Intro: A relationship with benefits.
Dear mother, today I got confessed by a gay guy. I don’t know why. He told me to meet up at the roof-top and for some reason, it was way windier than the weather channel said it would be. This guy was really metro sexual. He had silky hair with a scent of lemons and pineapples. His finger nails were done so well that they glistened and they were perfectly cut. And I mean PEERFECTT. Like you had to sit there for 2 hours in order to make them look perfect like he did. And he had a really girly face and a nice physique. I swear his legs look better than mine, too. And for that, I am COMPLETELY in remorse. Oh, and this is what happened:
(Gay) Guy: PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!
He bowed down. Without looking at me. Why. Bruce Lee had always taught me that you must always look at your opponent in the eyes EVEN when you’re bowing.
(Gay) Guy: I REALLY LIKE YOU! I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED YOU FROM FAR AWAY!
(Gay) Guy: And of course, you can’t say no because I’m just so beautiful~!! -flips hair-
This guy was completely full of himself. But as I ponder about it, he seemed to be pretty desperate. Maybe I should take this opportunity.
Girl: Only if you pay me to say yes.
(Gay) Guy: WHAT? WHY? Don’t you understand I’m the most popular guy in school? I’m good at sports, I have like the best grades in the class, I’m basically fucking perfect and awesome at everything I do. There’s always roses and sparkles and other (gay) stuff around me~ Not to mention I am just damn sex—-
Girl: Shut up and pay up or I’m going.
Seriously. What’s wrong with this dude? Here he is “confessing” to me but he ends up talking about how much he loves himself.
(Gay) Guy: I will pay you with my bod—
I walked away.
(Gay) Guy: WAIT! FINE! HOW MUCH!
Girl: Just buy me lunch everyday would be fine. Plus 5 bucks for the drink. And you must do three things I ask you to do everyday.
(Gay) Guy: What the hell? You spend 5 bucks on a drink? And why do I have to obey you? I AM THE MAN IN THE RELATIONSHI—
Girl: I’m going to leave now if you’re just gonna complain.
(Gay) Guy: FINE!
He really is desperate. Wow. I didn’t expect him to agree.
Girl: Why me, by the way?
(Gay) Guy: Because you’re the only girl who hasn’t fallen in love with me. Haven’t you seen those girls who take constant pictures of me, stalk me to my home, steal my stuff so they could cuddle it at night, and all those other creepy stuff?
Girl: I only saw the first part of what you said.
(Gay) Guy: EXACTLY. Because you don’t stalk me. Anyways, women are a pain.
Girl: I thought you said you admired me.
(Gay) Guy: I admire that you’re not in love with me. But to not be in love with me… Could it be… that you'r—– Wait. Where’d she go?
I got tired of listening to him.
And thus, that was the start of my new relationship. With benefits.
Chapter 1: Let’s test your heterosexuality.
My name is Mong and I’m a junior in high school. Somehow, though, I got caught up in a relationship with a guy who I think might be gay. And apparently, I’m supposed to walk with him to school.
(Gay) Guy: Heeeeyyyy seexxxy. Don’t you think today’s such a sexy day? Especially when two sexy people like us are walking together.
This idiot here is named Kenta. He’s a complete narcissist and we just happened to be going out.
Mong: You’re embarrassing. Now shut up and hold my hand. You want us to look like a couple, right?
Kenta: H-h-holding hands? So bold of you… That’s what I like about you bab–
Mong: First order. Do not talk in such an idiotic way. You’re embarrassing. And you will refer to me as “ma'am” and treat me with the up-most respect as you would to a woman in a high position.
Kenta: You ask for too much.
Mong: If you don’t, I’ll break up with you.
Kenta: Yes, ma'am. I am very honored to hold hands with you.
And so we did. While we were walking to school, I noticed some girls started whispering to each other.
Girl 1: NOOO!!! KENTA-SAMA FOUND A GIRLFRIEND? WHYY!!!! WHAT A BITCH.
Girl 2: Kenta-sama is supposed to be everyone’s!!! Now this bitch is gonna think she’s all that… Just because she’s a little pretty… UGH!!! WHY KENTA-SAMA? WHY DID YOU LET SOMEONE STEAL YOUR HEART!!! /bitchsobmorebitchsobbing
That was basically all I heard and payed attention to. It seemed too stupid for me to even care.
When we got to class everyone was staring at us. For some reason, even the guys looked depressed. What? Kenta even attracted guys? He probably didn’t go out with any of the dudes because knowing his egotistical self, he doesn’t think any of them is good enough for him. Or maybe he’s afraid that homosexuality will effect his popularity. A closet homosexual who cares too must about his status? Seems likely. Anyways, while I was thinking all of this, I wasn’t paying attention to class and the teacher banged my table with a ruler.
Teacher: I’m sorry that my class is so boring.
He gave an annoyed look and his tone was incredibly sarcastic.
Mong: I’m on my period.
And with that, he shut up and continued on with the class. I always knew he was uncomfortable when it came to the talk of “women’s special problems.” Everyone gave an awkward stare at me but eh. It was worth it.
It was finally lunch time and I sat alone while waiting for Kenta to bring me my lunch. Suddenly, these girls came up to me.
Girl 3: You think that you’re so great, huh? What does Kenta even like about you? I mean sure you’re a little pretty but that’s like the ONLY thing you have. You don’t even have proper etiquette.
Girl 4: You fucking piss me off. You know that? Stupid slut. Kenta’s sooo muuch better than you. He’s amazing at sports, first in class, and he’s so daamn hot. And look at you. You dare ask him out?
Girl 3: What’s your secret, huh? Blackmail? I bet it’s blackmail. You’re horrible. Stupid wh—
Girl 5: HEEEY. YOU LITTLE FUCKTARDS. GTFO.
And they scrammed off immediately.
Girl 5: What a bunch of cowards. Why didn’t you say anything to them?
Mong: I found it kinda amusing. Haha.
This girl here is named Doubie. She’s my best friend and also placed third in class. She never studies, though and somehow she’s able to make it third. If she actually tried then Kenta would probably lose his position. But she’s increeedibbllly lazy, so I don’t see that happening anytime soon. The girls are afraid of her because there’s always rumors of her beating up and punishing gangs one-handedly. They’re not true, though. In fact, it’s a secret that she spread those herself. People believe it though because she used to be a black belt in karate.
Doubie: Well, I’m not always gonna be there to shut them up. Anyways, I never knew you liked Kenta. So cliche’ of you. -disappointmentface-
Mong: Yah… Things happen…
Kenta: Ma'am, I am back with your food. Sorry to keep you waiting.
He entered with a very prince-like aura and gave off a smile full of sparkles and flowers. All the girls started squealing when they looked at him and then they went into hardcore depression when they came to a realization.
When I looked at the food, it was a salad, bread and butter, tater tots, and a side of fruits. How boring. The only thing I liked on the plate was the 5 bucks but I ate it all anyways, ‘cause it’s free.
Mong: Feed me.
Mong: I said feed me. That’s an order.
His hesitation only confirmed my suspicions of his homosexuality more.
Kenta: Alright, pretty lady. Say aahhh.
Mong: That’s stupid. Just put it in my mouth.
He shoved the salad into my mouth a bit too forcefully.
Mong: Ow! That hurt! What are you doing?
Kenta: O-OH! I’m sorry, ma'am. Forgive me!
I could hear the girls whispering even louder, so I decided to do something that would piss them off even more. I also wanted to test Kenta’s heterosexuality even more.
Mong: The only way to make me feel better is if you kiss me.
Mong: It’s an order.
Mong: Well? If you don’t, you know what will happen.
Kenta: Ugh. What the hell.
He suddenly pecked my right cheek and looked away. For some reason, he was incredibly red. Why was he blushing so hard? Is he that inexperienced? Or perhaps…(To be continued. Or this is the end 'cause I’m too lazy to continue writing. So it’s like… TO BE ENDED)
Terrible Story #12