Trust me, God is with you. Even when you can’t feel Him, even when you can’t stay focused in prayer, even when you can’t bring yourself to sing psalms, even if you think you’ve scared Him away… He is with you.
Jesus didn't die on the Cross for me to feel this type of guilt, shame, and unworthiness... He died for the complete opposite reasons. He died so I could live in freedom. He died because despite my mistakes, His love triumphs over them. I'm undeserving, but unconditionally loved by God!
In the same way that you cannot substitute God’s Word with anything else, you cannot substitute your relationship with God with anything else. Joy and contentment are found in Him alone. Anything else is a illusion that gives happiness for only a brief moment, and emptiness from then on.