lourdes!!!

1991 - Peur nocturne

L'appartement était bien trop grand pour être loué d'un seul tenant. Les propriétaires l'avaient divisé en deux parties, mais il existait une trappe pour passer de l'une à l'autre. À peine installé, je l'ai évidemment dévissée pour jeter un oeil, avant de réaliser avec effroi que le second lot était vide depuis longtemps et qu'il dégageait une atroce odeur. Ça empestait la moisissure, le pourri ou le rat crevé. Les sons résonnaient dans le vide, un goutte à goutte au fond d’une baignoire crasseuse, un courant d’air sifflant et froid, quelques longs et lents grincements .
Quand la lourde plaque mal vissée s'est décrochée au milieu de la nuit, je suis resté paralysé par la peur au fond de mon lit, me demandant ce qui avait bien pu la pousser et la faire tomber sur le sol de ma cuisine.

woke up very early this morning so decided i’d go to Mass. spent almost all of it fascinated by the young woman a few pews in front; she arrived with wet-from-the-shower hair and to my astonishment and affectionate amusement, pulled out a brush during the opening rites and brushed it.

fascinated really is the word. i couldn’t place her: she wore a cornflower cardigan but with a shortish cord skirt; she stopped at the shrine to Our Lady of Lourdes after Communion, but didn’t kneel straight in the Eucharistic Prayer: she sunk entirely between the pews, thighs to calves, eyes just peeking out - like i do sometimes.

i waited at the back of the church afterwards to speak to her because i couldn’t let her go. i honestly had to start with ‘do you come to this Mass often?’ which was excruciating but really the only way. she comes when she can get up in time, she said - otherwise to an evening Mass. then she introduced herself - warm and friendly and not at all perturbed - and said she hadn’t seen me at the young adults group, and that i should come.

agh! i have been avoiding this young adults group. i am desperate for more friends but not yet to the point where i will trade them for an hour and a half of catechism. but how else can i get to know her! a sneaky trick, Lord

8

“She told me to be true, and kind, and confident in yourself. She raised me to not think of men and women as different. She raised me without gender. It’s kind of the reason she named me Billie. It’s not about being a strong woman, it’s about being a strong person. She once told me, ‘I never sat you down with a credo. It was more about leading by example.’” -Billie Lourd on her mother, Carrie Fisher.

2

She told me to be true, and kind, and confident in yourself. She raised me to not think of men and women as different. She raised me without gender. It’s kind of the reason she named me Billie. It’s not about being a strong woman-it’s about being a strong person. She once told me, “I never sat you down with a credo. It was more about leading by example.” -Billie Lourd on her mom, Carrie Fisher

it’s so heartbreaking that debbie reynolds had a stroke an actual DAY after carrie fisher died, and that her stroke probably resulted from the fact that her child died.

and it’s so heartbreaking that billie lourd not only lost her mother yesterday, but is possibly going to lose her grandmother in the same few days. 

i’m praying for debbie to recover. please, let her be okay.