98% of the nsfw art i drew i’d end up like, hating lmao
and i just felt gross having it, tbh
messages like “your a filthy sinner and now IM a filthy sinner because of it!!” werent funny or like a snide joke that we could chuckle abt together it just made me feel gross
a lot of art i’d look at the next day and i couldn’t convince myself that people were looking at it and not cringing and feeling second hand embarrassed by it so i’d make it private bc i hated it being Out There but i didn’t wanna Delete it bc i put so much time into it anyway
it’s under a password and people keep asking for the password, which i never said i was giving out. and i’m not giving out.
i didn’t delete it bc i might open it again someday but as of right now i just don’t want people to see it
I really don’t understand why it’s so hard for straight people to recognize that when they’re arguing with THE ENTIRE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY about something that they might be wrong? Heaven forbid oppressed people know a thing or two about their own oppression.
For the record, I am a cis, straight, white girl - I don’t claim to be the perfect ally, but I know how to listen and evolve.
Cassandra Clare just keeps stubbornly digging her feet in, and some of these people defending her need to take a hard look around. This isn’t a handful of gay people saying she’s doing harm to their community (which to be honest, even if it was one gay person speaking up you should still listen). We’re talking about hundreds (thousands?) that are desperately trying to get legitimate concerns across. People criticizing her aren’t doing it for attention or because they have nothing better to do. What she writes has an impact on young adults and how they relate to the world. Yes, she created these characters. Cassandra Clare has a certain degree of power and needs to be responsible with it. Instead she is acting like an immature, stubborn, greedy kid who has her fingers in her ears screaming “LALALALA I CANT HEAR YOU!!!” Holding her accountable is important.
Do you know the feeling when you are driving on the highway and there are three lanes and you are driving in the middle and left and right from you drive two trucks while you are sitting behind the wheel of a Mini? That’s how I felt when I had my photo taken with Jensen and Jared. ;) I mean, it’s not hard for people to be taller than me, so my impression of these two is of course clouded by me being 5,4, but man you really only realize they are tall when they are together and you are standing in the middle.
Anyway… short story to the picture and what you don’t see in the picture. The two guns Jensen and Jared are holding are actually bubble guns. Means they are shooting bubbles if you pull them (believe me when I walked through security on my flights and people saw them I got a few hearty laughs out of the security guards). That said, since I had 4 or 5 different people tell me over the course of the con and especially after looking at my Misha photo op that I remind them of Carrie Fisher I thought “Hey, maybe channel a bit of that for the photo op”, so I re-created the Leia hairstyle with braids as best as I could (though you really can’t see it in the picture lol) and had this picture on my phone as a reference.
Before I had my picture taken with them, they took a bit of a breather for a minute and were just stretching out and drinking something. That didn’t help me and my nervousness any, but oh well it was nice to have some more time to see them. :) So since you have to dip the guns into soap water in order for them to shoot the bubbles I had some help from two lovely girls (who I sadly forgot to ask for their names). So I dipped the guns into the water another time and then - heart beating all the way up in my throat - go up to them and they both just smile at me and look attentively at me to understand what I try and tell them. So I hand them the guns and tells them they are shooting bubbles and show them the Star Wars picture and ask if it is okay for them if we take a picture in that pose and Jared just takes one glance at my mobile and goes “Yes, of course” and gets into pose, but both Jensen and Jared sort of move a lot closer towards me. And then both of them start shooting the guns and the picture is taken and sadly as you see you cannot see any on the picture itself. Well, I know they were there and the reaction of both Jensen and Jared make up for it, because after it fired like a handful of bubbles and stopped Jensen turned to me and looked at me looking really like a sad and disppointed kid hose toy broke :’) thinking “Why did they stop?!” LOL and then smiles at me with the most gorgeous warm smile and hands me the gun back. And so I turn around to Jared and he just has the gun in his hands and pulls the trigger another time but no more bubbles are coming out and he looks at me and goes “And where is mine?” and I just say “Well, you can keep it!” and then he says “But I don’t have the thing for the bubbles” and before I can say anything more he just smiles at me and says, “No sweetheart, you keep it”. Both of them smile at me one more time, I wave goodbye and want to disappear into the ground as I am leaving the room lol.
I love the memory of it. I love Jensen and Jared in this picture and I do rather like that Jensen is angling his body towards me, so I suppose he wasn’t uncomfortable with this. I really don’t like my face or my pose though, so please just ignore both.
WHITE PEOPLE ending racism doesn’t look like black people eradicating Becky from their vocabulary or holding hands with you while singing kumbaya around a campfire.
Ending institutionalized racism looks like the getting the reparations that are owed to us in cold hard cash from the slavery your countries economy was built upon! The funding of impoverished communities, funding of schools in areas born out of redlining, release of the hordes of non-violence drug offenders of color that sent privatized prison profits soaring.
Till you’re ready to talk money stop shouting and screaming for attention for your stubbed toe (hurt feelings) when our leg is broken (institutional oppression) and needs tending to.
i. I am the bitterness that lingers in your mouth after a full cup of coffee. I will be there throughout the day and remind you how it feels like to have my body against yours at night. You will look at people and search for the stars tattooed on their hands only to realize that it is only in my palms where you can taste stardust.
ii. You will see me on bed with nothing but the words hidden behind my daily smiles. When you undress me, you will discover the land I have failed to conquer along with the scars from the war. And yes, my body is a war zone. My chest will be filled with tombstones of all the dreams I lost. My arms hold the numbers telling you how many times I have succumbed to the emptiness. My stomach will tell you the story of how hope died with my own hands. Tell me, will you kiss away the taste of blood away from my mouth?
iii. I carry other people’s pain in my heart, a little too much of their aches and tears. And there will be days I can not tell you I love you because my heart is filled with their sadness. I will dwindle into nothingness until you no longer know how to hold my frailty. I am too fragile for your gentleness and I beg you, please hold me closer when soul trembles with fear.