love given freely

It’s alright to go out into the world live your life without me. You exist… and that is enough for me. I don’t need to see you or touch you or hold you. I don’t need to feel your kiss, or see your eyes light up when you smile, or hear your laughter in my ears.
For I have had all those things once… and that is enough.
To know that you exist is enough.
Your happiness is mine and if that means that I never spend another moment in your presence and the thought of me never crosses your mind then I guess this is what you call ‘acceptance’.
This is that moment when I open my hands to the sky and give you to the world. You cannot own a person… and love is a gift given freely with no guarantee of return. That is its most beautiful aspect… its purity; that it exists individually, irrespective of reciprocation.
For you are you, and I am I, and once we were we… but as long as I exist and so do you – know that I will always love you.

So I’m not a fan of Grant Ward’s. Not in any kind of positive sense, although he was a fun, interesting, and complex villain character. But it kinda sucked all the fun out of enjoying him as a villain when most of the people who enjoyed his character were trying to defend him left and right. I’m of the opinion that most of what he did was indefensible. His backstory gave insights into his character’s choices, but they didn’t make those choices magically okay. (cool motive, still murder)

So that said, what I’m finding interesting about Framework!Ward is that we’re not getting a redemption arc for the actual character, but we are getting more insight into him. What would Ward’s life had been like had different things influenced and affected him, and had he made different choices? And the choices thing is still very important here, okay, because in the real world Ward, falling for Skye, still chose to do evil things. Whereas Framework!Ward, falling for Skye and discovering that she’s an inhuman, decides to stop doing evil things and start doing good things instead. So, choices. Important.

And the reason I say this is not a redemption arc is because the real Ward never redeemed himself, never made those good choices. The real Ward never decided to stop working for Hydra and start working with Shield. The real Ward never stopped seeking things like power and vengeance, and he saw love as something he was owed by someone just because he had a creepy obsession with her. That Ward never went through a redemption cycle. 

Framework!Ward is a different person - if he’s a person at all (depending on how you view the framework and those in it who aren’t plugged in “from the other side”). The Ward in the Framework does decide to stop working for Hydra and to start working with Shield. The Ward in the framework doesn’t care about gaining more power around him or getting back at those he perceives as having hurt him (he fights Hydra not out of vengeance but out of righteousness). The Ward in the framework understands the nature of love as something given freely and doesn’t expect Daisy to love him back but continues to fight for her cause, even knowing that what she believes is that he isn’t even real.

So when Daisy says that she understands the real Ward better now, she’s not saying some sentimental thing about how she wishes she’d understood him better before and maybe they could have been together. That’s not what her body language or facial expressions or tone of voice are saying at all.

What she’s saying is that she can see how much Garrett’s influence messed him up, and that she can more clearly see what Ward might have been like if he’d developed differently. But he didn’t, not in the real world. In the real world, despite his many chances to make better choices, Ward almost always chose wrong. 

So, no. I’m not a fan of Grant Ward’s. But, like Daisy, I appreciated getting to see a different, better, side of him than he chose to be in the real world. 

It’s alright to go out into the world live your life without me.
You exist… and that is enough for me.
I don’t need to see you or touch you or hold you.
I don’t need to feel your kiss, or see your eyes light up when you smile, or hear your laughter in my ears. For I have had all those things once… and that is enough. To know that you exist is enough.
Your happiness is mine and if that means that I never spend another moment in your presence and the thought of me never crosses your mind then I guess this is what you call ‘acceptance’. 
This is that moment when I open my hands to the sky and give you to the world. You cannot own a person… and love is a gift given freely with no guarantee of return. That is its most beautiful aspect… its purity; that it exists individually, irrespective of reciprocation.
For you are you, and I am I, and once we were we… but as long as I exist and so do you – know that I will always love you.

Hmmm I really hate thinking about things in terms of “unpaid” and “paid” labor, especially in terms of emotional labor, because I hate to put a capitalist/consumerist spin on something like emotions or love. These things should be given freely and not seen as something that you expect material compensation for, because love is the greatest gift we can give other people, and there should never be a price on it.
But at the same time, I understand that for women, our social reality lies in the fact that SO much of what we do is completely uncompensated. So I’m sort of torn between not wanting to commodify love and emotions, while also seeing the dire need for women to be “paid” for our emotional labor.

Sigil of the Snared Dove

The meeting point of the Divine and the Infernal: the moon reclines and holds the trident in her mouth, carried on the back of the Divine Dove – whose wings are shackled in the brambles of Hell. The Dove does not descend from the Heavens, but ascends from the earth, from the brimstone inferno soaring skyward. It a reminder that Love is not given freely by the damned – but earned. This is the Infernal Grace.

This symbol can be used summon the lower vibrations or in conjunction with seals of the infernal beings to solidify their presence. If worn, it can be a symbol of devotion and a reminder – bearing both protective and enlightening qualities. But remember – the Darker Ones teach through obstacles, they force you to grow: be warned, but be open.

So hello there. I got very excited by the Reverse Robin AU prompt I got this morning that I sort of wrote an even longer companion piece to go with it? I wanted to squeeze this bit into the original but it ended up being too involved and didn’t fit the tone. Soooo I ignored the prompts I still have left to do and wrote this. Sorry I’m a terrible person. I do hope you read it and enjoy.

 Batman gets a surprise visit from his undead little brother

                                                   Comes Around

He knew being Batman would be difficult and Damian was smart enough to realize the burdens that came with the cape and cowl would be more than physical. But he had underestimated just how strenuous maintaining the mantle would be. It’s almost 5 am, Dick is upstairs, hopefully, asleep and Pennyworth is probably getting some well-deserved rest as well. It’s only at times like this, that he allows himself to feel the weight and tragedy of the Batman name.

And he finds himself during these times, curiously enough, missing his Father desperately. These periods of unexpected grief are becoming more frequent, ironically, as Damian becomes more settled into his role as Batman. Because as similar as he and his father could be, he just wasn’t the Batman like Father had been. Back when he’d been an angry young man, there had been times in fits of rage when he’d wished his father’s death. Now, nearly a year after the man’s passing, Damian realizes just how much he’d come to rely on that stern and steady presence in his life.

Sometimes he even thinks about what he would give to have just a few more hours, a few minutes even, with his father again. He wants to ask how he coped with the darkness the cowl brought, ask if he’s doing a good job with Dick, raising him into a man they all could be proud of. He wants to know what to do about Drake who still won’t make his presence known or how to keep Todd from phasing out of the family entirely. Mostly he wants to know if, despite everything Damian has done in and out of costume, if Father ever truly loved him? Or if he had taken his son in out of guilt and put up with him in exchange for a partner in his never-ending war on crime.

“Power is a burden isn’t it?” A quiet but steady voice says, echoing ominously through the cave system and making it impossible to locate. Damian stands up, all senses on alert as he locks down the Cave and, more importantly, all entrances to the Manor above. “You strived for the cowl all your life but the reward wasn’t as sweet as you were hoping, was it big brother?”

“Drake?” Damian demands hearing his own astonishment thrown back at him by the walls of the Cave. Former Robin, Tim Drake, had died tragically young and been resurrected years ago by his Grandfather out of some misplaced delusion that he could use the boy’s brilliance against the family. But Drake was always a wily one, more so after death, and after getting every bit of skill and training from the Demon’s Head: Tim had disappeared into the ether. His ghost had hung over the family for years but as the Red Hood, he’d been Gotham’s most dangerous, and most mysterious, criminal vigilante. Hood worked behind the curtain, manipulating small time crooks into killing others and using his computer talents to snatch up their leftover assets. He’d been Batman’s greatest mystery for years before a tip from Talia revealed who was really behind the hood and threw the already fracturing family into a downward spiral.

But even after his identity was revealed to them, Drake still kept his distance. He made no moves to contact anyone and seemingly had no concern for all the death and destruction he’d caused in the underworld. The only time he’d communicated with them had been via a simple handwritten note, forgiving Batman for not saving him but not understanding why the man refused to change his methods to suit the growing unrest in the city. In the note, he promised to do what Batman could not, he promised to save Gotham City from itself by cutting down every lowlife who threatened her. He’d signed his name at the bottom, though the ink was blurred and smeared by the time they’d arrived at the scene; the congealing blood from the Joker’s dead body having stained the bottom half of the note.

“Wow, you really have taken up the title of the World’s Greatest Detective,” Drake drolls in that patronizing, sarcastic way that had so aggravated Damian back when he’d first been introduced to the shy new Robin. “You never were as good as the old man though, it must kill you to know that even with him out of way, you’re still struggling to claw your way out of his shadow.” Damian clenches his fists painfully at the too-true remarks before stepping away from the computer and towards the center of the Cave. There was no point in trying to locate him; Drake had been evading the collective family for half a decade, he knew how to stay hidden. And besides, Damian deserved this; after all,  the boy’s death was just as much his fault as it was Father’s.

He’d known how emotionless and distant the Bat could be and how damaging that attitude would be for a scared, neglected boy who would do anything for his heroes. And instead of helping Tim, giving him the attention and care he’d deserved, Damian had pushed his buttons and behaved cruelly out of anger and jealously that he’d been so easily replaced. The combined treatment had driven Drake to attempt to prove himself by concocting a crazy plan to capture the Joker which had ended with his death. There were few things Damian regretted more in his life than his sickening abuse of a lonely, but ultimately good, kid. Whatever reason Drake was here for, Damian knew it was well-deserved and he would take his punishment with dignity. He was at least assured that Drake wouldn’t harm Dick, Pennyworth or the others; the Tim knew what it was like to be injured without cause.

“You’re still so brave Damian; it’s what I always admired about you. You weren’t always fair or even kind, but you’re willing to stand up for what you believed in.” The disembodied voice answers.

“What do you want Drake, or should I call you Hood now? You’ve had years to get your revenge, revenge that you have earned, so why here? Why now? You missed your opportunity with Father, Darkseid beat you to it. So tell me, before you do whatever you came here for, why does my younger brother call on me now?” Damian says with no waver in his voice, all he has is the guilt that unintentionally helped someone he cared for end their life and the knowledge that he has done everything in his power since then to make up for it. He straightens his back, squares his shoulders and readies himself for the price he must pay for the sins of his youth.

“I’ve seen you with him, with Richard, sometimes with Jason too.” Drake says quietly after a minute. His voice is closer now, coming from somewhere behind Damian but the man doesn’t turn to look. “You look at them with such care and fondness. I’ve seen them both mess up more times than I can count, but you’re always there to save them, to chastise them so they won’t repeat my mistakes.” The unspoken words hang in the air between them, the whispers of a relationship that could have been, a desperate love that was freely given but met with spite. Damian often reflected on the man Tim would have become had Damian been gentler with him. He wonders if they’d have been close, if they would have been brothers. But it wasn’t meant to be, they’d been different people back then, they’d just come across each other at the wrong time.

“Because I love them Tim, just as I loved you,” Damian responds softly, knowing that his brother can hear him regardless. “I was angry at Father for replacing me just months after I quit, for heaping praise upon you when I could hardly get an acknowledgement. When you died, I realized that my selfishness had consequences. I did my best to guide the others, to be there for them in ways I wasn’t for you. I live my life so no one else need suffer because of my actions. It does not change what I did or what you did, but it is the truth.” The chair behind him squeaks loudly, too loud to have been anything but deliberate and Damian turns and looks at his brother for the first time in 5 years.

It shouldn’t be a shock that he’s older, but it is. Tim’s once childishly round face is gaunt and angled by age and hardships. It’s hard to tell with him sitting in the chair but it’s obvious he’s grown taller too, not much, but enough to separate him from the boy he was. His eyes are sharp, steel blue that has been tempered and burn half-crazed, bright like cinders. He’s pale, paler than Damian remembers him being, he’s thin and tired looking with his slightly too long hair and oversized sweater. Drake gives him a few minutes to drink in the sight before smirking.

“Bruce is alive,” he states simply. “I was always suspicious of his death at Darkseid’s hand; it was too neat, too perfect. You may have noticed my decreased activity in Gotham the last few months, that’s because I’ve been all around the world, following the clues from Paris to Iraq.” He folds his long fingers together and leans his chin on top of them. “Bruce isn’t dead, he’s trapped in time and I can get him back.”

“Tim,” Damian says in a daze, feeling too many things at once that he can only just stand there and shake his head like a fool. “But why?” He eventually manages to ask amid all the thoughts. Tim shrugs, leaning back in the chair that is far too big for him but it still feels like he’s completely in control.

“Because, terrible or not, he was my father and a terrible parent is better than absent ones.” His lids drop as he tilts his head and studies him. “And because, against my better judgment, I find myself missing this home, this family. I see that you’ve made this into a better home and I want it to stay that way for the new Robins.” Tim stands with all the elegance of a cat and walks over to Damian until he’s mere feet from him. “I’ve made progress in Gotham, no matter you and Bruce’s antiquated morals say, I won’t give that up, but I might be willing to compromise. Together, we can get Bruce back, we keep the kids safe, we try again to be a family and make things right.” He extends his hand. “What do you say?”

Damian knows what Father’s answer would be. He’d refuse anything but Drake’s complete submission, force the boy to conform to his world view or risk being ostracized forever. But Damian has grown tired of maintaining Batman’s rigid set of rules, and Drake is right in that Gotham has outgrown certain aspects of Batman’s code. He doesn’t like that his brother is a killer, that he’s basically taken control of all the notable criminals within city limits. But that doesn’t mean he’s any less his brother or that Damian has missed him any less. When they bring Father back, he’s sure there’s going to be a very loud, very angry conversation. But for now, they can negotiate. He grasps Tim’s hand.

“Show me what you’ve got.”


I love Blake’s expressions in this scene. You can totally tell she’s never been embraced with so much love before. Blake isn’t use to love freely given. She grew up in a tough world; in an abusive environment. Yang shows Blake such a different side of life. That you don’t have to lose yourself when you’re trying to find the answers you’re looking for. Summer did an extraordinary job with raising her to love and appreciate people, especially those dear to her.

Yang is afraid of loss. She maybe into partying and having fun but she’s actually a very deep character. Which always seems to come out with Ruby and Blake. Yang is one badass heartfelt person.

This is one of the many reasons why Yang is my absolute favorite. May have a total crush on Blake but Yang is my main.

Day 1
. #shadowofmay
“How do I feel about the idea of ‘love’?”
Deck: Tarot of the Silicon Dawn
As usual, this deck reads me very well and gives me things to ponder about. I drew The Hermit, 6 of Wands, and Maya (who is being censored because sexual content on their card.)
The Hermit is obvious. I see self-love as being just as important as anything else. Being able to love with no one around is also important to me. So loving earth, loving video games, loving cats… All important.
6 of Wands is showing how I think love needs to be bountiful and given freely. Love that is silent is wasted. And it needs to be unconditional – don’t give love for the want for desire to be loved in return. While wanting love from others is fine and normal, only giving love to get love back isn’t really love to me.
Ah then Maya… While I try to detach this card from sex, it’s clear they appeared because love is also physical to me. It’s sexual. But it’s also just close contact. Intimacy. “Private time” made public to someone else – body, mind, and spirit.

Perfect Beauty

Perfect beauty on the dawn
Lovely as the light
Golden skin tender and soft
So smooth to caring touch
Eyes of brown so dark
Yet bright as bright can be
Her straight brown hair a true delight
To artists and those like me
A heart as large as can be found
It’s true that she possesses
The love she shares
Makes all aware
Of the warmth she lends to them
Her love is freely given
To family and friends alike

That, paradoxically, narrowing her concerns had made her more capable of love and generosity and empathy and, yes, even peace and justice. It was the difference between loving something out of duty—because the movement required it of you—and loving something you actually loved. Love—real, genuine, unasked-for love—made room for more of itself, it turned out. Love, when freely given, duplicates and multiplies.
—  Nathan Hill, The Nix
Non-reasons of love

I love you because I love you
You don’t have to be a lover
and not always know how to be one.

I love you because I love you
Love is a status of grace
and it is not payable

Love is given freely
it is sowed in the wind
in the waterfall, in the eclipse
Love runs from dictionaries
and several regulations.
I love you because I don’t love
Enough or too much me
Because love is not swapped
nor conjugated nor beloved.

Because love is love for nothing,
happy and strong in itself.

Love is Death’s cousin,
and of the death, winner
Even if they kill it (and they kill)
in every moment of love.

Carlos Drummond the Andrade

sometimes i just get kind of overwhelmed… life is such an amazing opportunity… we’re surrounded by so many good things? this earth is so beautiful… and the fact that i’m able to experience love? so freely given to me? just even those small moments, sitting and listening to a soft song, or watching the rain fall, the feeling of a worn sweater, the taste of homemade jam. all of those things? i could have never known. i could have never existed. but i am alive! and i do get to experience them! it’s crazy, how when you open your eyes to everything life has to offer to you, even those simple things can become luxuries to you.

You look in the mirror and see a mess of a human being
You don’t see the lives you’ve touched, or the people you’ve saved
You don’t see all the love you’ve given freely, or the extraordinary memories you’ve made
You are a museum of beautiful moments and feelings
You are not weak because you cry over boys
You are not a simple being
You make plants come back to life, and you turn cold rain showers into warm downpours
You are a piece of art that makes people feel things
You don’t bring people to their knees, you give them a solid footing
And that is beautiful

wei50-blog replied to your post “wei50-blog replied to your post “Pictures – Bo-Na the power of love…”

Triple grins followed by triple shifty eyes! Woohoo! :D Wow! So Bo-Na the most powerful demi-god?!? That is scary and awesome at the same time! She already used her power effectively with Kyung-Ran. I wonder how she would do with Hee-Nam? And if Bo-Na didn’t have ethics, she could take over the world!!! (but at heart, she wants real love, not something that is forced…) Noticed the repetition of word ‘doomed’ here and in previous chapters too! Worried!!!

Bo-Na’s power isn’t well known outside her family, Young-Do, Rachel, and Esther. She could take over the world but all Bo-Na wants is genuine love given to her freely. She almost doesn’t mind that Hyun-Jin is so cranky towards her because that’s all him. She’s a little uncertain about her parents’ love but she’ll talk about that later.

Hee-Nam is so skilled at manipulating her power, she would be able to wash her system free of the chemical changes Bo-Na tried to make, but it would not be easy. Hee-Nam is also more prepared to be attacked than Kyung-Ran was. Kyung-Ran’s death aura protects her from a lot of things but she wasn’t prepared to just love and adore Bo-Na.

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A bit of thought about Sanji and his brothers

Latest OP chapters made me think about Sanji and his relationship with Vinesmoke family and Straw Hats; the first related to him by blood while the second by choice became his beloved nakama.

It’s clear that Sanji grew up in abusive & toxic environment; his biological brothers shamed & beat him on daily basic:

while their father simply didn’t care for “useless son”:

There is still a lot information we, as a readers, don’t know about Sanji’s past but we have a general clue why he left his family at such young age.

As much as Sanji tried over years to separate himself from his biological family, the abusive childhood is one of biggest factors that shaped him into man he is now. The other significant factor was his relationship with Zeff who was the first(?) real father (and in general: positive male) figure in Sanji’s life. A man who didn’t have any reason to do so and still 1) saved his life and somehow adopted 2) trained him into great cook & fighter and 3) encouraged him to chase after his dreams by joining Luffy’s crew. Soon the Straw Hats became Sanji new family and since Luffy, Usopp and Zoro are the closest to him in age, Sanji once again had brothers to live with. (Chopper should be count too, yet he is much younger than them, so it’s not suprising that everyone has soft spot for him)

His relationship with Luffy and Usopp is much easier than with Zoro what I think is partially due to Usopp and Luffy friendly, warm, open nature while Zoro always was somehow emotionally distanced. The two youngest boys can be annoying, noisy and rude in their own ways but they are very open with their admiration for Sanji. Be it admiration for his cooking skills or intelligence or any other feats. Sanji is needed as a cook but Usopp and Luffy and Straw Hats in general truly appreciate him both as a part of nakama AND individual person. They praise him. They never laughed at his dream of finding All Blue. The difference between those two and biological Vinsmoke brothers is palpable; though Sanji was quite often rude and harsh for Usopp & Luffy, he is still needed, admired, appreciated and always welcomed to join those two in their childish antics. What I think is something that Sanji rarely experienced in his life - even in Baratie his relationship with other cooks weren’t that friendly. Overall I think that Sanji may feel secured around Luffy and Usopp because he doesn’t need to prove himself or fight for their acceptance & love. It’s given freely to him.

With Zoro the situation is more complicated due to Sanji’s abusive family.  I think it’s correct to say Sanji’s bad memories were constantly unconsciously triggered by Zoro.

I mean, just look at Zoro, it’s not just a visual resemblance to Germa’s soldiers or his dedications to training. If Zoro  was born in Vinsmoke royal family, he would be probably perfect heir. Many characters through the story pointed out how Zoro is born killer and he didn’t mind killing / capturing criminals for bounty (like when in past he needed money). His great combat skills & warrior instinc made him famous before he even met Luffy and even Crocodile - via his underling - tried to recruit him into Baroque Works but Zoro wasn’t interested (and the Crocodile’s messenger, Mr. 7, was killed by Roronoa).

In contrast to Usopp and Luffy, Zoro is not only more stoic by nature but also 1) prone to violence and 2) first to voice harsh truths / opinions. Few times he even said aloud to leave someone behind (Robin in Skypie, Usopp in Water 7) or give up on person who doesn’t seem to want be part of group (Nami after leaving Straw Hats). Zoro’s direct approach is a trait that can be easy misunderstand for not caring about others (in some case: the weakest, “useless”)

It’s no wonder that Sanji almost from the start reacted to Zoro in such strong way. Because Zoro could represents what Sanji should be according to his biological family and even Zeff used Roronoa (and Luffy) as a example of someone who is determinated to fight for his ambitions / dreams. Something that Sanji gave up after traumatic experience of almost dying from hunger and his debt to Zeff.

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don’t fight it

Sam finds Bucky in an odd place–in Knoxville, Tennessee, in a motel they both stayed at on their road trip from New York to Texas. Stiffly, Sam raises his fist and knocks on the door.

“It’s open,” says Bucky from inside.

Sam pushes open the door, burgeoning with questions, but he takes it all in first. The dark room with the curtains drawn shut, the TV on but muted, and the pile of cigarette butts in an ashtray on the bedside table.

Bucky himself, naked from the top up, wearing sweatpants and lying on the bed, a lit cigarette at his lips.

“You’re a mess,” Sam growls.

“I know.”

“Steve is worried sick.”

“I know.”

“Then come back with me, you asshole.” The admonishment is weak at best. Bucky picked up and left while Sam and Steve were on a mission, and it made Sam mad at first, but the way Steve reacted–withdrawn, defeated–was even worse.

Bucky sits up then, puts out the cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand. His hollow eyes gaze over at Sam, and he snorts.

“What the hell, Barnes?”

“It’s better this way.”

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So @sadhipstercat posed the idea of Akmazian crying a lil the first time Ryan tells him he loves him, and I am 100% here for that

I really do love the idea of Akmazian putting a lot of gravity in the words “I love you”. Because he grew up with tons of brothers and sisters and parents and abuelos and tíos, and love was a thing given freely and without question, but it meant something. They were poor; you didn’t live on Mars if you weren’t, so they didn’t have much, but they had love. It was there in how his parents always kissed every child goodnight, even if they were exhausted, or furious, or on edge, no matter what. It was there in the meals they all cooked together, with gossiping cousins and giggling brothers and flour getting everywhere. No matter how many times he heard it, “I love you” was precious, said with weight and purpose.

The first time Ryan says it, he’s sitting on the couch while Akmazian makes dinner. There are spreadsheets and reports and graphics spread out on the coffee table, surrounding Ryan’s laptop. A pencil pokes out of the corner of his mouth, and there’s another behind his ear.

“Dammit,” Akmazian says, rifling through the spice cabinet, “we’re out of oregano. Sit tight honey, I’m gonna go see if Levi has any”.

“Okay,” Ryan replies, sifting through the papers in front of him, “I love you.”

He studies the figures on a chart, listening for the familiar sound of their door swishing shut, but there’s no such sound. Perplexed, he looks up to see Akmazian staring at him, eyes bright with tears.

“Oh my God, Ak what’s wrong?” Ryan asks concernedly, hurrying over.

Akmazian wipes at his eyes and beams. “I love you too,” he says in a choked voice.

Ryan sighs with relief and grins. “You dork. The Destroyer of Stars, ladies and gentlemen.”

“Hush, we’re havin’ a moment.”

“Oh we are, are we? Well, color me flattered.”

Akmazian kisses the pinker than usual tip of Ryan’s nose, and wraps his arms around him. “I like it,” he says, “It suits you”.

The Perceiving/Judging Conspiracy

The biggest misconception about MBTI is that the variation letters are slight variation to the whole. “I’m an INFP/J, i teeter on the edge.” is one of the things i hear the very most often and it is just… very very silly. When someone says “I’m an INTP and an INTJ” they’re really saying “I’m everything.” without realizing it. The difference between an xxxP and an xxxJ is every single function. All of them. So when someone says “I’m and INFP/J”, they’re saying they possess every single function in almost equal amounts.

Not to get ahead of myself, this isn’t anyones fault of course. For some reason, whenever we invented MBTI tests, even though the P/J variation referred to what kind of functions we would have, we decided that the only way to test for it was to ask if a person was tidy or not. You see, The P/J variation, clarifies which functions are present, not the order of them like E/I. If someone is an INFx…. the J is going to decide weather they are NiFe (introverted intuition, extraverted feeling) or FiNe (introverted feeling, extroverted intuition), which are opposites. FiNe describes someone with intense, close values and ideals, ineffable feelings, that are so strong and closely held that they can hardly be expressed at all, coupled with a random and infinite mind and a gift for expressing abstract ideas, theories, and figurative language. NiFe describes someone with a very deep and ineffable “knowing”, a deep understanding of the patterns of patterns and a love for truth and what’s real to the point where it almost cannot be expressed due to it being so very strong and inherent. Coupled with a deep love for harmony, freely given affection and friendship and caring for others on an unbiased level. The P/J variation makes that much of a difference.

For one reason or another, we decided that the only way we could possibly test for it, across a wide margin of 16 types, is to say “well, one is a bit more organized and objective, and one is messy and subjective i guess i dunno, roll with it…”. Please understand, the flaw here is in how we had to test for it, not just in its thought process. We decided that the INDICATOR, for P/J, was subjectivism and organization skills, and that my friends was a bad move. The reason we have so many INTP’s and INFP’s out there insisting thier J’s is because they perceive themselves as objective people with organized thoughts, and the fact of the matter is that they aren’t wrong.

It could be said, very easily, that ISTP’s are more organised than INTJ’s, and that ESFJ’s are way messier (with their own things) than INTP’s. It could be said that ISFJ’s have less objective thoughts that INFP’s in general, very easily. Especially since ISFJ’s have an perceiving dominant function and INFP’s have a judging dominant function. Therefore, J’s being the more organised and objective set of people is more of a stereotype than anything else. It might be consistently true that J’s like to think of themselves as more objective and organised than P’s do, but that’s really all that can be said about that.

This is not to say that J’s do not excel at organising, it is only to say that correlation does not equal absolute causation. Perceivings are just fine at organising and being objective, but if anything they have even more conviction of mind than a J does. We simply shouldn’t have defined P/J by that distinction because it really doesn’t apply in alot of situations. Anyone will tell you that an INTP is more stubborn and absolute than an INTJ, that an INTP’s thoughts are more in a perfect line than an INTJ. After all, INTP’s are perfectionists of thought, whereas INTJ’s are perfectionists of application. But who is to say that one is more organised or objective than the other, and its this misunderstanding that causes so many INTP’s to think their INTJ’s and INFP’s to think they’re INFJ’s. I mean, here I am, laying all this down in a very solid and absolute manner, am I a J? I’m an INFP, it’s simply the stereotype that doesn’t fit.

The entire problem comes from that just being how we test for it. We needed a testable way to clarify that last letter. Tests go letter by letter and when they get to P/J they just ask you how clean you are. That’s where the stereotype starts. However, online tests are just… really bad at typing people. It operates on the assumption that someone knows themselves in an unbiased way. Many sensors end up thinking they’re more intuitive than they are, and many perceiving types might think that they’re J’s. I can’t tell you how many time’s I’ve seen an ISFJ test as an ENFP. Online test are assuming people know themselves better than they do, so they can just go through the letters and clarify it that way. In reality, the best way to type someone is by functions and functions alone. Most people can pick out their dominant function with little problem, and then from there it should be relatively easy. This is not to say that people are stupid, they aren’t but introspection and self-actualization are not some of the main focuses of the vast majority of people and that should be taken into account in the typing process.  

The actual purpose of P/J is to clarify functions, nothing more, and no more information should be derived from it. It’s the functions that it clarifies that makes up personality, not the clarifier itself. In introverts, having a J presents itself as being either Ni or Si dom. The applications of Ni and Si have very little in common. So to say that IxxJ’s are “organized, stubborn, information seeking and objective” is to be applying a generalization unto 2 completely different functions. Really, that has more to do with Si (Si is far from an objective function, especially coupled with Fe) than Ni, but you just put them into the same box. Let’s just get rid of the box entirely. Let’s stop the stereotype of J’s being tidy and objective. At the end of the day, INTJ-san’s room is messier than mine, and He’s a J and I’m a P. So lets have it do what its supposed to do, clarify functions.


Letter #1162:

No I won’t pray to be with you tonight.

I remember those nights when I cried and pray just to have one more day, one more moment and one more time with you. And now it hit me that I shouldn’t do it anymore especially when I’m just the only who wants it. I learn alot of things from loving you. The unrecquited and the head over heels. I love you that much.

Loving someone doesn’t mean the other person SHOULD give something in return. Commitment, acceptance or love in return is much sweeter when it’s given freely. Loving someone means “I want you to be happy whether I’m the reason of it or not”, supporting every decision that you made regardless if I’m part of it or not, or me, watching you make our dreams come true, whether it’s me you’re with or someone else.

Love is a risk, a gamble. A wide ocean full of mysteries and the deeper, the harder, the more you’ll get drown in it, ‘til there’s no way you can get out. As a package deal, it’s your feelings, your love and your life at risk. But still, you wouldn’t know ‘til you jump in it and feel it yourself.

I believe that you’ll know you really love someone not just at your happiest, where you feel those butterflies in your stomach, or the moment your heart skip a beat and make it harder for you to breathe, but it’s also when you feel those tiny little aches in your heart when you see him sad, or those days where all you want to do is hug your pillow and wish he was there beside you and the thought of losing him makes you crazy already. Well that’s the thing about it, it’s a roller coaster ride of UPs and DOWNs and in the end you’ll see if he’s still beside you to with stand everything or you end up being alone or with someone else’s holding your hand at the end of your ride.

So tonight, I pray to God that He’d give me the courage to withstand everything with Him by my side. That may He fill my heart with so much love and faith to love my self more than I love you or anyone else. For me to be a better person, so when that time comes where He’d give me my own “Romeo and Juliet” kind of love story, I’m a better a me, a stronger me, a braver me.. without you..