lots of parenthesis in this post

I know I’ve made a lot of posts recently about disturbing dynamics on this website but I really feel that I’ve narrowed down three big factors that have corrupted the way we interact, and can lead to anything from ineffective annoying conversations, to actual abuse. those factors are:

-pain and trauma being reconceptualized as currency for credibility or social capital (and how this takes away from genuine interaction and replaces it with performativity) 

-pain and trauma being reconceptualized as a bargaining chip to get one out of accountability (ditto with what I said in the parenthesis in the first one) 

-the above two factors leading to a normalization invasiveness on a level that would otherwise be disturbing / being encouraged to disclose painfully private information. 

for a lot of bloggers who talk about marginalization and social issues, whether you have a “discourse sideblog” or a Serious Leftist Blog or a fandom blog, patterns have come up on here that over time have encouraged people to play up their already present fatigue and anger, because they’ll be awarded with popularity and credibility for making public displays out of very personal pain. with frequency over time, these displays become less about genuine sharing and helping situations, and more about subconscious (or conscious depending on the blogger) manipulation in a way: “what will I get from sharing this”. whether or not that manipulation is intentional, when this stuff is normalized people start to do it almost mindlessly, and it compromises any chance for compassion and trust and genuineness.  

when we discuss oppression and power, we are often already bitter and tired from whatever contexts we have. and that comes out normally in justifiable situations - the bitterness in and of itself isn’t what I’m criticizing. this isn’t gonna turn into some “we have to be graceful and tone police ourselves for the comfort of people who hurt us” post. the problem I’m putting my finger on is when, on top of our original bitterness and tiredness that we already have to shoulder, marginalized people are also being egged on to perform MORE of it as a show of “look at how mean and jaded I am, that makes me more credible and likable than you because I act more visibly mean and jaded at all times”. it’s also the invasiveness. it’s also the detachment from reality. it’s a lot and I’m just gonna try and list a few examples I’ve seen in the past couple of months that have not changed or gotten much better from the way things were on here in 2014 or 2012: 

-I’ve seen popular bloggers respond one way to another adult with genuinely abusive politics, and then turn around and respond the exact same way to a 13 year old with a silly question that seemed obvious/embarrassing. and then act confused when told that there should have been a difference in their responses for it to remain appropriate. 

-I know people who feel uncomfortable posting on here when they’re genuinely hurting and in need of support, but who have learned to almost nonchalantly pull out a laundry list of grotesquely detailed stories of trauma in order to prove a point in a stupid argument, because they’ve been taught that’s necessary in order for them to be listened to.

-at one point I was convinced that if I ever decided to have patience with someone who asked an ignorant question, or stick it out through the conversation to try to change someone’s mind, it wouldn’t be half as radical as just throwing out some over the top “go fuck yourself in the ass” and making 6 posts about how I blocked them and “did you SEE that idiot??? they must hate everyone in group x”. and honestly that’s. ridiculous and is only “effective” if we just wanna stay in an insular little circle laughing at everyone without a gender studies degree. like again, it’s normal to be bitter and tired and choose not to deal with someone, or deal with someone unkindly if they aren’t listening or are evoking oppressive rhetoric, but the idea that I feel like some of us have learned that we ALWAYS have to interact like that in order to prove your politics are radical (it truly is our version of 3dgy blogging lmao) is exhausting. 

-I’ve seen people who have suggested that they are trying to heal mentally or emotionally in some way, and have been accused of selling out. like somehow “not everyone can achieve recovery” turned into “anyone who talks about recovery for their own self is a sellout” - I had to leave certain mental health related blogging circles because of this. 

-re: pain/trauma being used as bargaining tool for getting let off the hook for genuinely abusive interactions: again referring to some mental health related activist communities, in some circles, “don’t associate mentally ill people as being inherently abusive” somehow turned into “if someone is mentally ill they can never be called on abusive or even slightly harmful interactions.” similarly, this has happened in other “leftist” conversations along identity politics lines of “well, seeing as I have this marginalized experience, I can’t be touched with critique”. this is defensiveness taken too far and stagnates our ability to grow and actually promote healthy treatment of others (something we all claim we are trying to do)

-things that have been encouraged by self proclaimed activists include: publicizing your mental health record and whether or not you have been raped, or whether or not you have a confusing relationship with sex, or whether or not you have been a victim of familial abuse, seems just as par for the course in some circles as publicizing your astrological sign. obviously choosing to share this is an option, but I and others have been pressured before to include such information beyond reason in order to be granted access to a discussion or to have a set of ideas/concerns listened to. 

none of these things should seem normal or healthy. I’ve gotten caught up in some of those mentalities multiple times and am still struggling to stay away from them. obviously in some conversations, a little indication that you aren’t a preachy outsider can be good, but rhetoric that tries to narrow down who we should listen to to “only people who have this identity and experienced this exact thing at 8 am on a tuesday and are willing to yell it into a megaphone” will not accomplish anything except for telling strangers on the internet that they are morally deplorable and unreliable if they do not allow you to invade their space and their private life. 

and the consequence of this is that even though we become used to talking about personal grief in a detached, non-genuine way, when we have to engage with the complexities of people’s realities, including their grief and suffering, on a real level, we flounder. pain should never be reduced to a bargaining token the way it has been on here. a lot of us have enough anger and fatigue already, we don’t need to be egged on by peers to constantly flaunt it as a show even when we aren’t actively feeling it, or be pushed to the point where we feel foolish or less credible or relatable for wanting to heal even a bit. I’m first and foremost sad that this is some young people’s first exposure to communities and dialogues that are supposed to be overcoming some form of liberation. 

all of these issues made more complex by a mix of ages and experiences and blogging styles, sometimes that complexity is dangerous (re: the age thing, like imagine growing into politics and adult social friendships on this forum. there are young teenagers whose primary source of growing into those things is here.) and sometimes it’s just annoying, but either way it’s beyond time to try to address and change some of these behaviors on a large scale. I’ve seen some individual bloggers come to similar realizations and grow and change, and those are the mutuals and friends that I’ve kept on here. 

and maybe it’s a losing battle, and maybe a website where social capital / notes is a central feature will always create disconnect and divisiveness, like I know this could never be the Perfect Safe Revolutionary Space for holding conversations, but still I want to see more people realizing that some of the shit on here is not exactly something we want to be getting used to especially if we ever want to advertise leftist blogging spheres here as moral examples. 

My biggest critic of vlds2 is probably the superficial relationship created with ALL of the characters. (slight poilers) 

They were shown to be seen as a family and a group that’s been through a lot.

But it felt so empty to me? Like, sure they’ve been through a lot as in constant battles but I didn’t feel anything towards them as a group. I still feel like they work in separate dynamics: Keith-Shiro-(Pidge?) / Lance-Hunk-(Pidge ?) / Allura-Coran. I put Pidge in parenthesis because they’re kind of developed in both, which is what they all should be. 

As a group, no one really knows each other. Only Shiro knows about’s Keith’s past and it might not be all of it. Only Shiro knows about Pidge’s. Lance and Hunk have known each other for a long time, but the cast and even us don’t know the extent. Allura hasn’t really been shown confiding in any one except Coran, but she was developing with Shiro and Keith a little. Shiro hasn’t talked to anyone besides Keith about his past. 

But none of them know each other, none of them know each other’s past or quirks or personalities at all. Keith probably thinks of Lance ‘annoying, flirts a lot’ and Hunk as ‘food, good friend’. (I put good friend because they did get some development together.) They don’t trust each other. 

And the season also took out some emotional scenes for the group: reunion scene, telling the group Keith was Galra, etc. They showed us a few of them ‘bonding’ like maybe? the pool scene for Keith and Lance but ultimately it did nothing for their relationship. Or Pidge and Lance hanging out, I think was done better as they were actually enjoying each other’s time, but wasn’t in depth. 

Take ATLA, we all know that each characters got their own multiple episode solely focused on them. Like the Painted Lady was focused on Katara, but around other people and they experienced it with her. On The Beach, it really showed the broken friendship the fire kids had despite it being a ‘filler episode’. We need more of these kinds of episodes in VLD. I felt like it was all just plot, plot, plot. It all went super quick, no focus on them as a group emotionally, so I had no sympathy for them at all when they were about to battle Zarkon. 

Rewind back to when Allura said that they were like family to her. Where? Where do we see them in the kitchen, all having a good time. Where do we see, ever, Allura having an emotional talk with Hunk, Lance, Pidge. Keith still hasn’t interacted with people besides Shiro and Allura. For good relationships to be built, they are built on a foundation of trust. But we don’t see any emotional scenes of them trusting each other. 

“It’s a kids show!” So was ATLA but they managed to make scenes so emotionally empowering. 

Things I want in S3? I really do want Lance and Hunk development, but I want a team development. I want more dynamics being explored with each other and all together. I want to see the extent of Lance and Hunk’s friendship, Hunk and Pidge working together on tech, Keith and Lance pulling out stronger emotions then just constant rivalry, Lance and Pidge creating a strong connection with lost families.  Possibly Shiro confining in the group, etc. I’m really tired of the comic relief of Lance and Hunk, but also tired of how not serious the other are portrayed. This is life or death, but it feels like they’re walking around a park. 

I really feel like pacing is an issue, they said in an article they this season was supposed to explore their connection as a team, which I felt an extreme lack of. They were always focused on Keith and Shiro, but not the group. 

tl,dr: I just want a stronger team development, for the show to be more serious, take it’s characters serious, fix the pacing issues. 

(i’m not against voltron ! or shiro or keith !! i loved so many stuff in this season but this just rly bugged me rip and i hate discourse so this is jsut a meta ?? )

Until Dawn Timeline

While doing character relationships and trying to get all collectibles i realized there’s a lot of shit that happened pre-prank up to the wait until dawn (mostly stuff regarding Josh’s health and the flamethrower man) so i wanted to make a timeline, plus sources, for reference. Also if anyone else has anything to add feel free to tell me! Posted under the cut for length

Keep reading


Oh, thanks. I got tagged here. Goal achieved. 🎉 So I was tagged by @bookwyrm00. Thanks, again. To the few people I’m going to tag at the end, you m u s t answer what’s below truthfully. The things in parenthesis are just extra info. Don’t worry about those.

1.- Sign: Sagittarius, November 29th (Snake in Chinese Year)

2.- Height: 5'7"+

3.- Nicknames: Way too many to say them. Main one: Estefonzii

4.- Last thing Googled: Barnes and Noble Collectible Editions, Penguin Clothbound Editions, or classic books hard covers. (I’m sorry. I don’t remember quite clearly and I always erase my history. I just remember it was one of those.)

5.- Last show watched: The Walking Dead or Scream.

6.- Any other blogs: I’ve got two books in Wattpad with some stuff about my life and pictures related to it. So maybe.

7.- Get asks regularly: Not at all. In fact, the only person who sends me asks is a guy/girl/he/she/they that I call “Unicorn” and Unicorn only sends me asks every seven pink full eclipses.

8.- Gender: Girl.

9.- Pokémon team: I don’t know about Pokémon. I’m sorry.

10.- Favourite colours: Pastel pink, dark green, rose gold, black, white (even if they’re not considered colours) and transparent (even if it isn’t a colour).

11.- Average amount of sleep: 5 hours (according to my phone but it is always variating).

12.- Favourite characters: (I don’t know.) Tate Langdon from AHS (American Horror Story), Jay from Mine (A book on Wattpad by KyWalters), Audrey from Scream (A show from Netflix), L from Death Note (A manga/anime), and more.

@0zea0 (Te quero.)
@thatguy0902 (Hello Darth Vader.)
@hikaricarriedo (Hey! 🌸)

And that’s it. I don’t have a lot of people. I’m sorry I’m not liked. 🙃🙂

I totally forgot, whomever likes this post will get tagged in the next tag I get (if I ever get another one, of fucking course).

So a little over 2 years ago I created this blog, and now I’ve finally reached 500 followers. So I’d like to thank you all for putting up with me and my weirdness, and following me through this entirety. Header/picture/thing courtesy of @super-dweeb. If you have something in parenthesis next to your name its because I’ve messaged with you. Also, sorry in advance if I forgot you or put you in the wrong category, 500 is a lot of people. So here goes it, my follow forever:

 Mutuals are italicized. 

SCA, Omie Homies, Sisyers, whatever I love you guys: @nhlfucale, @merrymegaudreau, @landessblog, @beau-tiful-bennett, @5secondsofhogwarts, @leafsloser, @marnstrome, @connor-mcbaevid, @caro-ouellette, @aaronekbald, @raskattack, @curtisslazar, @panic-at-the-goalline, @jouannieepiee, @mcdonagh27, @mikkelbloegker

Hockey Peeps: @mtlprice, @hockeychirpers, @goonsquadsince67, @marchy-smitty-bergy, @robby-fabbris, @antisocialhockeyplayer, @hashtaghabsnation, @little-misstake, @carey-price-31 (first person to talk to me on here <3), @lundqby, @teamtoews19, @hockeyisloveblackhawksarelife, @thewizardofcros87, @hockey-keithrichards-pizza, @hockeyloversunited, @segsy-eddie, @superstuffedprust (also a very lovely person to talk to!), @price-almighty, @habsessed, @addictedtokane, @tylerxseguin, @galchuckies-forever-11-27, @clairepear1234, @a-bgally, @thelarkknightrises, @british-boston-bruins, @canadian-hockeymoose-19, @gallaghergoal, @jakegards-flow, @sassy-shawzy, @capitainequebec, @nhlbeauts, @msautumnwind, @agally-bgally, @habbygleek, @chicago-runsonduncan, @subby-pricey-gally-chucky, @cam-talbutt, @ice-ice-hockey, @weve-never-been-alive, @hockey–eh, @mahhhroes, @catlady31 (<3), @puckingally, @delarose–25, @canadiensdemontreal, @colouredpencil (<3), @robertoluongone, @andong–song, @strome-marner, @idonthavealifelmao, @emblem3-x, @camdblu, @bournival-carnaval, @connormcdateme, @gracedonnamaria, @abcgally, @lyndseymcneill, @habaniceday, @penalty-kill, @brieregod-48, @eatsleephockhey, @habsaf, @kaneandtoewsfordays, @canadian-eh87, @everygamecounts, @ohmyhabs, @nationalhottieleague, @00427, @elenix1996, @dyl-short, @hockeytherapy, @tiaspie, @jacobnroses@habsroom, @solovehockey93, @dangerouslyaddictivethings (love ya Fatema), @captain-pacioretty, @mike-dad-bab-clock, @aph-canada, @masterdangler, @hoser3151, @price-devant-la-cage, @clutchenyuk, @i-like-hockey-and-books, @landeskogandtheavalanche, @pensburghpittwins, @depechemaude, @thepriceiscarey, @lebleu-blanc-rouge, @straightwifey, @motherpuckers, @ourpuckingsmitty, @hhockey77, @tripped-but-didnt-fall-yet, @jillianbloomberg10, @mcoilers, @hockeytoothfairy, @wellbefireproof (<3), @segsjunior, @hockeyplayas, @brendassgallagher, @putzer124, @habsgoals, @tazed-and-kanefunded, @theawesomegoalie31, @captain-brownie-for-the-win, @bostonforevah, @pricethenice, @quokkaflockka, @pottercastleminds, @hockeyplayerscanwalkonwater, @tom-frickin-wilson, @kuempsicecream, @allyouneedislovejoy, @sxyzyn, @aga11y, @charlie-coyles-curls, @brendangally17, @eat-sleep-leafs, @joecolborne8, @kate-tbear, @tazer-tots, @mcginnjamie, @sauce-nikov, @canadianhockey-eh, @austonfcknmatthews, @stromeaf, @dampfen-mist, @mitchell-marner-16, @nhlcutie, @putpriceonthepp, @magicmcdavid, @meagnbozek, @melonlucic, @rilee16, @czech-out-68, @tomwilsonsass, @james18nealer, @hockeyandmusiclove, @brandonbolligsbeard, @toewsmygod, @fuckyeahsabien, @jvriems, @smilesforhae, @snow-to-ice, @clumsycarey, @camel–toews, @mozzarellasticksaregreat, @showtimestrome, @imichaelaf98, @how-about-hockey, @katerinak2909, @crosby87tyler91, @canuckperfection, @twentyonevoicescalling, @ohgallygee, @trilinguallife, @brendan-gallagher-is-mine, @catnappiesandcanadaddy, @michaellattaslatte@hockeyandthepursuitofhappiness, @pucksbeforefucks, @littlemisscuppcake, @markodanos, @depressedhockeylover, @toewsbryant, @northerntownhockey, @northernflame, @gally-segsy, @sutterisms, @habs-and-hawks-and-hockey-oh-my, @feeltheburnzie, @shawzys-little-mutt-65, @crane-swallow, @aph-nordicks, @imgonnaeatyourass, @isabelle-ieve, @magic-box-of-fucks-i-dont-give, @mc-canner, @thatssosegsy, @petithazardo, @tyler-toffoli73, @subbanator, @radxxregs, @redridingwolf31501, @sidbecross, @nikscherbak, @waitingforgodonut, @ahoying, @coreycrawfordisamazing, @eyer1994, @virtanen-18, @bergeron-37, @spearmint-thief, @sn14ll,  @hockeyismyreligon, @ehty-seven, @hockeyyikes, @sidbuyscrocs, @nugent-hotkins, @redwingwolfer12, @marcoscandella6,@bubbagally, @gallymontreal, @imadramaqueen1, @explorerjpeg, @explore-a-little, @alexsgalchenyuks, @right-handed-full-right-goalie (instant goalie friend!), @justin-oluransi, @hockeysnowflake

Not Hockey Peeps: @super-dweeb, @syntexis (first two people to show me this website), @tzeon, @croatoan-seph, @thegarbagegoldmine, @yatsuba, @berniesands, @faygo-the-fuck-away, @lost-r-u, @berligelin, @jelloegg, @birdmetropolis, @lalondin, @apathetic-pancakes, @hazelspade, @the-ironic-strider-family, @venisongalaxy, @overweighttoaster, @jadeharleyluvsbec, @punsintensify, @princess-butterscotch, @ietsbemagicalgiris, @captain-peggy, @kyototeaparty, @katherineballas, @vicious-hawk, @woke-up-on-derse, @false9, @cottoncandygays, @lalli-hotakainen, @tiffybabi, @johnegberts1leftnipple, @feltonfollower, @u-ok-bish, @donutsandtreasures,@bluelightningdick,@faithfullyspooky, @tastefulcucumber, @ihatethatthisismyusername (first to message me and grant me the power of messaging, so thank you!), @champagnedownpour, @myfickleheartt, @lostcalifornia, @xavierdodolan, @jupiterrn,  @feartheviolas (!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 :D), @theywerentrealcops-jace,  @sadprosciutto,  @thelifeofnicki, @kabber, @beantown-blood, @anxious-altaria, @snowed-out, @ironicallyflirtatious, @posting-homestuck, @and-my-mysteryfades, @gayleous (hi jill *waves*), @theoriel, @lavenderoflove, @magikarpswag, @meselfmau, @i-will-not-throw-away-my-shot, @werorstiff, @forevermutable, @sassypress, @kradmine, @follieadux, @kyros-of-delpha