lotr lore

the one adhd symtom that goes widely unknown is the “all or nothing” thing.

like if i am interested in something, i can devote my entire day for it without getting bored at all and if im not interested in it, paying attention to it even for short time is like torture

like i struggle with watching 5 minutes long video because im not that interested in it but i can watch all extended lotr movies on one sitting without getting even slightly bored (been there, done that) just because i love the lotr lore

Galadriel's Adventure

Galadriel: *arrives at Doriath with Finrod, busy doing way better things during Finrod’s dream chat with Thingol*
Thingol: So your brother is going to this other place –
Galadriel: idc.
Thingol: You don’t wanna go?
Galadriel: Nope.
Thingol: .. okay, cool. *off to do other things*
Melian: You like Celeborn, don’t you, Galadriel.
Galadriel: He is bae.
Melian: Ya’ll be the cutest couple.
Galadriel: So tell me about Middle-earth. and Celeborn.
Melian: *braids her hair and talks about boys*
Galadriel: *paints Melian’s nails and talks about the world*

Aulë, Yavanna & Trees - oh my
Manwë: what’s up yavann —
Yavanna: why does Aulë get living things. i want living things, make my trees alive.
Manwë: … yavanna, they’re just trees.
Yavanna: I WANT LIVING TREES.
Manwë: omg. gimme a sec. *consults eru*
Manwë: ok. Eru says we can have some living trees.
Yavanna: WOO! My trees gonna BE ALIVE and HOUSE THE GR8 EAGLES —
Manwë: no.
Yavanna: But you said -
Manwë: your trees gonna be shepherds
Yavanna: oh.

Yavanna: suck it dork, my trees are gonna live.
Aulë: … ok but. dwarves still need wood. *blacksmithing*
Yavanna:

lmao if it wasn’t almost 9:00 at night i’d be like hey let’s stream the hobbit so y’all can brush up on lotr lore w/ me

The End of Eöl

Turgon: … I’m going to kill that piece of shit for hurting you.
Aredhel: *sick and dying* Pls Turgon. Don’t be too hard on him.
Idril: Yeah, dad. It could be worse. She could be dead.
Turgon: *siiiigh* I guess. At least she’s alive.
Aredhel: *dies in the night*
Turgon:
Eöl: *brought before the king the next day*
Turgon: Eöl, welcome to die.
Eöl: Kill me, nerd.
Turgon: Trust me, I will. Gentleman, throw this murderer off the cliff.
Eöl: *stares at Maeglin*
Guards: *bring him to Caragdûr (the cliff)*
Maeglin: *watches silently*
Eöl: … wow, you’re just going to let them do this.
Maeglin: Fuck you, dad.
Eöl: You fucker. I hope you die the same way I do.
Maeglin: Bye.
Guards: *throws Eöl off the cliff*
Irdril: … *uneasiness intensifies*

And so it began ...

Ilúvatar: *thinks*
Ainur: *are created*
Ilúvatar: .. oh. Neat. Do a music.
Ainur: *makes music*
Ilúvatar: Awesome - hey, what’s that one doing.
Melkor: DOO-DE-DOO-DOO
Ilúvatar: He’s ruining the mus—
Melkor: DUNNA-DUNNA-DUN-DUN-DUN.
Ilúvatar: Okay, just because you have more power than everyone else does not mean you get to be a dick.
Melkor: 2 metal 4 u
Ilúvatar: I did not create you for this.
Melkor: Suck it, dork.
Ilúvatar: Stop it.
Melkor: Sorry. (Not actually sorry)

Of Maedhros

Morgoth: *kidnaps Maedhros after killing his entire entourage* give up ur quest losers or this guy gets it.
Fëanor’s other sons: Welp. It was nice knowin u bro.
Maedhros: … guys. pls.
Morgoth: Ok, guess I’ll just … hang him here. *hangs him on the face of thangorodrim*
*30 years later*
Maedhros: omg kill me now.
Fingon: .. ohey.
Maedhros: pls kill me. pls.
Fingon: *prays to Manwë* pls halp.
Thorondor: Caw-caw, bitches. Eagles come to save the day.
Fingon: ty manwë, luv u man.
Maedhros: *saved*
Fingon: sry. had to cut off ur hand. u good now tho.
Maedhros: i just can’t wait to be not-king. i relinquish my heir-rights. fingon, you get all the things. have the stuff.
Fingon: awh. bro. <3
Fëanor’s other sons:

Haleth & Caranthir

Haldad: *out fighting the orcs*
Haldar¹: *fighting them also*
Haleth²: *WRECKING the orcs*
Haldad: Oh, shit we’re getting overrun -
Orc: *SLAYS HALDAD*
Haldar: No! *runs out to save dad’s body*
Orc: *slays Haldar right after*
Haleth: … shit.
Haladin: *panic and freaking out*
Haleth: … okay folks, keep it together. We can do this.
Caranthir: *shows up with his band of merry elves to wreck some orc ass*
Orcs: *thoroughly defeated*

Caranthir: Haladin, especially you, Haleth. You all can come join my sweet kingdom if you go north. I’ll rule you all and it’ll be chill. You guys aren’t half bad.
Haleth: … thanks for the offer, but we’re good. We’re gonna go off and mess this guy up on our own.
Caranthir: … wow whatever, fuck me for being nice, huh.
Haleth: Sorry?
Caranthir: No, it’s cool. Good luck, hope you all don’t get fucked and all that. Not like you need our help or anything. Nah, you guys got it.
Haleth: … now you’re just being a dick.
Caranthir: Whatever man, it’s all water under the cold, dead bridge now.
Haleth: …. …. … you going to be okay?
Caranthir: Okay you can leave now get the fuck out of Thargelion.
Haleth: … okay, peace.

( Haldar¹ is Haldad’s son, twin to Haleth
Haleth² is Haldad’s daughter, twin to Haldar)

Of Maeglin

Maeglin: *turns twelve*
Eöl: Maeglin.
Maeglin: ?????
Aredhel: Who the heck is Maeglin –
Eöl: That is your name, son.
Maeglin: … okay.
Eöl: Want to come see the Dwarves and learn how to do cool stuff like your dad.
Maeglin: … not really.
Aredhel: You should go, he might actually kill you if you don’t.
Maeglin: *siiiiigh* okay fine.
Eöl: *takes Maeglin on adventures to Ered Lindon to visit Dwarves*
Maeglin: *learns all kinds of stuff*
Eöl: *takes him back home, then goes on an adventure without the fam*
Aredhel: Alright, little babyboo. Let me tell you of the Eldar and everything my family has been through and why this place sucks ass.
Maeglin: *cuddles up with mama for the invigorating tales*

Thingol & Men

Thingol: I don’t like these men.
Finrod: Come on, dude, they’re pretty cool!
Thingol: Nope, I’ve had bad dreams about them. They’re awful. Trust me.
Finrod: How could you dream about them if they just got here. That’s silly.
Thingol: Look, man, you’re my bro and stuff, but don’t let those gross things in my kingdom, alright? I don’t like them, even if they serve you.
Melian: … … … …
Finrod: … ugh, whatever man.

Afterwards …
Galadriel: Thingol doesn’t like humans does he.
Melian: No. But one day, I foresee a man will enter the Girdle of Melian. I can’t and won’t stop him.
Galadriel: Sent by doom, huh?
Melian: … sent by doom.

Cirith Thoronath/Glorfindel vs Balrog

(requested by aearlin)

Tuor: *kills Maeglin*
Idril: awe yis. *is saved*
Tuor: Ballin’. Let’s go, people of Gondolin.
Idril: we should go through this death-looking place.
Glorfindel: No worries I got this.
Tuor: you want back up oooor …
Glorfindel: bro. i said. i got it.
*travels through cirith thoronath*
Glorfindel: wow look at all these orcs.
Glorfindel: shiiiiiit. and a balrog - don’t worry guys. it’s all me.
Balrog: i’m gonna wreck it.
Glorfindel: Cometh at me bro.
Tuor: you want help man —
Glorfindel: Tuor pls. *battle engage*
Balrog: *wrecks*
Glorfindel: *is wrecked* fuck –
Balrog: *accidentally wrecks self*

Chapter 4

Elwë: *meets Melian*
Melian: *meets Elwë*
Elwë: *takes her hand*
Melian: *stands in silence with him for years*
Elwë: *YEARS*
Melian: *LITERALLY YEARS*
Elwë: *this chapter is literally about how they met*
Melian: … hi.
Elwë: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
Melian: not really –
Elwë: What a beautiful maiden in such a lovely garden. You come here often?
Melian: oh. um …
Elwë: I may be a Child of Ilúvatar, but I promise, I’m a king in the sheets.
Melian: Look, I already love you, you can stop –
Elwë: There’s a dragon in my loins and only you can tame it.
Melian: Okay we’re married now stop.

Dagor Aglareb (Glorious Battle)

Sauron: I don’t think the Noldor want to fight.
Morgoth: … why.
Sauron: They’re building things.
Morgoth: Let’s watch them, them.
*Several hours later*
Morgoth: This is boring - fuck it. *causes earthquakes, random fire fissures and volcanoes to erupt. Sends out Orcs to fuck shit up*
Noldor: MORGOTH WHY —
Sauron: lel.
Morgoth: Ha.
Fingolfin: *PREPARED FOR THIS*
Maedhros: *ALSO PREPARED*
Orcs: *assaulting Dorthonion*
Orcs: *are wrecked*
Morgoth: ………………………..
Sauron: … I mean … it was fun while it lasted?
Morgoth: *fumes*
Maedhros: We need to siege Angband. Like now.
Fingolfin: Yes!
Angband: *siege’d for four hundred years-ish*
Morgoth: *so ANGRY*

Morgoth & Men

Bereg: (Of House Bëor) So we know that this is not the land of light we were looking for …
Marach: (Son of Malach) Yeah, that place is across the sea, and we can’t get there.
Amlach: (Son of Imlach) So what do we do?
Bereg: These elf guys are still kind of creepy and weird though, let’s be real.
Morgoth: Hello, hi, you want to see the fancy light place across the sea? I’m a mighty powerful super Valar and I can totes get you there. Just give me a hand. Scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.
Marach: …. um.
Bereg: …. uuuh …
Morgoth: Think it over, guys. No need to rush.
Bereg: *calls a meeting for the men* Okay guys, I heard from the elves that this “Dark King” guy is kind of evil and we should not associate with him.
Marach: Yeah, and, like, the elves keep fighting him and he keeps saying to go north, but that seems like a bad idea.
Bereg: Our lives are short enough, ok. The elves can take this dark dude we can just go … idk anywhere else.
“Amlach”: The elves are just talking shit because they are trying to scare you n00bs. The gods are greedy and the elves are liars. Morgoth is obv the only way to go.
Men: *sit and consider this hm*
“Amlach”: Plus he’s totally rad.

Fingolfin vs Morgoth

*After flying to Angband with the fury of 1000 Super Saiyans*
Fingolfin: I challenge you biiiiiiiiiiitch. 
Morgoth: … k. *is massive*
Fingolfin: *RAGE*
Morgoth: *whack-a-fingolfin*
Fingolfin: *gets several hits on Morgoth*
Morgoth: Stop moving around you little shit — *MORGOTH SMASH*
Fingolfin: Get ON MY LEVEL BRO.
Morgoth: *foot on the neck* fuckin’ think you can come into MY house —
Fingolfin: *FOOT STAB*
Morgoth: *TRIPLE SMASH*
Fingolfin: *finally dead*
Morgoth: bitchass.

The End of Bëor the Old

(requested by anon)

Bëor: *gets old, like 390 years old*
Eldar: I feel some thousand and four-hundred something years young.
Bëor: Thanks for being so cool, guys. U rule. It’s been real.
Eldar: ??????
Bëor: *dies*
Eldar: WHO KILLED HIM.
Men: Not us.
Eldar: when did he get wounded?????
Felagund: … doesn’t look like he has any wounds.
Eldar: How did he get poisoned? hoW.
Felagund: He’s not poisoned tho.
Eldar: WHAT. WHAT HAPPENED THEN –
Men: He was old … so?????
Eldar: WHAT.
Men: idk man. Sometimes we get old and die because we’re so old.
Eldar: NO. THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS. THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.
Men: … it kind of is.
Felagund: wOW.
Eldar: incredible.
Felagund: oh. uh. sorry for your loss. and stuff btw.
Men: … thanks.

Elves & Men

Sindar and Noldor: *flocks of elves go to see the super cool new folks*
Men: *equally enthralled with the existence of these elves*
Finrod: *introduces everyone to one another*
Fingolfin: *sends messengers out to the men* Tell them to come hang out here for a bit if they want. We could stand to have some new friends, you know.
Malach: As the son of Marach, I accept King Fingolfin’s invitation. *takes a bunch of other people with him to work with/for the Kings of the Eldar and in Hithlum*
Edain: *the rest of the Men gradually leave Estolad*
Noldor: *send messages to the remaining Men* If you’re looking to keep moving west, then boy do we have the deal for you …
Men: Sold.

Adventures with Turgon & Finrod

Turgon: K dad. I’m gonna go adventure.
Fingolfin: Ok bye love you.
Turgon: *adventures off to find Finrod*
Finrod: *is found* let’s adventure.
Turgon: Yes adventure. *adventures*
*Several Hours Later*
Turgon: Golly, it sure is dark out here.
Finrod: Let’s sleep here next to this water. It seems legit.
Turgon: kk! *sleeps*
Finrod: *also sleeps*
Ulmo: *sends them dream messages*
*More Hours Later*
Finrod & Turgon: *WAKE UP*
Finrod: *stares at Turgon*
Turgon: *stares at Finrod*
Finrod: *believes Ulmo only spoke to him* … hey buudddyy …
Turgon: *thinks Ulmo only spoke to him* … sup dude.
Finrod: … I was thinking .. maybe we should solo adventure.
Turgon: I just remembered I … left the … house … on.
Finrod: … yeeeeaaaah …

Aredhel in Himlad

Aredhel: Golly, I sure do enjoy all this freedom to roam in these super cool woodlands.
Aredhel: *explores places unnamed and all that*
Aredhel: *a year later* ok so I guess Celegorm and Curufin aren’t coming back????
Aredhel: I’m tired of this waiting around buisness, I’m outie.
Aredhel: *heads to the south of Himlad*
Eöl: *using his super cool vision skills* .. hmm, what’s that I see? A fair and beautiful honey, just for me?
Aredhel: *wandering around the woods*
Eöl: *uses his enchantments to get her lost and lead her to his sweet smithy*
Aredhel: *gets lost and ends up at his smithy and halls*
Aredhel: What the heck.
Eöl: Oh, wow. Who are you, how did you get here oh, no.
Aredhel: Um - hey, I’m Aredhel, who are –
Eöl: Hey there, I’m Eöl and this is my home. Why don’t you come inside and we can get you something to eat and get married.
Aredhel: And what?
Eöl: Get you something to eat?
Aredhel: … oh, okay, for a second I thought you said get married. LEL.
Eöl: That’ll come in due time, don’t you worry.
Aredhel: Haha what.
Eöl: Looks like you’re stuck here forever, may as well get married, amirite.
Aredhel: I mean, okay????
Eöl: *takes her into his house and weds her*