lord ogre

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ok so i hit 100 like two weeks ago but i just decided i wanted to do this so enjoy my ducklings. so i made this blog like 3 months ago and to me 100 is a big deal meanwhile theres people on here hitting like 2k but i wanted to thank and appreciate the people who made my time on here worth while. i make it sound like I’m leaving I’m not i promise. also some of these blogs may not be dnp related. and some of the blogs listed are not my mutuals or close friends but i just really love ur blog!

also shout out the pre split panic phannies group chat and the ogre lords net. i loved sharing memes with u pals. 

if by any chance I’m following you or were mutuals and i forgot you please tell me and ill include you. and u can beat me with a stick bc I’m forgetful 

A-D: @asteroidphil / @astronautdan / @aforeverhome / @acreamphilleddan@beespov / @boncasphan / @byeloverz / @bumbledan /  @butternutting-lester @birdphil / @birbhowell / @cringe-attacks / @curlydans / @canarybees / @cluelesslester /  @celestialesters@dinofhtml / @danopoly / @dangoghs@danwhomst @dearlylester@dimplydan / @danspeach / @danisnotahobbit / @danisnotonfires / @devilester 

E - H: @eucalyptusdan / @eatmorehamsters / @emotionanalphil / @emotional-psycho / @frecklie / @fringegaps / @fringepov / @forestphl / @flower-on-the-wall13 / @goincrazyfast / @glitternailshowell@glomplester@greenlester / @ginassf / @galaxydnp

I - L: @interstellarphil / @intertwned / @lcssamazingphil / @leftsharklester / @luminousphil / @lstcr / @likelit-erally / @lovelylilaclester

M - P: @mollylikespie99 / @macaronidan @neonlester / @nasa-howell / @natthecatwithahat / @nephiliim / @oldphantweets / @pugjumper / @puppiesphan / @phtl / @phillester / @phanwhom / @phanniehtml / @phanperra / @pepperminthowell / @peachykeenlesty / @phantastic-dan / @phantastic-vibes / @pasteldoothowell

Q - T: @ratinof / @rosegoldan / @royaltydan / @rosythicc / @randomleighann /  @rebranddaniel @syngestreet / @spiritedawaydjh / @sparklephil / @sorcererphil @theylikeboys /

U - Z: @ufocafe / @validdan / @writerlester / @wispyphil / @warmdnp / @youllregretfollowingme 

3

<br><b><i>Sooo this idea was from this post, and my friend @koinio tagged me in it. We thought up a few things and I thought it was interesting enough to write! I hope you guys enjoy this, it’s not suppose to offend anyone, I just wrote this for fun. I didn’t know what Brooks AOL username was (if he even had one), so I just put in Brooks whenever he replies back.

Eric stared at the AOL chat, looking over at the conversation so far as he played the role of the fake username, Catloverrawr. He thought anyone can tell it was obviously a catfisher, no girl would be that stupid to have a username like that. But, supposedly Brooks thought different, not knowing Eric was screwing with him as a sixteen year old from France.
Brooks took a deep breath, blushing and his stomach did loops at the thought of this girl. She’s been on his mind for days and weeks. They’ve only talked for two weeks, but he felt like this start of a relationship is going to high heights.
Brooks: hey bb
Eric smirked, seeing his cringey typing and cracked his fingers, ready to type more as he chuckled in his dark room.
Catloverrawr: hey ;^)
Brooks: ;^) how r u?
Catloverrawr: oh u know, missin’ you my teddy bear
Brooks: aw my little kitten

Eric couldn’t hold his laughter any longer, this conversation would be weird to anyone. How did Brooks find this cute? A girl would maybe act differently, but she can definitely tell this was stupid. How could anyone like Brooks anyway? He shook his head as he knew Brooks was waiting patiently on the other end. He wondered what he thought and felt at this moment. He took a moment to think what he would say next.
Brooks sat eagerly at his computer, a bit worried why this girl was taking so long to reply back. Did he say something wrong? Did she not like him? He tried to relax himself with positive thoughts, trying his best to keep positive and listened to the music playing faintly in his room.
He opened his eyes, getting out of the zone of relaxing to his soothing music, seeing she replied back. Brooks leaned forward to read the small writing on his screen, blushing heavily.
Catloverrawr: awww bb! So, how are your friends?
My friends? Why would she be so curious about that? Brooks stopped to think, retracing back to when he last saw his friends. He gritted his teeth when his mind went to Eric, who pissed him off today with throw an onion on his shirt, ruining it when it cracked open. He said something that Shrek hated him, so he hated him even more. Fucking ridiculous.
He sighed and typed in an answer to her weird question, not knowing Eric was laughing on the other end and was so ready to somehow print these conversations out to make Brook’s life a living hell.
Brooks: uhhh fine, I guess. They all have their own little problems, so do I. But, today, that Eric kid at my school pissed me off so much today.
He didn’t want to go further, this was enough and she didn’t need to know more. If she did ask though, he would answer honestly. He was an honest person for the most part. Of course he lied that he either got this, bought that, owned this and that. But that was all silliness of trying to impress his friends to make them jealous. As always, Eric called him out on it, boiling up with anger as he yelled at him and spitting everywhere as he spoke.
But, his so called girlfriend replied back once again.
Catloverrawr: aw :^( how?
Brooks: he threw a fuckin onion at me today and ruined my clothes. He talked something about Shrek or whatever.


Eric sat still, as if he was frozen, rereading what Brooks said. He laughed at it, but when he said something about Shrek, it made time stop. Was he disrespecting the Ogre Lord? Eric turned and glanced at every merch he had of him, glaring as he had no idea how anyone could hate the green magnificent creature.
He now wanted payback. He typed away on the keyboard, faster than he ever did before.
Catloverrawr: well, anyway wanna hang out sometime? I feel like I have known you for..years. y’know? I want to meet you in person.
Brooks stared at the message, finding it weird and exciting at the same time. The drastic change of the subject was weird, but her message made his stomach be filled with butterflies, his mouth dry, and his heart pumping fast.
Brooks: uhhh sure. Where?
The two talked about where they wanted to go, meet up by some wooden bridge square over the water that cars drove on. He never heard of this place, he must’ve never gone over there or the bridge was added recently. He chatted with her until she had to go, leaving him heartbroken and wanting more of her cute personality. He could only imagine what she looked like.

The next day was strange. The start of the day went normal, until Eric met up with him in the smoker’s pit one skipped period. He started the conversation normally, not getting mad at him or having any hate towards him. His face actually looked happy to see him. He kept fidgeting from his excitement of talking to him, Brooks guessed. He asked him about his day, school, Dylan or anyone they both knew and had some friendship with. Then he asked, out of nowhere, if he was dating anyone.
Eric chuckled, Brooks thought it was because Eric never suspected Brooks to actually get a girlfriend. But he only rolled his eyes, not looking into what Eric was giving him and the supposed sixteen year old from France.
Brooks answered, that he was dating a girl online and told him her age and where she was from. Oddly, her name sounded weird, more American than France. But, he kept his hopes up and suspected that her parents may of names her an American name because they liked it. It’s a strange world.
The conversation was cut short by the bell for the next period, Eric didn’t say anything about what Brooks just answered to his question before. Only saying bye and walking away quickly.

It was the day that the two would meet up. Brooks tried his best to look as presentable as he could. Even putting himself in a nice formal shirt for their weirdly placed meetup. He didn’t think about how the girl could come here from France because he was so into meeting her in weeks.
He got there and waited for a bit. He thought she would never come until he saw a Honda Prelude pull up that looks almost the same as Eric’s.
He watched, with a huge smile on his face, trying to hide the nervousness as he held onto the bouquet of red, vibrant, roses. He kept getting these feelings until he saw who came out of the car. The person seemed too familiar. Spiked hair, sunglasses, trenchcoat over a band t-shirt, combat boots. It was Eric!
Eric walked over, hands in his pockets, laughing at him for being so stupid.
“Eric? Why the fuck are you here?!”
“Well, you wanted your girlfriend from France to come. So here she is.” He couldn’t stop laughing at how he made Brooks seem like such a fool. This can’t be happening!
Brooks threw the flowers down at the ground, turning his hands into fists at his sides as he was so close to punching Eric in the jaw. “The fuck Eric! You are such a fucking asshole!”
Eric fumbled with the printed out conversation in his pocket, smirking as he watched Brooks getting mad. He finally had his time to give him hell.
“You think that girl was really me? You’re so fucking st-u-pid Brooks. No wonder you fell for something that retarded.”
Brooks stepped forward, seeing how Eric didn’t flinch or move.
Brooks stepped closer and closer and punched Eric in the jaw, making Eric fall down and rub the spot he hit. As he was left in a dazed and was pissed off, Brooks ran to his own car and drove off to calm himself.
This can’t be real. I’m dreaming. He tried his best to keep cool and collected so he doesn’t suave off the road and die from his own anger. Imagine telling the police this story if I did die, I would be a laughing stock for years!
Somehow Brooks was able to calm himself and dreaded coming to school the next day. He saw Eric showing Dylan and everyone else he knew the conversations, laughing at how stupid he sounded. Brooks did everything to avoid Eric and the rest, this scarred him for life. Years after high school, when he would get interviewed by news people to report on what he knew about his two best friends that turned into killers, he could hear Eric laughing at him in the back of his mind whenever it was mentioned. Either on tv, curious journalist asking him about it and seeing how Brooks stopped and flinched at the memory, then stuttered as he answered.
Brooks Brown would forever be known as the guy who fell for Eric’s crappy catfishing of a sixteen year old from France. Even seeing the people in the TCC community talking and laughing about it. Mentioning in memes, laughing as they answered an anon’s question about the situation in 1999.

Shreklings

I was 13 years old, and it was my freshman year of high school. I’ve always excelled academically, and I graduated middle school a couple years early. I was in gym class, reluctantly. Physical education was the only subject I never really took to; mainly because I preferred to read and write in my spare time. I always tried my best not to fall behind, but that didn’t stop the jocks and upperclassmen from making fun of me. Not only did they give me a hard time about my scrawny physique, they also made fun of me because of my passionate love and devotion for Shrek. I worship the Ogrelord, and I never kept it a secret. My designated locker was decorated with pictures of Shrek, and a small shrine that I would pray to during passing period. I carried an onion with me everywhere I went; for good luck, protection, and reassurance. As I walked into the gym that day, two of the upperclassmen in that period slammed shut the doors behind me. I jumped. “Ha, what a pussy.” Said the first. “What, are you afraid of doors now?” Laughed the second. Before I could speak, I was surrounded. “I think it’s time we teach this kid a lesson.” One started to chuckle. “You don’t belong here.” Said another. They began to shove me. I looked around in hopes of finding the gym teacher, but it seemed I already had his attention. He was glaring at me with a sinister smile. He walked over to me and my aggressors and began to laugh. “It’s rude enough being alive when nobody wants you. You never should have come here.” He stepped into the circle and punched me in the gut. I fell on my ass. “Dreck Farquaad scum.” I mumbled after catching my breath. I reached for my onion and held it tightly against my chest. I prayed to the Ogrelord. “Shrek, I need you.” There was a brief pause before the upperclassmen began to laugh. One had the audacity to begin, “Shrek is dre-” Before he could finish, I hurled the onion as hard as I could and hit him right in the dick. He fell to his knees. The onion hit the floor and began to spin as the rest of the upperclassmen began to attack me. In the split second before they reached me, there was a flash of light as Shrek erupted from the onion. The shockwave from the blast threw the students across the gym. Their bodies were like ragdolls being flung every which way, but the gym teacher and I were seemingly unaffected by the explosion. In that moment, aside from the moaning of the wounded upperclassmen, there was silence as the smoke began to clear. The shadow of Shrek began to form amongst the grey and the Ogrelord stepped forth from the unseen. He was beautiful. I almost couldn’t believe it: My hero was there, in front of me, in all of his glory. He was everything I imagined and more. His green complexion was like that of an angel, and his eyes were full of purpose and intent. Shrek approached the gym teacher and looked him in the eye. He ripped off his sleeve, revealing the mark of Farquaad. I knew it. “This is my swamp.” Shrek said firmly. The Fuckwaad tried to run, but the Ogre was faster. Shrek grabbed him by the back of the neck and threw him into the wall beside me. He removed his pants, releasing his fully eshrekt, leg-sized pulsating ogre penis into the stale air. It seemed as though this world was unworthy of something so perfect. “Prepare for the shrekoning.” Shrek grabbed his member with both hands, directing it towards the gym teacher. He then broke into a cold sprint, and the Quaad screamed. Before he could get up or evade, Shrek’s mighty penis found its way into his mouth. Shrek mouth fucked him against the wall, causing the back of his head to repetitively clash with it. The Ogrelord was conducting his will, and I had front row seats. The Quaad tried to bite Shrek’s dick off, but as he spit out the chunk of flesh, Shrek’s penis began to regrow and the lost ogre flesh formed into two smaller Shreks. The Ogrelord ripped off the Quaad’s dick, and began to fuck the bloody hole. He then preceded to get triple-teamed by Shrek and his minions until Shrek’s dick finally impaled him, from his mangina to his mouth, Shrek ran him through. He was like a shish kabob on the member of the Ogrelord. Shrek slipped the Quaad corpse off of his penis and glared around the room, eyeing the upperclassmen that hadn’t died on impact. “This is the part where you run away.” He warned. His voice echoed throughout the gym. The upperclassmen were in shock, unable to fully process what they had just witnessed. An 8 foot ogre stood before them, erect and steadfast. I had been waiting for this moment, I would have wanted to make them beg and suffer, but the feelings and emotions I had felt for so long had been completely ogrepowered by mercy and love. It was strange, like the ogre was emanating some sort of aura. Simply through his presence, Shrek taught me to forgive and to love my fellow shreklings. Though many do not follow the Ogrelord, we’re all children of Shrek. We find kinship in the Brogre community, but regardless of our differences and beliefs, we were meant to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Only the unfortunate souls possessed by Farquaad and Dreck must be extinguished. The surviving upperclassmen fled the gym, and my layers had been restored. Shrek approached me with a tender, fatherly look in his eyes after equipping his pants once again. He gave me another onion and a pat on the head. I gave him a big hug. He looked down at me, and said calmly, “It’s all ogre. At least for now. But brace yourself for the Shrekond Coming. Keep that onion handy lad.” I asked Shrek not to go, but it seemed as though his time here, with me, was ogre. “I’ll always be with you laddeh. I may appear to be gone for a time, but I’ll never really leave.” I felt reassured, and safe. I turned to look up through the gym window at the sunlight glaring in, and I felt warm. At last, I was content. I turned to thank Shrek, but he and his minions were already gone. Despite his sudden absence, I was happy. For at the end of the day I found that only one thing truly mattered. “Shrek is love,” I said. “Shrek is life.” Shrek is everything.

Shrekmas day

>Be me
>16
>25th of Decshrekcmber
>so excited
>getting many shrek merch
> go down to open presents
>tree is blue
>presents are blue
>open present
>drek doll
>I know this is a trick from the mighty ogrelord
>open another
>drek top
>FILTH I scream
>One present left
>shrekbox 369 gasp
>rip off the ugly blue paper
>no
>can’t be
>DREKSTATION
> I scream
> take out onion from pocket
>summon shrek
> tree turns green
>shrek I gasp
> wit is it laddeh? The mighty ogrelord questions
> I point to the presents as I am not worthy to speak to the ogrelord
>DREK he screams
> you’re not ruining this boys Shrekmas today laddeh
> shrek notices my mother starts to turn blue
>I gasp
>he brings out one of his onion grenades beats drek to death with it
> shrek takes me out of house on his onion sleigh with donkey
>house was blue
>house explodes
> shrek looks at me with his mighty green ogre eyes and says it’s all ogre now laddeh
> we’re going back to ma swamp laddeh
>could it be
> I would be spending Shrekmas with the mighty ogrelord and ogres and donkey?
> wake up
>shit
>all a dream
>woke up in swamp
>shrek hands me eyeball martini
> it’s all ogre now laddeh
>shrek takes out his onion stick of love and tips open my butthole
> he cums his onion flavoured goodness all over me
>now it’s ogre shrek smiles
>shrek is love shrek is life