There is something so deeply rooted in me that terrifies me. It’s my ability to love and hold on and to find even the smallest ray of light in a very dark place, but also my terrifying ability to shut down all interactions and become so focused on myself, my growth, my happiness. It's become both a blessing and a curse. It has allowed me to love so hard on so many people who didn’t know what love was, it has kept me going on even the worst of days. But oh man how it destroys me when I love the wrong people or when I fight for people who are not yet ready to be fought for. So here I am once again after being shut off for so long, not even close to loving you, but wanting the opportunity to try to, but you’re not ready. So in an effort to not completely shut off my humanity I’ve begun diving into other people in preparation for the knowledge that I will never get to know you how I would like to. But I’m watching them start to hold onto me and I’m elsewhere. How do I warn them? How do I tell them I’m somewhere between holding on so tight to becoming who I am meant to be with no distractions and trying to find a way to let my fingertips graze and grasp all that she is without suffocating her in the process?