From June 07 to June 25, 2017, In Grenoble (France) and within the Street Art Fest, my gifs are looping on cinema screens in the Street Art Film Fest of the same city. If you are close take a walk in the city to see street artist working and then take relax watching some documentaries, time lapses and gifs inside.
Listen…words happened. Lots of words. I hope this is what you wanted. Maybe you wanted something darker? And more…painful? I am working on being more angsty and painfilled :D
99: “Calm down. I look a lot worse than I am.” (ao3)
Neil slipped into his trainers without untying them around five in the morning. He was trying to be as silent as possible because everyone else in the dorm was still asleep. Regardless of when Neil went to sleep, his internal clock has him up at five am, every day. Technically, Neil had only fallen into bed at three after a night practice with Kevin and Andrew. Kevin was snoring in his bed across the room and Andrew was awake but hadn’t opened his eyes. Neil tried to be as stealthy as possible when he got out of bed, but there was no climbing down from bunk beds without waking the other person, especially not if they were a light sleeper. Andrew was so used to Neil slipping out of Fox Tower around 5:10 am, and running until he was tired enough to fall back into bed for a few hours before his 11 am Stats class, that he no longer started swearing at being woken up, he would just murmur, “phone on,” before pulling the covers over his head and going back to sleep.
Neil took the elevator all the way down in order to take the time to stretch and relish the protesting of his tired muscles. They had gone hard at night practice. Andrew was in an accommodating mood and had the two strikers running up and down the court like mad. He had even let Neil drive home so he could smoke in the passenger seat and look at Neil. Neil had given a mocking little, “Staring,” making Andrew blow smoke in his face. Kevin had started complaining in the backseat about the perils of smoking and what it would do to Andrew’s body. Andrew how will you continue to play exy if you can’t catch your breath? Kevin had finally asked, imploringly. Andrew was completely unimpressed and lit another cigarette, passing it to Neil, before turning up the radio to drown out Kevin’s protesting.
Walking from the elevator to the door, Neil nodded to the tired front desk worker as he planned out his route. He could probably just do a quick loop around campus before heading back to shower and climb into bed with Andrew before he got up for his 9 am Cultural Violence class. Neil took off when he jumped down the last two steps. He ran past the pond, the main lawn, and the library before veering off his course to head towards the Dunkin Donut across from the far end of campus. Andrew’s favorite was the chocolate glazed and he was rarely up in time to choke down an Oreo poptart before class, much less make it all the way across campus to grab donuts before class. He would probably just put them out on the counter where Andrew could find him. There was a level of discomfort Andrew went through when he realized how much he was known at this point. Neil understood that and kind of felt the same way, but Andrew so effortlessly knew Neil that Neil tried really hard to remember the things that Andrew liked. If the radio was on and Andrew took the extra effort to turn the volume up, Neil would us the little app Matt showed him how to use to find songs so he could add it to their driving playlist. Neil wanted Andrew to feel just as known as Neil himself did. Neil didn’t need Andrew’s reaction. He just wanted Andrew to know that someone cared, so picking up donuts and a large hot chocolate with two shots of espresso and whipped cream was easy enough.
Neil jogged in place and waited for the light to turn red before running across the street to the Dunkin Donuts. Halfway through he was knocked off his feet. He was lying on the ground and was trying to piece together how he got down there. He blinked and glanced around before noticing the horrified glances of two girls in front of the Dunkin Donuts holding coffees. He heard a door slam and his eyes swept back to see a black car right beside him and a man running towards him in what almost looked like slow motion. Shock. You’re in shock.
“Hey man, shit. Are you okay?”
Neil couldn’t find the words to ask him what he meant. He just furrowed his brow and stuck his hand in his pocket to feel for his phone. He pulled it out and it was shattered to hell and back. He pressed the home button and when it didn’t light up, he dropped it to the pavement without thought. He was pissed because Andrew had gotten him that phone and now it was destroyed.
“Hey man, I know that you’re probably shook up, but I need to tell me if anything is broken. I want to get you out of the road,” the stranger said with anxiety in his voice.
“I’m not…what happened?” Neil asked, confused.
“Fuck. Okay. Okay. I was texting and I didn’t see the light turn red and—fuck. I hit you with my car. Oh my god I can’t afford this, but I will pay for your hospital bill okay? Oh my god, wait. You’re Josten aren’t you. Holy fuck. Man did I fuck up your ability to play. I watched your interview about how passionate you are about the game. Oh fucking Christ I’ve ruined your life. I fucked my car. I’m going to die right here,” the stranger became more and more shaken as he went on.
“Stop,” Neil said, pulling himself into a sitting position.
“You’re not supposed to move, man,” the guy whimpered.
“Okay, listen to me. I need you to do some things for me,” Neil said.
“Anything, man. Anything. I’m Eli.”
“Eli, hey okay so first, I need you to tell me exactly what happened when you hit me,” Neil said, licking the blood off his lips.
“I was responding to a text. Why did I do that? It’s like so early. Why did I need to check my phone, nothing important happens in the fucking morning and—“
“Eli, I need you to focus. I just need to know what happened,” Neil said.
“Okay so I hit you. I glanced up when I felt the bump and you went up on the hood and you hit the glass. It happened so fast, but you went up and hit the windshield then rolled off. And I couldn’t see from there—“
Neil jumped up and finished crossing the street. Eli yelled after him, but Neil didn’t want Eli to continue talking. He was yelling something about his cellphone number and then Neil couldn’t hear him after he walked through the door, the little bell signaling his entrance. The lady at the counter glanced up and shrieked when she caught sight of Neil. Neil whirled to the darkened window to the rentable conference room to catch his reflection. His knees and one of his calves were skinned up and slowly dripping blood. His white crew socks were staring to soak up the blood. His hands were raw but not bloody. He had some scratches on his cheek, but it was mostly just superficial cuts. Nothing like the bloody torn mess it was after Baltimore. His mouth was bloody from where he had bit his lip when he hit the ground and he probably had a wicked bruise on his torso from where the car made impact. Neil was unfortunate enough to have had broken ribs before in his life, and yes he was sore but nothing was broken.
“Calm down. I look a lot worse than I am,” Neil said.
“Well you look god awful,” the woman informed, gripping the countertop.
“To be fair, I feel kind of awful,” Neil said with a bloody smile.
“Are you like, okay?” she asked.
“I’ve been better, but I’ve also been worse.”
“Um, well. That seems like an unhappy middle. Do you need me to call someone? Or like, do you need anything? Shit, I mean I don’t really know what I can do for you,” she worried.
“You could do two things for me. I need 12 chocolate glazed donuts and a large hot chocolate with two shots of espresso and whipped cream. If possible could I get a small cup full of whipped cream as well? I can pay whatever for it. And then could I just get a small black coffee with French vanilla? Oh! And can you point me in the direction of the nearest phone store? It doesn’t matter the provider, mine just ate shit out there and my, uh friend, will be waking up at 6:30 and if I don’t respond to him he’s going to raise hell until he finds me,” Neil said, getting a little breathless towards the end.
“Oh baby, it’s 7:15…but I can get all of that for you! And it’s on the house for sure. And like two blocks south of here, so left when you walk out of the store is a place you can either get your phone repaired or buy a new one,” she said, hustling around the corner to start making the drinks.
Neil slapped fifty bucks on the counter, “This is for the food and drinks and for the fact that you will probably be cleaning my blood off the floor. Listen, while you make that I’m going to run down and see about fixing my phone situation. I really appreciate you working with me and I apologize about the blood.”
“Please, it’s no problem. Go clean up in the bathroom if you need to,” she said, boxing the donuts.
“I’ll be fine, the phone thing is important,” Neil said, snagging his small coffee off the counter. It stung his lip when he took a sip, but the caffeine was worth it. He briefly thought about jogging the two blocks but quickly nixed the idea, knowing that getting his heart rate up too high would likely only make him bleed faster. So much for sleeping before class.”
He walked through the doors and was met with a few shocked gasps, but walked up to the person who looked most knowledgeable and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “We can talk plans and things for as long as you want and I’m willing to let you talk me into whatever it is you try to sell customers. It’s just imperative that I have an activated phone as soon as possible. This exact same phone if at all possible. I need to let some people know that I haven’t been kidnapped or anything. I was hit by a car and apparently recovering from that took a lot longer than I realized.”
The woman stared at him for a beat, then another, before nodding and picking up his phone and heading to the back. Neil only had time to look over at the weird goggle things they had set up in the middle of the room before the woman came back with a box. She set it up on one of the tables and plugged it in before taking the little sim card out and inserting it into the new phone right before it powered up. She handed it over before walking off to get whatever it was she would try to sell someone, Neil guessed. He quickly put in all the information he remembered from when Nicky helped him set up his last phone and skipped the parts that he did not remember. What the fuck was a cloud anyway? The phone took a few moments to start pinging, and Neil quickly flipped it to vibrate and started going through the messages in the order they showed up in his message app.
hey man, Andrew just text me wondering if i had heard from you? wassup? yinz having issues or you just forget about the world while running?
Long story. Where’s Andrew?
Neil bb, Andrew says you aren’t answering?? I hope you’re not in the ER lol Text me
I’m not dead. Is this where I would say lol?
there better be a damn good reason Andrew woke me up at 7 in the morning mister!!
I was hit by a car.
You okay honey?
The monster said you ran off?
I went on a run. Yes.
Where r u
Getting a new phone.
It’s 7 Where are you Neil It’s supposed to be Jack who falls down, not junkies Your location services is turned off And that means you either did a very stupid thing Or it means that I’m going to have to do a very stupid thing
I hope I’m the stupid thing. It’s a long story, but I’m at whatever phone store is by the DD. Stop at DD first and get your breakfast, I already paid for it. Once I get my new phone set up and paid for I’ll come outside Then you can finish the job
Vague I’m on my way You owe me an explanation
Nicky will have to install the little faces for me How do you think he gets the little kissy face I will text Nicky
I should have killed you weeks ago
:* ! ;* this one is winking haha look at this one uwu
I’m going to kill Nicky And then I’m coming for you
I got us matching phone cases And two tablets And I got you these headphones They were described them as Sweet
Come outside before I drag your lifeless body out
Neil thanked the woman as he took the bag from her and pocketed his phone. Andrew was sitting outside in the Maserati and Neil looked down at his bloody legs before shrugging and opening the door.
“I’m taking you to the ER. Tell me what happened or I’ll finally kill you like I should have ages ago,” Andrew threatened before Neil could even get in the car.
“It’s a long story and if you take me to the ER I’m eating three of your donuts and you still have to go to class. It’s your favorite one with that professor that you actually don’t hate,” Neil said reaching for the box of donuts in the passenger seat.
Andrew allowed him to take one donut before he moved the box out of Neil’s reach. “Will you die if I take you to the apartment?”
Neil flopped into the seat. “Nah, most of these cuts are already clotted and the blood is just dried there.” Neil pulled up his shirt. “This however, is ugly as all hell, but I don’t think I have internal bleeding. I mean other than you know the blood that is in me…internally,” he said experimentally poking at the discoloration on his side.
“Internal bleeding isn’t the same thing as the circulatory system, you stupid fuck,” Andrew bit out, slamming on the gas. He was driving thirty miles over the speed limit and Neil just clucked his tongue at him.
“I know nothing about anything,” Neil hummed, finishing off the donut and reaching back toward the box.
Andrew shot him a dirty look. “I won’t take you to the ER.”
Neil gave him a wounded look in return. “You just don’t want to share your donuts, you greedy fucker.”
Andrew rolled his eyes, smoothly pulling into the parking lot at Fox Tower. “You owe me an explanation.”
“I know, and I’ll tell you everything. I’m just really tired all of a sudden now that I know I’m okay. I kind of want to sleep and have someone rub my stomach. My mom used to do that when I was sick,” Neil admitted, trailing after Andrew.
“I have to leave for class in fifty minutes. I get out at 10:15 and you don’t have to leave until 10:45. That gives you two hours and five minutes to rest. Then you’re telling me and then I’m walking you to Stats on my way to Criminal Psychology. Sound fair?” Andrew asked.
Neil slumped against the elevator wall. “Yes that’s fine.”
“I can hear your phone buzzing from here.”
“I told Nicky what happened to me. I’m sure the whole team knows by now. Hell probably the whole state of South Carolina!” Neil said, following Andrew out of the elevator.
“I don’t know,” Andrew stated blandly.
“Yes, but you deserve more than a six word sentence explaining what happened,” Neil responded, waiting for Andrew to unlock the door.
“You’re lucky Kevin’s in class or else he’d take one look at you and shit a kitten. Strip down and get in the tub and start scrubbing the blood off. I’ll be in there in a minute to help you patch up.”
“I’ve always wanted a kitten,” Neil called, walking into the bathroom.
He got in the tub before turning on the water, not bothering to stopper the tub. He passed over his unscented body wash in favor of Andrew’s sandalwood soap and started clearing away the blood and gravel from his legs. Andrew came in with hydrogen peroxide and wrappings that were no doubt bought after his injuries sustained in Baltimore.
“Ugh you know I hate that shit,” Neil said. Andrew unscrewed the lid without responding and immediately started pouring peroxide on his cuts. They all bubbled and Neil breathed in sharply through his nose. He got up right after being plowed by a car, but hydrogen peroxide made him want to cry like a baby.
“Rinse off and I’ll wrap the worst of your cuts.”
Neil soaped up again with Andrew’s body wash and used some of his shampoo and conditioner for good measure since he did go running. He might not get to lay in bed with Andrew, but this was also nice. Andrew toweled him off, being careful of his cuts and bruises and rolled his eyes when he caught a whiff of Neil. Neil made a mental note to start buying scented soaps so Andrew could wash in his one day, maybe. He pulled on the shorts Andrew provided. Andrew methodically and quickly wrapped all of Neil’s cuts and prodded him towards the bed. Neil immediately went to climb to the top bunk when Andrew made a noise and pushed him towards his own bed. On it was a heating pad that Andrew turned on and placed over Neil’s bruised torso.
Andrew left and went to the kitchen and Neil reached over the edge of the bed to the desk where he had discarded his phone. 389 missed text messages. He put it on do not disturb and locked it. Unlocked it and went to make sure Andrew’s texts and calls would still go through, before locking it again and sliding it under the pillow. Andrew came back in and handed Neil a water bottle and a couple pain pills that were left over from his latest injuries. Andrew also handed Neil an ice pack before walking over to shove his books in his backpack and shove all the dirty clothes in the laundry or the trash if they were unsalvageable.
When Andrew walked back by the bed Neil reached out but stopped before he got to Andrew’s wrist, but it was enough to make the other boy pause. “I really am okay. It looks a lot worse than it is. I am sore, for sure, but I would tell you if it was bad. Here come sit and I’ll tell you what I can before class in,” he checked his phone, “seventeen minutes.” Andrew crawled across Neil to sit against the wall beside him.
“It was stupid. I didn’t wait for the light to change and I ran across the street without looking. I got hit. I wanted to get you donuts for breakfast,” Neil admitted sheepishly.
Andrew moved to get up and Neil put out his hand towards him again, but still didn’t touch him. “It was stupid, I know, but please stay. I’m going to fall asleep, but stay for a little bit and I promise I’ll make it up to you later. I’ll tell you more about this morning. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
“Anything?” Andrew asked, eyebrow raised.
“Anything,” Neil confirmed.
Andrew hummed in confirmation, and the warmth against Neil’s side was really nice and it was lulling him to sleep. The heating pad against his other side was really nice too. Neil was just really warm all over and was falling asleep. Andrew reached out and pushed his hair to the side and before Neil realized what was happening, he was asleep.
The circular pattern being rubbed on his stomach was familiar and soothing. The tiny feet climbing over him, however, were not. Neil blinked away and breathed in loudly through his nose and stretched before slurring, “’Drew?”
Andrew leveled him with a blank stare and said the most confusing thing Neil had ever heard: “Your cat pissed in your shoes. It’s the smartest cat in the world. I didn’t think I had the capacity for love, but it pissed in your shoes and then ripped the net to your exy racquet.”
“The…cat?” Neil asked as if Andrew had started speaking to him in tongues.
Andrew just reached across the bed and picked up the tiniest kitten Neil had ever seen by the scruff of its neck. That wasn’t saying much. Neil had never seen a kitten. It was probably massive by kitten standards, but it was the smallest and most perfect thing Neil had ever seen. He ignored the missing ear and the smushed in face and immediately reached out, only to have the cat take a swipe at him. Andrew made a noise low in his throat and the kitten looked meek and innocent and let Neil snuggle it close this time.
“I think I’m in love,” Neil cooed as the kitten started to wriggle its way out of Neil’s arms.
The cat jumped down and Andrew lay down beside Neil, placing a hand two inches below where the bruising was and gently pulling Neil towards himself. Neil allowed himself to be moved before turning his head toward Andrew, close enough that their noses almost touched.
“Yes or no?”
“You got me a kitten,” Neil hummed, pleased.
“Yes or no?” Andrew asked again.
“Andrew, yes,” Neil said in the softest voice Andrew had ever heard.
“I emailed your professor. Turns out getting hit by a car is a decent enough excuse to skip class,” Andrew said, ignoring the way Neil was looking at him.
“Will you go to Criminal Psychology?” Neil asked leaning forward to kiss Andrew’s neck.
Andrew made a filthy noise and told Neil that it was a review day. When Neil leaned forward to rub his lips gently against Andrew’s, Andrew pushed him away and said, “Not in front of the cat.”
Neil laughed and kissed him full on the mouth before lying back down on the pillow and pulling the covers up. “I say we nap before they inevitably find me. Maybe later we can scar the cat some.”
Andrew rolled his eyes, but laid down all the same.
You guys know the drill now, right? Lolol, old story from the fall of 2015, my first year at university that I wrote for omorashi.org. I hope you all like it! Even though these are old, feedback is welcome. Feel free to shoot me a message any time. :)
Hey guys! It’s me again. I’m sure that judging from the topic title
you can tell I did something stupid again, so let’s just get into it.
I was doing a hold yesterday. You know, drinking some soda, some
water, the usual stuff, just waiting around for it all to start kicking
in. The problem was at some point I realized I had to turn in a paper I
had due to one of my professors. Looking at the clock, I hadn’t gotten
too far into the whole hold thing, I was feeling it but I wasn’t
unbearably desperate. I estimated that I shouldn’t be more than an hour,
and by the time I got back I’d probably REALLY be feeling it, so I said
what the hell, let’s go turn it in now. So I got to the nearest transit
stop, knowing it would be there any second, and took it to a friends
place. I had a water bottle filled with lemonade on me and continually
sipped from it as the trip progressed. Eventually I got to my friends
place, and bugged her for a ride, given the University is all but 5
minutes away from where she lives. She had to go to the store anyway so
she let me off in the Uni lot, and said she was going to pick up some
groceries and would be in the lot again by the time I got out. Perfect.
At this point I was definitely starting to feel twitchy. I’d clench my
thighs or bounce around a little every now and again from the
Obligatory description paragraph! To reiterate very simply, I’m
between 5'8-5'9, 116 pounds, pale as ash, and long black hair that
reaches past my shoulders. For my trip out I was wearing a white
Avengers T-shirt, a small jean jacket over it, a black miniskirt, and
black tights. Just a white bra and panties set, nothing special.
So I get to the University. At this point I need to pee pretty
solidly, but I’m not in danger. At this moment, everything was going
according to plan. When I get in I ask for directions to the professor
offices of that general category, and I get some really vague ones so I
get sort of lost. I find my way there eventually by pure accident.
I get to her office and I knock. She tells me to come in and I hand
in my assignment. Thing is about this particular teacher, she’s chatty.
Which I don’t mind at all! She’s sweet, funny, and well-versed in her
subject which is something I happen to find very interesting. I’m also
overly nervous and polite, so I won’t often excuse myself from a
conversation even if I need to.
She kept me in that office talking for about an hour. In this time,
my need for the bathroom rose to DANGER levels. She was so into our
conversation she didn’t even notice my constant fidgeting, or any of the
usual telltale signs. And to be fair, I was really into the
conversation too. It was during this conversation the first leak
happened, and I visibly stiffened, thinking to myself something along
the lines of “Shiiiiiiiiiit.” Eventually she let me go, saying she had
some stuff to get done, and I politely excused myself from the office.
The moment I shut the door I looked around and shoved my hand between my
legs. Bathroom. NOW. I could let out enough and continue the hold at
home, but if I didn’t do something I wouldn’t make it home to finish
holding. Almost the moment I finished that thought I leaked a little
into my panties, like my body was adding an exclamation point.
I looked around the entire floor for the bathroom. Campus is three or
four buildings altogether, I haven’t gotten used to the grounds yet so I
can’t say for sure. But its big. And not knowing where I am often, I
get lost easy. Like some Omorashi cliche, the bathroom on this floor was
out of order. I dribbled a bit more, as I had been doing every little
bit. I actually took another sip of my lemonade, almost reflexively.
Then I slapped myself mentally…Muscle memory isn’t always a good
thing. I did end up coming across an elevator in my desperate waddling,
and ended up on the second floor (I had been on the third). I was almost
starting to get my bearings here, some of the area looked familiar. I
felt a familiar warmth and immediately gripped at myself again under my
skirt, clenching my legs together. The spurts had definitely soaked
through my underwear, I felt the tights between my legs growing
increasingly damp as time went on. I didn’t have much time left. Another
spurt or two happened before I regained control, my hand coming away
wet. I wiped it off on my knee and continued my desperate journey.
Luckily for me, it being the weekend, there weren’t a ton of students
around, especially given that here in Canada, thanksgiving was Sunday.
The day I’m posting this actually, so happy thanksgiving everyone!
After much exploring I found a staircase, the kind that goes down to a
landing, and then turns around to finish going down in the opposite
direction. The staircase was familiar to me, at the bottom was an area I
usually frequent so once I got down there I knew where the nearest
bathroom was. My bladder evidently didn’t like the fact that I was close
to making it, as every step down to the first landing, I leaked. My
hands were buried between my legs and I could feel them catching drops. I
was sweating, my muscles straining, but I couldn’t give up, I was so
close! I reached the landing and made my way down the second set of
steps, slowly but steadily dribbling all the way. About midway down I
started leaking heavily, and one large spurt in particular I felt stream
down the back of my leg a little. This was bad. I felt more urine
travel down the insides of my legs and begin to gently patter onto the
stairs. I was losing control I was increasingly doubting I would get
back. It was also at this moment I heard voices coming from the top of
the stairs coming down, and voices from ahead of me, on the ground
floor. In front of the stairs, maybe 10 feet, there was a door leading
outside and a hallway going left, and I could hear people coming from
around the corner. I was about to be surrounded, and judging from the
absolute straining feeling in my bladder as I dribbled and leaked on the
stairs, I might be absolutely peeing myself during said time. So I did
the only thing I could do…I dashed down the remainder of the stairs,
did a 180, hid under them, and slammed my back against the wall and
covered my mouth. I could hear people coming around the corner and more
coming down the stairs. I shoved my hand down my tights and gripped my
crotch outside of my now soaking wet panties, with my other hand
covering my mouth trying to stay as quiet as possible. There was just
one issue….I couldn’t hold it. I gripped, and crossed my legs, and
braced as hard as I could, but I just couldn’t hold it anymore, no
matter how hard I tried.
It started to come out, regardless of how badly I was trying to hold
it or not. A hissing came from under my hand, streaming down my locked
legs onto the floor, my other hand muffling moans and whines. I tried so
hard but the more I tried the harder it came, my panties and tights
were soaked. I could feel it gathering in my shoes, and my legs becoming
warm and wet all over. I let out a muffled squeal into my palm as my
bladder just felt like it dropped, and the stream grew so powerful it
sprayed between my fingers onto the floor. The voices were growing
distant now, like it even mattered anymore. I felt it streaming down my
legs, my breathing becoming ragged as it made its own trails and
waterfalls down my legs and thighs. There was a massive puddle beneath
me on the ground. I just stood there, unsure of how to react. I had just
pissed myself at University.
Me being me, I immediately went into Solid Snake mode. I whipped out a
napkin and wiped off the back of my tights. Being black, they wouldn’t
show much. I darted out the aforementioned door and out into the sun. It
was rather warm. My panties and tights were damp but its not like
anyone could tell, especially given the distance between me and anyone
else. A LITTLE bit had gotten on the skirt, but as that was black too, I
was currently semi-safe. I looped around campus from the outside,
hoping to dry a little. I saw the car in the parking lot, but my friend
wasn’t in it. I found out later she went to the convenience store across
the street while waiting for me.
I hopped into the car, and reclined the passenger seat back. I kicked
off my shoes and pulled my tights off. I put them in my backpack and
pulled out a pair of knee highs (I go everywhere with spare socks. You
never know people!) and put them on. Bam. Nobody would even be the
wiser. I could even feel my panties were no longer sopping wet.
Eventually she came back to the car to find me. She looked at my legs,
and then at me, asking why I changed like that. I told her it was hot,
while smiling like an idiot. She claimed it made no sense but didn’t
pursue it further after I said I felt the socks were cuter. I then
managed to get home and reflect on my day.
Well there you have it! As always, feel free to give feedback and ask me anything! I love hearing from everyone :)
warnings: this is an angsty one… ptsd, panic attack, hallucinations, blood, abuse and torture (in hallucination).
Neil was out running when it really began to hit. He had been feeling a bit off during practice, but chalked it up to anxiety in the face of the Foxes’ upcoming match against Edgar Allen. However, when practice continued and Neil didn’t feel any less antsy than he had before, he decided that he needed to go for a run. After a brief conversation with Andrew, who wasn’t in the mood to run and would supervise Kevin, Neil was off on one of his favorite paths, looping through campus and the outskirts on a run just long enough to take his mind off of things yet not long enough to leave him too sore for practice the next day.
Neil was frustrated to find out that this was apparently not one of the times where running could help shake him out of his own thoughts. Instead, Neil found himself replaying the Foxes’ last match against the Ravens, his own conversation with Ichirou, the sound of the bullet piercing Riko’s flesh, and the image of Lola cackling as his father threatened to break his legs.
Aiming to prevent further destruction to his already damaged psyche, Neil put in extra speed for the last mile or so, attempting to drown out the sound of his nightmares from the past with the pounding of his feet against the pavement and his ragged breathing.
When he stumbles up to his dorm room roughly five minutes later, he is uncharacteristically out of breath and feels like he ran for much longer than he had. His head swims as he drops to the floor, roughly unlaces his shoes and then tosses them a short distance away. Neil then sits with his knees pulled up to his chest,his head resting on them, eyes half-closed, and tries to make them focus on his surroundings. Stop it, He tells himself. You’re fine.
Neil’s not sure how long he’s been sitting on the floor when a knock sounds on the door of his dorm room, but it’s long enough that Neil’s back feels stiff from sitting on the floor in the same position for an extended amount of time. Neil stands up off the floor slowly and cautiously, but apparently his legs have now decided they can continue to hold him, so he stands the rest of the way less carefully and then takes a minute to stretch his back and glance around the dorm. As he’s walking to unlock the door, where another knock is sounding, he pauses to be grateful that nobody was home when he came in from his run. It’s not that he would have particularly minded if Andrew was there, but Neil knew that despite Andrew’s constant reminders that he “Doesn’t give a shit,” Andrew would spend the remainder of the day – and probably the next few as well – critically gazing at Neil, his hazel eyes looking for a sign that Neil wasn’t quite as fine as he claimed. So, in the long run, it was probably best that Andrew wasn’t here for this particular little episode. Neil was fine. I’m fine. Breathe. Blink. Walk. Door.
Neil’s startled out of his train of thought when a knock on the door sounds for the third time, and he takes a deep breath before hurrying the rest of the distance to the door and unlocking it to see Matt’s smiling face.
“Hey!” Matt greets, stepping inside after Neil opens the door wide enough for him to step through.
“Hi,” Neil replies, still mentally cataloging the pattern of his breathing and making sure that he doesn’t give away anything concerning his current mental state.
“Do you guys have any drink glasses?” Matt asks, meandering off into the living room before turning to look back at Neil. “Where’s Andrew and Kevin?”
Neil shrugs, “The court, I think. Why do you want glasses?”
“Nicky broke our last clean one, and we’re all too lazy to do the dishes,” Matt grins cheekily, and Neil rolls his eyes.
“I think we have a few, I’ll go grab some.”
Matt just nods in response, getting distracted as he apparently sees something interesting outside the dorm’s living room window. When Neil reaches the kitchen, Matt is chuckling to himself and looking down at the street below.
“The soccer players decided to start a water balloon fight in the parking lot apparently,” Matt chuckles from his position at the window as Neil heads towards the cabinet where they keep the drink glasses. Neil’s mind is still distracted, the light a bit too harsh for his pounding head and his legs a bit too wobbly to move confidently.
“That’s a fuck ton of water balloons,” Matt laughs. “I feel sorry for whichever sorry ass had to dish out the money.”
Neil mutters a “Mmhmm” that he knows Matt probably can’t hear. He vaguely notices that his hands are shaking as he reaches to open the cabinet, but doesn’t think much of it until he attempts to grab a glass and drops it, the sound of shattering glass piercing through his dazed thoughts.
Neil looks down and is somewhat surprised to see that the glass actually broke, despite hearing the shattering of the glass. He stares at the counter, now covered in shattered glass, without really comprehending what he’s seeing, but eventually he notices a dull pain in his hands. Neil looks down to see that he had apparently tried to clumsily pick up some of the shattered glass pieces at some point, although he doesn’t remember when. Both of his hands are bloodied and shaking, and Neil stares down at them in horror.
Neil knows that the cuts aren’t as bad as they look, knows that it’s just the blood that makes them look bad. Still, the panic that began earlier in the day finally hits a breaking point and Neil slides to the floor, still staring at his hands in panic. He hears Lola’s voice in his head, sees his father standing in front of him with his favorite knife, hears Riko’s laughter as one of the Ravens breaks a thumb, sees Ichirou, Tetsuji, and Riko standing in front of him with grins as sharp as knives. All at once, he can’t breathe.
“Neil? What’s going on, I thought I heard–” Matt starts, stepping into the kitchen and faced with the sight of Neil, bloodied and slumped against the fridge with a look of pure terror on his face.
“Neil!” Matt gasps, crouching in front of Neil with concern in his eyes. Neil, however, does not see Matt but Lola, coming to burn more scars into his face with her dashboard lighter and flinches back, hitting his head against the fridge behind him in the process.
“Neil, stay with me. It’s ok,” Matt murmured while backing up a few feet to give Neil some room. “Neil, it’s Matt. You’re in Palmetto.”
Neil stays slumped against the fridge, his breathing becoming more and more ragged as the image of his father and mother appear before him, his mother with blood dripping from her abdomen and out of her mouth, his father with a grin that betrays his insanity and a bloodied knife in one hand, gun in the other.
“Look at what you did, Nathaniel!” His father taunts, moving forward to plunge the knife in his mother’s wound again and again and again.
“Stop,” Neil whimpers at the vision of his father. His eyes are blurry with tears and fear. Neil thinks he can hear a voice that sort of sounds like Matt somewhere in the distance, but he’s not sure and the image of his father and mother in front of him are far more important.
“Why didn’t you keep running?” His mother asks as more blood trickles out of her mouth. “I told you to keep running! This is all your fault… all your fault… all your fault!”
Neil sobs and clenches his fist, burying his nails in the already stinging cuts on his palms. Neil only realizes he hasn’t been breathing properly again when he suddenly gets the urge to breathe, and gasps out air as black spots dot his vision. He thinks he can hear Matt again, but it sounds like the Matt in his head just said Andrew’s name, and that’s not right because Andrew and Matt aren’t friends. Still, as Neil drifts in and out of consciousness, he hears half of the imaginary conversation between Matt and Andrew.
“Fuck, Andrew I don’t know! He dropped a glass and his hands are bloody and he’s sobbing and collapsing and I don’t think he can hear me!” There’s a brief pause, but then dream Matt’s voice is back and sounding more urgent than ever. “He’s blacked out. Fuck, where the fuck are you?! I don’t know how to help him!”
Just as the pain of his nails digging into his hands finally registers and Neil feels that he is about to vomit, there is something unfamiliar being laid against his cheek and a voice finding its way through his shattering brain.
“Neil,” the voice says, and Neil thinks he’s hallucinating again because the voice sounds a lot like Andrew, but Andrew’s with Kevin at the court.
Neil attempts to take a deep breath in order to respond, but all that comes up is a shaky sob and another memory of Lola.
A few seconds later, the same voice says, “Neil.” And then a pause. “Abram.”
Finally, Neil opens his eyes. He blearily sees Matt sitting on the floor by the entrance to the kitchen and comprehends that the thing pressed to his cheek must be Matt’s phone, and therefore Andrew is actually speaking.
“Andrew,” Neil croaks. “I-”
“Shut up and listen,” Andrew replies, his bored, flat tone a welcome distraction. “Breathe. In and out, Abram. You’re on the filthy floor of our kitchen and no one is there to hurt you.”
“I need you,” Neil chokes around another sob.
“I’m on my way,” Is Andrew’s response.
“What about Kevin?” Neil asks, his thoughts becoming more and more coherent the more he talks to Andrew.
“Left him at the court.”
“He didn’t move fast enough,” Andrew responds. His voice is tight with anger and what Neil assumes is a mix of worry and tension, although to anyone else it would sound as apathetic as ever.
“How long?” Neil asks.
“I’m around the corner from the dorms.”
Neil makes a vague noise of assent and closes his eyes, listening to Andrew’s breathing on the other end of the line and concentrating on matching his own breathing to Andrew’s. He can hear Andrew turn off the Maserati’s engine, can hear him pull open the car door and then the slam when he closes it, can hear the whoosh of the dorm’s front door opening and the pounding of hard-soled shoes against the metal of the stairs, can hear the creaking of their dorm room door opening through both the phone and with his own ears, and when Andrew appears in the kitchen doorway, stepping past Matt to get to Neil and immediately sitting down on the floor with him and placing a strong hand on the back of his neck, Neil knows he’s going to be okay.
Author’s note: First chapter of the Student/Teacher AU, as promised! Shorter than usual, but this is a bit more of slow burn than some of my other stuff. Enjoy!
Summary: Looking to make some extra money, college senior Emma Swan takes a post as a model for Professor Killian Jones’ art class. Sparks fly on both sides. Will they give into temptation?
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Emma scowled at the screen, convinced
there had to be a mistake. She couldn’t be that
short. She’d never get that internship if she couldn’t save enough
money to live in the state capitol for three months.
wrong?” Elsa asked warily. Elsa had learned early in their freshman
year to be wary of Emma’s moods. Elsa’s gentle temperament smoothed
out Emma’s rough edges; it was why they remained friends after being
thrown together randomly in the dorms.
still scowled at her laptop. “Financial aid got dispersed.”
sighed. “According to this, I only have a few hundred dollars left
they not deposit it in your account again?”
it’s there, just not as much as I thought.” She tossed a pen into
the wall; it made a dull thud against the drywall. The miniature
violence did not make her feel better.
Okay, so he hadn’t needed to twist her
arm to oh so charmingly get her to stay another
night in his bed. If Emma was being honest with herself, she didn’t
want to leave their bubble. Those first twenty four hours of their
budding relationship were heady and intoxicating and she’d never felt
anything quite like it. Going back to class and after that, to work,
seemed dreadfully dull and mundane. So she allowed herself to be
persuaded. With his sweet words and toe curling kisses and dexterous
that wasn’t all that kept her. They did eventually find their way
back into his studio, where he showed her more of his work. She even
got to see a couple of his paintings. There was one she really liked,
a depiction of the ocean at sunset. Emma had always loved the ocean,
despite only seeing it herself a couple of times in her life. The
colors he used really spoke to her; she could simply tell that he
felt connected to the water too. She was tempted to ask if she could
have it, but changed her mind. It was far too early for something
like that. Instead,
she listened to him talk, reveling in his passion for his art. Now
that she’d witnessed that same passion turned toward her…she
wondered why she resisted the pull toward him.
Men like Killian
Jones certainly weren’t typical in her experience.