Another Rude Awakening

I stir at the alarm clock’s ring–
Another rude awakening.
Your voice won’t be the first I hear
Calling up with your boundless cheer,
Telling me,“Wake up, sleepyhead,
And get your cute butt outta bed!”

Now who will ask about my plans?
Who’s gonna care or understand?
Who’s gonna soothe my weary heart
Like you’ve been doing from the start?
I realize nobody and there is
No ruder awakening than this.

(2011)

Something’s changed in the way I see things

Something I didn’t realize until too late

It would seem as if my fear of never being loved

May have finally slipped away.

But at what cost? I ask myself

As in bed, past midnight, awake I lay

My fear of never being loved may have faded

But something else has taken its place.

I no longer fear that no one can fall for me.

I’m afraid its quite the other way around.

My fear of never being loved has shifted

And now I tremble in my own fear.

I’m now afraid it will be I who cannot love another

That there will be no one in this world I can hold dear.

That my cold actions and empty heart

May finally be my own undoing

It used to be simpler when romance was just in my head

But now I’m trying –– I’m actually trying

And I don’t think I’m cut out for this 

I don’t think I was meant to love or be loved

And that makes me want to scream

Because many things I’ve wanted and lost

But to love and be loved was one of my fondest dreams.

–– B.R.J Faricy

10

It’s no mystery that I absolutely adore @zarla-s writing, and that she’s the only one who’s depressing Undertale AUs I can genuinely get interested in.
I’ve drawn Handplates before, but I really wanted to give Zarla’s heart-breaking story of loss a, well… a “happy” ending?

This is a story of loss and recovery.
(The stylistic choices have been selected carefully, and are explained here: Acceptance - style and colour symbolism)

Zarla has created this AU as a way to cope with loss, and an experience that I’ve gone through as well. 
I hope this will speak to those who have also lost someone.

(I feel like I don’t really have to specifically state this, but please be respectful.)


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People don’t understand how much it physically hurts when someone with BPD is experiencing abandonment- perceived or otherwise-, it is not just in their head. The physical gnawing ache that ensnares the chest and tears that painfully build up, the excruciating urge to scream and lash out is barely containable. Please don’t leave us, you’re such a big part of our lives and we literally feel as if we’re dying without you.