As per your request, I have refrained from contacting you for at least 4 hours, so you could catch your breath after my visit . Don’t worry, I am not offended. I am fully aware of how intense I tend to get (thank you for putting it so kindly), I don’t blame you for needing a little time and am happy to oblige. My love, my dearest love, I still can barely believe that you actually love me too, but you actually do! The joy I felt when you explained that all this time, you had felt our strange connection just as strongly as I did, even if you didn’t embrace it quite as enthusiastically! Very understandable under the circumstances, I hated me too, at that time. But your ability to accept the truths I told you in the cave speaks highly of your strength of character. And unbelievable as it may have sounded, it was the truth, Rey.
I also wanted to thank you yet again for sharing your food capsules with me while we were stuck in the tomb. Enclosed is a little something for you to munch on, a gift to show my gratitude for your generosity.
I’m still not sure if I am glad that you talked me into coming over to the Resistance’s new base. Don’t get me wrong, it was great hanging out with you that evening, back in your quarters. I still maintain that there are no words to describe how wonderful it feels just to gaze upon your face in person, let alone… Oh, and you must have seen how extraordinarily amused and gratified I was to find out that you had decided to keep your birth control in the old cotton ear-swab tin, with my picture on it. I smile every time I think about that.
But I can’t pretend that visit was all smiles though. I’m glad that Skywalker wasn’t there (did I overhear something about a secret mission?), but I had to face my mother some time. I knew she’d be upset with me, even after I explained how my father’s sacrifice was not in vain. It didn’t even seem out of the question that she might let them arrest me - I probably deserve no less. That in mind, I guess I can’t complain about 60 seconds of abject humiliation, bent over my mother’s knee and spanked in front of half the Resistance. And she didn’t hold back either, she really went to town. You saw when we were alone, later that night! My ass was as red as my kriffing lightsaber.
But it seemed like the catharsis did her good, and I hope that the plan we discussed will help her truly forgive me. The Resistance now has the ultimate mole. The thing is, I had the impression that some of the other officers were not at all convinced. That one admiral, in particular. I get the feeling that she wanted to throw my ass in the brig, defector or not.
That in mind, I don’t think I should come to see you at the Resistance base again. I guess you’ll just have to come here, and I have been looking into options. I could sneak you aboard the Finalizer, for a few hours. I am confident that if you follow the enclosed instructions, it will work. I can’t wait to introduce you to Grandfather. He will love you, I’m sure of it.
The thing is, my quarters are only a single room, and Grandfather is in the middle of it… If we were to need some alone time (and kriff, I think that need is not strong enough a word for my part, my darling), it can’t be in there. I really can’t - not with him watching/listening, and I imagine it would be extremely awkward for him as well. Fortunately, Hux’s quarters are down the hall, and he’ll be out on leave for a few days. We can use his room, and he’ll never even know, if we’re careful not to make a mess. Oh, and you’re not allergic to cats, are you?
With a longing more all-consuming than a Sarlacc pit,
PS. On second thought, let’s not worry about making a mess in Hux’s quarters. He has thrown me under the proverbial ground mass transport vehicle in front of our boss too many times. We’ll use his room for our rendezvous, and then that neat-freak can come home to a bed, soiled and crusty with our love.
Small Tokens (the title of this fic) can be read in its entirety at:
“I wish I could stand by my choices, unwavering. I have always done what I thought to be right, even when my heart disagreed. But now I must face cold reality.”
Honestly I could go full tl;dr over why Clive is the flawed hero FE narratives need– as glamorous senior knight guys of considerable renown go, he’s pretty much the Leif of the group, but just because he ain’t Seth doesn’t mean he’s not an excellent character. But in-game he’s mostly talked about the same way someone like Seth gets talked about, and Seth single-handedly saves the day at least three times before the FE8 route split and the most Clive can do is to muster a dignified retreat and then look for someone competent to lead the Deliverance, so I understand the reaction he gets.