so I'm having a pretty tough time right now...

I ended up in hospital last night due to vomiting blood and having severe stomach pain.
Been referred to the endoscopy unit for a gastroscopy on 16th August.
Hopefully they’ll figure out what’s going on, I’ve been told it could be stomach ulcers or a tear in my oesophagus.
This means two days off work now, and then another one on my procedure day, so I’m losing money which isn’t helpful at all.
But on the plus side, my new bedroom furniture gets delivered tomorrow, so excited for it, haven’t ever had any decent furniture before - and I’ve bought it all myself!
I’ll post pics tomorrow when it’s here so everyone can see how pretty it is!!
My eating is going really well after my 4 ½ lb loss this week, I’m super buzzing to see how much I can lose this week.
But for now, send me things to cheer me up please?


Okay so
I’m 18
195 pounds
36" waist
41" hips
25" thighs
15" arms
38" bust
I Am a medium/small in guy shirts
a large/extra large in girls shirts
An 11 in jeans
And I fucking love my body.
My goal weight is 160-170

And I honestly don’t know why I’m wearing a game of thrones shirt with a long skirt but it is okay. Haha

I’m probably setting myself up for a bunch of hate from random people, but I’m doing this because I know if I post my progress publicly then I’ll be less likely to quit. 

 July 29th, 2015 I currently weigh 235 lbs. With the exception of when I was very young, I have never been at a healthy weight. I want to change that. The photo above is of me only a couple hours ago after my first workout. I felt like death and I was soaked with sweat. Now, I feel pretty good. Sore, but good.

My relationship with food is the same as it is for may other obese people. I eat when I’m stressed, I eat when I’m depressed, I eat when I’m happy. For as long as I can remember, food has been one of the few things in my life hat hasn’t let me down and brings unconditional comfort when I’m down. 

 According to my BMI, my target weight should be, at most, 150 lbs. So by this time next year, I plan on reaching that. I’ll post my progress here.

I think it is incredibly important to love yourself at every stage of weight loss.

Never say to yourself “I’ll be happy when I reach my goal weight.” Or “I’ll look good when I reach my goal weight.”

No. If your happiness depends on you reaching a certain number - you won’t be happy when you reach it. Your unhappiness with yourself runs deeper than your weight. You deserve better than bullying yourself.

Love yourself. Right now. No matter what the scale says. Tell yourself every single day that you’re cute, pretty, DAMN FINE, a fucking dime! Even if you don’t think it’s true - say it! Eventually, with time, you’ll believe it. Because it IS true.

It works. Trust me. Love yourself. Love your body. You’re the only you you’ll ever have.

Life updates
  • I’ve been doing simply filling this week and feel full of energy.
  • I’m pretty sure I’m down 5ish lbs this week. Some was bloat, some was “stuff” but some of it was fat burning or lean muscle being created.
  • So far I’ve earned 25 activity points this week. A personal best.
  • I listened to a book on tape during my walks, The Barefoot CEO, and think I can totally listen to businessy books while walking. I actually get excited to go on my walk.
  • I feel at peace this week.
  • MAJOR UPDATE: I have a new job! This new change has been what has really helped me stay motivated with my health goals and I think will be a positive change overall. I will have routine, organization and structure back in my day-to-day life. In my job transition, I was able to have a 5 day weekend and got a ton done. Meal prepping, laundry, cleaning, little errands, lawn maintenance, walking etc. I made a list and am happy to say that this post is the last thing on my list! I’m hoping to be able to bring you more great updates and get back to being active and healthy.