lost for love

reality

my body fakes a smile so everyone thinks i’m fine
i’ll even laugh once in a while too
but even with this fake façade and persona that i play
i’m not getting better and im not okay

i cry at night because i’m too deep in my thoughts
and i’m a hypocrite for telling people that they shouldn’t cry
i’m so bent on helping others that i can’t help myself
my mental state is broken and my world is shattering in front of me

and to those i talk to and hang out with
i’m sorry i’m not fun
i’m normally just thinking of the worse that’s yet to come
or what tonight’s miserable thought will be

i haven’t been happy in months and i don’t know what it’s like
being genuinely okay doesn’t seem right
and even if something good happens i’m too sad to care
i may talk about it like i’m happy but i’m actually just scared

i’m an antisocial mess with a extrovert life
talking to everyone that knows me
and making them perceive i’m alright
and when i make a joke about how sad i am
that’s me saying what’s wrong and i hope you listen

The worst part of all of this was how stupid I was. You were distant and then suddenly crazy affectionate. You were gone for long periods of time and I told myself not to be “that girl”. When you told me you loved me, it started to sound like someone was ripping the words out of your throat.

But I love you even now, and I didn’t let myself see the fact that you had found someone else that made you feel alive.

—  K.S.

“What are we going to do for space, though? We’re jam-packed as it is. Can we fit two cribs in the nursery?”

“I think there’s space in the hallway upstairs? We’ll manage!”

“I’m just a little worried. I would like more kids too, and I’ve no idea how we’re going to manage it.”

“Hey, Pen.” Lazlo cut in, “don’t worry. We’ll make the space somehow, even if that means we have to build another extension onto the house.” 

“Heh. Daddy had to do the same thing when Woody was born!”

2

I’m afraid you’ll laugh at me.

I am lost now
but hold on
my dear.
Do not go out
and look for me.
Just stay.
Stay and wait
for me
with arms like
home
and a heart full
of love.
I will find my way back,
I promise you.
—  Lukas W. // Find my way
Yes it was love; young love,
and though we didn’t get
eternity, forever will
linger in our could’ve beens.
—  Mistakes young lovers make, by M.A. Tempels © 2017

the world is dying
i’m sitting here crying
you’re over there trying
and we’re both just a mess

my hands start to shake
your mind starts to race
we think about our hearts
but it’s all gone to waste

and the tear marks on my cheeks
the words we don’t speak
the fact that you’re facing me
is something i can’t handle

and as we sit on opposite sides
thinking about life
what’s the matter with crying
if the rest of us are dying