lookatthat

youtube

Oh my god, this infomercial. I think, in one form or another, it has existed for the better part of a decade. They keep filming vaguely new ones, each built on the refuse pile of terrible acting from the previous one. This commercial doesn’t advertise a product so much as dare you to buy it. You see how dumb this shit is, so why don’t you try to see if you can recreate the dumbfuckery in your own kitchen.

The problem isn’t the product (though if online reviews are to be believed, you might want to look into a different food processor). It’s the Saturday afternoon theater group of actors who try to bring it to life like Frankenstein trying to use friction instead of electricity on his monster, being awkward and weird until it mercifully ends. I have no doubt that infomercials are cheesy intentionally; it probably gets more attention then trying to have Tom Hanks and Daniel Day-Lewis dramatically espouse the virtues of a machine that can make me a quesadilla in two minutes. But there’s a fine line between cheese and “The fuck is this?”

Twelve seconds into this infomercial, we’re introduced to some sour old harridan lamenting the lack of food at what we can assume is a dinner party. And sure, these two hosts are assholes for inviting people over to eat and not only having no food ready but also making them sit for 20 minutes while they make every meal in the same shitty piece of equipment, but show some fucking tact. You’re a guest, you execrable crone.

No less than two seconds later, an older and cronier hag starts slinging shade, suggesting the hosts are either lazy shits or have spent all day boning. My interpretation is for the latter, because seriously, is the lady leading the infomercial wearing a nightgown?

4 Commercials Directed At An Audience That Doesn’t Exist

pointed east

i once met a wizard from a distant land…
brooklyn
& he said that “nothing has power”
i told him that he was being kind of pessimistic about the whole deal
but he just smiled, shook his head, rolled down his sleeves, & pointed east–
pointed home

it took me exactly a year and three months (& a lot of personal turmoil) to really understand what he was trying to tell me–
Nothing has power–
& a huge giant big smile lit up my face & i walked straight through a wall & never looked back
on my way through walls i met a fellow traveller & she asked me where home was & i,
i pointed east.

/// inspired by “ozymandias” by percy bysshe shelley & “oh! sweet nuthin” by the velvet underground ///

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“I’m never what I like,” Naruto agreed; he hadn’t seen many weak parts of Kakashi. 

“But… Aren’t all of us, at some point?” The blonde looked up- catching the silver haired male’s gaze. “I think…. That’s kinda what makes us ninja. If we didn’t have flaws, I don’t think we’d have strength. At least… That’s what I’ve learned.”