How to say goodbye

Before I say goodbye, I want to tell you that I will always love you, whether you are downstairs, across the street, in a different neighborhood, or in a different part of the world. And even though my heart is still breaking, I know that you will always fiercely and unconditionally love me. Those who you will meet will be lucky to have been in your presence, even just for a moment, just as I have been lucky enough to have known you for as long as I have. It has been a privilege to know you, and an even greater privilege to love and be loved by you. You will always be a part of my life, and I will always be a part of yours. Thank you for being the best person that you could be, and above all, the best person that anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for going above and beyond in what started as nothing and became a relationship that will far outlast our time together. Thank you for the memories, both the good and the bad, and thank you for the memories that are still to come. We are not finished; this is not the end for us, only a new and slightly painful beginning. And so now here it is, the moment we have dreaded and dreaded to wait for:
Goodbye, I love you, and I will see you soon.

Maybe it’s the time or the place or just us. The lack of communication or lack of trust. Maybe it’s just life throwing love under the bus. Maybe it’s just not now or not soon or not ever. Maybe two people aren’t meant to end up together. Maybe it’s not enough to just sleep with your sweater. Maybe it’s the distance or the longing or the lust. It could be anything but I think it’s just us.

I never thought of humans as chemical reactions
until the first time we kissed and I felt sparks,
knowing you must be a conductor,
and I was the charge,

and when I learnt about combustion in my science class,
I thought about the day I left you and
the way you seemed to fall apart,
all carbon dioxide and water,

and I thought that maybe if I was a little bit smarter,
I would have read ahead a few chapters and learnt
how to put you back together again,

but instead
I went off like an alarm, and I hid
behind the notion that maybe if I never
met your eyes I could avoid the fact
that I was the only toxic one
between the two of us,

and I can’t help but notice you in the fragments of
the trees as they let out sighs of relief and
I wonder if you’re thinking about me,
trying to see me in the corners of the streets,
knowing I’m homeless since I walked
out of your heart.