looking backwards to go forwards

ew.com
'Outlander': John Grey Actor Discusses His Feelings for Jamie
‘Lord John is dealing with an an internal conflict of character,’ the actor says

In the latest episode of the Starz drama, fans were given a full introduction to Major John William Grey (David Berry), the governor of Ardsmuir Prison who was first introduced as a teenager in season 2. Grey’s feelings about Jamie (Sam Heughan) become clear rather quickly during one heartbreaking exchange in his prison quarters.

“I lost a particular friend at Culloden,” he says to Jamie, mournfully. “He was the reason I joined the army. He inspired me.”

Glassy-eyed, Grey goes on to explain how his brother dragged him away from the corpse of his friend. “He was embarrassed you see, said I would overcome it.”

And that’s when he touches Jamie.

Speaking to EW in Los Angeles recently, Heughan discussed his character’s reaction to his British captor.

“There’s a period where they learn to gain each other’s trust and they become companions in this place that is very barren. There’s nothing else really to do there,” Heughan said. “They find there’s an intellectual appreciation of each other’s company, and they form this friendship. But then Grey makes his emotions or his intentions known. Jamie feels that not only is it dangerous for him, but sad. He feels just so many different things for John Grey in that moment.”

And how does Grey feel in return? We asked Berry about his character’s first impressions of Jamie, and what to expect of their relationship in the coming episodes.

In your opinion, what is Lord Grey’s first opinion on Jamie?
“We first see Lord Grey as he is introduced to Jamie/McDugh in the prison grounds. Lord Grey is immediately reminded of the encounter he had with him as a boy many years before. He is both fascinated by and fearful of Jamie. Lord Grey sees Jamie as a fearsome adversary and someone that could potentially undermine his authority as the head of Ardsmuir prison.”

What changes Grey’s opinion of Jamie? What moment?
“There’s no one specific moment that Lord Grey changes his opinion of Jamie. Throughout the episode he is gathering information and trying to strategize a way of dealing with Jamie. In the process of doing so, he comes to see Jamie as an equal, both in terms of intellect and a deep sense of honor. Jamie has a unique ability to reveal and expose Lord Grey’s vulnerabilities. In the game of chess he plays with Jamie, Lord Grey is caught off guard by his own emotions as Jamie is once again able to expose Lord Grey’s suppressed feelings … this time his homosexual urges … when Jamie tells him about the grief he feels losing the love of his life, Claire.”

What is your understanding of how gay men were treated in 18th-century London? Did you feel the need to do any research?
“I didn’t get too bogged down in the nitty-gritty of how gay men were treated in the 18th century. While it is fascinating … and Diana [Gabaldon]’s books from the Lord John series give many helpful insights … it’s not always playable in a scene. I think on a fundamental level, regardless of the time, Lord John is dealing with an an internal conflict of character. He is compelled to do things that intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually conflict with who he wants or wishes he could be based on the expectations of the world in which he lives . This is relatable to anyone, gay or straight. And in particular, it is still a struggle that many LGBTQ people still deal with today, over 200 years later. With so much still unchanged for LGBTQ people in our own time, there’s very little need to look backwards.”

Can you talk about how the scripts address Grey’s sexuality going forward?
“The scripts aren’t heavy-handed in the way they treat Grey’s sexuality. To their credit, they treat his sexuality as incidental to his character and the plot. The scripts also cleverly subvert and play with the audiences’ expectations, especially in the scene where Jamie offers himself to Grey and he refuses.”

This gif looks like it’s going backwards even though it looks like the two women are going forwards but unless Loki’s hair is able to defy the laws of physics, it goes out from his head and away, like it’s leading the way lol. 

Can someone reverse it?

8,100 - 9,000 Follower Prompt Batch Special
  • “You must not trust the masked one.”
  • “I will not allow you to mess this one up for me.”
  • “Falling in love with your roommates? Hilarious." 
  • "Do you have any idea how embarrassing what you just did was?”
  • “I always make sure to film your bad ideas.”
  • “How was I supposed to know that the cat was actually a dragon?”
  • “It makes you wonder how gullible I really am.”
  • “I let you in my life. Try not to mess anything up.”
  • “I’ve always held you accountable for my mistakes.”
  • “I’ve been an awful person to you and I want to change that.”
  • “It was easy to ignore what I was doing, because it didn’t affect me. I’m sorry. Truly.”
  • “You can’t just pretend I don’t have feelings.”
  • “Magic can’t be real. I’m just a con. How could this be?”
  • “I secretly fact check everything you say to make sure you’re wrong.”
  • “It’d be so easy to just end your life here and now, with no one around.”
  • “Sometimes I can picture you plotting my death. I can see it in your eyes.”
  • “Something went totally right in the programming.”
  • “I hate when you get smug.”
  • “I can’t argue with that logic.”
  • “Does it get tiring, being right all the time?”
  • “Stop feeding their ego with your lies.”
  • “I’m a professional, so please address me like one.”
  • “I told you that the chances of me messing up were reall low, right?”
  • “Stop focusing on my negatives.”
  • “I’m not giving anyone false hope." 
  • "Control your demon. They keep chewing on my blankets.”
  • “Stop using science as an excuse. I’m not your test subject.”
  • “It was one video, sure, but now everyone can see what I did.”
  • “I know I said I was going to drop the subject, but I can’t help my curiosity." 
  • "Ready to make me look bad?”
  • “The only thing I wanted to do was help you.”
  • “You imply I’ve never made mistakes as bad as this. Your implication is wrong.”
  • “I’ve written six pages nonstop since this morning. I can’t feel my fingers.”
  • “I don’t like inviting people into my house.”
  • “We’re on an endless road." 
  • "Do you ever wonder what’s out there?”
  • “This is where I belong.”
  • “I’m hoping we can find what was missing.”
  • “All bad ideas begin with you and end with me.”
  • “Fantastic. Let’s just go through the front door and alert everyone. No way could that ever go wrong.”
  • “Loving you was the only thing I knew how to do.”
  • “It’s too hard. All I do is not enough.”
  • “Help me understand.”
  • “I am made up of misunderstandings, you know?”
  • “I wish I could lie about something like this, but I can’t.”
  • “Look at me. I wasn’t kidding.”
  • “We need to leave before they get here." 
  • "Loving you leaves me hurt.”
  • “I hate this. Just talk to me! Stop walking away when I accidentally hurt you. I can change if you just tell me what’s wrong.”
  • “Don’t make it easy on me. I like a good challenge.”
  • “Whisper sweet nothings to me.”
  • “You’re the only person I know who will baby talk at a plant.”
  • “I remember all the times we ran through the streets in the rain and screamed our hearts out.”
  • “I didn’t want it to happen, but the busier I got, the less we talked.”
  • “Do you think they can tell I’m nervous?”
  • “Your crush was obvious to everyone- especially them.”
  • “Why didn’t you do anything?”
  • “You’re all dead to me. Go away and let me suffer here in peace.”
  • “Do I want to know why you’re laying on the floor like that?”
  • “I’m still thinking about you.”
  • “You don’t have to say a word if it’s too personal.”
  • “I beg you- tell me how to fix this." 
  • "If I bribe you with an odd amount of cash, can you pretend to be my date next week?”
  • “I hate parties and yet here I am. The things I do for you.”
  • “If you feel the same, what’s the problem?”
  • “You can drag my reputation through the dirt as many times as you want, but jealousy has never been a pretty look on you.”
  • “You’ve taken all my friends from me and I’m supposed to forgive you?”
  • “It hurts all the time.”
  • “Stop giving me those looks.”
  • “Disappointment is my nickname." 
  • "It’s like my progress is going backwards. One step forward, three steps back.”
  • “You can’t stay in a bubble for the rest of your life.”
  • “Say your last farewell.”
  • “You’ve saved my life more times than I can count on my hands. I want to return the favor.”
  • “I always figured you’d understand. How could I be so wrong?”
  • “I thought I knew you pretty well.”
  • “So many choices. I’m stuck.”
  • “Look at me and tell me that you’re happy.”
  • “I know they’re lying about something, but I don’t know what it could be.”
  • “I was never good with mysteries. It’s part of the reason  I don’t like them.”
  • “I let you in and it was the worst thing I’ve done in my life.”
  • “You think I do these things because I want to?”
  • “I’m just a petty thief in the eyes of the public. That won’t ever change.”
  • “I’m just here to do my job. Move.”
  • “I gave you plenty of time to think about what you did.”
  • “We are two of the same kind.”
  • “No one will ever understand what you meant to me.”
  • “Videos that can make me cry are not just limited to people being surprised with animals." 
  • "If you do my English paper, I’ll do your science homework." 
  • "I thought it’d be funny to leave a trail of gummies leading to the couch for movie night, but I didn’t expect you to actually eat them." 
  • "I’m nervous one hundred percent of the time.”
  • “I want to change on my own terms, not yours.”
  • “My goals and dreams are still so far away.”
  • “Do you ever feel stuck?”
  • “I see you haven’t retired from crime.”
  • “I can’t believe they stole my chair." 
  • "Of all people I didn’t expect to be here, you were on top of that list.”
  • “I get an odd satisfaction from seeing you fail.”
  • “Cheer up. Your next attempt will be better, I’m sure.”
  • “I’ve always had faith in you.”

anonymous asked:

whizzer entertaining an eight-year-old jason in the city on a saturday during fall when marvin has to work, and whizzer really falling into a loving parent role because this kid is honestly irresistible and the best. basically i just need more precious whizzer/jason moments because i love them so much.

Thanks so much for this prompt, it was really interesting and i loved writing it!


Whizzer was lazing on the sofa reading a magazine when he heard tiny feet padding down the stairs.

“Morning Jason.” He said sleepily. The small boy did not reply, but climbed over the back of the sofa and onto Whizzer’s shoulders. “Hey, no climbing before I’ve had my coffee, it’s too early for this sh-“ Whizzer cleared his throat. “It’s too early”

He got a few knees to the stomach as Jason climbed back down, and Whizzer followed him to the kitchen, saying “I left you out some cereal, eat up.” Jason sneered.

“I don’t want this. It has bits in.”

“Those are chocolate chips, kid, I wouldn’t complain if I were you…”

“I don’t want this milk, it’s got a blue bottle top, I like milk with the green top. And my spoon’s dirty, it has a spot on it.” Whizzer rolled his eyes at Jason’s petulance, before pausing and furrowing his brow. He spoke softly.

“What’s wrong, Jason? What is it?” He could almost see the cogs whirring in Jason’s head as he was torn between picking out more faults with his breakfast or attempting to put into words what was bothering him. After a long silence, he piped up.

“Where’s dad?” Whizzer sighed, understanding immediately.

“I’m sorry, bud, your dad had to work again today. He’ll be back before dinner, though, so maybe he can teach you some more chess. Sound good?” His feeble attempt to inject some positivity into the child seemed to work, as Jason cracked a smile and nodded vigorously. “Look, here’s the  milk with a green top and a new spoon, if you eat up we can think of some things to do until your dad gets back.” Jason wolfed down his breakfast after that, and soon enough they were getting wrapped up in coats and scarves, ready for a day in the park.

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ew.com
'Outlander': John Grey Actor Discusses His Feelings for Jamie
‘Lord John is dealing with an an internal conflict of character,’ the actor says

Speaking to EW in Los Angeles recently, Heughan discussed his character’s reaction to his British captor.

“There’s a period where they learn to gain each other’s trust and they become companions in this place that is very barren. There’s nothing else really to do there,” Heughan said. “They find there’s an intellectual appreciation of each other’s company, and they form this friendship. But then Grey makes his emotions or his intentions known. Jamie feels that not only is it dangerous for him, but sad. He feels just so many different things for John Grey in that moment.”

And how does Grey feel in return? We asked Berry about his character’s first impressions of Jamie, and what to expect of their relationship in the coming episodes.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: In your opinion, what is Lord Grey’s first opinion on Jamie?
DAVID BERRY: “We first see Lord Grey as he is introduced to Jamie/McDugh in the prison grounds. Lord Grey is immediately reminded of the encounter he had with him as a boy many years before. He is both fascinated by and fearful of Jamie. Lord Grey sees Jamie as a fearsome adversary and someone that could potentially undermine his authority as the head of Ardsmuir prison.”


What changes Grey’s opinion of Jamie? What moment?
“There’s no one specific moment that Lord Grey changes his opinion of Jamie. Throughout the episode he is gathering information and trying to strategize a way of dealing with Jamie. In the process of doing so, he comes to see Jamie as an equal, both in terms of intellect and a deep sense of honor. Jamie has a unique ability to reveal and expose Lord Grey’s vulnerabilities. In the game of chess he plays with Jamie, Lord Grey is caught off guard by his own emotions as Jamie is once again able to expose Lord Grey’s suppressed feelings … this time his homosexual urges … when Jamie tells him about the grief he feels losing the love of his life, Claire.”
What is your understanding of how gay men were treated in 18th-century London? Did you feel the need to do any research?
“I didn’t get too bogged down in the nitty-gritty of how gay men were treated in the 18th century. While it is fascinating … and Diana [Gabaldon]’s books from the Lord John series give many helpful insights … it’s not always playable in a scene. I think on a fundamental level, regardless of the time, Lord John is dealing with an an internal conflict of character. He is compelled to do things that intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually conflict with who he wants or wishes he could be based on the expectations of the world in which he lives . This is relatable to anyone, gay or straight. And in particular, it is still a struggle that many LGBTQ people still deal with today, over 200 years later. With so much still unchanged for LGBTQ people in our own time, there’s very little need to look backwards.”

Can you talk about how the scripts address Grey’s sexuality going forward?
“The scripts aren’t heavy-handed in the way they treat Grey’s sexuality. To their credit, they treat his sexuality as incidental to his character and the plot. The scripts also cleverly subvert and play with the audiences’ expectations, especially in the scene where Jamie offers himself to Grey and he refuses.”

Passed another stepping stone in life today
and I’m thinking
if you could see where I am,
who I am,
would you be proud?
But of course,
I don’t say these things out loud.
I don’t admit how much I think about you
because that’s not moving on
and I’ve moved on now.
Or I’m trying anyhow.
You used to say you were my person.
Well,
I’ve got a new person now.
She fills me with the same crazy hope
and butterflies you used to.
Perhaps that’s what terrifies me the most.
I can only give her
what my mending heart can allow
without risking itself
to falling apart again.
I swear, I want her to be a place I can call home.
But how am I supposed to write her into my story
when I keep writing the same poem?
I tell myself I’ve gotten to a better place now,
but I always seem to wander back to you.
—  You - V.P.

razz-a-ma-tazz  asked:

In Song of Achilles the writing style is very poetic, how did you go about crafting this (or is that just your natural writing style)?

Thank you! Writing for me is all about getting into character (there’s theater again).  It was really important for me to fully inhabit Patroclus’ perspective, to be able to “hear” his voice in my head.  That process took ten years.  The first draft I wrote was in a completely different style.  Much more epic and formal.  I took a hard look at it, and realized it was completely wrong for Patroclus–who is more gentle and lyric.  So I threw it out, despaired for a while, and then one day on a long walk, the first line of the book came to me, along with Patroclus’ new voice. 

My advice to writers is to not be afraid of throwing things out. When you’re writing, I think every paragraph can feel very precious and important, but if you’ve written it once, you can do it again.  Throwing out (and by the way, I don’t really throw it away, but keep it in a junk file in case I want to look back) isn’t going backwards, it’s part of moving forwards, part of the process of trying things out, and letting yourself explore the world. 

Something important I feel I have to say

There’s something I’ve been meaning to get off my chest, ever since the election. I wasn’t able to say much the first few days after because I had a bad throat infection, but now I can.

Before I begin, let me clarify one thing: I do not support Donald Trump and his policies as well as some of his opinions. I was a Bernie supporter, then a Hillary supporter. I, like many other Americans, are worried about a Trump presidency and what that can bring to this country. I don’t support some of the proposed changes he and his Cabinet want to bring. Quite frankly, I hate some of those proposals. 

But there is a difference between hating the actions of a man, and hating the man himself. I may hate his actions, but I don’t hate Trump. Why, you may ask?

Because, he’s a person. He has family who love him. He is entitled to the same rights as any other person. He, like everyone else in America, should not be subjected to death threats. Nobody should. No Democrat, or Republican, or anybody from any party should be given that kind of hatred.

This is not an easy thing to say. In fact, I’m guilty of embodying that hatred. When Trump was first elected, I was furious. I was angry, I lashed out at people on Twitter, on Facebook, and I was meanspirited to anyone I saw celebrating Trump winning. And I didn’t care. I thought I was in the right.

But then a few weeks passed, and I realized something. Here I am accusing people of being hateful, racist, etc. when I myself wasn’t all that kind. I jumped into the fray and sometimes was as mean as the Trump supporters I engaged in arguments with. I woke up…and realized that I had let myself sink into that same trap they were in. I fell into a hateful pool of no return. It’s like quicksand - once you get into it, you only get more and more stuck the more you struggle. It’s an ugly feeling, an unpleasant one. Makes you sick to your stomach.

And I realized something else: this election has made people mean. No matter what side you’re on, it’s made people hostile. Nobody’s happy, everyone’s throwing mud. There’s no talking, no compromise, just division. How did we let ourselves get into this mess? How low have we sunk as a society that this has become the norm? How is it that the higher ground has sunken in? We had a high bar once, but I can’t see it anymore. The vitriol in the air has fogged up our vision.

It’s easy to want to be angry. It’s easy to want to cry. It’s easy to want revenge. It’s easy to hurt others to make ourselves feel better, and to reassure our vices. What’s difficult is being nice. What’s so hard is being able to keep a clear head and realize exactly who we are and where we stand, and being able to maintain those values and morals no matter what.

I was raised never to hate. From a young age, I learned to be kind and treat others with respect. In my lifetime, I’ve learned it’s better to call out the bad action, rather than condemn the person. And I’ve learned that you should always live your life leading by example. It’s up to each and everyone of us to raise the standard by which we guide our decisions and behavior.

That’s what I intend to do the next four years. I want to keep a cool head. If I don’t, then I’ll just fall into the fray and become bitter and I don’t want to do that. That’s not a good life to live, for anybody. If we’re ever going to accomplish anything, then we can’t allow ourselves to be blinded by sheer malice and bloodthirst alone. Instead, we need to be calm, cool, and collected. We need to look at the hard facts, not the pathos. We need to work together and fight injustice, all while we carry in our hearts love and empathy, not evil and vengeance. If we’re going to want to make progress and change in our government, we can’t go low. We’ve got to go high. We need to lead by example. When we get involved, we must do so because we feel it is necessary for making our country better, not because we want to harm and be as cruel as those who oppress and hate us.

So, again, I’m not happy that Trump was elected president. But, I’m not going to let myself become bitter and take steps backward. Instead, I’m going to look forward. A lot can, and will, happen in the next four years. I’m ready to take part in it, and fight for what I believe in, but always remember to love, and respect, and empathize at the same time. That, I believe, is the healthy approach to life and the American democracy. I’m ready for both.

a couple of comments  on annoying things I’ve read about Olivia in Scandal 506...

NB: This is kinda rant-y and rambling. 

It frankly pisses me off that people think Olivia doesn’t love Fitz, and that she would rather “commit to Mellie and free her father” than get married. What a load of uncooked tripe. Do you understand that getting married at this juncture may have been the smart play (kind of), but the absolute wrong move for them as a couple, and specifically for Olivia as a woman. That Ross ring came with a new job Olivia absolutely does not want. How can she remain the institution of Olivia Pope [TM] AND serve as FLOTUS? Y’all are still on that season two fantasy? Olivia was somebody before she met Fitz. And she wants to keep that autonomy, and some small semblance of privacy (most of which has been shredded by this outing and her subsequent public admission to the relationship). Being FLOTUS does not enable her to do that. The wedding fail scene showed you that via the metaphor her clothing offered: a retro look for a retro act. She would have been going backwards, not forward. But she was going to do it anyway, if that was the only option available to her. 

Everybody got out of jail, free, this episode, EXCEPT Olivia. Her choices:

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hogwartsconsultingtimelady  asked:

Yooooo big fan. Quick question. So I recently heard the term "crucifix nail nipples" and became intrigued. (I know, I know.) So I went to your page and scrolled far enough to find your recent summary post. I was a roller coaster of awfulness. I loved it. 10/10 would cringe again. So here's the question; is there a link to your original post? I must find your original review.

And in my farther scrolling I have found that you are 4'11’’. As a 4'11’’ girl myself, I find your badassery now doubly inspiring. I aspire to be a badass and now have confirmation that it is possible. I continue on in my quest of badassery with renewed hope. I shall be a badass. (2)

Side note: Can I just say I love reading your life backwards. (3)

My original live journal post? Or do you mean this one? If you’re asking for live journal then there wasn’t much of a summary. Just me going “OH MY GOD WHAT” over and over again and becoming more and more incoherent as the night went on.

And it is always possible to be a bad ass regardless of size. You just need to always be sure to bring a step ladder with you or failing that a broom to get things down from high places. The broom has the added bonus of making you look like a witch. Just saying.

And I can only imagine what reading my life backwards must look like. I can tell you from going forwards it’s a surreal enough experience as is.

Up and down, up and down, looking up, looking down, going forwards, going backwards, hesitating repeatedly.
With the scene in hand, anyone would think Cole was figuring out a serious life problem, which it was, but it kind of took away the harm from it considering he was standing outside nothing more than a bakery. He’d done himself some justice and actually gotten up to go for a jog that morning, he even skipped his toast for Museli, and he hated Museli. But now he was here, just looking at the shop window, eyes gazing over all the chocolate fortified goodies. He rubbed his forehead, shaking his head at himself, before beginning to walk away, but desire seemed to treat him like an old friend, well, disguised as a friend, and it made him want to go back and scoff his face into one of the biggest slices of cake they had going. ‘Should I, shouldn’t I?’, he thought to himself, he contemplated it over and over, and even heard a soft ringing of old taunting voices in his head, seemingly battling with himself, and to any person going past, he would’ve probably looked really…strange.

A Shard of Ice

elfandbowman asked for this I am doing my best to deliver

A Shard of Ice

It had been over a month since Bard’s death.

Everyone, down to the lowliest of his subjects looked at him as if they were just waiting, wondering when he would break.

They had forgotten their place. They would be reminded.

As if he would allow himself to show such weakness, let alone in front of them. His heart may be broken but he had learnt how to hold it together with ice long ago. He had endured then and he would again. He remembered how to make himself numb and cold, he had spent so long that way he would never forget.

But this time he would not allow himself to be thawed.

Some impertinent subjects of his presumed to try to talk to him, as if he would share anything with them. He put them back in their place. 

They did not ask again.

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I just have to say this about the pay issue.

There was so much truth to what Becky said. The USSF is looking backward and the USWNT are looking to go forwards. Across the board in most industries, this pay discrepancy is an issue. This notion that women aren’t as deserving of equal pay/treatment as men is constantly perpetuated by the media, by men, and worst of all by other women! In a lot of ways, people have “accepted” it to be the reality.

There aren’t many people or companies that have the balls to put their foot down and take a stand for women. A big entity like USSF doesn’t want to be the one to make waves (but do something right) by paying the women equally in fear of angering the backwards thinking individuals who follow the sport. It’s straight up cowardly and this is why I have the utmost respect for these ladies for fighting the good fight, the RIGHT fight. This isn’t just for them or younger players, it’s for women.