lost-highway-movie

10

Dylan’s journal

1: Fact: People are so unaware…. well, ignorance is bliss I guess…. that would explain my depression. - Dylan
A Virtual Book
EXISTENCES
By: Dylan
Properties: This book cannot be opened by anyone except Dylan (some supernatural force blocks common people from entering).
<<-VoDkA->>
<<-Dylan->> 
2: The 4 stages from within: most, few, some, none
Me is place outside all the boxes. 
3: El Thoughtzos
Ah yes, this is me writing … just writing, nobody technically did anything, just I felt like throwing out my thoughts - this is a weird time, weird life, weird existence. As I sit here (partially drunk with a screwdriver) I think a lot. Think … think … that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking … all the time … my mind never stops … music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking … about the asshole - in gym class, how he worries me, about driving, & my family, about friends & doings with them, about girls I know (mainly - & -) how I know I can never have them, yet I can still dream … I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the wads on my computer, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people (-) at school), yet it does nothing to help my life morally. My existence is shit to me - how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake - artificial, induced (?) by thought, how everything connects, yet it’s all so far apart … & I sit & think … science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet I see different views of shit now - like the mind - yet if the mind is viewed scientifically … hmm
I dwell in the past … thinking of good & bad memories. 
4: A lot on the past though … I’ve always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when I got so fucked up w my mind, existence, problem - when Dylan Bennet Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body … as I see the people at school - some good, some bad - I see how different I am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet I’m on such a greater scale of difference than everyone else (as far as I know, or guess). I see jocks having fun, friends, women, LIVEZ. 
Or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe) like ignorance = bliss. They don’t know beyond this world (how I do in my mind or in reality or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses - I lack the true human nature that Dylan owned & they lack the overdeveloped mind/imagination/knowledge tool. I don’t fit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life … that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe - my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me - my soul (existence). & the routine is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, hoping that people can accept me … that I can accept them … the NIN (Nine Inch Nails) song Piggy is good for thought writing … The Lost Highway sounds like a movie about me … I’m gonna write later, bye   <<-VoDkA->>
5: Da ThoughtZ Jeah
Well well, back at it, yes (you say) whoever the fuck ‘you’ is, but yea. My life is still fucked, in case you care … maybe, … (not?) I have just lost fuckin 45$, & before that I lost my zippo & knife (I did get those back) Why the fuck is he being such an ASSHOLE??? (god I guess, whoever is the being which controls shit). He’s fucking me over big time & it pisses me off. Oooh god I HATE my life, I want to die really bad right now - let’s see what I have that’s good: A nice family, a good house, food, a couple of good friends, & possessions. What’s bad - no girls (friends or girlfriends), no other friends except a few, nobody accepting me even though I want to be accepted, me doing badly & being intimidated in any & all sports, me looking weird & acting shy - BIG problem, me getting bad grades, having no ambition of life, that’s the big shit. Anyway … I was Mr. Cutter tonight - I have 11 depressioners on my right hand now, & my favorite contrasting symbol, because it is so true & means so much. The battle between good & bad never ends … OK enough bitchin … well I’m not done yet. OK go … I don’t know  why I do wrong with people (mainly women) - it’s like they are set out to hate & ignore me, I never know what to say or do. - is soo fuckin lucky he has no idea how I suffer. 
6: Okay here’s some poetry … this is a display of one man in search of answers, never finding them, yet in hopelessness understands things …
Existence … what a strange word. He set out by determination & curiosity, knows no existence, knows nothing relevant to himself. The pretty declarations of others & everything on this world, in this world, he knows the answers to. Yet they have no purpose to him. He seeks knowledge of the unthinkable, of the undefinable, of the unknown. He explores the everything … using his mind, the most powerful tool known to him. Not a physical barrier blocking the limits of exploration, time thru thought thru dimensions … the everything is his realm. Yet, the more he thinks, hoping to find answers to his questions, the more come up. Amazingly, the petty things mean much to him at this time, how he wants to be normal, not this transceiver of the everything. Then occurring to him, the answer. How everything is connected yet separate. By experiencing the petty others actions, reactions, emotions, doings and thoughts, he gets a mental picture of what, in his mind, is a cycle. Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall. Questions make answers, answers conceive questions, and at long last he is content. TTYL  <<-VoDkA->>
7: Thoughtz                                                                                                          Yo … whassup … heheheheh … know what’s weird? Everyone knows everyone. I swear - like I’m an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me … Check it … (this isn’t good, but I need to write, so here ….                                             Within the known limits of time … within the conceived boundaries of space … the average human thinks those are the settings of existence … yet the ponderer, the outcast, the believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions”, says the ponderer, “but of 3, as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions - L, W, & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions. My realm of thought - Time, Space, & THOUGHT. Thought is the most powerful thing that exists - anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them. Another … a dream.                                                                                         Miles & miles of never ending grass, like a wheat. A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180 (degrees) to normal life. No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenge, & then … BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life.                                                            8: Hypnosis place - It is a sky - with one large cloud, & sort of cloud-made chair - the sun is at the head of the chair … 10 o’clock up into the sky … Below, I sometimes see mist, & the green (forest green) earth - sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair - actually like a chaise - & I am talking … to what? I don’t know - it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t … & we talk like we are the same person - like he’s my soul … The everlasting contrast …                                                                              Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. GOOD. BAD. Yes, the everlasting-contrast. Since existence has known the ‘fight’ between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth see it as a battle they can win. HA fuckin morons. If people looked at History, they would see what happens. I think, too much, I understand, I am GOD compared to some of those un-existable brainless zombies. Yet, the actions of them interest me, like a kid with a new toy. Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go for the undevelopeds realm, while some of the morons become everything dwellers - but exceptions to every rule, & this is a BIG exception - most morons never change, they never decide to live in the ‘everything’ frame of mind!              Laterz           <<-VoDkA->>                                                                                   9: <<-VoDkA->>’s Thoughts                                                                                   The - Situation                                                                                                             It is not good for me right now (like it ever is) … but anyway … My best friend ever: the friend who shared, experimented, laughed, took chances with & appreciated me more than any friend ever did has been ordained … “passed on” … in my book. Ever since - (who I wouldn’t mind killing) has loved him … that’s the only place he’s been with her … if anyone had any idea how sad I am … I mean we were the TEAM. When him & I first were friends, well I finally found someone who was like me: who appreciated me & shared very common interests. Ever since 7th grade, I’ve felt lonely … when - came around, I finally felt happiness (sometimes) we did cigars, drinking, sabotage to houses, EVERYTHING for the first time together & now that he’s “moved on” I feel so lonely, without a friend. Oh well, maybe he’ll come around -> … I hope.               That’s all - for this topic - maybe I’ll never see this again. (-> ô=-   -=ô)                 <<-VoDkA->>                                                                                                                10: My 1st Love????                                                                                               OH my God … I am almost sure I am in love … with -. Hehehe … such a strange name, like mine … yet everything about her I love. From her good body to her almost perfect face, her charm, her wit & cunning, her NOT being popular. Her friends (who I know) - some - I just hope she likes me as much as I LOVE her. I think of her every second of every day. I want to be with her. I imagine me & her doing things together, the sound of her laugh, I picture her face, I love her. If - soulmates exist, then I think I’ve found mine. I hope she likes Techno … :-)             -, I love you                                                                                                             - Dylan

March 31, 1997 - 20 years ago Dylan began his journal

<<-VoDkA->>
3-31-97
Life existence

EL THOUGHTZO’S

AH yes, this is me writing… just writing, nobody technically did anything, just i felt like throwing out my thoughts - this is a wierd time, wierd life, wierd existence. As i sit here (partially drunk w. a screwdriver) i think a lot. Think… Think… that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking… all the time… my mind never stops… music runs 24/7 (xpt for sleep), just songs i hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking… about the asshole [edited] in Gym class, how he worries me, about driving, & my family, about friends & doings with them, about girls i kno (mainly [edited] & [edited]), how i kno i can never have them, yet i can still dream… I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the 'limits’ on my comp, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people ([edited]) at school, yet it does nothing to help my life - moraly. My existence is shit. To me - how i feel that i am in eternal suffering. in infinite directions in infinite realities - yet these [Dylan scribble] realities are fake- artificial, induced by thought, how everything connects, yet it’s all so far apart…. & i sit & think… Science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet i see different views of shit now like the mind - yet if the mind is viewed scientifically… HMM I dwell in the past… thinking of good & bad movies

a lot on the past though… ive always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when i got so fucked up… my mind, existence, problem - when Dylan Benet Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body… as i see the people at school - some good, some bad - I see how different i am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet i’m on such a greater scale of difference (as far as I kno, or guess) I see jocks having fun, friends, woman, LIVEZ
[two drawn arrows pointing down to the text below]
or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe). Like ignorance = bliss - they don’t know this world (how I do in my mind or in reality, or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses – i lack the true human nature that Dylan owned, & they lack the overdeveloped mind/ imagination/ knowledge tool I don’t sit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that i’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life. that ill finally not be at war w. myself, the world, the universe - my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE… me- my soul (existence). & the rotine - is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, somewhat hoping that people can accept me… that i can accept them… the NIN song Piggy is good for thought writing… The lost Highway sounds like a movie about me… im gonna write later, bye - <<-VoDkA->>

vimeo

“The Perfect Drug” by Nine Inch Nails, another song whose lyrics were written in Dylan Klebold’s day planner (JC-001-026457).  The song is from the soundtrack of one of Dylan’s favorite movies, Lost Highway (as are two Rammstein songs).

I got my head, but my head is unraveling

Can’t keep control, can’t keep track of where it’s traveling

I got my heart but my heart’s no good

And you’re the only one that’s understood

I come along but I don’t know where you’re taking me

I shouldn’t go but you’re wrenching, dragging, shaking me

Turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky

The more I give to you, the more I die

And I want you

And I want you

And I want you

And I want you

You are the perfect drug

The perfect drug

The perfect drug

You are the perfect drug

The perfect drug

The perfect drug

You make me hard when i’m all soft inside

I see the truth when i’m all stupid-eyed

The arrow goes straight through my heart

Without you everything just falls apart

My blood wants to say hello to you

My fears want to get inside of you

My soul is so afraid to realize

How very little there is left of me

And I want you

And I want you

And I want you

And I want you

[5x]

You are the perfect drug

The perfect drug

The perfect drug

You are the perfect drug

The perfect drug

The perfect drug

Take me with you

Without you

Without you everything just falls apart

Without you it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces

Without you

Without you everything just falls apart

Without you it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces

It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces

It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces

Without you

Without you everything just falls apart

Without you it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces

It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces

It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces

9/11 - Happy birthday Dylan Klebold !
I’m at a loss of words when it comes down to any of these days; their birthdays or 04/20. I just wished that you would have stayed a bit longer to see that there’s more to life than you have known. But.. I know what it all feels like.. 
I’ll be toasting on you tonight with some Dr. Pepper, that you loved. Chips Ahoy cookies that you used to toss around to make friends, watch your favorite movie Lost Highway, and I’ll lit a wish balloon into the night sky, along with a balloon for those who died at 9/11/2001. 
There will be candles burning for you tonight (:. 
Just know that you’re dearly missed. I hope you found it now, I really do.
My thoughts are with their family and friends today <3 

Dylan Bennet Klebold
9/11/1981 - 04/20/1999

dylthegoldenboy  asked:

Fuzzy socks, scented candles, wooly scarfs? :)

Scented Candles: How do you relax?

I watch Twin Peaks and lay in bed or go for a walk in a thick forest spending hours there ❤️

Fuzzy Socks: What’s your favourite movie?

Lost Highway , Die Hard, Cape Fear, Titanic and many others

Wooly Scarfs: What song do you think relates the most to you? Lana Del Rey - Summertime sadness

Thank you for the ask ❤️

4

“a lot on the past though… ive always had a thing for the past - how it reacts to the present & the future - or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when i got so fucked up… my mind, existence, problem - when Dylan Benet Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body… as i see the people at school - some good, some bad - I see how different i am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet i’m on such a greater scale of difference (as far as I kno, or guess) I see jocks having fun, friends, woman, LIVEZ
[two drawn arrows pointing down to the text below]
or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe). Like ignorance = bliss - they don’t know this world (how I do in my mind or in reality, or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses – i lack the true human nature that Dylan owned, & they lack the overdeveloped mind/ imagination/ knowledge tool I don’t sit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that i’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life. that ill finally not be at war w. myself, the world, the universe - my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE… me- my soul (existence). & the rotine - is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, somewhat hoping that people can accept me… that i can accept them… the NIN song Piggy is good for thought writing… The lost Highway sounds like a movie about me… im gonna write later, bye - <<-VoDkA->>”
- Dylan Klebold

anonymous asked:

What are the meanings behind the hearts that Dylan drew? One is a heart with a road inside of it and another is a heart with the three barred cross. I'm sorry you've probably been asked this so many times.

 - and sometimes, Dylan drew both symbolism contained within his heart/s..

The ‘three barred cross’, the Everlasting Contrast - represents the struggle, the battle between good & bad (of light & dark) which never ends within himself. 

Sometimes the heart itself is split down the middle by the vertical line of the everlasting contrast.

‘The road’ was, no doubt, inspired by the Lost Highway, the movie (see below), which symbolized the ‘endless journey’.  Within the heart, the endless, repetitively torturous journey finally does have end, a happy ending - the highway is angled upward, ascending toward the Halcyons where he and his She would be united together in eternal (endless) purity.  

“It is time. I love her the journey, the endless journey started, it has to end. We need to be happy to exist truly. I see her in perfection, the halcyons. I await endless purity. I exist as less than nothing without her. –O. my humanity, –O “

I now know the final battle (the everlasting contrast) - the pain of humanity is our love.     


Originally posted by zero-void