loot-chest

Heads up

We entered into a dungeon separated from each other while confronting our worst fears manifested and our wizard was the first to escape… but first he needed a loot chest

Wizard: Before I leave through the portal I throw the chest in first and then I jump in.

DM: You toss the heavy chest with some difficulty but it flies through and you follow suit. You return to the city with no one else from the party in sight.

Wizard: Can I see what is in my chest?

DM: Roll perception.

*Wizard rolls*

DM: Despite having such great eyes, you do not see your chest anywhere.

Wizard: WTF? Where is it?

*Chest proceeds to fly out of the portal and strikes the Wizard in the back of the head. Putting him in a dying state*

DM: Roll a saving roll

*Wizard rolls a 4*

Wizard: Four! Fuck! If I die don’t take my chest!

youtube

I’ve criticized TB a fair bit in the last month or so, but he’s still got his head on straight for consumer rights.

I hate to say it, but don’t buy Shadow of War.  The entire game is a mass of what is absolutely awful in the industry right now and even paying for the base game is a tacit approval of the tactics they’re using.

So far they have:

  • Have bloated pre-orders.  The base game costs $60.  The Silver edition costs $100.  The Gold edition costs $130 dollars.  The Mithril edition, which is the collector’s edition, costs $300.
  • Released several Day 1 story based DLC, locking away entire subquests and orc tribes from players who do not pay.
  • The game has in game microtransactions, where you buy loot chests that randomly give you orcs, weapons and runes.  You pay full price for the game and you can bet they balanced drops to be extra grindy to coax you into buying microtransactions.
  • War chests are randomized.  You’re paying to avoid bloated grinding for a CHANCE for what you need.
  • Microtransactions also include high level, specialized orcs that can be used in multiplayer, allowing you to fill your forts with massively overpowered characters immediately.  While not play to win, it is extremely close.
  • They partnered with Totinos Pizza Rolls much like the fabled Mountain Dewritogate for Halo.  Buy food, get in game rewards.  Bullshit.
  • They released a DLC for a dead developer promising to send proceeds to his family, only to have in fine print that non-USA (and even some states in the USA) are exempt and if you purchase the DLC, all money goes to WB Games and not the family.

I repeat.  Do not buy this game at launch.  Do not.  Do not reward publishers for their greed because this kind of shit will become normalized if we pay for it.  Even if you don’t use the microtransactions, all you’re doing is telling WB Games that you don’t MIND them there.

If you must have this game, wait for it to go on sale.  Wait for the GotY Edition.  Wait for the GotY Edition to go on sale.

If you have pre-ordered ANYTHING for this game, revoke your pre-order.  Don’t give them your money for effectively screwing you over.  Make a statement that this stuff should not be in gaming.

6

Heroes of the Storm 2.0: Nexus Challenge

Quick reminder that this begins today! (σ ˋωˊ)σ

Qualifying Modes:

  • Co-op vs AI (Oni Genji Only)
  • Quick Match 
  • Unranked Draft 
  • Ranked Modes

Non-Qualifying Modes:

  • Brawl
  • Training
  • Tutorial
  • Try Mode
  • Custom Game

Quest 1: Starts after April 25

  • Complete 5 games with a friend (Co-op vs AI/Quick Match/Unranked/ Ranked)
  • Overwatch Rewards: Oni Genji Skin, Portrait and Spray
  • Heroes Rewards: Orochi Hovercycle Mount, Oni Genji Banner, Portrait and Spray

Quest 2: Starts after May 2 

  • Complete 5 games with a friend  (Quick Match/Unranked/ Ranked)
  • Overwatch Rewards: Officer D.Va Skin
  • Heroes Rewards: Busan Police Hovercycle Mount

Quest 3: Starts after May 9

  • Complete 5 games with a friend  (Quick Match/Unranked/ Ranked)
  • Overwatch Rewards: Officer D.Va, Portrait and Spray
  • Heroes Rewards: Overwatch Nexagon Mount, Officer D.Va Banner, Portrait and Spray

Quest 4: Starts after May 16

  • Complete 5 games with a friend  (Quick Match/Unranked/ Ranked)
  • Overwatch Rewards: 10 Loot Boxes
  • Heroes Rewards: 10 Loot Chests (one of which is Rare)
Secrets..?

Background: Going through a cave and finding a giant 150ft metal plated stone door with Celestial on the door. Me, a gnome cleric who knows celestial, and the human bard, and the dragonborn rouge are trying to figure out the riddle written on the door. 

Me: *Reading the text on the door to the group* The riddle in says, “When you have me, you want to share me. When you share me, you don’t have me. What am I?” *whole group thinks for a while* 
Rogue: *shrugs* I dunno 
Bard: I know what it is! The answer is a secret!  
Me: Wooooow, just because we can’t figure it out and you did, you don’t want to share it with us. RUDE. 
Bard: No no no, I’m saying that the answer’s a secret! 
Me: I know you know, geez, then why don’t you tell us! *getting irritated* 
Rogue: *snorts as she understood what was going on a while ago* 
Bard: *After approx. 5 minutes of trying to tell me the answer he gives up* Sigh.. what I’m trying to say is that the answer is, quote ‘a secret’ end quote. 
Me: OH. Why didn’t you say so earlier? *says ‘a secret’ in celestial* 
DM: The door swings open and lights flicker on inside past the door. 

Later we barely pass the skills challenge (we only passed because of the bard) and was one fail away from dying after trying to loot the chest we found in the room past said door. We proceeded to roll amazingly for the loot we found in the chest.  Bard: That was more trouble than it was worth I swear. (As the bard took most of the damage from traps and everything else in the cave in general). 

DD#8 - The Mimic

All this lootcrate drama in gaming community made me think about good old Mimics. You know… the creatures that mimic a treasure chest to lure travelers to reach for the loot only to be eaten alive! EA is made of mimics or at least Battlefront2 is. I looked at my game library, and with some perverse pride I can say, that I have not a single game released under the stinky wing of Electronic Arts as for now. The last one I purchased was Mass Effect 3, I reckon, in the good old day. I do have some Ubisoft Games but well, they are only getting to the level of horror toxicity - they are close, but now just there yet. Life is hard for gamers.

Fortunately, I have Nintendo. And Switch. And gosh golly, it feels so… Good. So validated! To be a Switch fan from day one :D

No microtransactions coming in Agents of Mayhem

I was planning to ask the devs in the next stream, but Volition already got ahead of me by responding to one of my replies:

So just to clear up any concerns, since the unfortunate trend of microtransactions in full price games is becoming more prevalent in the industry.

So I’m going to Daisho Con in a few weeks and the voice actress for my favorite Borderlands character is gonna be there. GAIGE!!!!! So I made this wanted poster for Cherami Leigh to sign :D I had to make it since Gearbox was stupid about how they did their loot chests. Give Gaige and Kreig posters to the 2nd run but not the 1st? Really?

Anyways, can’t wait for Daisho. SMASH THE SYSTEM!!!!!

btw if anyone wants a higher res to print this out yourself, just message me. tumblr has a message system, right?

MC Server SEASON II

Season I has finished!!

(And we still don’t have an official name for the server yet!)
Season II will be launching on Friday the 3rd, so we’re opening the doors once again for anyone who might be interested!

• Server is Vanilla, Java Edition, Spigot 1.12.2.
• Seasons last 2 months each. At the end of each season, the map gets reset and is put up for download.
• Server and Discord should be kept SFW (PG 17-).
• Server has a whitelist; entry is somewhat selective.
• A bigger list of custom changes is under the cut!

If interested in joining, please read ALL the info in the “How To Join” section under the cut!

Keep reading

Scorch

Request

i was wondering if u could make a story of a male dragon an a female human an they fall in love an she get prego by him an when he is fucking her,her belly bulgs a bit when he knots her an cums her womd bulgs an when she give birth she is laying eggs

Fill

Slowly your eyes open, a beam of morning sun cutting across your face. You shift in the layers of soft cotton, deep emerald and sapphire in color, slowly rising and stretching. A nuzzle brings you attention to him, and you smile warmly, leaning into the rub of your cheek. The dragon tugs at your covers, encouraging you to rise from the nest of them that he’d created when you first arrived.

You had been an offering several months ago, the people of the village voting on you to be sacrificed to the dragon that lived on the small isle off the coast. You’d felt betrayed naturally. How could they do this to you? After all you’ve done for them? Feed those in need, nursed those in sickness, cared for them as if they were your own blood. But someone had to be elected, and it had fallen to you this time. When you’d arrived on shore, presented at the cave like entrance of the crumbly tower, you shook an cursed them and prayed. You were bound so you wouldn’t escape, as unlikely as it honestly was. You weren’t the strongest of swimmers, and you’d have just been scooped up from the ocean.

But it wasn’t so bad. He had taken you in, nudged you around the lair, and kept you fed and gifted with clothe that you fashioned into covers and clothes. It wasn’t long before you became quite comfortable with the majestic terror and you wondered what happened to the others before you. When you asked him, he’d go quiet and stalk away, taking flight for hours. Soon you learned not to ask and made yourself useful around the lair, keeping things cleaned, cooked and orderly. All was going so well, until one night…

All day you’d been feeling uncomfortable. A heat had blossomed over you, and not soon before long you shed the silks that had adorned your curved body. You tied your hair up, piling the weight off your neck as you paced around, uncomfortable to the point of distraction. You hear the arrival of the dragon, not bothering to cover yourself from his sunset eyes. At the sight of you he drops his loot, a chest that’s over flowing with more gifts from another village you supposed, sniffint the air. “What’s happening to me??” you whisper as he sniffs at you, nuzzling your soft belly.

He purrs, nosing the soft flesh, his forked black tongue slipping out to lick at your flushing skin. You gasp in surprise, staring at him in wonder and confusion. With gentle head butts, he herds you back to your pallet, until you fall on your backside, panting with an intensifying heat, thighs splitting to reveal you wet opening. You wish you could explain what as happening to you. Why suddenly your body ached with unfamiliar feelings. Why it craved something in your most sensitive of places. “Please, help,” you whimper to the dragon.

He lowers his head, pushing your legs further apart, and you moan as the lewd position, bared and glistening to his gaze. His tongue slips out, flickering against a pussy that weeps for attention. You cry out, spine bowing. This is what you needed. The heat rises in your body as the dragon tongues you, lavishing attention on your erect little pink bud of desire. Quickly he brings your orgasm, your body torquing in the sheets, hands fisting the fabric beneath you.

As you try to catch your breath, vision blurry with the force of your first orgasm, the dragon climbs over you, it’s large iridescent green body intimidating over your frail human one. You reach to caress his jaw and he purrs again, lapping at your breasts, swollen with your heat and nipples hard.

You look down between your two distinct bodies, seeing something pale swelling in size, and you realize it’s his cock. A small voice in the back of your mind calls to you that what you’re doing is utterly insane, but as the tip of his cock brushes your throbbing entrance, the voice is quieted. You moan, arching under him, wordlessly begging for him, and he delivers. Slowly he pushes into your slick heat, splitting pink folds wide.

The cave echoes with your cries as he pushes farther in, making you let eyes roll to the back of your head. He’s ribbed, thick, and wonderful. When he’s fully sheathed in your stretched sex, he pauses, sunset eyes gleaming down at you, nuzzling you gently. Slowly your eyes open to look back at him, and you stroke his jaw, earning yet another purr. Gently, slowly, his strokes begin. Your previous orgasm is a big help, making your sex oil slick to make for an easier glide. Your breath hitches in your throat, his tongue lapping at your ridges nipples, puckered tight. Your hips begin moving themselves; you’re fucking your self against a dragon! There’s no room in your mind to ruminate over this, another orgasm barreling towards you, making you convulse underneath his muscled form.

Your release is strong enough to trigger his own and his body slams roughly into yours, body shuddering. Within your sensitive body you fee the tip of him brush your cervix painfully and something knot and twitch. You feel his cock pump his searing hot cum into your still quivering pussy, filing you pass full. You moan groggily, looking up at the great beast as he pumps a few more strokes, your lower abdomen warm to the touch. Finally he pulls from you, and you reach to touch your belly, feeling just how his load has distended the once flatness of your middle. The dragon nuzzles you between your thighs, making them shake again and you plead in a squeal for him to cease. You couldn’t possibly take anymore pleasure. So he laps you clean and pulls the covers over you.

The heat you were consumed with has broken, except where your hand still laid over your lower belly, still taut.

____

The days past and soon a month. Your bleeding hasn’t come and your belly has been growing. The dragon is even more attentive, bringing you more and more food and presents. He knows something and you’re suspect. One even, one of your silks unable to contain the smooth bump that would have her guessing her with child at 6 months pregnant, you approach him.

He raises his head at you, a look of interest coming across his face. “Just tell me what I am,” you sigh. He nuzzles your belly, licking at the curved surface and making you shudder and moan.

“How? How will I?” You ask, stumbling over your words and pacing anxiously. He places his head by you, a guttural sound coming from him, low and comforting. He’d taken such good care of you so far, as if you were one of his precious gems. You sigh, burying your face in his green mane, scratching his jaw, “Okay.”

Weeks continue to pass and you begin to wonder just how long this will be. You’re so big now and you sleep with the dragon, his massive body providing a heat you didn’t know you needed. Your hand constantly strokes your belly that’s impossible to hide and he’s made no effort to bring you clothe to cover it with. He likes keeping an eye on it. You squeal, bringing him on alert when you first feel movement within you, pressing a belt that belonged to a woman who’d be pregnant full term with twins. At this the dragon sighs against you in contentment and you smile.

You would worry over the pleasure this was bringing you later.

The day you’d pondered over comes. It’s been four months and you can’t move for how big you are. While the dragon assists in bring you to your feet so you can waddle and stretch your legs, the strain on your back is too much. Your knees hurt too and your breasts have become tender too, leaking milk and staining your silks. You’re forced to wear your cottons, which is just fine with you. You were laying against the dragon, biting your lip as his tongue lapped at your cheek and leaky tits before you feel something within you burst and your belly tighten.

The dragon purrs, twisting to nudge you closer to his body, to lean into him and placing his tail under your legs. You groan as contractions begin, sweat beading on your forehead, pulling the cotton away from you. You rub your belly, crying out as another contraction strikes, each one stronger than the last. Your big belly lurches, and the dragon licks it as you feel something shift down within you. Panting and scared, you feel this large something ease down and the urge to push overwhelming.

You follow your body’s commands, pushing and crying out, the dragon lapping at your straining folds, something slowly beginning to crown. You wish you could reach down to touch whatever it is, but the effort! Oh the effort of keeping it coming out is too much. You rock your wide hips and push again, screaming as it splits you apart, coming out in a rush of fluid. Panting you look at it, gleaming it looks like you’d just birthed a huge ruby. What???

The dragon carefully picks it up with his teeth and places it in a low fire nearby without moving. You get that feeling again, the shifting one and you groan, weeping. You were so scared and hurting. The dragon lapped at your folds, releasing your clit mixing pleasure with your pain. Encouraging you to go on.

Soon your pushing again, gritting your teeth, squeezing forth another egg, this one a shade easier that the first. And they come. Each giving you a span of time between to breath, lapped by the dragon father and placement in the fire pit.

When it’s all over, 8 eggs sit in the fires, your belly empty and fluffier to the touch, your breasts still leaking milk that is lapped by the dragon who cares and caters to you. Bringing your pallet over and cradling you close as you rest. Your eyes droop as you stare into the flickering flames, a smile easing across your features as you look to a new future for the isle. Or so you hope.

By  pussyandprose

Would anyone be interested if I set up a community Minecraft server?

A few friends and I have had a small server up and running for a few months now, and it was actually a really good bonding experience - I hardly knew some of them to begin with, and now we’re really good friends.

This server thingy is mainly going to be a fun place to hang and get to know each other, good for those of us (me included) who suck at casual conversation without a common medium like a game!

Development is still in progress (getting there!), but I wanted to see how many people would be interested in joining? O:
Questions, concerns, comments, warnings, etc are welcome too!

Server will be vanilla with added features. You’ll be able to connect without having to mod your client. The HUGE list of custom stuff is under the cut!

Keep reading