curtains closed.
"Not quite that much. I enjoy a bit of light.”
I feel my fists clench as I pull the curtains open a little, nearly pulling them off the rod with my vice-like grip.
“Better?” I ask.
“Perfect,” he says, offering me a weak smile. "Thank you.“
"Can I get you anything else before I go?” I ask.
“You’re leaving?” he croaks.
I sigh. “Killian, I’ve been waiting on you for three days. I have a job, you know. I’m surprised this town hasn’t been destroyed by monsters yet.”
“My apologies for being so much trouble,” he mumbles.
I roll my eyes. I know what he’s doing and it won’t work.
“Look, you have your cell phone right there. If you need me, just call and I’ll be back in no time at all.”
“I don’t want to be a bother,” he mutters. “I’m sure I can fend for myself in my weakened state. After all, I’ve cared for myself most of my life.”
I roll my eyes again and walk over to him, placing a kiss on his lips against my better judgment. I don’t really want to risk getting sick, but a kiss usually placates him for a bit.
“You’ll be fine. I told you. It’s just a cold.”
“I beg to differ. I feel as if I am on my deathbed. It must be scurvy.”
“For the thousandth time, it is not scurvy.”
“With all due respect, love, you aren’t a doctor.”
“True, but I do know how to google.”
“Look stuff up on the, as you would say, computer box.”
“And you have none of the symptoms of scurvy. It’s also very rare in modern times, mostly occurring in poor countries due to malnutrition. What you have is the common cold.”
“There’s hardly anything common about it. I don’t see why I can’t be given some medicine to cure this infernal disease.”
“Because there’s no cure for the common cold, which, by the way, is not a disease. You just have to ride it out. You can relieve the symptoms like we have been doing with over-the-counter drugs, but there’s not much else you can do.”
“I suppose I’ll just suffer then.”
I wait for him to acknowledge our anniversary, but he’s so delirious from the meds and distracted by his constant whining, that I am pretty sure he doesn’t have any idea what day it is.
I try to hide my disappointment, as I hook my thumb in the direction of the door. "Ok, I’m going to go now. Call me if you need me.“
PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE HASN'T DONE PARKER/HARDISON YET.
OKAY SOMEONE HASN’T DONE PARKER/HARDISON YET. But now I will! I might throw some Eliot in there too, because @dorothyoz39 requested that. :-)
Drinks all of the coffee: I don’t think Parker or Hardison are big coffee drinkers, so…Eliot, maybe? I guess he’s shown drinking coffee a few times.
Brings up adopting a pet: Hardison. Parker barely knew what to do with a plant.
Kills the bugs: Parker.
Cooks the meals: Eliot. Parker would live on cold cereal if they let her, and Hardison can cook but usually gets so into whatever project he’s working on that he forgets to eat, let alone cook. If it weren’t for him, Eliot grumbles, they’d probably both have rickets or some shit. And if he didn’t cook for them, they’d just steal his sandwiches anyway, Hardison. Yeah, that’s right, he knows about that.
Starts getting into holidays way before they should: Parker.
Initiates the couple selfies: Hardison.
Forgets the birthdays and anniversaries: Parker doesn’t forget them, but they’re not as important to her as they are to Hardison, and she feels awkward about things like anniversaries and birthdays because she didn’t celebrate stuff like that growing up. Hardison totally gets that, though, and he basically tells Parker early on that he doesn’t care if she makes a big deal about his birthday – and he really means it. He plans his own birthday celebrations, and involves Parker in the planning, and that works out pretty well for them both. (Eliot quietly makes them both their favorite meals and a cake on both their birthdays every year, just like he does for Nate and Sophie, when they’re all in the same place.)
Always ends up with too much junk food after grocery shopping: Let’s just say their house is well-stocked with orange soda, gummy frogs, and a wide variety of breakfast cereals, and they regularly get donuts from their favorite bakery. (They don’t worry too much about things like vegetables and fiber. That’s why they have Eliot, who stomps around complaining about grown-ass adults who eat like 10-year-olds while he cuts up fruit and measures out yogurt and chia seeds to make freezer smoothie packs for them, and then cooks them “a real meal with actual protein and vegetables, and you’re gonna eat it so you aren’t the first two cases of goddamn scurvy in modern-day Portland”. This arrangement works out really well for Parker and Hardison, who’d both rather do things other than cook, and for Eliot, who loves cooking for them.)
Nicknames the other: Hardison has at least a dozen nicknames for Parker. (Hardison has at least a dozen nicknames for everyone he loves, actually, but not everyone is as cool with him using them as Parker is, Eliot – man, you really need to relax.) Parker mostly just calls him Hardison around other people. When it’s just the two of them, she calls him Alec about half the time, and the way she says it makes Hardison feel like it’s an endearment.
It’s time for a round of How Disappointing is My Unicorn?, the game show no one wants to win.* *I think this might have been unclear to some people, but disappointing is absolutely a term of endearment in this context. These unicorns are awful and I love them.
This unicorn is sort of disappointing, like maybe it could be someone’s dog with a toilet paper roll taped to its head? But it’s probably a nice dog. 6/10
This unicorn skipped school to play World of Warcraft 4 days in a row. It is going to die of scurvy if it doesn’t consume some vitamins soon. Look at that lank, receding hair. Stare into those sunken eyes. 3/10
This unicorn has eaten all the snacks and left silly string everywhere, and it’s not even sorry. That is bloodshot eye of the terminally unemployable. At some point you’ll turn around and it’ll have a lampshade on its head. 2/10
This unicorn made an elderly relative cry at its last family dinner. It’s not even trying any more, see how its tail vanishes into greyish fog? Even its raised hooves and frolicksome posture can’t hide the desperation in its eyes. 4/10
This unicorn partied so hard someone called the fun police. Here they are with their old man socks and bulging calves ready to take it away so it can think about what it has done. 5/10
This unicorn owns every Alice Cooper album ever made and spends its parents’ money on liquid eyeliner. It’s thinking of getting a tattoo. Maybe a skull, you know, or a bleeding heart. 4/10
Look, I know I should say something about brawling and youth violence, gosh isn’t it terrible, I blame video games, but this unicorn is fighting bears. That is possibly the most metal thing a unicorn has ever done? I’m not disappointed at all. 10/10 would buy the comic and the feature film.
ARR! Ye be visited by th' Pirate Anon! ARR! But I be nice pirate an' 'm spredin' lov'! After a 'ery long time tra'elin' in th' seven seas I found a nice land, I heard th' land anon-star be a super nice place, but I didn' think it was this good, ye be th' perfect leader for this land an' th' art around 'ere is so perfect! Don' let some scurvy landlubbers be sayin' who ya should be an' do, this be yer choice, ye be perfect in yer own way, ye be unique an' loved! Be happy, mate! ARR!!!
And sorry to leave you waiting pal! In truth, thanks for stopping here pirate anon, I hope you have a good time because there are still things to show! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
I play a lady called Anne Bonny who was a real pirate in the 1700s. I went to what they call “Pirate camp”, which was basically lots of training, boxing, to get us to a certain shape that the pirates would be. With the the ringings, the scurvy; and their starving at the same time. And so I’m looking like Iggy Pop- it’s sorta Iggy Pop and Madonna and I definitely chose Iggy Pop. I just love to be different people, it’s so exciting! I love the research that you get to do, every single addition is kind of every different era- or in the future. You just learn so much. Don’t take life too seriously, no one makes it out alive anyway.
So I was looking at this post and it got me thinking about asexual!Bokuto…
His whole life Bokuto is just FULL OF LOVE. He wants to be friends with everyone, he gets
attached easily, he cares about people like nobody’s business.
But he’s also a BOY and so as he gets older he’s
bombarded with all these societal messages about how all boys want sex and he??
After some reflection he figures that he’s just
a hopeless romantic, that’s all, he doesn’t think about sex because he wants
the whole deal, the relationship, with kissing and cuddling and sharing your
But even then he can’t help but notice how in
all the romantic movies his mom loves, the climactic moment is always when the
couple finally sleeps together.
“the talk” even begins with “when two people
love each other very much…”
But that’s okay, he just hasn’t been IN love
yet, that’s all…
Then he meets Kuroo and they are BEST FRIENDS
and time passes and by their second year they are MORE THAN FRIENDS and Bokuto
is HEAD OVER HEELS he loves kissing Kuroo and holding hands and goofing off
In their third year their time together starts
getting more physical.
Deeper kisses and more touching and Kuroo seems
super into it but after a certain point they cross a line and Bokuto find
himself being not-so-okay with the way things are moving.
They’ve already exchanged “I love you”s and they
both mean it, Bokuto means it.
He doesn’t want to have sex with Kuroo.
He tries. Like, really tries. He thinks maybe he’s just anxious because it would be
his first time. He tries jerking off thinking about Kuroo and yeah his boyfriend
is crazy gorgeous and yeah Bokuto’s body is responding but he is just super not
into it and it doesn’t feel bad but it doesn’t feel good either.
So he promptly falls deep, deep down into his
dejected mode and he can’t seem to get out. Because he loves Kuroo, he’s so sure of it, but obviously he doesn’t because
when you love someone you want to have sex with them and he just doesn’t.
The next time they see each other Kuroo notices
in about .2 seconds that Bokuto is #notokay.
Kuroo starts pushing because he knows when
something is bothering Bokuto he has to talk that shit out. Bokuto tries to
keep it in because he’s not ready to lose Kuroo yet, but eventually he just
cracks and spills everything. How he loves Kuroo,really, he has to believe him, but he
doesn’t want to have sex and he doesn’t know what to do he wants to show Kuroo
he loves him but he doesn’t know if he can.
And Kuroo, once Bokuto has calmed down enough to
look him in the eye, just smirks and is all “what the fuck are you talking
about? You show me you love me all the time.”
Bokuto is like “????”
Kuroo laughs and starts talking about how “you
text me that you miss me an hour after we’ve been together. You wake up at the
crack of dawn everyday but you let me sleep in cause you know I go to bed so
late. You spent two weeks cooking me different vegetables until you found a
dish I liked ‘cause you were worried I’d get scurvy. You don’t like scary
movies but you still watch them with me when a new one comes out. You named my
favorite cat in Neko Atsume after me…”
And Kuroo just keeps going on and on, listing
all these things Bokuto does for him until they’re both giggling and trying to
out-sap each other and they feel even more in love than before.
· (Later on Kuroo will sit down with his boyfriend
and show him some websites about asexuality, but for now it’s enough to make sure Bokuto knows that Kuroo isn’t going anywhere)
A few weeks later, Bokuto is doing a morning run
through the park when something catches his eye.
It’s a jagged stone, shades of red stripes with
two points at the top that almost resemble cat ears.
Bokuto gets SUPER excited because “oh my gosh
it’s a cat rock! And all stripy like a tabby! That’s Kuroo’s favorite! He’ll
So he turns right around and runs to Kuroo’s
As soon as Kuroo opens the door Bokuto thrust
the rock in his face and is like “Look! Look! It’s for you!!!”
And Kuroo takes the rock and stares at it for a
good minute and then he honest to God tears up and hugs Bokuto and is like
“This is the highest form of love I’ve ever
And then they both just burst out laughing and
everything is beautiful and wonderful.
Requested by wildestt-dreeams: Yooooo could you do one where one Draco, Harry or Ron ( idc which I love them all lmao…) where they get jealous? Like idk like just seeing how cute they are when they get jealous when they see you with other guys or something like that ….
*Screams* AAAAAH ITS BEEN SO LONG AYYYEEEE! I couldn’t decide between those three because I love them all, so I made them all jealous of each other?
Notes: (Y/H) means “Your house”.
“Draco, get the scurvy grass, will you?” I asked, stirring the soon-to-be Befuddlement Draught. It was looking like the book said it should, which was a surprise to me, as when Harry and I were partners every potion we made ended up badly.
“On it,” he said. “How much time do we have left?”
“Around 30 minutes. We still have time to finish it,” I replied.
“Good,” he said, sounding relieved. Draco came back carrying the scurvy grass I had requested, and I plopped some into the cauldron. “It looks nice!”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure if it’ll stay that way,” I replied wearily. We had been working for over an hour, and Professor Snape expected it to be perfect, as he always did.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ After Potions ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Nice job today, (Y/N),” Draco said as we walked out of class.
“Thanks, you too!” I said, turning towards the (Y/H) common room. “Well, I better be going. See you tomorrow!” I waved, and he waved back.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ During Care of Magical Creatures ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Unicorns!” I jumped up and down excitedly like a little girl. Ron and Harry seemed bored, but tried to hide it. Hermione had started stating facts on unicorns, and none of us were listening.
“You seem excited,” said Ron.
“Of course!” I squealed. “Unicorns! How often do you see those?”
“Not often,” said Harry. He muttered something under his breath, which I couldn’t catch.
“What was that, Harry?” I asked suspiciously.
“Nothing,” he said. I didn’t believe one bit of it, but I let it slide.
“Alright,” I said sceptically. “Well, I’m off to see Professor Grubbly-Plank and the others. Hermione! Get your nose out of that book - you might want to check your facts with the real thing!” I called, and Hermione ran over to Professor Grubbly-Plank to ask her some questions on unicorns.
“Harry, Ron, you coming?” I called out for them. They both seemed to have zoned out, and I happened to be in their gaze, but as soon as I said their names they snapped out of their zombie-like mindset.
“Yep!” they said in unison, rushing over to join the rest of the class.
The rest of class was normal, only Harry and Ron seemed to follow me as much as possible.
“Harry, Ron, why do you keep following me around? Has Trelawney predicted my ultimate death like she does to Harry every Divination class? Because if she did, I would be surprised if I actually did die.” I said.
“Yeah, actually she did. Just protecting you!” they said.
“Well, you never know. Maybe we will all die in your attempt to save my life. Fate always works it’s way.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ At Dinner ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I sat with the rest of the (Y/H)s during dinner, but Draco, Harry and Ron seemed to steal glances at me when they thought I wasn’t looking. What was up with them? Then I remembered. Valentine’s Day was in 2 weeks, along with a Hogsmeade trip. Either they had a girl they wanted to ask out and needed my help or… no. They couldn’t possibly want to ask me to Hogsmeade. No.
A voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “(Y/N), I’ve been wanting to ask you if… er… you maybe… wanted to go to, uh, H-Hogsmeade with me for Valentine’s D-day?”
MUAHAHAHA! Who could the guy be? You’ll never know…
We had a bit of feedback in previous times we used skins - not as much as I wanted but just enough. The consensus was that it was cool to see team jerseys, but the jerseys were criticized for breaking the TF2 style or being too flashy. This year we aimed for two new changes from last year’s style guide:
retain more Team Spirit palette on things like pants, helmets, belts, & bandoliers
ditch RED = black Medic coat; keep Medic’s coat white for both RED & BLU
ditch logos on the front of jerseys (this was a time management thing more than a style consistency thing tbh)
~*ALL THE GAMER GLOVES*~
This year, the custom skins were FROYOTECH, Jasmine Tea, and Crowns Esports Club. For FROYO, we put less emphasis on the lime.
For Jasmine Tea, Jasmine rolled with a blown-up JT logo. For Crowns, we went off their actual jerseys. Due to time constraints, we recycled and edited Classic Mixup, eLevate and Ascent’s skins for Team XENEX, Full Tilt and Comfortably Spanked respectively.
Scout, Medic, Demoman, Soldier, Sniper and Spy matched a design style. Heavy, Engineer, and Pyro only had logos added to arms & backs due to - you guessed it - time constraints.
(We were also really considered about effort vs. reward as we were disheartened last year by some non-constructive feedback on skins, hence why we didn’t go all out for the specialist classes.)
There’s a lot of things that break from texture to the models in TF2 - there’s not much we can do about that e.g. stripes and logos stretching. I have yet to test it on the high-poly models but I think the streaming crew just ran with highest settings possible for streaming. We wanted to apply bumpmaps this year but time constraints/time worth it?/etc, so the only class that has a custom normal is Scout’s bandages painted over for ~*GAMER GLOVES*~.
Other than the picture used for the TF2 blog, we ran a Twitter campaign Scurvy designed on Teamfortress.tv’s account to promote the teams as well as the skins.
.At some point, the idea of using custom models a la League of Legends’ team skins style came up. We scrapped it because we were afraid to fuck with the silhouettes as well as Valve’s design for a major LAN. We also struggled to figure out how we’d differentiate Scout and Demo since Scout’s team colour would probably be on his pants - therefore mirroring Demo’s colour recognition. Best to save it for a cosmetics pitch, we reckoned.
All in all, it’s good to see the skins again and the hype factor around them - but we’re not entirely sure about the payoff and how much time we spent on them for something that was only one time, and something that has a lot of mixed opinion regarding it. I can’t recall if Comfortably Spanked was even casted. I do know some people wanted the viewmodels also edited - that’s an additional 200 something textures. We edited about 120 VTF textures, including attaching Scout’s normals to each VMT and Medic’s backpacks.
By the way, client-side skins and promotional materials will be going up soon when I get the chance to upload them!
There is lovemaking that is bad for a person, just as there is eating that is bad. That boysenberry cream pie from the Thrift-E-Mart may appear inviting, may, in fact, cause all nine hundred taste buds to carol from the tongue, but in the end, the sugars, additives, the empty calories clog arteries, disrupt cells, generate fat, and rot teeth. Even potentially nourishing foods can be improperly prepared. There are wrong combinations and improper preparations in sex as well. Yes, one must prepare for a fuck - the way an enlightened priest prepares to celebrate mass, the way a great matador prepares for the ring: with intensification, with purification, with a conscious summoning of sacred power. And even that won’t work if the ingredients are poorly matched: oysters are delectable, so are strawberries, but mashed together…(?!) Every nutritious sexual recipe calls for at least a pinch of love, and the fucks that rate four-star rankings from both gourmets and health-food nuts use cupfuls. Not that sex should be regarded as therapeutic or to be taken for medicinal purposes - only a dullard would hang such a milestone around the nibbled neck of a lay - but to approach sex carelessly, shallowly, with detachment and without warmth is to dine night after night in erotic greasy spoons. In time, one’s palate will become insensitive, one will suffer (without knowing it) from emotional malnutrition, the skin of the soul will fester with scurvy, the teeth of the heart will decay. Neither duration nor proclamation of commitment is necessarily the measure - there are ephemeral explosions of passion between strangers that make more erotic sense than many lengthy marriages, there are one night stands in Jersey City more glorious than six month affairs in Paris - but finally there is a commitment, however brief; a purity, however threatened; a vulnerability, however concealed; a generosity of spirit, however marbled with need; an honest caring, however singed by lust, that must be present if couplings are to be salubrious and not slow poison. Having consumed for years only junk-food sex (some of it undeniably finger-licking good) Princess Leigh-Cheri was now the recipient, in abundance, of both lusciousness and nourishment, and needless to say, it was agreeing with her.