love everything about everything right now

sunglancer  asked:

Hey, yesterday I had possibly the worst day of my life so I could use some love right about now Thank you 💟

I had a bad day yesterday too. Had on a brand new dress and heels, felt great, went out down the sidewalk to my car and then suddenly fell and ate shit lmao!! Tore all the skin off my knee, it was a really bad scrape so I had to cancel plans because I had to go pick up bandages big enough to cover it to stop all the bleeding. I managed to even scuff up my new heels, so everything was a mess and everything after that didn’t go so well either. It was a bad day.

But guess what? Today? A great day. The next day is always better, and if it isn’t better then the next day will be. We ALL have shitty days, even me, but today I laughed at myself falling and wondered how the hell I even managed to do that to myself. I’m a huge klutz, and it’s ok. Sometimes we have to learn to laugh at ourselves, because it’s not as bad as we might think. I hope you’re doing better, sweetheart. I hope the next day is a better day, and I hope things continue to get better for you. 💖

Someone will tell you that she’s seeing someone someday and that she’s happy and your hands will stop working. You’ll have to work hard to hold onto whatever you’re holding. I hope it’s not glass, I hope it’s not breakable. Suddenly you’ll remember everything that you ever loved about her. Everything that ever moved you to tears, made your insides feel like they were tying themselves into knots. That she was loyal, that she was open for you, that she smiled against your mouth when you kissed. That it felt easy, like God had put the two of you together deliberately, like it had been the plan all along. But for whatever reason, you let her go and you thought that it was the right thing and for a little while, it felt like you knew exactly what you were doing. Except now all the parts of you that touched her knows that you’re never going to be able to touch her again and that hurts. Even your fingers are sad, even your stomach is aching from the loss of it all. You’re never going to get that again and that’s why your regret looks like artwork that would have been masterpiece if you’d finished it. Your regret looks like plucking a flower before it’s bloomed. So maybe you’ll call her and you’ll tell her that you miss her and she’ll sound gentle on the phone but not in love with you anymore. She’ll say ‘we happened and we were important but you let me go, I’m sorry, but you let me go’ and that’s how you’ll know.
—  Azra.T 
On trauma aftermaths that don't advance the plot

The way TV shows trauma can lead people to expect every reference to trauma to be a plot point. This can be isolating to people coping with the aftermaths of trauma. Sometimes people treat us as stories rather than as people. Sometimes, instead of listening to us, they put a lot of pressure on us to advance the plot they’re expecting.

On TV, triggers tend to be full audiovisual flashbacks that add something to the story. You see a vivid window into the character’s past, and something changes. On TV, trauma aftermaths are usually fascinating. Real life trauma aftermaths are sometimes interesting, but also tend to be very boring to live with.

On TV, triggers tend to create insight. In real life, they’re often boring intrusions interfering with the things you’d rather be thinking about. Sometimes knowing darn well where they come from doesn’t make them go away. Sometimes it’s more like: Seriously? This again?

On TV, when trauma is mentioned, it’s usually a dramatic plot point that happens in a moment. In real life, trauma aftermaths are a mundane day-to-day reality that people live with. They’re a fact of life — and not necessarily the most important one at all times. People who have experienced trauma do other things too. They’re important, but not the one and only defining characteristic of who someone is. And things that happened stay important even when you’re ok. Recovery is not a reset. Mentioning the past doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in crisis.

On TV, when a character mentions trauma, or gets triggered in front of someone, it’s usually a dramatic moment. It changes their life, or their relationship with another character, or explains their backstory, or something. In real life, being triggered isn’t always a story, and telling isn’t always a turning point. Sometimes it’s just mentioning something that happened to be relevant. Sometimes it’s just a mundane instance of something that happens from time to time.

Most people can’t have a dramatic transformative experience every time it turns out that their trauma matters. Transformative experiences and moments of revelation exist, but they’re not the end all and be all of trauma aftermaths. Life goes on, and other things matter too. And understanding what a reaction means and where it came from doesn’t always make it go away. Sometimes, it takes longer and has more to do with skill-building than introspection. Sometimes it doesn’t go away.

On a day to day level, it’s often better to be matter-of-fact about aftermaths. It can be exhausting when people see you as a story and expect you to advance the plot whenever they notice some effect of trauma. Pressure to perform narratives about healing doesn’t often help people to make their lives better. Effect support involves respecting someone as a complex human, including the boring parts.

The aftermath of trauma is a day-to-day reality. It affects a lot of things, large and small. It can be things like being too tired to focus well in class because nightmares kept waking you up every night this week. TV wants that to be a dramatic moment where the character faces their past and gets better. In real life, it’s often a day where you just do your best to try and learn algebra anyway. Because survivors do things besides be traumatized and think about trauma. Sometimes it’s not a story. Sometimes it’s just getting through another day as well as possible.

A lot of triggers are things like being unable to concentrate on anything interesting because some kinds of background noises make you feel too unsafe to pay attention to anything else. For the zillionth time.  Even though you know rationally that they’re not dangerous. Even though you know where they come from, and have processed it over and over. Even if you’ve made a lot of progress in dealing with them, even if they’re no longer bothersome all the time. For most people, recovery involves a lot more than insight. The backstory might be interesting, but being tired and unable to concentrate is boring.

Triggers can also mean having to leave an event and walk home by yourself while other people are having fun, because it turns out that it hurts too much to be around pies and cakes. Or having trouble finding anything interesting to read that isn’t intolerably triggering. Or having trouble interacting with new people because you’re too scared or there are too many minefields. Or being so hypervigilant that it’s hard to focus on anything. No matter how interesting the backstory is, feeling disconnected and missing out on things you wanted to enjoy is usually boring.

When others want to see your trauma as a story, their expectations sometimes expand to fill all available space. Sometimes they seem to want everything to be therapy, or want everything to be about trauma and recovery.

When others want every reference to trauma to be the opening to a transformative experience, it can be really hard to talk about accommodations. For instance, it gets hard to say things like:

  • “I’m really tired because of nightmares” or 
  • “I would love to go to that event, but I might need to leave because of the ways in which that kind of thing can be triggering” or 
  • “I’m glad I came, but I can’t handle this right now” or
  • “I’m freaking out now, but I’ll be ok in a few minutes” or 
  • “I need to step out — can you text me when they stop playing this movie?”

It can also be hard to mention relevant experiences. There are a lot of reasons to mention experiences other than wanting to process, eg:

  • “Actually, I have experience dealing with that agency”
  • “That’s not what happens when people go to the police, in my experience, what happens when you need to make a police report is…”
  • “Please keep in mind that this isn’t hypothetical for me, and may not be for others in the room as well.”

Or any number of other things.

When people are expecting a certain kind of story, they sometimes look past the actual person. And when everyone is looking past you in search of a story, it can be very hard to make connections.

It helps to realize that no matter what others think, your story belongs to you. You don’t have to play out other people’s narrative expectations. It’s ok if your story isn’t what others want it to be. It’s ok not to be interesting. It’s ok to have trauma reactions that don’t advance the plot. And there are people who understand that, and even more people who can learn to understand that.

It’s possible to live a good life in the aftermath of trauma. It’s possible to relearn how to be interested in things. It’s possible to build space you can function in, and to build up your ability to function in more spaces. It’s often possible to get over triggers. All of this can take a lot of time and work, and can be a slow process. It doesn’t always make for a good story, and it doesn’t always play out the way others would like it to. And, it’s your own personal private business. Other people’s concern or curiosity does not obligate you to share details.

Survivors and victims have the right to be boring. We have the right to deal with trauma aftermaths in a matter-of-fact way, without indulging other people’s desires for plot twists. We have the right to own our own stories, and to keep things private. We have the right to have things in our lives that are not therapy; we have the right to needed accommodations without detailing what happened and what recovery looks like. Neither traumatic experiences nor trauma aftermaths erase our humanity.

We are not stories, and we have no obligation to advance an expected plot. We are people, and we have the right to be treated as people. Our lives, and our stories, are our own.

6
the story of the underwear cockles op

y’all wanna hear the story of how @amazinmango and i got this photo op at phxcon this weekend?

PART ONE: BEFORE THE OP

so here’s the thing: n o n e of this was planned. it was amazing, hilarious, ridiculous kismet. 

mango’s had his birthday recently, and so i brought his birthday present with me to phxcon. part of the present was a pair of jensen’s underbears (i think the text i sent mango right after jib was, “we’re close enough that it’s not weird if i buy u underwear right????”) bc i thought that was hilarious from jib and mango is a huge jensen fan and dean!boy. so the original joke was just that mango could have the bear underwear. i also got him a second pair in orange, bc orange is his fav colour. this was as far as i thought this would go. 

so i get into phoenix thursday night and give mango his present. we didn’t know there were cockles photo ops until friday afternoon when we saw hard tickets for sale. i distinctly remember being bummed that my hometown con had cockles photo ops for sale online but phxcon, the one i was actually going to, did not. but obviously once i saw they were available, like. THERE WAS ONLY ONE CHOICE. so after deciding it was completely financially irresponsible when we have no money, i bought the op. 

i can’t remember when it occurred to us that we had both the underbears and a pair of lucky orange underwear for misha in our hotel room. we wanted to do something fun and funny for the op, and cracked ourselves up at the idea. but we were also aware that it could be, you know, kind of sort of maybe intensely uncomfortable to be like (a) i know what underwear u were wearing and (b) here i brought pairs of them for you to further laugh over. i have a T E R R I B L E akdslkjkas embarrassment squick, so we didn’t want to do anything that made us uncomfortable, and we definitely didn’t want to do anything that would make misha or jensen uncomfortable. we wanted them to have fun with us and play around with us. 

we ran our idea passed our roomie, who has some good con experience, to see if she thought it would fly or not. we agreed on judging our plan based on their mood on the day and asking them if they felt comfortable enough to do it was the best course of action, with a back-up plan ready to go immediately just in case, so j+m knew we were serious that they could totally pass on it if it was weird. CONSENT AND SAFE SPACE. we were hella concerned about this. 

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The player on center ice

A Check Please Soulmate AU


Yes, another one. This is a one-shot.

Warnings: time-travel. Don’t try to make sense of it, it’s just fluff.


Sometimes, your soulmate came back in time to give you a pep-talk. Not that you remembered who they were and what they said, but the feelings remained. 

This story is set during Bitty’s first year. 



Eric was about to quit hockey. He would quit hockey, then quit Samwell altogether, and go back to Georgia his tail between his legs and prove right every single person that said he wasn’t strong enough for such a manly sport.

Jack had chewed him out again- in front of everyone.


(more under the cut)

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A Spell to Let Go

💧Intent: to let go of someone you loved because they are no longer adding to your life. For romantic love and friendships.

💧Ingredients
2 glasses
Moon water
snow/snow water/rain water/storm water/ice from your freezer
paper and pen
fire and firesafe bowl


💧The Incantation

I miss you
not for what we are
but
for what we were
and
could have been.
I let go of you completely
so we
can love who we have
more completey
I let go of you completely
As winter comes and goes
of you I let go

💧Instructions
Set up a glass of rain or snow water and a glass of drinkable moon water

Write a letter to your loved one saying everything you will miss about them, everything you love about them, but most importantly, why you are letting go of them.

Burn the letter (or rip it up if you don’t want to set a fire)

Mix the ashes in with the rain/snow water.

Focus right now in this being the last time you put energy into them. You will think about them in passing but you will never dwell on them and never contact them again. Throw the water with the letter in it outside. Throw it, get it away from you.

Go back inside and use that moonwater to make yourselfa glass of tea or coffee. focus on yourself and all the love you have in your life. Put all the energy you were spending back into yourself and your loved ones. Call your sister, text your partner you love them. PUT THAT ENERGY BACK WHERE IT BELONGS.

💧Tips:
The rain water or snow water is supposed to symbolize change, so you can use ice from your freezer if you want. If you forgot to make moon water you can charge some water with Selenite nearby, or just use tap water.

It may take multiple spells throughout the process of letting go of them. Letting go of someone you loved and shared your life with is so hard, and its going to take time. Don’t panic if this spell doesn’t work right away. It will eventually, or a different one will, or you will let go of them in a mundane way.

As always, good luck! 🌱

I wish I could put into words how much I adore joji and how proud I am of him for bein out here and makin an even bigger name for himself and creating such dope content and music while still being a genuinely lovely person but I don’t kno how to properly convey any emotion ever so i’ll just lay here and listen to the entirety of pink season for the millionth time while staring at my ceiling in awe

Wife {Harry Styles Smut}

PAIRING: Harry/Y/N
RATING: R
WORD COUNT: 2900+
REQUESTED: nope !

hello! this is just a quick one shot that i churned out bc i loved the concept and i was rly motivated! i hope u enjoy it! if u do, feedback is greatly appreciated (it rly motivates me) and here’s my masterlist if u want more lol :-)

~*~

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YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH ! We reach the 2K Fans ! OMG it’s amazing all the support and love your giving me everyday ! thank you so much for everything guys,  thanks for letting me share all that crazy stuff about marvel ! I don’t have words to describe this feeling but I’m just like Loki right now. It’s just that 2k fans are so much for me and I never expect this, but now that it happens I’m just …. just, thanks. 

—Avengers Memes 

things i love about captain isabel lovelace:

  • how she calls everyone “kids” or “nerds”
  • how she tells bad jokes to keep herself calm during stressful moments
  • how during her first mission she enjoyed free-floating outside the station while listening to music
  • how she was reluctant to destroy eris even after everything she put her crew through
  • how she was willing to team up with hilbert to take down the si-5 despite everything he did to her, and made it very clear that their cooperation doesn’t mean forgiveness
  • how she tells minkowski to “break a leg” before they start the mutiny
  • how she looks warren kepler in the eye and says “fuck you”
  • how she says “you did a rude thing” to kepler after coming back from the dead after he killed her
  • how she says “honey i’m home” and punches kepler
  • how she declares that she is going to be isabel lovelace again, and not the person who command turned her into after all the shit that she’s gone through
Wynonna Earp Cast, Crew & Fans - a Famdom

,We’ve just began season 2 and as this show gains new fans, new followers on here, twitter and even YouTube, old fans wanna remind the new ones to please see how this fandom has acted and continue that way.

We don’t pry into the actors lives, we support them as they support us. When they have stuff going on in their personal lives we’re happy for them. If they care about a cause then we jump on board with them doing whatever we can to help. In term we’ve raised a couple thousand for different causes and charities. When something bad happens in their lives we dont pry, we give our love and support and the cast all know that we’re there for them whatever they need. 

There are no shipping wars in this fandom, I know from personal experience the 100 fandom and the Once fandom in particular can have one hell of a shipping war if people dont agree on a ship, and personally if everyone supported the exact same ship, itd get hella boring. if someone ships a couple of characters such as Waverly and Champ then we accept this. We all know the most famous ship at the moment is Wayhaught due to the show and it’s show writer defying the ‘bury your gay’ trope ( which FYI included a lesbian character being shot and living cause she wore a BPV). This happened in the middle of the big debate from Lexa being shot in the 100 after finally being happy to Root being shot in POI. It got to the stage where soon as Nicole was introduced people messaged Kat saying that ‘I hope your character has a bulletproof vest), it changed views, it made people remember that all LGBTQ+ people are valid and they can be happy and find love and be all the things in the world.

The cast themselves care so much about their portrayals, Dom and Kat even carrying out research into their roles and what LGBT means in the community right now, they’re researching the struggles, everything a person might go through and it’s changed them as people. The cast is doing anything and everything they can in order to change stereotypes, to give people confidence, to allow people to be themselves and to not be scared or ashamed, to be able to accept themselves and who they are. Its a show where people can be vulnerable, be a joker, be a fuck up, but still have so much inner strength, that we are more than just one thing. that we are more than what people perceive us to be.

Wynonna Earp is a show where people can find themselves, find their voice, find their inner strength, to face your demons, to accept themselves. Wynonna Earp is a show where the cast and crew treat the fans as friends and not just people the other side of the screen.Every con they make sure they talk to everyone, to hear their stories, to make sure our voices are heard too and they’re affected by this. They care so much and give back to their fans.

The crew behind the show constantly giving back to fans by doing giveaways, creating content to go with the show, to create awesome behind the scenes videos. (Major props to Allison, David, Robbie and all the gang at IDW)

There’s a video called Road to purgatory where the cast and crew talk bout the fans and what they mean to them.

Its a show where the fans have serious no chill from being the main reason why the show got S2, its a show where no chill involves sharing love every single day for each of the main cast and its show runner. A show where no chill involves saying thanks to the people BEHIND the show for everything they do and have done for fans. Its a show where the cast, crew and viewers all want the same thing.

This fandom is more than just a set of people with a similar interest, it’s an environment where people can be accepted, to make friends, to find their partners, when people are going through a hard time the fandom is right there offering support and a shoulder to lean on. Its a fandom where people can go when they believe all hope is lost, no matter what background, what race, gender, sexual orientation, everyone here matters, everyone is valid.  

It’s a famdom that can save people, that can heal wounds, that can make anyone feel at home. Its a place where people can talk about the show, the cast or just anything in general, its a place where people can make friends, find their partners, its a place simply full of love and support and passion.

This fandom is more than just a group of people, it’s a family that’d do anything to give back to each other and to support each other and I hope as it grows it stays this way. Just please if you’re new, see how the fandom has acted in the past and please keep that going so we’re a place of hope, love and compassion for anyone and everyone that might need that certain place in the future,

anonymous asked:

Why do you talk about Even all the time? It's not his season.

the character even bech naesheim, beautifully portrayed by talented actor henrik holm, changed my entire life. from the moment i first saw him i have basically only ever talked about him and it wasn’t his season back then either. if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t be watching skam. he means a lot to me and i will continue to talk about him for as long as i can because i’m really thankful for his existence. 

Marauders x Reader / It’s gonna be alright.

Hello, lovelies! ❤Today I came up with an idea to write some blurbs, with Marauders motivating/supporting the reader, as I really needed this kind of thing in my life at the moment. Still working on the requests and the ship, though! Hope you like it :) P.S. The Sirius is a bit longer, but oh well x

Originally posted by peterandygarfield

Remus :

“Look Y/N, everything is going to be fine!” Remus exclaimed, trying his hardest to say it as clearly as he possibly could.

At this point, he got used to this little routine that the two of you shared. Before every major exam that you had, you found yourself panicking like a little baby and he was always there to try to calm you down. Usually, he succeeded, but this time was different. It wasn’t just any exam.

“Remus it’s the N.E.W.T.s that we are talking about!” you squeaked and began to pace back and forth in front of him. “This is it, don’t you understand? This is the moment that is going to determine how my future will look like! It will decide how good of a witch I actually am and what chances I have to do what I want an-” you stopped as soon as you felt Remus’s hands, starting to rub your shoulders gently. You didn’t know why, but his warmth always seemed to make you relax and come back to your senses.

“Take a deep breath, love” he stated, his voice still calm and collected.

“Now listen to me” he started as soon as you did what he instructed you to do. “You, Y/N Y/L are the most brilliant, intelligent and kindhearted witch that I know. Do not even dare to try, to diminish your talents and your accomplishments. Understood?” he looked you in the eyes, a wide grin spread across his face.

“Thank you” you mumbled quietly while you leaned in to give him a kiss on his cheek, just before entering the classroom, not being able to comprehend how lucky you were to have him.


Originally posted by nellaey

James:

 “Oh Godric, I’m gonna lose it” you said as you walked out of the changing room, a loud cheer coming from the stands, now full of students and teachers, eager to see the final match.

“Oi” you heard James walking up behind you “What’s going on, love?”

“How do you do it?” you turned around quickly, in order to face him.

“Do what?” he asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“How do you stay so calm and collected?” you exclaimed, as the anxiety started to build up inside of you, making you feel sick.

“I’m calm because I believe in my team” he stated while making sure to look you straight in the eyes. “Because I believe in you, and every other member of our group. I am calm because I know that we worked our ass off, to be where we are now, and I know that we can win this”

He was right. You did not work so hard, to now ruin it all, by letting stress overwhelm you.

“We can do this” you repeated firmly, earning the brightest smile from your boyfriend, that you have ever seen.

“That’s my girl!” he spun you around and started to place small kisses all over your face, making you giggle like a little girl.

“You are incorrigible James Potter, do you know that?”

“I sure do” he grinned sheepishly at you, and placed another slightly longer kiss on your lips, just before joining your team. “Now, love. We have a game to win”  

Originally posted by imaginesofthings

Sirius :

 “Well hello, gorgeous!” Sirius called out, as he found you sitting on your own, at the Gryffindor table. As if you have not heard him you continued to poke at the food that was on your plate, your eyes focused on the pile of books that laid in front of you.

“Earth to Y/N?” he waved a hand in front of your face, in order to get your attention.

“Umm, yeah sorry I just got a bit distracted” you sent him a small smile and rubbed your eyes, that was once again beginning to get itchy.

You really didn’t want to be so indifferent to his actions, but you were too tired to do anything about it. The exams were just around the corner and you still had to revise a lot of things due tomorrow.

“That’s it” you regained your senses as soon, as you heard the firmness in his voice. “You are overworking yourself, love and it’s my duty to prevent you from doing so” he stated and proceeded to flip you trough his shoulder.

“Sirius what are you doing?!” you shrieked in disbelief, as he made his way to your common room. “Put me down right now!”

“Not until we get into your room, you feisty little thing”

“Oh, you just wait and see what I will do with you as soon as my feet touch the ground” you argued, trying to not sound as ridiculously as you must have looked.  

“Well, in fact, I’m very curious, kitten. I have something planned for you as well, and I have a feeling that you are gonna love it” he smirked, as he lightly smacked your ass.

“Sirius Black, you did not just do that!” he chuckled, not paying attention to the threats that you began to give him.  

“Calm down women, all I plan to do right now is to make you sleep”

“I don-” you were cut off by him putting you on the floor.

“Y/N, everything is gonna work out, you just need a nap, that’s all” he said, his dashing smile making you forget about everything that was going on.

“Do I ever tell you how smart you can be sometimes Mr.Black?” you smirked while pulling on his tie, in order to get him a bit closer.

“Only sometimes, aye?” he raised one eyebrow in amusement while putting his hands on your waist.

“Only sometimes” you whispered in his ear and then placed a soft kiss on his lips. “But that’s why I love you”

“Well, then I can remain the happiest fool in the world” he chuckled “But first, sleep” you rolled your eyes, but proceeded to do as he said. Foolish or not he was yours, and that’s all that mattered.

anonymous asked:

Okay, I've seen tons of fics and hcs about Zen falling for MC while she is with Jumin, but what about the other way around? Jumin falling for MC while she's in love with Zen hcs, pretty please?

Hum… interesting… and maybe a little angsty? Yep, definitely!

Hope this is what you wanted:

Jumin falls for MC while she’s with Zen

  • It started after a meeting, Jumin was trying to hire Zen to model to some C & R product, and you, as his manager, was discussing the terms on his contract
  • Jumin was impressed, you were confident, persuasive, and smart. And when the deal was set, you smiled so sweetly he felt a heat growing inside him.
  • You were different from what he remembered, that sweet girl who used to fangirl over Zen with his assistant has turned into this powerful business woman, without losing that sweetness from the messenger.
  • He catches himself thinking of you often. Will you log in the messenger today? What will you talk about with him?
  • He just realized this wasn’t just admiration seeing some photos that were on the news. You between Zen and him with the subtitle: Musical star Zen and his manager/fiancée pose with C & R’s director Jumin Han, celebrating a new model contract.
  • He couldn’t stop staring at that picture. Zen holding your waist and smiling while he placed a hand in your shoulder, he remembers the smoothness and warmth of your skin and… what’s happening?
  • He makes excuses to see you more often, always offering Zen gigs and setting meetings about guests for RFA parties.
  • Some of them happen in his penthouse, having you in his home makes him feel so comfortable, for some reason.
  • Even Elizabeth seems to like you, she rubs her head in your leg and you caress her smiling. He suddenly wonders how would it feel having your fingers running in his hair slowly.
  • Seeing you with her finally makes him understand. He wants you.
  • “I hope I’m not bothering you by asking you to meet me in my house, MC.” “No, not at all, I prefer RFA meetings happening in less formal places. Plus, it’s good to see Elizabeth after so long.” And you put her in your lap, making her purr. He feels like he could purr too just seeing you like this.
  • “I thought you didn’t like cats…” he needs to distract himself from his wild thoughts. “I like cats, I just can’t have them around because of Hyun.” Hyun? Ah, Zen… he was forgetting about Zen…
  • “How is he? How are… you two?” he’s curious after you shared this little fact about not being able to be around cats, maybe there are other things you’re sacrificing to make Zen happy?
  • “He’s fine. Very busy with recording sessions and photo shoots, but everything is… pretty great. We’re both so tired all we want to do is sleep all day, but we still have a wedding to plan, so… yeah, we’re happy.” You smile so sweetly he could melt, but you’re talking about your happiness and your wedding with another man, and he stiffens immediately.
  • “The wedding… yes, Luciel keeps bothering me about Zen’s bachelor party, he wants me to host. Can you imagine?” your eyes gleam. “Would you? Don’t take me wrong, but I’d be happy knowing you’re taking care of this, taking care of Hyun. I know you wouldn’t let things go out of control. You’re a control freak just like me, right?” he’s happy to know you two have something in common, even if it sound a little like an offense.
  • “Well, if this will manage to calm you down, I’ll do it. I happen to know brides should never feel stressed.” You laugh softly, oh… making you laugh is much more than he could ever ask.
  • “Thank you, Jumin. No stripers, ok? This would be inconvenient for his career… and who am I kidding? I would be jealous as hell.” “I wasn’t thinking of inviting stripers. And may I say Zen would be the most foolish man alive if he ever left you for stripers?” you blush a little… oh god…
  • “Thank you, Jumin. Oh! Look at the time! I have a meeting with this TV producer. If they’re offering a deal for a soap opera again, I swear I’ll rip someone’s head off!” you gently put Elizabeth on the floor “Anyway, wish me luck!”
  • “Good luck. Not that you need it, you’re competent enough to set this by your own merits.” He notices a pale shade of pink again, god… Zen is the lucky one here.
  • You pass right beside him and pat his shoulder. “Thank you for the bachelor party. I knew I could trust you. I always can.” You’re close, too close… but you’re happy with Zen, and you trust him, doing something would only make you lose the only sweet feeling you have for him, he can’t lose your trust…
  • “It’s nothing. I couldn’t risk having one of C & R models in a scandal about stripers.” He shrugs, trying not to look at your beautiful face.
  • “Yes, sure.” You squeeze his forearm lightly “See you around, Jumin. Good bye, Elizabeth!” and you walk away.
  • Jumin sighs staring at Elizabeth. He wished he could explain to her what’s going through his head, but she wouldn’t understand, not even he does.
  • He remembers Zen admitting all the jealous he felt before. Jumin couldn’t fully understand at that time, now he does.
  • Zen would always complain about Mr. Trustfund Kid having everything he wants, but he doesn’t have everything… all he wants is your love, but it belongs to Zen.
  • For the very first time, he envies Zen. Zen is the one who has everything.
  • He needs wine to sort out his thoughts. That’s what he always does, right?
  • He still had hope one day somebody would be able to untangle the knots inside his heart, but the only person capable enough is too busy planning her wedding with another man.
  • Once again, here he is thinking about a woman that will never be his.

2.3k of 12.11 coda. spoilers, duh. angst, episode content, etc. it’s sad but there’s a happy ending. (ao3)

He can’t take his eyes off of his reflection. He’s crying but he’s not really sure why.

There’s something… he’s forgetting something. Everything? Something.

Dean wipes his face off and splashes water on it, a vague sense of deja vu overtaking him. He feels - he doesn’t know how to describe it. Something’s wrong, very wrong, but he’s not sure what.

He leans forward to rest his forehead on the wall and feels something in his front pocket hit the sink. 

He pulls it out hoping it’ll have a clue or a hint what he’s forgetting. 

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I miss you and I still think about you a lot. My stomach drops at the thought of you forgetting me and finding someone else. But I know that you are slowly forgetting me, everyday you forget my laugh a little bit more but I’m forgetting you too and it’s terrifying because I don’t want to ever forget anything about you. It’s killing me because I know we were never meant to be and that you leaving should have made me realise that you were a liar and a coward but I don’t want to forget your smile, I want us to start over and do everything right, no mistakes. I want to rewind to when everything wasn’t so messy but I can’t and it’s killing me.
—  it’s too late for us now but I really wish it wasn’t.