lots of garlic

AU in which Eridan is secretly a merman or a siren and Dirk is secretly a vampire (or some shit) and they decide to try and court each other but while also thinking the other is human.

So like:

*At the restaurant*

Eridan: Drinks 3 glasses of water before the food comes.

Dirk: Shit humans drink way more water than I thought. *Tries to drink like 8 glasses of water and just ends up feeling like he’s going to die.*

Eridan: Shit Dirk has a lot of issues with the sun he burns so easily. I’m pale like him should I be having more trouble than this? Should I complain more?


Dirk: Shit man you’re incredible at swimming.

Eridan: H-Huh? Oh no! Haha I’m totally average at it!

Dirk: Shit man I better step up my swimming game fast.


Dirk: *Easy as Hell parkours up a building with gravity-defying acrobatics.*



Also Roxy knows about both of them and is having THE TIME OF HER LIFE.

Eridan: Rox Rox you gotta help me hit on Dirk but like in a human way.

Roxy: Bite his neck that’s sexy.

Dirk: Roxy do you know a good date restaurant that doesn’t use a lot of garlic so I don’t break out in a rash?

Roxy: How about sushi?

Perfect Pizza Toppings

While having lunch with the gorgon Embers J. Lapilli at her pizzeria, Pyroclastic, we got to talking about the wide variety of clientele that come in through the door — or through the floor, depending on the time of day. Pyroclastic has a subterranean entrance to better serve light-sensitive undead customers.

Vampires: “No garlic, lots of sauce. Extra cheese, as many kinds as we have. Top with unwashed mushrooms! Many apparently enjoy the earthy taste. Occasionally they request coffee grounds, too.”

Mermaids: “Sausage and bell peppers. We make a special dough with sea water for ‘em and they say it makes ‘em feel right at home.”

Earth elementals: “We call it ‘mud pie!’ Bits of gravel sprinkled into a thin mud sauce served on a crust of sod. Dandelions or milkweed are common requests, though some ‘em prefer thistles.”

Dragons: “Oh yeah! Surprising I know, but we get a lot of ‘em. Some shape shift down in size and eat at a table, but the young ‘uns, who haven’t mastered that spell? Well, we have a knoll out in the back behind the shop. They lay ‘round up there. Whatever their size, we ask ‘em for some notice as they tend to eat about a dozen pizzas at a time — each!”

Water Nymphs: “Dragonflies and sea slime. Lotssah sea slime.”

Robots Who Have Become Sentient and Wish to be Social: “They always try to flirt with our pizza oven and I have to shoo them away. We fix ‘em up with some circuit boards and cheese-covered bolts. No one goes hungry at Pyroclastic.”

🌶🌶🌶😍Korean braised tofu for dinner today. At 673 calories (including kimchi) for the entire block of tofu, you can’t go wrong really haha 😍👌🌶🤤

One block of drained firm tofu
Cut into about 1cm thick blocks and in a very non stick pan (or a pan with oil) fry gently on both sides until browned. Poor sauce and give them a good shimmy until the sauce completely reduces and covers them.


5 heaped tsps of gochujang (uk people I recommend getting it on amazon instead of at the shops as it’s a rip off in supermarkets 😉)

1 tbs syrup (I used maple but brown rice syrup would be better I think)

Garlic ( I like a LOT of garlic so used a very heaped tea spoon but it’s up to you!)

Water ( just to make it about the same viscosity of pasata/ pasta sauce. I think maybe 1/3 a cup)

Optional add a tbs of light soy and ¼ tsp vinegar for extra sass.

Garnish with spring onion (scallion) and toasted sesame seeds.

i got tagged for this food thing! thanks @causticgrip ! smooches!

Pizza Order: i have three go-to combinations. 1) white with lots of garlic & broccoli. 2) white with pineapple, ham, garlic, & usually something green like spinach, capers, broccoli rabe, or arugula. 3) a new haven staple (team pepe’s): white with clams, bacon, garlic, oregano, pecorino romano

Favorite Ice Cream: i only have ice cream maybe once or twice a year, but it’s usually either coconut or bubble gum, on cape cod at four seas.

Top 3 Fruits: i eat apples the most often, bananas are perfect for before an early morning exercise session where i haven’t eaten yet, &  i love concord grapes when they’re in season more than any other fruit by a huuuuge margin.

Favorite Cuisine: i probably eat thai, vietnamese, korean & japanese the most often. i can’t pick one.

Buffalo Wild Wings Order: i kind of hate chain restaurants in general, they usually end up making me feel gross & would only really go if options were nil & i was starving & short on time, & i like supporting smaller joints in general (but this is by no means meant as a judgement on anyone’s food choices or a high & mighty bougie bullshit stance!) i haven’t really been eating gluten since last september, so i’d be kind of limited to things without breading, maybe a salad with grilled chicken? & either a double ipa, nitro stout, or cider most likely, unless they had a nice strong belgian beer on tap.

Favorite Breakfast Order: eggs benedict if i were in the sort of place where they likely make the hollandaise in house, or an omelette with a bunch of vegetables, cheddar cheese & maybe a side of ham. oh, & home fries super well done. & lots of tabasco & coffee. 


Yesterday’s activity/intake.

I broke fast at 12 with some scrambled egg, lots of cheese, garlic and chilli olives, salad and peppers, some nuts and a yoghurt.

Then I snacked on nuts throughout the day.

For dinner I had a HUGE portion of prawns and salmon, with mayo, cream cheese and salad (trust me there are some veggies under this monstrosity)

My workout for the day was a 35 minute kettlebell/abs workout 😊

Chapter 6 - Peace Offering

Chapter One & Two  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7  Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21

You had to move. It was the only solution you could come up with since you certainly couldn’t face Baekhyun or Minseok ever again.  Not after how they’d looked after you in your drunken state. That alone was embarrassing enough. Include the texts you sent Baekhyun and the photo you sent to Minseok… there wasn’t enough food in the world you could cook to apologise for your behaviour.  You had probably scarred poor Minseok for life.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

that sounds amazing can u post a recipe? or a couple of ur fav recipes? X

:–) it’s super simple and not a very cohesive meal, but I just boil whole sweet potatoes for half and hour then chuck them in a hot oven with some olive oil, in the mean time fry up lots of garlic and ginger and add quite soft tofu but not silken, then vegetable stock and simmer, then I just added cabbage and zucchini and soy sauce and a little bit of sugar, then put on a low heat and add bok choy and enoki mushrooms for a minute, then add maybe 2 teaspoons of white pepper (really good for a broth when you’re sick! nice with soba too if you wanted to add noodle / didn’t like tofu), and that’s it! My other favourite recipes are Ottolenghi’s sweet potato cakes but I just change the recipe a bit and add a lot of chilli, hmmm I like anything really, I like just making big bowls of veggies with some sort of base, oh I like making sort of sushi bowls lol just lots of nori with vegan chickpea tuna and rice and pickles and ginger and veggies and marinated tofu,  they’re my go-to, oh and potato and leek soup for colder weather! I also just like anything with lots of chilli xx

One of the boys ~ Part three

Pairing ~ Hoseok x reader

Rating ~ angst/fluff/smut

 Pt1 Pt2 Pt3

Originally posted by btsumari

It was exactly a week since the night Hoseok confronted you and you hadn’t seen or heard from any of them, you knew they were just giving you some space after what happened and you thanked god that they did, your week had been tough enough as it was. All your co-workers started to avoid you after the girl that you yelled at that night told them what had happened and how much of a bitch you were, you knew she had because you overheard her telling someone when you were in the bathroom one day, but you couldn’t really blame her. When you heard her say what low lives the guys must be to hang out with someone like you you got angry, you couldn’t help but intimidate her. You opened the door and walked to the sink to wash your hands staring her down the whole time, her face reddened instantly and she tried to avoid your scowl but you walked straight up to her and glared directly in her eyes for a minute before scoffing and walking out. You couldn’t believe you had done that but she bad mouthed the boys and you couldn’t let her get away with that.

You sat in your cubical and stared at the blinking cursor on the computer screen, lost in your own thoughts when you heard a bunch of whispering and girls giggling, you stood up and looked over your cubical wall to see Jin walking around looking in cubicles and politely apologising to people when they weren’t you and you couldn’t stop the smile spreading over your face at his actions. He stood there for a second scratching his head as he looked around the room, a smile appeared on his face as soon as he saw you and gave you a goofy wave before heading to you.

“I found you, how are you?” he asked as he hugged you.

“Jin what are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” you asked trying not to smile, you always had a soft spot for Jin because he was such a genuinely sweet guy.

“Well, I wasn’t sure if you would answer your phone. Here, I made you lunch” he said happy with himself as he handed you a bag filled with containers, the smell hit you as soon as you took the bag and it smelt so good your stomach grumbled, you couldn’t eat much during the week.

“Thank you but you didn’t have to” you smiled at him.

“Apparently I did, did you hear your stomach? Noona your so skinny, have you been eating?” he asked with a stern look and you blushed as you put the bag on your desk. “That does it, your coming around tonight and we are going to feed you till you burst” he chuckled.

“Jin, you know I can't” you said with a sigh.

“Yes you can and you are, even if I have to come here when you finish work and kidnap you” he teased and you shook your head as you smiled at him.

“Miss _____, do I have to remind you that you are in office hours and no visitors are allowed in that time?” Mr Kang appeared from behind you.

“I’m sorry Mr Kang, I forgot my lunch and he was dropping it off for me, he was just about to leave” you lied bowing to Mr Kang out of respect and he looked at Jin, eyeing the younger man up and down.

“Ah I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean to cause any trouble, she is just so forgetful. Sometimes I wonder how she is able to get through life with the amount of things she forgets” Jin jokingly played along.

“And you are?” Mr Kang asked.

“My name is Kim Seokjin sir, nice to meet you” he said with a smile as he shook the older man’s hand.

“Are you Miss _____’s boyfriend?” Mr Kang questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“No, no, no…. we are just good friends” you quickly chimed in, but Jin was having to much fun watching you squirm.

“What? I-I thought we were dating? How could you mislead me?” he said dramatically as he grasped at his shirt where his heart would be and your boss raised his eyebrows.

“Jin please don’t do this” you asked quietly but he wasn’t done having fun just yet.

“What do you mean don’t do this? You have been leading me on for the last two months, how could you? And I let you……. touch me” he stated placing the back of his hand over his forehead as if he was stricken with grief and you couldn’t help but chuckle at his over acting.

“Miss _____ please take this outside” Mr Kang said sternly before walking away.

You grabbed Jin by the arm and dragged him out the door as he pretended to cry holding his hand over his eyes as he did so. As soon as you got out the door he started laughing and you hit him in the chest but he continued to laugh.

“Stop it, your going to get me fired” you said folding your arms against your chest.

“Ok I promise I will stop IF, you promise me you’ll come around tonight” he replied mimicking your stance, you let out a sigh and he grinned back at you. “What about the night we sp….” he started to yell but you placed your hand over his mouth stopping him from continuing.

“OK, I will go. Are you happy now?” you asked frowning at him.

“I knew you would see it my way, see you tonight” He said nudging your arm and before you could stop it you smiled.

You sighed as you approached the front door of their dorm, you were hesitant to knock, you were contemplating about weather you should leave when the door swung open and a shocked Jungkook appeared.

“You came?” he smiled brightly at you as he dropped the bag of rubbish out the door. “Come in, we were just about to eat” he said grabbing your arm and practically dragged you through the hall to the kitchen.

“See I told you she would come” Jin said proudly as he stirred a large pot in the kitchen.

“Why’d you have to do that Noona? Now I owe him money” Yoongi said coldly from the table and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“Noona, come sit next to me” Namjoon called with his best aegyo making you giggle until you saw the other person you would be sitting next to, Hoseok. As soon as your eyes met he got up, walked to the fridge, got out a beer and started to leave the room.

“Hey, where are you going? I was just about to serve dinner” Jin called to him making Hoseok turn around.

“Suddenly I’m not hungry” he said looking at you before leaving the room and you heard his bedroom door slam, the sound making you jump slightly.

You bit your bottom lip as you made your way to the table sitting next to Namjoon and he placed a hand on your head rubbing your hair, you smiled at him and he smiled back but his eyes portrayed something different, like pity.

“Alright, here you go” Jin said as he placed a giant bowl of spaghetti bolognese on the table accompanied by a lot of garlic bread. “I made this especially for you, I remembered you saying your Mum would make this for you whenever you were home” he said with a smile as he picked up a bowl and scooped a large amount of spaghetti in it and handed it too you.

“Jin this is to much food” you said your mouth slightly open in amazement of how much he had filled the bowl.

“Just eat what you can” he smiled sweetly at you.

You didn’t eat much just a couple of mouthfuls to appease Jin’s ever watching eye, no matter how good it tasted you couldn’t eat, you felt sick every time you tried to force yourself and it was hard enough trying to swallow the few mouth fulls you did have.

The boys were laughing at Jungkook’s face covered in pasta sauce and hurling insults at him as you absent-mindedly played with your food, lost in your own thoughts when a figure entering the room caught your eye. You looked up to find Hoseok grabbing another beer out of the fridge before leaving the room just as quickly as he entered not caring to even look in your direction, you pursed your lips together as you felt your eyes filling with liquid. Namjoon placed his hand over your own making you look up at him.

“Go talk to him Noona” Namjoon pleaded and the room went silent.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. I will just end up making things worse” you said as you focus went back to playing with your food.

“He’s a mess Noona, all he does is drink all day” Taehyung stated from across the table.

“And he barely talks to us any more, when we try to talk to him he just yells at us and shuts himself in his room” Jungkook added and you noticed him chewing on his bottom lip, a tell tale sign that he was worried about something.

“Just go in there and tell him you love him already so we can all go back to being friends and forget this shit ever happened” Yoongi said coldly not even looking at you.

“Fuck off Yoongi, how do you even know how I feel?” you bit back at him staring him down.

“Because I saw you dancing with that guy at the club just like how you danced with Hoseok that night……. and as soon as you heard his voice over the speakers you started to cry. Also the fact that you had a panic attack when he walked away from you after he confessed his feelings. I don’t know about anyone else but I would probably call that love” Yoongi said with raised eyebrows. You bit your bottom lip as you looked down at the bowl of food in front of you again. “You guys were in love with each other long before this happened, you just didn’t know it or chose to ignore it”.

“Please Noona, talk to him……. for us” Jin asked as he slowly pulled your bowl away so you could no longer avoid their pleas.

You all sat in silence for a few moments while you internally fought with the idea, was this a good idea? He did look like he has had just as rough a week as you and needed someone to help him out of the hole he seemed to be digging himself into. Could you do that or would you just make things worse? It hurt to see him the way he was and to know that it was all because of you. You used to be so close before that night, he was your best friend and you ruined it as always. You let your emotions get in the way and now you had hurt the first person you had cared about in a long time. The guys were right, you needed to try and at least fix this, you had to try and help him get over you and get back to his life.

You slowly stood up and made your way out of the kitchen and knocked on Hoseok’s door.

“Fuck off” he yelled.

“Hob-Hoseok, it’s me….. can I come in?” you asked chewing on your lip in anticipation of his answer, but there wasn’t one.

After a few minutes you decided to open the door, he was laying on his bed with his hands over his face and a pang of guilt hit you in the chest. You sheepishly stepped inside closing the door behind you.

“I thought I said to fuck off?” he said coldly, his hands still covering his face.

“I-I didn’t….. you didn’t answer after I asked if I could come in so I just….” you spoke quietly trying not to provoke him.

“So you just came in? What do you want?” he sat up running his hand through his hair before grabbing his beer and chugging it back.

“Hobi please stop” you asked grabbing the beer out of his hand and placing it back on the bedside table.

“I thought I told you not to fucking call me that, now what the fuck do you want?” he asked angrily looking at you for the first time since you entered the room, his eyes were red and puffy. Another shot of guilt hit you in the chest as you realised he had been crying, an inner desire to reach out and hold him raced through your body but you ignored it, it was a bad idea.

“I-I just…..” you lost your train of thought as he gave you that all to familiar stone cold expression.

“You just what?….. hmmm?….. Are you gonna spit it out or just fucking stare at me again?” he asked as his eyes began to welt up before you.

“I-I….” you stammered as you own eyes began to mimic his and he chuckled.

“Let me guess…… you can’t do this? Am I right?…….. your sorry but you have to go?……huh?” anger was evident in his voice as he got off the bed and walked over to you trapping you between him and the door as he locked it, he cupped your face looking you directly in the eye. “Now that you can’t run away, just tell me one thing……. Did you feel anything at all for me or was I just another idiot you fucked?” he asked as a tear rolled down his check and you had to stop your hand from reaching up and wiping it away.

“Hobi please stop, you’re making this harder then it needs to be” you pleaded with him but he shook his head.

“Answer the fucking question, did you even feel anything for me?” he commanded as his tears began to flow freely his eyes still locked on your.

“Yes” you finally admitted and it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

“Then why?……why did you leave? Why did you ignore me? Why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you a week ago?” he asked as his voice broke and he stroked your cheek with his thumb.

“Because I was scared…… That night we spent together was so intense that I knew that you would just end up breaking my heart….. so I left…… I left before you could leave me” you confessed, this time it was your turn to cry. Hoseok crashed his lips against yours with such passion and intensity that you forgot that you were crying, your hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they grasped at Hoseok’s shirt pulling him in closer but Hoseok pulled away.

“I can’t promise that neither of us will break the others heart but I can promise that I will never intentionally hurt you” he said softly caressing your hair.

You pulled him in and kissed him, you had missed him so much you just couldn’t help yourself, you needed to feel him again. Your hands dropped to the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up breaking the kiss to bring it over his head and throw it off to the side, you went to kiss him again but Hoseok stopped you.

“Are you sure?” He asked searching your face for any hint that you weren’t.

“I’m sure” you answered softly and with that Hoseok lifted your own shirt off before placing his lips against yours.

Your hands trailed down his bare stomach, your fingers rippled over ever indentation of his abs to his sweat pants and slowly pulled them down as you crouched before him, he wasn’t wearing any underwear. You took him in your hand and slowly pumped your hand around him, you looked up watching as his mouth dropped open before sucking in his bottom lip at your actions and you couldn’t help but think how perfect he looked at this exact moment.

Hoseok’s hand suddenly grabbed your arm stopping you from moving it.

“I want to touch you” he said softly as he pulled you up. His hand ran back up your arm, leaving a ghosting burn in it’s wake, his arms reached around your back and unclasped your bra. He placed his hands on your shoulders and slowly glided your bra off and down your arms before letting it drop on the ground between the two of you. One of his hands gently grasped the hair at the back of your head pulling it to the side, the other on your waist as he kissed you behind the ear and trailed it painfully slow down your neck. Before you even realised it you were moaning his name making him sigh as he lent your back against the door, his kisses now on your bare chest. One of his hands cupped your breast as his mouth finally reached the other taking it in and lightly sucking as his tongue played with your nipple, you arched your back off the door and moaned running your hands through his hair.

“Ahh I can’t wait any more, I wanted to take my time but I need to feel you” Hoseok whined as his hands ran around the back of your thighs lifting you up and wrapping your legs around him.

He carried you to the bed and let you drop on the soft mattress, he undid your jeans and pulled them off placing them on the floor as he stared at your naked body laying before him, taking in every inch as if it would be the last time he would ever see it. Honestly he wasn’t sure if he would, he didn’t know if you would even be there in the morning, it hurt him to think how you might leave again but he couldn’t help himself. No matter how much he tried he couldn’t get you out of his head, every time he thought about your lips against his or how beautiful you looked when you moaned his name, it hurt. He knew that this could be a mistake but he needed you, he needed to feel you, to see you, to hear his name fall from your lips.

“Hobi….. please, I need you” you said softly breaking him out of his thoughts.

Hoseok hooked his hand under your knee and lifted it as he placed himself between your legs and entered you. He began to slowly roll his hips into you as he gently placed kisses over every inch of your face and neck and you dug your nails in to the flesh of his back as the pressure built inside you. He felt so good, just as tender as you had remembered. You missed this, you missed him. All the the moments you two shared began to race through your mind. The way he smiled at you when he caught you staring at him from across the room, your head resting on his lap as he stroked your hair, the way he would look at you before he kissed you on the cheek when he dropped you home late at night, how your bodies moved perfectly in time with one another the first night you spent together, the look in his eyes right before he walked away from you that night. You closed your eyes as they played and tears began to fall from them. Suddenly you felt Hoseok stop and you opened your eyes to find him staring at you, worry written all over his face.

“Are you ok? Did I hurt you?” He whispered.

“No it’s ok, I just……… I love you”

“I love you too jagiya” Hoseok smiled sweetly at you.

You placed your hands around his neck and pulled him down kissing him passionately as he started to roll his hips again. Your bodies glistened with sweat as you approached your highs, it never took you long to orgasm with Hoseok, he knew exactly how to move.

“I wanted it last longer but I can’t hold it…… the way you moan makes me melt”

His words made you moan louder and the feeling in the pit abdomen became more intense and as soon as your name fell from his lips you came with a primal like scream as your body shook making Hoseok come just seconds after.

Hoseok laid down beside you and wrapped his arms around you, you closed your eyes as you snuggled into him.

“Promise you won’t leave while I’m asleep” He asked softly and you just hummed in response as you drifted off.

The next morning Hoseok rolled over to hold you but when he reached out there was nothing there. He sprung up looking around the room only to find his bed was empty and there was no sign of you. ‘Not again’ he thought as he ran his hands over his face when the smell of something delicious wafted over him, 'it must be Jin making breakfast’ he thought as he got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen rubbing the sleep form his eyes.

“Hey sleepy head” a sweet voice called to him and he smiled instantly, you were still here.

He walked over and hugged you from behind wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you in tight, resting his chin on your shoulder as he watched you cook breakfast.

“Hmmmm, good morning to you too” you hummed leaning your head back on his shoulder.

“Good morning my jagiya” he cooed turning you around placing your hands around his neck and returned his own to your waist as he leaned in and kissed you deeply. You returned the kiss swiping your tongue across his lip asking for entrance and he complied. You were so caught up in the kiss that you didn’t notice that someone had entered the room.

“Oh for fuck sake, is this what I’m going to have to put up with now? I wish I never helped you sort your shit out” Yoongi grumbled but the smile on his face said different. “And I swear to god if you make her burn my breakfast I will fucking end you” he threatened as he sat at the table.

Afro-Vegan: Farm-Fresh African, Caribbean, and Southern Flavors Remixed By Bryant Terry

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anonymous asked:

Somebody told me back in the day that eating kimchi was like eating garlic: have too much and your SWEAT will smell like either of those. Guess who now smells like Eau D’Kimchi. My husband is laughing so hard omfg 😩

Dood kimchi has a lot of garlic in it! I still enjoy it though. I know what you mean by sweating the garlic smell, i feel this way when i eat onions, as if the smell is in my pores and it sits on the back of my tongue. Garlic is milder and i can tolerate it, where onions and i just do not go well together at all.


the funny thing about being a god is that physical age is pretty fluid

most of the time dave looks to be around early twenties, because that’s how he feels, but when he feels weak or helpless, he ages down to look like a kid. this is supposed to be an explanation for how gods can grow from little kids to adults hella fuckin fast, like the story of hermes’s birth and apollo’s cattle. 

most gods, when they come into being, look like babies because they know nothing, have no understanding of themselves or the world around them, and are fuckgin confused, just like babies. originally, dave was a crow chick, but then bro took him in, and i guess it works like imprinting because now he’s in human form more often than not. he feels more powerful like that