love and hope live in jesus

Consider what God may be trying to teach you...
  • When you feel isolated and lonely, consider that God may be trying to teach you that we can trust He will never truly leave us alone.
    • “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
  • When you feel heartbroken, consider that God may be trying to teach you what it means to fully rely on His strength and perfect will.
    • “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
  • When you feel like your future is going nowhere, consider that God may be growing you for the next season of your life in which you would never experience without the growth process first.
    • “Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” (John 15:2)
  • When you feel hopeless, consider that God may be trying to show you He gives us eternal hope, which outweighs the temporary hope this world offers us.
    • “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)


The point is, God can teach us in every situation of our lives… we need only to be open to learning what that is.

Consider what He may be trying to teach you now!

My thoughts aren’t always holy. My actions aren’t always loving. I fail. I slip. I’m a mess on so many days. I don’t have it all together, but I live and breathe God’s Grace every moment of every day, and THAT is what pulls me through. I am committed to being more like Jesus, and I pray God gives me the strength to continue dying to myself daily and picking up His Cross. I cannot do this alone. I cannot live a holy and righteous life without Him. God, I pray my heart clings to You tighter than anything else in this world!

YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR

If you post about how you love ana. Well, liar is a strong word. I’ll just say ignorant.

Which, to clarify

Does not mean I believe you are stupid, it means I feel as if you “lack knowledge of” the subject.

I’m addicted to ana and honestly feel as if my relationship

Actually, let’s call it a

R E L A T I O N S H I T

With her is that of an abusive one.

An emotionally and mentally abusive relationshit.

But we’re so addicted and we feel so safe.

I can’t be the only one who lies in bed at night staring at the ceiling contemplating how much better life would be if I just wasn’t here. I wasn’t here to obsess over calories, over control, over outtake vs intake. I wasn’t here to let myself down, my parents down, my employees down, Florida down and surely not letting ana down anymore.

Like Jesus FUCK do I wish I could be fucking normal. I wish I could fucking eat food with those that I love and enjoy it not just chew it up and spit in a god damn napkin. I wish I could look in a fucking mirror and not want to slice open my skin. I wish I could take a bath without clawing at my skin to remove the two pounds of dead skin that lives on our bodies in hopes the scale will go down. I wish I could bring myself to apologize to my mother who put a security system in place that has cameras because she knew I was sneaking in her house and stealing my brothers Vyvanse and her Phentermine. I wish I could find the courage to reach out to the woman I hit with my car because I took 8 klonopin trying to overdose and felt so insanely hungry I drove uptown to get a latte. I wish I could just fucking stop.


Stop counting.

Stop obsessing.

Stop controlling.

Stop depression.

Stop Ana.

Stop fucking breathing.

Does anyone wonder if they will be able to eat a piece of cake on their wedding die and not run to the bathroom and purge it all over your white dress? Will you ever be able to go out for a date and not have to obsess over what to order before hand so much you end up backing out? Does anyone wish they could have actual friendships that exist outside of your phone so you actually could go socialize but don’t in fear of someone wanting to go grab a bite to eat?

Does anyone, anyone at all, just wish you could shut Ana the fuck up and just breathe for 30 minutes. Please, just 30 fucking minutes of silence and not numbers flashing through your head? I can’t even sleep at night because all I think about is calories?

I had to dig my fingers into my arm until I bled at a birthday party earlier to resist a fucking cupcake. One fucking cupcake that Florida asked me to split with him.

I just want to be done. I’m so tired.

I’m so tired and I’m so alone. Yet I’m the reason I’m alone. I am so loved by so many in this city. So many people look up to me and reach out to me and I’m a fucking mess. Yet no one cares to notice. No one notices you until you’re dead.

My soul is dead, my body is just here. I wish it was somewhere further under. My brain is out of order and my depression is open for business.

So, if you think you love Ana, just wait. You don’t know the bitch yet.

When we're home..

When we’re home.. With Jesus.. These things.. Like financial problems, relationships, filing taxes, etc. this stuff won’t matter. Making the choice to accept Jesus and live for Him is the only thing that’s going to matter for eternity.

Be blessed, have a good life, bear fruit and be happy.. But don’t put anything before God.

There comes a time when life, yes even mine and even yours will end.. And what did we do before it was over? Did we honor God and put Him first, or did we put Him off, and do our wishes?

Every situation in our lives can either lead us closer to God, or further away from Him. It is our choice. He is a God that cannot be moved. He is always going to be in the same place where He knows we can find Him. We are the ones moving. So, if today you are asking yourself, “Where is God?! He feels so far.” Know that He is never too far from you, you need only to seek Him out. Call on His name. He’s waiting for you to come back. He loves you.

For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12 (NKJV)