love & distrust

i know my ex doesnt deserve my time or attention but like? i’m kind of beginning to hate him the more i look back at how he made me feel. 

if someone makes you feel like you have to reply to them 24/7, like you ALWAYS have to tell them what you’re doing/who you’re with, and like you have to walk on eggshells in tons of conversations because you’re afraid of setting them off? get out of there, that’s not love. love isn’t distrust or having to constantly stifle your own feelings for the sake of someone elses.

i am sorry that someone out there made you distrust love. that they walked into your life and broke apart the most beautiful feeling there is. that now you don’t trust family, don’t trust friendship. that you live waiting for people to abandon you, that you leave early so they don’t leave you.

A New Normal: Ten Things I’ve Learned About Trauma

by Catherine Woodiwiss

1. Trauma permanently changes us.

This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop.

This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage.

2.  Presence is always better than distance.

There is a curious illusion that in times of crisis people “need space.” I don’t know where this assumption originated, but in my experience it is almost always false. Trauma is a disfiguring, lonely time even when surrounded in love; to suffer through trauma alone is unbearable. Do not assume others are reaching out, showing up, or covering all the bases.

It is a much lighter burden to say, “Thanks for your love, but please go away,” than to say, “I was hurting and no one cared for me.” If someone says they need space, respect that. Otherwise, err on the side of presence.

3.  Healing is seasonal, not linear.

It is true that healing happens with time. But in the recovery wilderness, emotional healing looks less like a line and more like a wobbly figure-8. It’s perfectly common to get stuck in one stage for months, only to jump to another end entirely … only to find yourself back in the same old mud again next year.

Recovery lasts a long, long time. Expect seasons.

4.  Surviving trauma takes “firefighters” and “builders.” Very few people are both.

This is a tough one. In times of crisis, we want our family, partner, or dearest friends to be everything for us. But surviving trauma requires at least two types of people: the crisis team — those friends who can drop everything and jump into the fray by your side, and the reconstruction crew — those whose calm, steady care will help nudge you out the door into regaining your footing in the world. In my experience, it is extremely rare for any individual to be both a firefighter and a builder. This is one reason why trauma is a lonely experience. Even if you share suffering with others, no one else will be able to fully walk the road with you the whole way.

A hard lesson of trauma is learning to forgive and love your partner, best friend, or family even when they fail at one of these roles. Conversely, one of the deepest joys is finding both kinds of companions beside you on the journey.

5.  Grieving is social, and so is healing.

For as private a pain as trauma is, for all the healing that time and self-work will bring, we are wired for contact. Just as relationships can hurt us most deeply, it is only through relationship that we can be most fully healed.

It’s not easy to know what this looks like — can I trust casual acquaintances with my hurt? If my family is the source of trauma, can they also be the source of healing? How long until this friend walks away? Does communal prayer help or trivialize?

Seeking out shelter in one another requires tremendous courage, but it is a matter of life or paralysis. One way to start is to practice giving shelter to others.

6.  Do not offer platitudes or comparisons. Do not, do not, do not.

“I’m so sorry you lost your son, we lost our dog last year … ” “At least it’s not as bad as … ” “You’ll be stronger when this is over.” “God works in all things for good!”

When a loved one is suffering, we want to comfort them. We offer assurances like the ones above when we don’t know what else to say. But from the inside, these often sting as clueless, careless, or just plain false.

Trauma is terrible. What we need in the aftermath is a friend who can swallow her own discomfort and fear, sit beside us, and just let it be terrible for a while.

7.  Allow those suffering to tell their own stories.

Of course, someone who has suffered trauma may say, “This made me stronger,” or “I’m lucky it’s only (x) and not (z).” That is their prerogative. There is an enormous gulf between having someone else thrust his unsolicited or misapplied silver linings onto you, and discovering hope for one’s self. The story may ultimately sound very much like “God works in all things for good,” but there will be a galaxy of disfigurement and longing and disorientation in that confession. Give the person struggling through trauma the dignity of discovering and owning for himself where, and if, hope endures.

8.  Love shows up in unexpected ways.

This is a mystifying pattern after trauma, particularly for those in broad community: some near-strangers reach out, some close friends fumble to express care. It’s natural for us to weight expressions of love differently: a Hallmark card, while unsatisfying if received from a dear friend, can be deeply touching coming from an old acquaintance.

Ultimately every gesture of love, regardless of the sender, becomes a step along the way to healing. If there are beatitudes for trauma, I’d say the first is, “Blessed are those who give love to anyone in times of hurt, regardless of how recently they’ve talked or awkwardly reconnected or visited cross-country or ignored each other on the metro.” It may not look like what you’d request or expect, but there will be days when surprise love will be the sweetest.

9.  Whatever doesn’t kill you …

In 2011, after a publically humiliating year, comedian Conan O’Brien gave students at Dartmouth College the following warning:

“Nietzsche famously said, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ … What he failed to stress is that it almost kills you.”
Odd things show up after a serious loss and creep into every corner of life: insatiable anxiety in places that used to bring you joy, detachment or frustration towards your closest companions, a deep distrust of love or presence or vulnerability.

There will be days when you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell of yourself, when despair yawns as a terrible chasm, when fear paralyzes any chance for pleasure. This is just a fight that has to be won, over and over and over again.

10.  … Doesn’t kill you.

Living through trauma may teach you resilience. It may help sustain you and others in times of crisis down the road. It may prompt humility. It may make for deeper seasons of joy. It may even make you stronger.

It also may not.

In the end, the hope of life after trauma is simply that you have life after trauma. The days, in their weird and varied richness, go on. So will you.

I ended it
Because I didn’t believe in you

You’ve proven me right
So many times
Since then
(With hearts
Less guarded
Than my own)

[You asked me for advice today]

I’ve always known
I made the right choice

But I still wish

             So, prove me wrong this time

death knight player: honestly its disgraceful and disrespectful the way demon hunter npcs think they can just carry on about darkness and sacrifice like they’re so cool and tragic. do they even know who i am. they chose to follow illidan, for some reason, and they get cool tattoos and wings. big whoop. what a hardship. death knights had to claw their way free of the lich king’s will and try to fit back in to the world of who they were in life even though they can never truly go back and everyone they used to love distrusts and fears them and they can never stop killing things or else idk some bad stuff happens. who do these “”illidari”” think they are. my character cant get hard anymore 

demon hunter player: i like the big jumpies

Red Shoe Day // May 15 2016

Here’s to the young girl from Tanegashima, fascinated with her father’s swords and staffs. Here’s to an outing in the park so violently interrupted. Here’s to separation, wandering an unfamiliar city, clutching one red shoe.  Here’s to devastation. Here’s to everything being ripped away, and no one to turn to for help. Here’s to terror, and dread, and awe.

Here’s to a light in the darkness. Here’s to a Jaeger piloted solo, a saviour rising from the smoke. Here’s to wonder, a newfound family, and a promise. Here’s to grease, machinery and Jaeger restoration. Here’s to circuits and combat and cleverness. Here’s to perfect simulator scores and taking names in the training room. Here’s to our brightest and best, the rising star of the Shatterdome. Here’s to strength, to growth, all in spite of the past burning like fresh kaiju blue.

Here’s to the Drift. Here’s to friendship, admiration, belief and support. Here’s to standing strong in the face of adversity. Here’s to failure, to chasing RABITs. Here’s to trying, and trying, and trying until you finally succeed. Here’s to destiny and circumstance all coming together. Here’s to revenge, catharsis, triumph. But here’s to pitfalls, to finality, to sacrifice, to doing what must be done.

And here’s to resilience. Rebuilding a new world out of what’s left of the old. Here’s to that same loss all over again, but this time, with a family of rangers and technicians and scientists by your side. Here’s to not just surviving, but living and thriving and fighting back. Here’s to compatibility, and freedom, and hope, and love.

Here’s to Mako Mori.

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
beg, borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All that’s to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.
—  Pink Floyd
Only Fools Rush In

Title: Only Fools Rush In

Human!Castiel x Reader

Word Count: 2,285

Warnings: suspense, angst, fluff, smut. It’s got basically everything. Woot.

A/N: This was an Anon request, I think. For some reason, I didn’t write down who requested it, but here it is. 😊 I didn’t keep exactly to the request, but it’s close enough. Haha. My brain does weird things. Bold italics are lyrics. (GIF not mine)

Request: “Can you do a Suuuuuper smutty fluffy Castiel x Reader based on Can’t help Falling in Love. One if Cas’ first hunts as a human and the reader has to save him from getting himself killed, the reader had always had the worst luck with men and didnt want a relationship, but everything about cas just makes her heart light up and even though she doesn’t want to admit it she loves literally everything he does <3 thank youuuuu I love your works <3”

Your chest heaved as you pressed yourself against the frigid brick wall. Just a few seconds. You just needed a few seconds to catch your breath and think. Cas mimicked your movements beside you, huffing and puffing as he pressed himself firmly the alley wall.

The poor angel had probably never run that hard, not since he lost his grace. And even though he was human, he clenched his angel blade at his side, holding it at the ready for when the renegade angels rounded the corner.

And moments later, they did, running full force towards you. They each clutched their own long, silver blades as they rushed down the alley towards you. Shit. That was barely enough time to catch your breath.

You couldn’t run anymore, not without a few more seconds of rest. Your legs shook beneath you as you leaned against the wall for support. You really didn’t know how much longer you could do this.

Cas grabbed your hand and pulled you away from the angels, and out towards the road. You gripped his hand as he pulled you closely behind him. Damn, even as a human, Cas had stamina.

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{PART 10} Who Are You? // Im Jaebum

Originally posted by sugaglos

Pairing: Jaebum x Reader

Genre: Sad, Angst

Summary: Jaebum finds himself being haunted by the memory of you - the memories you can’t remember at all.

Please note that this series contains mentions of road/car accidents, amnesia and cheating.

{Part 1} //{Part 9} {Part 10} {Part 11}

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credits to @eikyrona for letting me animate this fanart