I was walking on the sidewalk, thinking deeply about several things which brought all the hesitations, self-doubts, false hopes and the numerous instances where I was the loser at the end. They were all frustrating, honestly. Those moments when I thought everything would be all right and everything would turn out great eventually until the plot twist came, devastating you with the strongest storms and hurricanes combined. They were just pretty thoughts.
I was looking at the items displayed, at the food stalls, and the glamorous objects at the mall, alone as usual, when sadness crept in like a sly fox committing its sole mission. I perused my wallet, thinking of the amount glaring at me. I was just window-shopping in the first place but the temptations were black holes sucking you on its gravity. I bought one item and the sadness lingered longer than usual. Satisfaction was nowhere to be found.
I sipped my milk tea, sitting at the corner, looking at the customers flocking around me and envy attacked me like crows. I was the scarecrow but they weren’t afraid even for a bit of me. They were giggling and laughing at their companions. I glimpsed at the seat across from me. It was empty. A petite lady asked of she could take it. I nodded. I sipped my tea like an elephant thirsty after a long walk. My ears were filled with garbles of noises and voices combined. I stood up, walking away from the oasis of humans.
I walked aisle after aisle at the supermarket, carrying the empty basket, deciding what to buy. I thought I was done interacting but it was just the start. People passed by me, blowing me into the background. I didn’t mind it. I was used to it after all. I went to the queue to pay my items. The three pieces of sweets looked at me intently. Emptiness surged at me like the tsunami without a forewarning.
I sighed and took a deep breath. I crossed the street and looked above the gloomy sky. I put on my earphones and let the music fill me with endless daydreams of happiness, satisfaction, contentment, companionship, and fulfillment.
— c.i.j. // fulfillment at 9:26 PM