look-at-my-husband

THE SIGNS AS PICK-UP LINES
  • Aries: Are you my appendix? Because I have no idea how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
  • Taurus: Do you have a name or should I just call you mine?
  • Gemini: Spell me. (M-E) You forgot the D. (There isn't a D in me.) NOT YET!
  • Cancer: You look a lot like my future husband, I promise to take great care of you and our kids.
  • Leo: I'd rate you a nine out of ten, only because I'm the one you're missing.
  • Virgo: I may not be photographer, but I can picture you and I together.
  • Libra: You remind me of the sun because you constantly brighten up my world.
  • Scorpio: If I had a dollar for every time I thought of you, then I'd only have one dollar because you never left my thoughts after the first time.
  • Sagittarius: You must not of took your vitamins today because you look like you're lacking in vitamin me.
  • Capricorn: If you were a triangle, you'd be a right triangle because you're ALWAYS right!
  • Aquarius: I'm good at math ok. U + I = 69, and the value of I is 59 because U are a 10.
  • Pisces: You must be a masterpiece because I want to pin you up against a wall and admire you whenever I see you.

dadvans  asked:

TOP FIVE STORIES PEOPLE HAVE ABOUT VICTOR "MY HUSBAND" NIKIFOROV

HOW CAN I PICK JUST FIVE, DADVANS, HE IS LIKE, A CRYPTID THAT JUST WANTS TO SHOW YOU PICTURES OF HIS BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND AND ADORABLE DOG. WHO PROBABLY DON’T EXIST. HE PROBABLY BOUGHT OUT SOME DUDE’S STOCK OF MODELING PHOTOS. THERE’S NO WAY A DUDE THAT CUTE EXISTS IN THIS TOWN, WE’D KNOW ABOUT IT.

  1. “okay you know that guy who comes in, the russian one that tips well?” “wait, the one that’s always talking about his husband and their dog?” “yeah, that guy! he came in with cupcakes he said his husband made, they’re in the break room.” 
  2. “so we had this girl being harassed, and like, this super gay dude just sat down beside her, whipped out an ipad, and started showing her pictures of his husband and their dog like he’d known her for years, and the guy trying to hit on her tried to tell him they were talking, and the super gay dude says, in this super Russian accent ‘don’t be stupid, nobody would want to talk to you. go away. we’re looking at pictures of my husband’.” “LMAO that’s My Husband, he’s always here when his husband is travelling.”
  3. “this guy came in to get an actual fucking blue rinse on his hair and spent the entire time talking about how his husband learned how to knit and made him a scarf and he went on and on about how talented he was” “was the scarf good” “lmao it looked like someone threw yarn against a wall and picked it up all tangled” “what did you say?” “what do you think I said, he tipped me 40% and took ten cards.”
  4. “I think My Husband is catfishing us, because I looked at the pictures he has of My Husband and lmao that’s like, Yuri Katsuki the skater.” “what, really?” “I mean, My Husband is hot or whatever, but can you imagine being married to him?” “lmao he probably downloaded the pictures and built this entire imaginary life about him and Katsuki, poor dude.” 
  5. “GUYS. GUYS, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ALERT. ALERT. GUYS. MY HUSBAND’S HUSBAND IS AT THE BAR, AND HE HAS OUR DOG WITH HIM. ALERT. ALERT. MY HUSBAND’S HUSBAND AND OUR DOG ARE REAL, AND THEY’RE SITTING AT THE BAR. ACT CALM.” “holy shit it’s actually yuri katsuki.” “are you fucking kidding me.”