I stand on the hill breathless, the gust of a chinook winds sweeps through the valley below and rushes up and past me, hair whipping at my face, air alive and frenzied, exhaling freedom, smelling of joy. The green but dying leaves of the trees chafe noisily behind me.
And time, time washes by me at light speed taking the moment of joyous freedom with it. It is now just a memory I realize, though only an instant past. And this realization is now too but a memory, along with that freeing joy from two instants before. Time takes it all, sweeps up everything we are and do, as it roils past us without even ruffling our hair, (though too often of late, it takes a bit of color with it leaving only a grey strand in its place.)
If we exist only in this ever vanishing now, we should have no memories or hopes. But our minds, our naughty, clever minds hide a connection to that axis of singularity that is timelessness; and like looms they thread our awareness through the fabric of time, forward and back, side to side, weaving a tapestry of consciousness which we interpret how else but linearly, stuck as we are in our prison of a paltry three dimensions and a single now.
As I tread down the hill to find my path home, I enjoy the misconception that I am walking through both time and space. When I stopped to ruminate I know I travel only through space. I cannot step back into my past, nor forward into my future, but only always into the next now. With this certainty comes a wobbliness, as if the earth has shifted beneath me. For a déjà vu second, I wonder that I might be dreaming a collective unconscious nightmare of running down a hallway that grows longer and longer before me. But that moment too passes and is claimed.
What wonders, our minds that so entwine us with the is that was, and the was that is not yet. Our connections, loves, passions, breaths – lived in the ever dying, ever resurrected present, are stitched illustriously (or not) into an ethereal cloth existing only in our untouchable mindspace. Should I give time a gift to take as it speeds by? Shall I smile, laugh, sing, kiss, and let time whisk it silently away for embroidering and recording within the shroud of my awareness. Or do I let time pass by empty handed for now, as I savor yet the echoes of the past just one instant more?