Iris and Kara can be Sad
Iris’s fiance basically died again at the end of S3. Iris is a smart lady, I’m sure that intellectually she knows that Barry had to leave. That does not make her feelings of grief and abandonment at his leaving any less real. They are a couple and Barry should know her emotional state. Idk if it’s some sort of internalized misogyny that makes you think that Iris has to keep her messy and complicated emotions bottled up as to not inconvenience her fiance. That’s something a 50′s housewife would do.
Kara’s first serious boyfriend and one of her only connections to her home planet was lost at the end of S2. Not only did she lose him, she was the one to send him away. She thought that she had KILLED another person, and not just anyone, someone she was falling in love with. Kara is terrified of hurting other people, her whole persona revolves around her wish to help people. Mon El’s loss stirred up the feelings of grief at the loss of her home planet. Losing him was one death too many. Something like that is bound to take a toll on someone who has already lost so much in her life.
The common thread I have seen in the criticisms of both of these characters is that they are being selfish. They are sad and grieving. They don’t need to be strong and perky, both women didn’t crumble at these losses, but they both did retreat from emotional intimacy with other people. And yes, their grief is related to a man, and why is that a bad thing? To them, the men they loved died. It’s completely normal to be depressed and closed off following that kind of trauma.
Iris and Kara don’t need to stifle their feelings. They can be sad and angry(within reason) at other people for trying to make them “get over it” at their schedule. I get it, their feelings aren’t convenient for the people around them, but they don’t need to be. Loss isn’t convenient, it changes people and perpetuating the idea that someone needs to be totally okay and back to themselves at a set date is nonsensical.
Other, more informal, slightly mean thoughts- It’s just annoying that people think that Kara being sad abt MonEl makes her weak. It is SOOO human to not want to deal with your emotions and just putting things on the back burner. And from what I can tell Kara never dealt with the loss of her family and home properly either. Did she ever see a therapist? Probably not. No wonder all of this is coming out now.
I kinda feel like people who think Iris is being selfish, don’t have complicated thoughts or feelings themselves, that’s why they can’t comprehend Iris feeling the way she does. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Also I think people are being purposefully dense bc they don’t like Iris and Mon El. It’s a little obvious.