looking for the experience of being alive

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‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’
‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’
‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’
‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’
‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’
‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’
‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’
‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’
‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’
‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’
‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’
‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’
‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’
‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’
‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’
‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’
‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’
‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’
‘  i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’
‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’
‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’
‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’
‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’
‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’
‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’
‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’
‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’
‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’
‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’
‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’
‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’
‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’
‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’
‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’
‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’
‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’
‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’
‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’
‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’
‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’
‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’
‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’
‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’
‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’
‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’
‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’
‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’
‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’
‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’
‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’
‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’
‘  honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’
‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’
‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’
‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’
‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’
‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’
‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’
‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’
‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’
‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’
‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’
‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’
‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’
‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’
‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’
‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’
‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’
‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’
‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  you can start again anytime!  ’
‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’
‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’
‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’
‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’
‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’
‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’
‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’
‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’
‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’
‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’
‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’
‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’
‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’
‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’
‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’
‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’
‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’
‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’
‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’
‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’
‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’
‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’
‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’
‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’
‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’
‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’
‘  you son of a mumford!  ’
‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’
‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’
‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’
‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’
‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’
‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’
‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’
‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’
‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’
‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’
‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’
‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’
‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’
‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’
‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’
‘  i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over?  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’
‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’
‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

A Disjointed Post About Odin Arrow and the rest of the Royal Family.

So, big reveal last update. Odin’s a prince! Or perhaps formerly. Now, as I was reading through the Ava’s Demon wiki, I noticed a trivia bit about Odin. 

Now, this could be related to his portrait. But if there’s a portrait of him, there must be portraits of the rest of the Arrow family. And may I also point out, Odin’s dislike of shaking people’s hands may be attributed to having people bow before him. Being linked to the sin of pride and having royal blood makes the sin much more sensible than before. But anyways, I wish to bring your attention to the clock in his portrait.

A queen figure presenting a portrait of an older man to her son. I’m figuring this is the Queen mother of the Arrows and the boy is most likely Odin, or possibly Olai. The man in the portrait is most likely Father dearest, but the way this is presented seems to suggest he passed on. It is also suggested that their mother is dead as well, with Olai taking over her room. Now look outside the window.

It’s shown to be snowy and cold, which might be why winter is Odin’s favorite season. Which brings me to my next point. His fear of water.  

This official art shows Odin floating through water and ice, something he wouldn’t do if he had a fear of water. He most likely had a near-death experience as a child, possibly him falling through the ice on his home planet. This experience also may have led to his being possessed by Pedri, though we still have no idea when Pedri died after Wrathia. Last we saw Pedri, he had two cracks in his skull-mask that he did not have before when Wrathia was still alive. This could mean he stayed for longer and battled with TITAN but once again, we have no evidence of this. We have no idea how long Pedri has possessed Odin. But it must have been after that portrait was painted, or else he would have the colored pupils he has now. He looks to be 8-10 years old. I could be way off, but that’s what he looks like to me. 

I question the reason why Odin is carrying a knife with him in the art. Does it have anything to do with the accident? Was he maybe chased by the person who owned the knife? Did the knife belong to someone close to him? Two theories come to mind. 

1. We have a revolution-type situation on our hands. If there’s a king, there must be peasants and such, correct? Perhaps pride is a trait that runs through the family and the people got tired of them, leading to an uprising that may have led to the king’s death and Odin’s accident. Perhaps someone murdered the king with the knife and then chased Odin across a frozen lake. The ice breaks, Odin falls in and is left for dead. Probably not, but a girl can dream.

2. Odin, Olai and their father were out hunting and come across some animal. Perhaps Odin, being young, angers the creature. This leads to an epic chase across a (surprise, surprise) frozen lake. Odin breaks the ice and falls in, and Father comes back for him, most likely losing his life in the process. Olai then blames Odin for his death, which might explain the tense relationship they have. 

Anyways, this might not make sense at all and this is just a fever dream. 

Extra: I managed to translate the plaque at the bottom of the portrait. Someone probably did this already.

The markings on the bottom right is most likely the date this was painted. 

Arguments We Need to Stop Using as Pro-Choicers

When scrolling through the abortion tag, I see a lot of posts where the poster definitely has their heart in the right place and is fighting the good fight, but doesn’t have the correct information or is using an argument that doesn’t do much to further the pro-choice movement because it can easily be twisted or debunked by pro-lifers.

1. “It’s just a clump of cells,” or variants referring to the fetus as anything other than a fetus (parasite, etc).

Technically, it’s not wrong to say a fetus is a clump of cells. But technically, it’s not wrong to say that you and I are clumps of cells. 

Using the term “clump of cells,” or other variants is wrong because it is emotionally manipulative, in the same way that pro-lifers calling fetuses “innocent babies,” is emotionally manipulative. It’s easy for a pro-lifer to instantly take the argument less seriously, and use this argument as a strawman in the future. 

It’s important to stay factual and correct in our terminology by using words like “embryo,” or “fetus,” that don’t allow pro-lifers to detract from our argument by playing games with semantics and ignoring the larger message.

I think this can also be looked at as insensitive to some people who have had miscarriages, or may not have had the best experience with their abortions. To say that they only lost a “clump of cells” may be hurtful.

2. “It’s not alive.”

Zygotes, embryos, and fetuses are living things. They are not living in the same way that you and I are living, as sentient and autonomous beings with thoughts and feelings, but they are living. To say that they are not is not truthful, and again, makes it easy for pro-lifers to latch onto this statement and think that they’ve defeated the entire pro-choice argument by providing evidence that fetuses are living.

This doesn’t mean abortion is wrong. Simply being alive does not grant a fetus (or any other living person or thing) rights over another person’s body. 

Abortion is not okay because a fetus is not alive, abortion is okay because the pregnant person is also a living being with a right to bodily autonomy. 

3. “It’s not human/a human being/a person.”

Fetuses are, in fact, human. Humans do not gestate insects, reptiles, or cattle. They gestate other humans. To say that a fetus is not human is not truthful or beneficial.

The “human being,” argument is a little more tricky. This educational post by proteg-et-servio goes into the differences between human, human being, and person. Because “being” (as a noun) is defined as either “a living thing,” or “the state of existing,” it’s technically not correct to claim that a fetus is not a human being. It is in fact human, and it is in a state of existence. 

It is factually correct to say that a fetus is not a person. But, this shouldn’t really matter. Pro-lifers can argue all day long that a fetus is, or should be considered a person, but regardless of that fact, no person has rights over another person’s body.

a moment of appreciation and a moment of pride and joy is needed right now bc look at the skam cast being on fire and going places and having all these brilliant new experiences and adventures and the fact that they are so young and life is giving them so many oppurtunities and opening doors far and wide for them and we are alive in this moment to witness this greatness i’m so proud of the skam cast MAMA IS SO PROUD OF HER KIDS ❤❤❤👏👏👏

The Traveler’s Test

Summary: Dan for some reason agreed to go on Phil’s deadly mission, and they now find themselves trying to prove their love to a stranger who wants to kill them. It might be a bit easier if they didn’t already hate each other.

Word Count: 1.5k

this exists bc an anon asked for another kind of fic where they hate each other but are forced to kiss

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi, idk if you're an angst crusher or not but I AM. Saw this somewhere but the prompt was just 10 lines. Neil rotating the car so that he gets the crash side instead of Andrew's driving one to protect his home.(hint: fluffy ending please) ❤❤

Also answering: Please give me some angst of Andrew and Neil fighting and Neil saying something really cruel and feeling guilty knowing that Andrew will remember that forever

Headlights careened across Neil’s vision as the car in the opposite lane swerved to avoid a deer. In a split second Neil realized three things.
1. The truck was going to hit them head on.
2. They could not get out of their lane, because of a steep drop off on Neil’s side.
3. Andrew’s side was going to take the brunt of the hit.

Neil couldn’t let that happen. Before Andrew could stop him Neil grabbed the wheel and shoved it towards Andrew’s door. This caused the car to tilt enough that the truck hit on the front passenger side.

The airbags exploded knocking Neil back and breaking his nose. Blood ran down his face, as the car slammed against the flimsy barrier skidding towards the edge. Which is when Neil lost consciousness.

He came to awareness slowly. The edges of his vision were still blurred and the light blinking next to him was making his eyes ache. He was hooked up to a heart monitor in a hospital bed.

This was sadly not a new experience for Neil, but not knowing what had landed him in the hospital was.

“Oh good. You’re alive.” As a hand touched his arm.

Neil turned towards the voice “‘Drew?”
Coming out a little slurred. “What happened?” Before shutting his eyes against the lights.

“I thought you had that martyr complex beaten out of you. I told you no one asked for it, especially me.” Andrew’s hand was now squeezing Neil’s arm so tightly the circulation was being cut off. Neil flinched opening his eyes to look at Andrew again. Andrew immediately dropped his hand and pushed the nurse call button on the side of the bed.

While Neil was being checked out, Andrew stepped back and leaned against the wall. None of the hospital staff acknowledged him even though it was well after visiting hours, and Andrew was technically not family.

Neil was pronounced to have a concussion, a broken nose, a small fracture on his left arm, a broken collarbone, and several deep muscle bruises. The doctor parted with the sentiment that he should be thankful both cars were driving slowly on the bend of the road, or it could have been much worse.

Neil had to remain on bed rest for 4 days, for the concussion, unless symptoms worsened, and take it very easy for the rest of the week. Neil would not be cleared for practice for another ten weeks. Six weeks for the fracture and the collarbone to heal and another four to build the muscle back up slowly.

Neil knew his coach would reinforce these rules. Neil had tried to play one time before recovering properly from a sprained ankle and his coach had benched him for two weeks.

The recovery time did not bother Neil nearly as much as Andrew’s expression throughout the examination. His eyes grew darker and darker as Neil’s injuries were being listed out.

After the doctors left Andrew still had not moved from his spot on the wall. He would not make eye contact with Neil even after he called his name. Andrew seemed frozen.

Neil could not figure out why this was affecting Andrew so badly. Neil had been injured before and normally Andrew just grew more possessive. Crowding into Neil’s space more than usual. Needing physical contact not just remaining in each other’s eye line.

To be honest Neil loved it. Neil had spent all off his life trying to avoid being the center of attention, because attention had only caused him pain. His father beating him when he spoke too loudly, his mother slamming him into walls for getting awards at school, and Riko slicing into him when he ran too fast.

But with Andrew attention meant only good things. It meant blow jobs, holding hands, forehead kisses, long naps, shirtless Andrew, and days where they never left the bed. Days Neil never felt the itch to run. Andrew kept him entertained through one means or another.

It hit Neil suddenly like a racquet to the stomach. Knocking his breath out and leaving devastation. “You are mad at me for protecting you.”

Andrew’s head snapped up, his eyes burning “I never asked you to protect me.”

Neil flinched at the noise level, but pushed through the pain. This point was worth the pain. Andrew was worth the pain. “You don’t have to ask. Being this means I get to protect you. That’s part of the point.”

Andrew’s glare intensified. “Junkie I have never needed protection, and I sure as shit don’t need it from someone who can’t even protect himself.”

Neil’s head was pounding and it just made his rage push to the surface before he could stop it. “Just because you’re too fucked up to believe you are worth protecting, doesn’t mean everyone else is.”

Andrew shoved himself off the wall and closed his hand around Neil’s throat for a split second before releasing him and slamming the door open against the wall. The influx of light and sound was too much for Neil. It caused his head to feel as if it were going to explode and Neil passed out once more.

When Neil came to, Andrew was siting beside the bed staring at him. His hands were folded beside Neil’s arm with his chin resting on top of them. Neil opened his mouth to say I’m sorry, but Andrew, sensing his intentions, covered Neil’s mouth.

“If I am worth protecting it’s because of you.” With one final warning squeeze for Neil not to say anything stupid Andrew removed his hand. Neil arched his neck and raised his head. making his desires know, and Andrew sighed before leaning down and kissing Neil on the mouth. The kiss was much too short, as far as Neil was concerned, so he continued leaning towards Andrew.

Andrew scoffed quietly before gently pushing Neil’s shoulders back down. “Go to sleep junkie. I will still be here when you are coherent.” Neil’s headache decided to reassert itself at that moment, so he laid back down without a fight.

“You were always worth protecting.” Before slipping back into the darkness.

Determined to Fall In Love

This morning I woke up determined to fall in love. I don’t know why today was any different from every previous morning, where I usually wake up determined (through quantum physics) to try and squeeze two more hours of sleep into the nine minutes allotted by my snooze button. But today was different.

 'Fall in love!’ - The thought entered my brain before my eyes even opened, and my smile continued to grow as I inhaled deeply the smell of a new day that carried the fragrance of my mission. I spent a few precious moments in my nest of down pillows, my old favorite to the left of my head. Giving it one last loving squeeze, holding the promise to share my adventures in the evening, I slipped from my bed and set off on my quest, guided by an unknown ‘knowing’.

 Although my morning rituals were unchanged, (making tea, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, etc.), I became aware of things I had not previously noticed. 

My shower for example:  today I was aware of every individual drop of water as it alighted on my skin. It was a symphony that had played every morning, yet I had never tuned in to hear it before today. I fell in love with the music. 

My day continued as such, with each previously mundane situation being redefined. I took a sip of my black tea, noticing the perfect dark color, the bold flavor, and the heat as it flowed down my throat, warming my body from the inside out, infusing my cells with the sweet essence of the leaves. I fell in love with my tea.

 That afternoon I took my daily walk on the Santa Fe Trail – one of my favorite places. Every day the trail changes, (the insects, the vegetation, the animals, etc.). For me, walking is a form of meditation, the place where I can connect. 

Today I was only a quarter mile into my meditation when I noticed a furry, black caterpillar scurrying across the five-foot bald expanse of the trail. The caterpillar’s movements were so hurried, they smacked of panic. I briefly considered “helping” it to the other side, a thought I quickly dismissed as arrogant in a superior, human sort of way, and decided to merely observe and intervene only if necessary. It seemed, at that decisive moment, that I connected with this critter. Once it reached the tall green grass it stopped moving completely. 

I waited a few moments and proceeded on my walk, lost in thought. Where will it go from here?  When the time is right, it will seek a place to build its cocoon. Somewhere higher up, I hope. How does it choose?  With complete trust, this creature will seal itself up, vulnerable as it hides in plain sight, dreaming of flight. Bravery personified in a furry critter that can easily pass under the radar, yet we all notice the butterflies. I fell in love with this caterpillar and the thoughts this little creature provoked.

 I looked up as I continued walking, noticing the cloud formations. I realized that I was looking at a gift. Never again would I see that exact cloud in that exact formation. It existed whether I noticed it or not. I fell in love with it. 

More importantly, I began to feel the love sent out, the subtle ambient vibration evident in all things, connecting all things. And like a pebble in a pond, the next overwhelming feeling exploded from my heart, the feeling of gratitude. 

I felt more alive than ever before. I have heard it said that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. Intellectually I understood that, yet it was only at this moment that I felt it. I knew I was a part of something so much greater than this human body I was experiencing.

 Only when I became truly open to falling in love was I able to see that love is all around, in everything, just waiting to be acknowledged. 

By protecting myself from “falling” I had actually prohibited myself from flying. 

As I pondered my day, the love I’d felt for inanimate objects, living beings, and every conceivable thing that crossed my path, I realized I could no longer play small. I had a job to do: to be a part of the amplification of the vibration of love. With my heart full of love, I blessed the day as I drifted off to sleep.

#lovelivelearn #pureintentions #monkeyvelvet

Just how do I explain to another person that living with my parents was equivalent of being destroyed, that the amount of hatred that was directed at me was so enormous, I felt every day like they wanted me dead, like I should be killing myself and like I’m a weakling for not doing so already, how do I put into words that what they did to me caused me to feel like I’m not even a human, I felt like a creature, a monster, I was so broken and terrified I couldn’t endure any more hatred directed at me and then they did more anyway, they hurt me more anyway, they made sure I know there was no escape, no salvation and no redemption for me, they threw me into a pit of despair and then laughed watching how much I was struggling, telling me it’s all my fault. When I see a group of people I think they’re going to team up and try to kill me, when strangers are looking at me I feel like I’m being suffocated, when I close my eyes I see myself dead, and that’s something they did to me, that’s something they made sure I feel. I don’t try to connect anymore, I can’t imagine myself happy and cared for, most days I can’t even dream of a future, I can’t even bring myself to think of a concept where other people would remotely care about my well being and that’s something they did to me.

How do I explain that the damage is immeasurable, that human beings can be hurt and destroyed so much deeper than any of us wants to acknowledge, how do I explain that I sometimes still feel like it was okay for them to do so because I can’t imagine anything else taking place of the abuse.

While I was living there I didn’t dare to look up while I walked on the street. I didn’t dare to show my injuries to anyone. I was ashamed of being in pain, of being what I am. I wanted to hide so badly, just so that nobody can see. I wanted so badly just that someone doesn’t hate me, just that someone tells me that it’s okay for me to exist, that I’m not doing anything bad by continuing to be alive.

They took away everything, all good experiences, all life experiences, I was reduced to feeling guilty for breathing, feeling ashamed for breaking down in tears, feeling like I had no right to feel, to experience, like everything I wanted was just asking too much, being selfish, not knowing my place, even when my wants were just “someone who didn’t think I was the worst person alive”.  

If anyone had asked me back then if I was being abused, I would have insisted nothing of a sort was taking place because I was so sure that I was just the worst person alive who deserved nothing else but what I was getting.

That is a level of destruction that I didn’t want to think existed. 

And if that wasn’t enough, they betrayed the family bond. It fucking meant something to me that they were my parents. It meant something to me that they’ve participated in my creation. It meant nothing to them, other than the opportunity to take advantage of me. They should have provided me with a sense of purpose, with a pride in my ancestry, with a sense of having a place where I came from, and a place I can come back to. Instead they lied to me and stripped me of everything I had, taking it all for themselves.

I am not sure I have the courage for that yet. My instinct to survive is strong, although that instinct seems so pathetic and pointless right now. What for? Who for? I bring pain to you, I bring pain to others who care for me and I bring pain to myself. It is time to rethink this awful experience because the stimulus of standing alone in the face of great odds is not satisfying anymore. It is time to re-evaluate the value of living without being alive …. The crazy flow of things seem to have stopped. I want to look around me now. I want to master life and death. 

Ted Bundy writes about death to girlfriend Elizabeth Kloepfer from “The Phantom Prince”

An INFJ who is completely comfortable with themselves as a person who has a lot of confidence and wisdom is someone both strange and relaxing to be around. They are always smiling with their eyes and are ready to offer a piece of experience to help you solve your problem while simultaneously validating your feelings and comforting you. They have no issues with being different and love to help.

Strive to be this person.

We are often scared of ourselves and are afraid that we will get looked at funny and judged for being happy, but in my own experience, people like people who are happy and kind. Don’t be scared to be who you are; it’s a right you have.

Your abilities to empathize and relate and understand are powerful and we often let ourselves get bogged down by problems that aren’t ours to fix and they eat us alive. Learn to let go. Do what you can and be okay with what you did.

Life is meant to be spent being happy.

“The great play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” ~Mr. Keating

anonymous asked:

MG said the song for episode 20 is Until You Come Back To Me. The lyrics are sad and it sounds like Oliver's just going to wait some more. And he said it takes 2 to break up: does she think she has to apologise or something? It was his fault! This sounds like a very painful episode...

Are we setting ourselves up for a fall here? Are we looking forward to an episode (20) that’s going to basically tell us why Olicity are the way they are with each other and that’s it? There’ll be no reunion? Just this recognition of what happened and why but nothing more? 

Is that what you actually took from those lyrics and the spoilers?

…Um.

Honestly? (Please don’t be offended) I 100% disagree… (Feel free to disagree with; I could be very wrong).

The lyrics from Until You Come Back to Me… First I need to point out that I think some people take them as a step by step representation of the episode when they really shouldn’t be. Not one of MG’s song choices have been 100% accurate in regards to the contents in any episode. What they DO do is create an overall feel for what might be shown/seen and it’s usually in regard to Olicity. But because they’re taken so seriously they are often misinterpreted and thus the depression starts…

But… sad? THESE LYRICS? I’d say the exact opposite.

I absolutely adore them.

They give me nothing but hope.

To understand why though, you need to look – REALLY LOOK – at Oliver.

Yes, I know, why not Felicity, right?

Well… because Oliver is Felicity.

Let’s look at their respective emotional positions this season.

Now we haven’t been given a lot of detail into this and I feel like that’s for a reason. A good one. As said by @jbuffyangel​ usually the pacing of Arrow seasons has each build up to a climax, usually with the final 5 episodes focused on - and being primarily occupied - by the most important aspect of the show for that season. Something that sends a message. Something that’s been long since coming, something for the protagonist to either earn or realise or require for strength (or a mix of the 3). So it makes sense that Olicity’s ‘confrontation’ is in episode 20, right before the final 3.

But other than this, I bet you’re wondering why it took them so long?

Well, there’s @marcguggenheim​ answer: there were other stories to tell and there were. He’s right: we can’t sacrifice story-lines to propel a romance we KNOW is going to happen. And we also know that once they do happen, they’ll probably be at the forefront of a lot of stories come season 6 (something for which I am greatly looking forward to).

But there’s also a second part to it that, if Marc explained, would probably ruin whatever surprise is coming our way.

At the beginning of the season, we see Oliver + Felicity working perfectly in unison with each other, but there’s an edge. Stephen referred to it as robotic; kind of like how he was throughout season 1. A deliberate way of acting by Stephen and Emily, an unconscious expression of behaviour for Oliver and Felicity.

In what I’ve seen (which albeit, isn’t much) people – ex-partners – usually do this when they’ve either a) been hurt and are defending themselves from further hurt or b) are unable to face something that also/still hurts. See the theme?

It’s about pain.

But, from what I’ve seen floating around on tumblr, a lot of people seem to think Oliver was waiting for Felicity and that he closed the door to ‘them’ after he found out she was dating, but I don’t think that’s correct.

Was he hoping? Hell yes. He’s always hoping she’ll turn around and give him another chance, always hoping he can become a better man for her.

But, was he WAITING?

No he wasn’t. Oliver had fully accepted that Felicity had said no, but he still kept the door open for her to come back through if she wanted to… she didn’t.

But he didn’t close it.

He just decided to further accept her choice and resigned himself to whatever came his way in his life. Resigned. How lonely a word that is. He didn’t go fishing, he didn’t search for romance, he didn’t even glance upwards (he didn’t: watch the episodes).

Instead, he simply said yes to the first offer he received.

After watching episodes 16, 17 and 18; I think I now understand why.

Oliver accepted long ago that he wasn’t worthy of Felicity. I just didn’t know that he hasn’t stopped feeling that way.

Originally posted by klarolicityswan

In season 3 + 4 Felicity got him to see that he did in fact have self worth and he started to see it in himself too; he started to believe. But not once did he think he was truly worthy of Felicity. Did he think he was the luckiest man on the planet because she chose him to love above all others? Very much so. But he considers himself lucky because she chose to love a man who will always be deficit, a man who wears a monster as a mask.

And after they broke up, why earnestly look for that kind of happiness again when he doesn’t feel he’s worthy of the happiness he did receive - because he proved he didn’t by destroying it - because what he wants above all else he knows he can’t have again? 

Why try to win her back, to turn her head around when he feels – in his core – that he isn’t just unworthy of her, but that there’s something very wrong inside of him? Why put that on her again?

She’ll only suffer for it and he’s caused her enough.

So he settled. And accepted. There was no moving on. But there was also no waiting for her to come back. It would be insulting to both of them for him to do that.

And now Oliver has lost what little hope he did have.

Originally posted by arrowsource

It’s as if, without Felicity, he slowly lost sight of the good he can do and everything good that can happen in life.

Which comes to this point: since we know how he feels about himself now – someone sick at the core who ruins lives, someone who takes pleasure in the kill – do you honestly think that episode 20 is going to be about Oliver telling Felicity that he understands now where he went wrong, has grown from it, has dealt with his trauma, accepts her decision and will wait for her as she goes on her dark path…?

Originally posted by giffix

Yeah, I’m going to give a big fat NO on that one.

He isn’t close to seeing that light. It’s right there but he just can’t see the wood for the trees and there are so many

What he wants right now (ep19?) is to keep Felicity from falling down with him because he sees her jumping into Helix’s arms a result of his own darkness infecting her.

Originally posted by emilybuttrickards

He doesn’t realise that she has her own ‘dark’ to experiment with – something she needs to do to understand herself more and her own insecurities. He also doesn’t realise that Adrian’s words are in his head speaking for him.

Who else could possibly make him see through that, other than Felicity? I mean, IT’S FELICITY: the one who taught him that he does have light inside him.

That line Oliver says, about her being the unforeseen force Adrian didn’t count on? Well, maybe he did. Maybe he’s part of Helix, maybe he isn’t. But I guarantee Adrian didn’t count on her influence on Oliver.

Originally posted by whoeveryoulovethemost

Adrian implanted Oliver with a notion that no longer holds true, hasn’t held true for a while now.

Of course he enjoyed darkness. Of course he relished killing. Of course he wanted it.

After five years fighting to live, how else is he supposed to compartmentalise? It only told me that he is one smart cookie.

Oliver feels things deeply. He experiences emotions on levels that could cripple most. How do you think he could ever deal with doing what he’s had to do over and over again in the years he had to survive alone? If he doesn’t learn to like it then he has to admit each time that he hates it and constant hate is extra weight (added to guilt etc) that slows you down. Get’s you killed.

And he promised his father he’d survive.

Originally posted by olivergifs

THAT was how he chose to survive. Subconsciously, his mind knew enough to see he needed to change. To fit this constantly hostile environment. So he learned to like it.

It’s a subliminal, near neurological response: a lot of military personnel – soldiers (usually not officers) front line guys, squad vets and special forces – probably do the same. They learn to somewhat - if not enjoy what they do - then take comfort in their ‘work’ in differing ways and usually, they adapt towards the environments that create such feelings and that can be where the PTSD comes from.

OH LOOK AT THAT! A CONNECTIVE POINT!

PTSD often shows itself most when the sufferer has to return to normalcy. When they have to experience quiet again, kindness again (things that remind you you’re alive and human) and face the creature they’ve been forced to become.

Oliver never did; his PTSD has come out in various ways (hyper vigilance etc) but the most prevalent is his habit towards self destruction. His lies.

His way of hiding his dark.

The Hood.

The problem, was that he split himself down the centre in the hopes of separating himself from it when he never needed to. It’s like being an alcoholic. You can’t split that from yourself; you have to confront it. It’s painful and it can takes years. 

In creating the divide he gave his darkness room to breathe.

think… (guessing) he lied to Felicity about William to protect himself. To unknowingly defend and conceal his weakness/his darkness. A man/woman suffering PTSD is always on the defence. He/she expects the worst of any situation and as such, creates the worse possible outcome each time.

I don’t think we should be concentrating on why Oliver lied, but on why he feels he has to do that, on why he keeps doing it. Why he keeps making that same mistake, as he does every single season.

Seeing it in that perspective, puts what he did in a more sympathetic light. Does it make it right? Nope. Not a chance. But it gives us an understanding as to why he’d do that to the one person he never had to hide from. Here’s hoping we get some clues/answers.

Now, Oliver was the impetus that broke their relationship… but Felicity was the one who broke them up.

That is her mark to bare.

PLEASE! NOW BEFORE PEOPLE START THROWING THINGS AT ME, PLEASE GIVE ME A MOMENT:

Breaking up with him was the right option; what he did required that jolt of reality. She needed that… but it’s her reasons why she did that are the problem.

Notice how she never gave him – her Oliver – a second chance? Why? He’s the love of her life: why hold so steadfastly to something that makes them both miserable? Neither of them have given one honest smile all sodding year!!

So… why do this to them? (Because they’ll never be a ‘him’ and ‘her’. They’re an ‘US’ always and forever. What happens to her happens to him,so why?)

Again, I might be very wrong but, I think Felicity kept that door closed simply because she saw in Oliver all the things she feared. She saw a man who would one day leave her, who would do as her father did, as Cooper did… and what was so wrong with her that they kept leaving?

So she left him. She left him. She needs to see that. And I think she does.

And because she does - because she’s understanding about her own darkness - she can understand his, she’ll see him. I mean, is it any surprise after seeing season 2, 3, 4 and this season that it’s Felicity who might see the light (metaphorically speaking)? 

I REALLY DON’T think Oliver is in any kind of place to do so, do you?

Originally posted by feilcityqueen

If these two love birds had been ready for marriage, if they’d been ready for each other, if they’d understood the way they thought they’d had. Oliver wouldn’t have lied.

But even if he had (devil’s advocate)… they would have fought. Argued until the walls shook. Eviscerated each other with words if necessary until they’re this raw nerve that bows only to honesty. So they’d inevitably have sex - because that’s always an honest expression of emotion - the kind that wears into the bone, until you feel nothing, until you can’t breathe. Then maybe they’d cry… then laugh.

Until it’s sorted.

They weren’t there yet.

So those lyrics?

I am so sorry that I bothered you
Now I know why you have to hide
I didn’t know what you were going through
All I could see was my own sign

I will just fade away
I will let you be here
I won’t say a word until you come to me
Until you come to me
Until you come to me

They just tell me what you’re in there for
How could I know you did not say?
But now I know what I am living for
Tomorrow will be just another day

I will close my eyes
And I hear a quiet peep
I will wait in the shadows until you come to me
Until you come to me
Until you come to me, oh

Ah, sweet youth will all too quickly end
And we will never be this free
So all I ask is that we look again
Before we grow too old to see

I will fall alone
My elm was sweet and envy
Still I will be crying until you come to me
Until you come to me
Until you come to me, ah
 

I’m not going to analyse it all because there’s no point: it isn’t a bit by bit sketch of the episode.

But it tells me that the understanding we’ve been waiting for Felicity to reach, may finally be here because Oliver knows he fucked up.

He knows he did this to them, knows he destroyed them. But unless she understands his vulnerability, his weakness, his heart - then nothing will change. Maybe it’s up to her. To lead him into the right direction so he can take that step into the light himself. 

“How could I know, you did not say?”

It’s suggestive: in the episode they might both basically say ‘I get it now and I‘m sorry.’

But I’m right here… until you come to me.

It looks like that so-called closed door will get opened waaaaaay wide (about time right?)

Unless I’m completely wrong and ridiculous etc

But MG is kind of genius with this stuff (Oliver and his darkness and the light and Felicity) so I’m remaining hopeful.

I think it might be pretty brutal in regards to honestly; they haven’t talked all season so we aren’t sued to it but that might be the effect that they’ve aimed for: like a kamikaze run. Shock and awe.

Also, I DON’T think there’ll be a reunion in episode 20 and THANK GOD for that. I don’t want it resolved in 1 episode. I do however think it’ll set up the next 3 eps.

I wrote a post weeks ago stating that 1 good, LONG and brutally honest conversation was all it would take for Olicity to get back together. I can’t tell you how unbelievably psyched I’ll be if turns out to being even close to true.

So… I hope that answered that (not quite an ask, ask) for you. I’ve only been receiving asks for a little while (it’s always surprising) and thankfully, it’s only sporadically because I can’t answer some of the few I get and I’m always terrified at the potential reaction I may receive!

One interesting detail the show has notably given in regards to Carol is the fact that the only time we’ve ever seen her sleeping soundly and peacefully all the way through the night was that one time she was sleeping in the bunk bed with Daryl in Consumed. Every other time that she’s shown “sleeping”, it’s a restless, fitful sleep with either tossing and turning, a result of injury, or nightmares (as seen in Bury Me Here).

I really don’t think that’s a coincidence. Daryl just being there can give her the peace of mind she needs to feel safer, secure–enough to drift off into a deep, uninterrupted sleep. In the case of Consumed, it was despite how much was weighing on her at the time. It’s a sleep from which she awoke in the morning and discovered him disposing of the mother and child walkers, the same ones she could have so easily taken care of herself, and he spared her nonetheless–not out of necessity, but because he wants every part of her to have respite from what she’s dealt with.

One of the many, many things that I think would be so incredibly satisfying about the two of them being together is the security they would experience sleeping beside one another. The tossing and turning may continue sometimes, sure. And the nightmares would never disappear entirely. But each time they woke in the night, they’d see a reminder beside them that as long as they’re alive, they don’t have to do this alone anymore. And with that reassurance, they can drift off back to sleep.

Beneath The Surface [M]

Originally posted by morekpopmore

CHAPTER TWO

(Chaper One)

Pairing: Hoseok X Reader

Word Count: 2,253

Genre & Warnings: Not gonna lie, this chapter is pretty much just smut, even though I still don’t think I’m that good at writing it. And there’s some fluff. Next chapter is a ticket to angstville, so enjoy.

Note: I am pretty convinced that sex with Hobi would be loud as hell, and I love it. So I wrote a lot about that. Sorry not sorry. 

You made your way up the steps to your apartment, Hobi so close behind that you could feel his breath on the back of your neck. You couldn’t recall ever being this nervous to bring a guy home before. You didn’t know if it was just because he was an idol, or if it was because he was Jung Hoseok. Either way, you could feel yourself getting more and more anxious the closer you got to your place. As you reached the door, your hand shook a little as you tried to put your keys in the lock, and you ended up dropping them a couple times before you were finally successful. You swing open the door and drop to the floor to greet your Pomeranian, Momo. You can hear Hobi close and lock the door behind you, and you bury your nose into Momo’s fur, trying to calm your racing heart. Hobi drops down next to you, and pats Momo’s head, and you both share a nervous grin.

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anonymous asked:

Godwin, did your study about the ink ever put you in danger? Like someone wanting to use it for some bad stuff? Or you managed to keep it secret enough?

“I suppose enough time has passed for me to answer you with honesty… Yes. Often. It’s not like I had special access to the Ink or anything like that, I learned about its properties at the same time everyone else did. (Though not everyone believed it when it was still new on the market and in such small quantities. I don’t like to think of myself as gullible, but I certainly had to test it for myself, and I was correct. The composition of it is still fascinating to me.) But out of desperation I developed its range of use quite fast, but I wasn’t the only one. Science builds on science. I quickly joined a mailing group about it, we shared our discoveries, it sped up our collective research, and we realized it had to be a secret very fast when we started to encounter the kind of dangers you’re referring to.

The abilities of the Ink were kept quiet for what felt like quite a long time, both for good and bad reasons. Though I suppose I’m really no judge… Anyway, what I mean is, some of those - like me - who knew of its power kept quiet so as not to cause panic, and some kept quiet to… stock up on it. Gather as much as possible, or use it as a… secret weapon, so to speak. And when those who weren’t interested in using it for ‘good’ seemed to be finding scientists faster and faster… Well… At the time I was simply performing all of my experiments out of our kitchen, but I knew I had to keep more out of sight, and I built my laboratory into our basement. And I was working so much, I hardly left.

(When India came back, she mourned the basement space - it’s where we used to dance, that’s why our greenhouse is now our dance space… I was so happy to have her back converting it was hardly a chore.) And it solved a lot of my initial problems. But it wasn’t foolproof. Even those on the mailing list I could never trust, scientists they may have been, it didn’t mean they weren’t looking to use our discoveries for… ‘bad stuff’. Or that they weren’t being impersonated - I never actually met anyone from the mailing list in person. I began to never trust anyone who arrived at my door. Shared only the basics of my successes with the others.

That’s why I initially turned away Henry and the toons when they showed up. I’m a doctor, and have had great success with the Ink - with India’s revival, but they might have been lying about really being hurt. They were still completely new to us, the people of Lampblack, I mean. I wasn’t sure they could actually become injured. And even if they were, why come to me? Why not someone else? It felt like I had just gotten India back. It terrified me to think of what another scientist might do to her were my success to be revealed. I was being very stingy with my progress on the mailing list after that, and I’m sure I was being very suspicious. What if Henry was only here to check up on me? To see what I’d done that required so much heavier secrecy? I didn’t answer the door at all. I’m glad India did. But I wouldn’t have regretted it if she hadn’t.

To make a long story short, yes, I did have trouble. And yes, I kept it a secret, as well as I could have, I like to think. We’re safe now, at least mostly. Of course the Ink’s presence throughout the city isn’t all good, but it’s better for us than it was when there were only a few sources of its expanded potential.

The thing is… That’s not the most dangerous thing about the Ink. I suppose you could make an argument for those basic dangers, it’s tempting to use it to further your goals in ways you probably shouldn’t. But it’s tempting in other ways too.

I learned very quickly to always wear gloves when handling it, and keep as clean as possible. How to stay focused and keep my… spiritual distance. Not every scientist did. And many who failed to keep that safe distance aren’t alive anymore, or at least, they aren’t themselves anymore. I’ve barely begun to look into Boris and Bendy’s rescue, what they went through, I don’t want to pry, they don’t seem prepared to talk about it. But from what I gather, there has always been evidence of the Ink being much more than a specialized chemical. It corrupts the incorruptible. It’s a miracle, yes. I’d never tell you otherwise. But it’s also a poison like no other.

I could never advise you against experimenting with the Ink. That’s what I did, and I achieved a goal I could never have dreamed of had I not witnessed its success with my own eyes. But if you must, please, I implore you to exercise caution. And always wear gloves. Always. Wear. Gloves.” -GG

In the midst of a battle Lance ( almost too informally) desperately confesses to Keith. Barely making it alive, and when the adrenaline dies down, they can’t look each other in the eye and it’s unclear what Keith thinks. Hunk eyes Lance and goes
“ ….. so… Keith huh ;)”
* groans * “ shut up Hunk…”
The episode leaves off with Lance being all mopey cause he “ made it awkward ” and what happens next is up to you

only human

“It’s just a tad bit ridiculous to me that, despite my countless warnings and lectures and explanations, you continue not to listen. This is the third time you’ve made a deal with one of the demons we’ve summoned and you’re unbelievably fortunate that it’s never been anything worse than this and–Simon why are you smiling?”

“I’m hot.” He says gleefully, looking up at Magnus, who’s in his arms-crossed, strict parent pose. Simon knows he deserves this lecture, just like he deserved it the first two times, but in this moment he can’t seem to care because it’s a little warm in Magnus’ apartment, too warm to be wearing a Captain America hoodie, and Simon can feel it. But it’s not the time to enjoy that, he realizes when Magnus’ glare continues to be unwavering. “Look, I’m sorry! I know I have to stop, but at least we got what we needed! He gave us the information, so now Alec has a lead on who’s been supplying that werewolf drug.”

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rose-of-yonezawa  asked:

Overprotective Papa Masamune. (Based off on a cross over fanfic between SLBP and Bleach I'm currently working on).

I hope you don’t mind it being a bit sad. Have to admit, I cried while writing this. Here you go, hope you like it ^^

________________

“Masamune’s Little Girl”

Words couldn’t describe the pain he felt when his Lady closed her eyes forever. She had been in a terrible condition after giving birth to a little princess. A year later, she laid on her death bed, waiting for the moment death took over. As much as he wanted this to never happen, he knew he could do nothing to stop it. All he could do was watch her as she slowly and weakly said goodbye for the last time. And once she had done it, the pieces to his heart broke down to the tiniest pieces. He could no longer see her smile, eat her desserts, feel her comfort, caress her cheeks…and she would no longer be waiting for his arrival after every battle. He cried so hard for the first time, the tears never wanting to leave him. He broke down and shut himself from everyone, including Kojuro and Shigezane. He still led his Clan, but it was without determination and a heart he once had when she was with him. And the only person that could break through his walls and bring him back, was his precious little daughter…just like his Lady had once done.

She’s so much like her mother

He had found so much similarities his daughter shared with his Lady. They were both gifted with the kindest heart and the sweetest smile. His daughter shared so much features from his Lady that that was one of the other reason why he was brought back into the light. Years had already pasted since her death but the memories still laid behind Masamune’s mind. He could never forget his Lady, he didn’t wanted to. And these past years had been at the same time, stressful but happy. He took care of his daughter just as he had promised his Lady. But at times, it grew to be too overprotective. But no one could blame him, they all understood why he was like that—except for the little princess who barely grew to know her mother.

There were times when she would get angry at her father’s protection, only because she felt he treated her so much like a like a little baby. She wanted so much to know the reason why her father was like that but no matter who she had asked, no one would tell her, dismissing the conversation right away. She cried on nights in front of her father, wanting to meet her mother so badly because she knew he loved her mother so much. But that fate could never be changed.

When Masamune went off to war, he would worry so much about his daughter, worrying about the littlest thing. And sometimes his overprotectiveness would get him distracted at war councils or almost kill him in battles. Luckily with a trusted friend, he was still alive. One of his reasons was because he didn’t wanted to lose another one of his family of his. He had already lost the love of his life, he didn’t wanted to lose his only daughter.

“I’ll be fine papa, it’s just a little fever, it’ll break soon,” the little girl assures her father when he told her to return to bed the moment she sat beside him. “You will catch a cold with this weather, he tells her when the night breeze hits them. But the little princess shook her head stubbornly. “I’ll be fine.”

“That’s what your mother once told me, but she was never fine at all.” At rare times, Masamune would bring up (MC) in front of his daughter so she looked up at her father’s face as he stared up at the moon. Masamune though shakes his head, telling his daughter to not go further into that conversation. His daughter sighs sadly, having lost the opportunity. “If you won’t rest in your bed, then rest here,” he tells her. The little girl nods as she starts feeling a bit sleepy. Her head dozes off against Masamune as she sleeps peacefully. Meanwhile, the moment her head hit him, the memories of his Lady falling asleep on his shoulder comes back. His heart sinks as he looks at the peaceful looking daughter who quietly sleeps. The sleeping face reminded him so much about his Lady and his nostrils starts hardening. The tears fell as he was reminded of the morning his Lady’s passing. He didn’t wanted to cry in front of his daughter and look weak but he couldn’t help himself. He had swore to his Lady that he would protect their precious daughter with his life.

In the middle of it all, his daughter woke up at the sound of her father’s soft crying. It was the first time she had experienced her father crying in front of her. She knew he cried at times but this was the first she’s ever seen him like this. Her heart aches for her father, knowing he was crying for her mother and the tears fell against her cheeks. She then crawls up to him and brings him into an embrace and cried with him. The sight of seeing her poor father crying made her cry and miss the mother she never knew as well. “Papa, do not cry alone. I am here for you,” she assures her father through the tiny sniffles.

She sounded so much like her own mother and she once again reminds him of his Lady. He wraps his arms around her tiny back, holding on tight as they cry. “I want to see mama. I want to meet her. I want to hold her. I want to see her beautiful face. I want to smile at the sight of her. Why must she leave before me knowing her?” she wails.

“I know, love. I know. I want that too,” he softly speaks as he caresses his daughter’s cheeks, brushing away the fear that kept swimming down. Masamune wished to badly for his daughter to have at least know of her mother. She was far too young to know when his Lady was still alive. He wanted so badly for his daughter to know of her mother. How much she had resembled her mother, the kind heart, the smile, the hair and the face. He wanted to experience his Lady’s mother like figure because he couldn’t really see that when she was alive, the illness ruining it all. That was his first and last love. And it was all gone from his eyes before he even knew it. He missed her so much, but he was glad to be able to keep his daughter, being reminded of his Lady every time he looked into his daughters eyes.

At least you are here with me. I’m glad for that.

what exactly is Wes even thinking here, about danny being phantom. does he think it’s some superhero alterego? a side effect of some weird experiment his parents did? does Wes think danny is really a ghost? that danny died and is full ghost and masquerading as a living human? 

how much does Wes know, or thinks he knows? (what if he starts trying to get danny to ‘pass on’, or picks up weird old traditional ghost hunting techniques to try outing danny, most of which don’t work, but a few of them do?)

Wes being really unnerved by the prospect of going to school with his dead classmate, seeing him in the halls everyday looking so normal and alive, it sends cold shivers down his spine and reaffirms his resolve even more to expose this thing and show everyone the truth