lord ogre

please ignore the ugly ass banner ^^

ok so i hit 100 like two weeks ago but i just decided i wanted to do this so enjoy my ducklings. so i made this blog like 3 months ago and to me 100 is a big deal meanwhile theres people on here hitting like 2k but i wanted to thank and appreciate the people who made my time on here worth while. i make it sound like I’m leaving I’m not i promise. also some of these blogs may not be dnp related. and some of the blogs listed are not my mutuals or close friends but i just really love ur blog!

also shout out the pre split panic phannies group chat and the ogre lords net. i loved sharing memes with u pals. 

if by any chance I’m following you or were mutuals and i forgot you please tell me and ill include you. and u can beat me with a stick bc I’m forgetful 

A-D: @asteroidphil / @astronautdan / @aforeverhome / @acreamphilleddan@beespov / @boncasphan / @byeloverz / @bumbledan /  @butternutting-lester @birdphil / @birbhowell / @cringe-attacks / @curlydans / @canarybees / @cluelesslester /  @celestialesters@dinofhtml / @danopoly / @dangoghs@danwhomst @dearlylester@dimplydan / @danspeach / @danisnotahobbit / @danisnotonfires / @devilester 

E - H: @eucalyptusdan / @eatmorehamsters / @emotionanalphil / @emotional-psycho / @frecklie / @fringegaps / @fringepov / @forestphl / @flower-on-the-wall13 / @goincrazyfast / @glitternailshowell@glomplester@greenlester / @ginassf / @galaxydnp

I - L: @interstellarphil / @intertwned / @lcssamazingphil / @leftsharklester / @luminousphil / @lstcr / @likelit-erally / @lovelylilaclester

M - P: @mollylikespie99 / @macaronidan @neonlester / @nasa-howell / @natthecatwithahat / @nephiliim / @oldphantweets / @pugjumper / @puppiesphan / @phtl / @phillester / @phanwhom / @phanniehtml / @phanperra / @pepperminthowell / @peachykeenlesty / @phantastic-dan / @phantastic-vibes / @pasteldoothowell

Q - T: @ratinof / @rosegoldan / @royaltydan / @rosythicc / @randomleighann /  @rebranddaniel @syngestreet / @spiritedawaydjh / @sparklephil / @sorcererphil @theylikeboys /

U - Z: @ufocafe / @validdan / @writerlester / @wispyphil / @warmdnp / @youllregretfollowingme 

Shreklings

I was 13 years old, and it was my freshman year of high school. I’ve always excelled academically, and I graduated middle school a couple years early. I was in gym class, reluctantly. Physical education was the only subject I never really took to; mainly because I preferred to read and write in my spare time. I always tried my best not to fall behind, but that didn’t stop the jocks and upperclassmen from making fun of me. Not only did they give me a hard time about my scrawny physique, they also made fun of me because of my passionate love and devotion for Shrek. I worship the Ogrelord, and I never kept it a secret. My designated locker was decorated with pictures of Shrek, and a small shrine that I would pray to during passing period. I carried an onion with me everywhere I went; for good luck, protection, and reassurance. As I walked into the gym that day, two of the upperclassmen in that period slammed shut the doors behind me. I jumped. “Ha, what a pussy.” Said the first. “What, are you afraid of doors now?” Laughed the second. Before I could speak, I was surrounded. “I think it’s time we teach this kid a lesson.” One started to chuckle. “You don’t belong here.” Said another. They began to shove me. I looked around in hopes of finding the gym teacher, but it seemed I already had his attention. He was glaring at me with a sinister smile. He walked over to me and my aggressors and began to laugh. “It’s rude enough being alive when nobody wants you. You never should have come here.” He stepped into the circle and punched me in the gut. I fell on my ass. “Dreck Farquaad scum.” I mumbled after catching my breath. I reached for my onion and held it tightly against my chest. I prayed to the Ogrelord. “Shrek, I need you.” There was a brief pause before the upperclassmen began to laugh. One had the audacity to begin, “Shrek is dre-” Before he could finish, I hurled the onion as hard as I could and hit him right in the dick. He fell to his knees. The onion hit the floor and began to spin as the rest of the upperclassmen began to attack me. In the split second before they reached me, there was a flash of light as Shrek erupted from the onion. The shockwave from the blast threw the students across the gym. Their bodies were like ragdolls being flung every which way, but the gym teacher and I were seemingly unaffected by the explosion. In that moment, aside from the moaning of the wounded upperclassmen, there was silence as the smoke began to clear. The shadow of Shrek began to form amongst the grey and the Ogrelord stepped forth from the unseen. He was beautiful. I almost couldn’t believe it: My hero was there, in front of me, in all of his glory. He was everything I imagined and more. His green complexion was like that of an angel, and his eyes were full of purpose and intent. Shrek approached the gym teacher and looked him in the eye. He ripped off his sleeve, revealing the mark of Farquaad. I knew it. “This is my swamp.” Shrek said firmly. The Fuckwaad tried to run, but the Ogre was faster. Shrek grabbed him by the back of the neck and threw him into the wall beside me. He removed his pants, releasing his fully eshrekt, leg-sized pulsating ogre penis into the stale air. It seemed as though this world was unworthy of something so perfect. “Prepare for the shrekoning.” Shrek grabbed his member with both hands, directing it towards the gym teacher. He then broke into a cold sprint, and the Quaad screamed. Before he could get up or evade, Shrek’s mighty penis found its way into his mouth. Shrek mouth fucked him against the wall, causing the back of his head to repetitively clash with it. The Ogrelord was conducting his will, and I had front row seats. The Quaad tried to bite Shrek’s dick off, but as he spit out the chunk of flesh, Shrek’s penis began to regrow and the lost ogre flesh formed into two smaller Shreks. The Ogrelord ripped off the Quaad’s dick, and began to fuck the bloody hole. He then preceded to get triple-teamed by Shrek and his minions until Shrek’s dick finally impaled him, from his mangina to his mouth, Shrek ran him through. He was like a shish kabob on the member of the Ogrelord. Shrek slipped the Quaad corpse off of his penis and glared around the room, eyeing the upperclassmen that hadn’t died on impact. “This is the part where you run away.” He warned. His voice echoed throughout the gym. The upperclassmen were in shock, unable to fully process what they had just witnessed. An 8 foot ogre stood before them, erect and steadfast. I had been waiting for this moment, I would have wanted to make them beg and suffer, but the feelings and emotions I had felt for so long had been completely ogrepowered by mercy and love. It was strange, like the ogre was emanating some sort of aura. Simply through his presence, Shrek taught me to forgive and to love my fellow shreklings. Though many do not follow the Ogrelord, we’re all children of Shrek. We find kinship in the Brogre community, but regardless of our differences and beliefs, we were meant to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Only the unfortunate souls possessed by Farquaad and Dreck must be extinguished. The surviving upperclassmen fled the gym, and my layers had been restored. Shrek approached me with a tender, fatherly look in his eyes after equipping his pants once again. He gave me another onion and a pat on the head. I gave him a big hug. He looked down at me, and said calmly, “It’s all ogre. At least for now. But brace yourself for the Shrekond Coming. Keep that onion handy lad.” I asked Shrek not to go, but it seemed as though his time here, with me, was ogre. “I’ll always be with you laddeh. I may appear to be gone for a time, but I’ll never really leave.” I felt reassured, and safe. I turned to look up through the gym window at the sunlight glaring in, and I felt warm. At last, I was content. I turned to thank Shrek, but he and his minions were already gone. Despite his sudden absence, I was happy. For at the end of the day I found that only one thing truly mattered. “Shrek is love,” I said. “Shrek is life.” Shrek is everything.

Shrekmas day

>Be me
>16
>25th of Decshrekcmber
>so excited
>getting many shrek merch
> go down to open presents
>tree is blue
>presents are blue
>open present
>drek doll
>I know this is a trick from the mighty ogrelord
>open another
>drek top
>FILTH I scream
>One present left
>shrekbox 369 gasp
>rip off the ugly blue paper
>no
>can’t be
>DREKSTATION
> I scream
> take out onion from pocket
>summon shrek
> tree turns green
>shrek I gasp
> wit is it laddeh? The mighty ogrelord questions
> I point to the presents as I am not worthy to speak to the ogrelord
>DREK he screams
> you’re not ruining this boys Shrekmas today laddeh
> shrek notices my mother starts to turn blue
>I gasp
>he brings out one of his onion grenades beats drek to death with it
> shrek takes me out of house on his onion sleigh with donkey
>house was blue
>house explodes
> shrek looks at me with his mighty green ogre eyes and says it’s all ogre now laddeh
> we’re going back to ma swamp laddeh
>could it be
> I would be spending Shrekmas with the mighty ogrelord and ogres and donkey?
> wake up
>shit
>all a dream
>woke up in swamp
>shrek hands me eyeball martini
> it’s all ogre now laddeh
>shrek takes out his onion stick of love and tips open my butthole
> he cums his onion flavoured goodness all over me
>now it’s ogre shrek smiles
>shrek is love shrek is life

Art by kasimova-daria.


Dumela the Flamebringer (sometimes “Dumela of Two Clans”) is the pridelord of the Flame Pride, a leonine subset of the once glorious Saberclaw Empire.  Entrusted with the generalship of the late Matriarch Saberclaw’s forces, he waged war against the Shattered Hand Remnant in an endless struggle to stave off orcish aggression while preparing for the expansion of the saberon into nearby territories such as the Overgrowth.

Prior to receiving the boon of the Sun Stone, Dumela was a savage competitor of Saberclaw and the Sun Clan; however, he became her loyalest companion when she brought lucidity to his darkened mind.  His worship of her majesty was such that he often placed himself in danger so that she might be spared harm. 

As the Matriarch’s right hand, Dumela was prized for both his fearlessness and boundless strength.  He was wounded in combat with the former gladiator, Bloodkill, and was later aided by Blythe Atwood in recovering from his injury.  This friendly gesture saw him place trust within the off-worlders, later known as “humans,” and in turn it was his voice among those that dissented that saw the humans granted audience with the Matriarch herself.

Dumela was present at the Battle of the Bleeding Valley, where Tsavo the Quick betrayed the saberon and aided Gra’ba the Ogre-Lord in staving off complete defeat.  As Tsavo slew Saberclaw, Dumela went into a rage and stalked after the fleeing traitor.   In turn, he was captured as Tsavo lied to his fellows and informed them that it was Dumela that slew their all-mother.  

Dumela has seen been made to fight in gladiatorial matches at the convenience of Tsavo, who beats and starves him when he is not prevailing against the odds.  With each day that passes, the flame he is known for wanes a little more – yet his ire and the feelings he holds for Blythe Atwood keep him from surrendering to the fatigue he knows.

He was last seen engaging Bloodkill in a death match, though the outcome is not yet known.  According to Hathshira,  Dumela intended to die so that the cubs and others of the Sun Clan might be spared. 

BTS - Marriage Squad
  • Rapmon: do you,do you, DO YOU take this man, in life and death, but PLEASE don't die-
  • You: i think their might be a little too many self-promotions
  • Rapmon: and i think ur not a certified priest
  • J-Hope: I think its called a marriage celebrant
  • Rapmon: u wanna fight bro
  • J-Hope: not really, i mean you cant beat up *pauses* the hope
  • Rapmon: more like the situation
  • You: *sighs* Suga how is the food coming along
  • Suga: um. It's coming alright
  • You: Suga. Did you eat. My fucking wedding cake.
  • Suga: maybe
  • You: is that not cannabalism, Suga eating Sugar
  • Suga: oh god no *drops fork*
  • You: Jungkook please tell me you're doing better than them
  • Jungkook: yeah i've learned the song on the piano and everything
  • You: can i hear it?
  • Jungkook: *starts playing danger*
  • You: well fuck
  • Jungkook: what did i do wrong
  • You: Jin, just come and help me put on my dres-
  • Jin: you mean the dress that so obviously looks better on me than you
  • You: what are you doing wearing my wedding dress
  • Jin: I should get married soon I look pretty damn hot
  • You: i thought you were supposed to be doing my hair and makeup what happened
  • Jin: I happened
  • You: Taehyung please tell me in the name of the ogre lord that you haven't screwed up the one simple task I gave you
  • V: of course not!
  • You: thank god, you're the best flower boy
  • V: thanks! I even took out those pesky flowers
  • You: wait you took out the flowers
  • V: yeah!
  • You: and what did you replace them with....?
  • J-Hope: C'mon you've gotta go get ready!
  • You: wait but Taehyu-
  • walking down the aisle
  • You: its been hectic but I can't wait to get married, all thats left is to watch Taehyung walk out and then i-
  • You: oh no
  • J-Hope: what is it?
  • You: Taehyung said he replaced the flowers with something but I dont know what
  • V: *reaches in flower basket* *struggles* *slowly pulls an arm out*
  • You: holy shit
  • V: *pulls out Jimin*
  • Jimin: why am I NAKED WHY AM IN AN AISLE