losing someone

The hardest part of losing someone you love is trying to figure out who you were before they came into your life. It is learning how to cope with their absence, learning how to deal with the silence of a room - how it used to be comforting but now it serves as a reminder that you’re alone once again. It is finding pieces of them in everything that you do. It is waking up in the morning expecting their name to pop up on your phone but being hit by that crushing feeling that the routine you once went through life with, is no longer real. It’s done. It’s over. And that realization will crush you every day until it becomes easier.

The hardest part of losing someone you love is standing by the sidelines watching everyone new come into their life and changing them in ways that you start wondering who they are, but because you no longer have that bond to tie them down with, you can’t do anything but watch. Watch as the person you once knew, the person you told all your secrets to, the one who stayed up all night with you to listen to your worries, the one who was there become the one who left. You watch them change while you stay stuck in the past, while you’re still rooted to the very day they left you, still holding onto a thin, thin thread with hope that some part of them will come back and apologize one day.

The hardest part of losing someone is going to bed knowing everyday will be a repeat of what you should have already accepted by now. It’s done. It’s over. The hardest part of losing someone is that it was them, they were it, it has always been them. But it was never you - it stopped being you. The hardest part of losing someone you love is trying to see yourself with somebody better, it is the fear of never finding a love as true and beautiful as what you’ve lost.

But as hard as it may seem to look ahead, know that you will be okay. You can cry as long and as much as you want, but understand that this pain will not last forever. Learn to let go at your own terms. You will be okay, I promise you. That’s how life goes - you lose people. You lose people that you love and they lose you, but you have to keep going. You’ll learn that some are meant to be lessons, experiences, some are forever, a little while, not long, but that’s part of living. It’ll be okay.

I don’t remember our last kiss. I wish I did. I wish I could remember the last time we held hands..but I can’t remember that either. That’s the sad part about “last” things. You never know when it’s the last time.
—  k.r.b.// this must be what losing someone feels like
I wish you had met me when I still had that light in my eyes, that love was something I desired and didn’t hide from, that I didn’t always question your motives with everything you say. I wish you were my first so you could experience a completely different me, but that’s not going to happen.
—  my wish to you 
there’s a piece of my heart that still belongs to you, and I think it will always belong to you. as the days, weeks and months go by that piece of my heart only beats when I think about you, all the memories we have together, all the days we spent tangled in each others arms, the times we laughed so hard neither one of us could breathe. one day someone else might take over that piece of my heart, but for now it beats for you, and only for you.
—  12am thoughts