In a couple of hours I’m heading off on vacation until Sunday. So, I decided to leave this with you all. Enjoy!
Liam tossed once more, turning to now face the alarm clock that sat on the bedside table. It was blinking boldly and red at him, the time now 3:48 in the morning. Why was he still awake when Liam clearly knew his mind and body were exhausted. He groaned as the time ticked away once again, tossing to face the other side of his room, the bed squeaking beneath him. Louis was going to kill him tomorrow morning with all the noise he was making. It wasn’t Liam’s fault though, he just couldn’t sleep. Hasn’t really had a decent nights sleep in close to a week. Not since he and Zayn ended things actually. It was a mutual breakup, at least that what Liam keeps telling himself. Things were great at first, they were riding on a high of the newness of it all for what seemed like months. Reality came crashing down on them far too soon after that. Six months of bliss and love all came to a crashing end. The semester was almost over meaning they were going to be going their separate ways until the next semester began. Zayn was going to be taking a summer internship in New York to work at Marvel Comics while Liam was staying in London for his summer job. They got spooked at the possibility of their relationship not working during the summer. Now Liam was left alone in his room desperately trying to get any sleep. It just felt strange, he was so use to Zayn cuddled up behind him as they slept.
“Screw it,” Liam decided, kicking the blankets off his feet. It was no use to try and get any sleep, it wasn’t going to happen. He sat up, resting his back against the wall as he grabbed his phone off the table. He immediately turned off his alarm before checking all his social media apps. Everything was dead, normal people were usually asleep at this time. He opened up Twitter and saw that Zayn had tweeted not even five minutes ago. Complaining that he too wasn’t able to sleep. Before he could even comprehend what he was really doing Liam got up, slipped on his shoes and made his way out the room as quietly as possible.
Walking up the three flights of stairs to where Zayn’s room was, Liam never once realized how bad of an idea it was. All he wanted to do was see Zayn and maybe convince him to try their relationship out once more time. It was clear they were both miserable. Louis would give him daily updates via his boyfriend and Zayn’s roommate, Harry. He was keeping himself busy with school and work, packing up his room and shipping things back home or taking them with him to New York. Never went out much or did anything social. Liam was the same way, his time was only devoted to work and school, which bothered Louis immensely. Louis tried his hardest to get Liam to go out, socialize and work out the funk he was clearly in. It was no use. Going out usually meant seeing Harry and Niall, friends he met through Zayn. If they were going to have a clear break he needed to cut ties with everything and everyone that reminded Liam of Zayn and what they once had.
His hand trembled as he opened the door to Zayn and Harry’s suite. It was always unlocked, something that always concerned Liam. They lived in one of the safest halls in the entire campus but it still wasn’t safe to just leave your door unlocked, especially in the middle of the night. Liam entered as quietly as possible, seeing the soft light coming from underneath Zayn’s bedroom door, meaning he was still awake. Harry’s door was open ajar and Liam could see that he was passed out, sprawled across the bed, face smushed into his pillow. He tiptoed across the room, dodging the things that were thrown across the floor, like Harry’s shoe. He must’ve went out that night seeing he was never this careless with his things. Liam took a deep breath as he approached Zayn’s door. Now what? What was he supposed to do or say now? Just let himself him and hope for the best. His mum would be so embarrassed for him of she could see him now. Ruth and Nicola would never let him hear the end of this if they saw him. Creepily sneaking in your ex boyfriends room to do what exactly? Demand that he take you back because you couldn’t sleep. How childish. The closer he got to Zayn’s door the more Liam regretted his decision to even get out of bed. If Zayn hadn’t tweeted maybe Liam would still be in bed, playing some mindless game on his phone until sleep eventually took over. That’s what he’s been doing for the past week anyway.
Releasing one more deep breath to calm his erratically beating heart, Liam knocked on Zayn’s door. He could feel his stomach tighten in anticipation, his palms starting to sweat with nerves. This was a bad, bad idea. Stupid really. Liam was smart, why didn’t he think this through more throughly. Now he had to wait. Wait for either Zayn to answer his door or completely ignore me.
“Liam?” Zayn opened the door rather quickly, rubbing at his eyes, trying to wake himself up. He looked good, he always did though. His hair sitting softly on top of his head, still no strand out of place. He was shirtless with his pajama bottom sitting low on his small frame, a little sliver of his briefs showing. He looked even more confused then Liam felt. “Wha-what are you doing here?”
Liam scratched at the hair on his belly, not realizing he had walked up three flights of stairs in just his boxers. Now he felt even more embarrassed than before. Oh yeah, he had to speak. Explain to Zayn why he was standing in front of his door. “I can’t sleep.”
“I can’t sleep anymore because you’re not next to me,” he continued. “This past week every single night has been torture for me. I toss and turn and eventually just give up. I’m falling asleep during my lectures or in the canteen eating with Tommo. It’s not okay and it only happened when we ended things.”
Zayn sighed, his hand still gripped tightly on the doorknob. He looked behind him at his bed, staring momentarily at it longingly. He sighed again, his shoulders slumping as he let out a breath. “Come inside. Don’t want to wake up Haz.”
Liam practically jumped out of skin at the offer from Zayn. He had no idea what he meant but it felt like a step in the right direction. He quietly shut the door behind them and sat at the foot of the bed when Zayn instructed him to do so. Baby steps. “Zayn-”
“Let me talk,” he interrupted him, raising his hand to silence Liam. “You can’t just barge into my room at three o'clock in the morning, Liam. That’s not okay. What if I was sleeping? What if I had someone else in here with me?”
“You’re seeing someone else? Already?” He asked, his head dropping. He felt panic flood is body instantly. That’s why Zayn was so casual with the break up, he had already moved on.
“No,” he quickly spoke. “I was just using that as an example. God Liam, what kind of person do you think I am? I devoted six months of my life to you with a purpose, for a reason.”
Liam lifted his head and audibly swallowed as Zayn’s voice began to rise. He was never one to yell or get mad, only when it was absolutely necessary. That’s why Liam was so drawn to him, they were so alike in that way. Never let their emotions get the best of them, always thought things through before coming to any sort of decision. That’s why Liam was so taken aback with himself over walking up the stairs and seeing Zayn. There was no thought behind it, just purely action. No rational thought in his mind would let him do what he was doing.
“Why’d you come here?” Zayn asked once more, kneeling in front of Liam, his hands resting on Liam’s knees to balance himself. “And the truth this time. You can’t sleep? Come on Liam, the truth.”
“I miss you,” he let out slowly, raising his head to look at Zayn directly. “I know we both decided to end this for the sake of our sanitizes and not wanting to risk the distance this summer. It’s bullshit though. I can’t forget the past six months like nothing happened, like you made this year bearable. Uni sucks but somehow I never want to leave, I wanted to live in our little bubble forever, babe.”
“And yeah, like, I can’t sleep either. Not without you at least,” he continued sheepishly, feeling the blush creep up his chest and neck to his face. “You spooned up behind me, holding my hand, our legs tangled together as you breathe into my neck. It’s the only thing that worked. Now all I have is Tommo farting in his sleep and laughing about it to himself. And you-you’ve got Harry’s chainsaw snores to lull you to sleep.”
“I sleep,” Zayn tried to argue confidently.
“Then why are you awake? Hmm?” Liam asked, raising an eyebrow with a smirk on his face. “And tweeting about it, too.”
“It’s only one night,” he countered. Zayn finally realized his hands were still sitting hotly on Liam’s bare legs, gently rubbing patterns into his knees. It all still felt so familiar for two people who were supposed to be unfamiliar with each other now. “You know me. I usually sleep like a baby.”
“You haven’t slept well in the past week,” Liam blurted out. “It’s impossible that I’m the only one dealing with this. Unless you’re heartless and never really cared about this, about me.”
Zayn opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He just kept gaping at Liam, not knowing how or what to say to him. He was right, his sleeping habits had been horrible within the past week. He was lucky if he got two hours of sleep at night, his mind refused to shut off. Refused to stop replaying their breakup conversation, Liam’s face as he walked out of Zayn’s life for the last time. “Get in bed.”
“Get in bed,” Zayn repeated and nudged Liam’s foot with his own. “We both look like shite and need sleep. This is the only way either of us are going to get an decent sleep. So, get in bed.”
“We’ll have the conversation tomorrow,” he clarified, watching as Liam scooted up the bed and laid down on where he usually slept. Tucking the pillow just right underneath his head, throwing the blanket over his legs even though they both knew he wasn’t cold, just a creature of habit. Zayn hesitantly climbed in beside him, a little apprehensive on what he should do. Should be but his arm around Liam, cuddle him like they use to.
“Zayn,” he whispered, moving his head to look behind him. “Can you, I mean, do you mind if we cuddled?”
Zayn tried his hardest to make sure he didn’t show how much he wanted to smile at Liam’s words. Luckily the room was dark enough to hide it. He moved a little closer behind Liam, his front now that plastered against his back. Instinctively placing his arm around his waist, lacing their fingers together, resting their conjoined hands on Liam’s belly. “Better?”
“Perfect,” Liam answered, letting a content sigh escape his lips. He wiggled a little to get more comfortable, laughing when Zayn let or a groan behind him. “This is nice.”
“Liam,” he groaned again. He rested his head in the nape of Liam’s neck, what he use to use as his pillow. “Go to sleep.”
“Goodnight Zayn,” he whispered into the dark, feeling sleep overtake him in almost an instant. Whatever was going to happen tomorrow was going to happen tomorrow. For right now all Liam wanted to do was feel this moment and store it away in his mind forever.