look what i found that i forgot i had!

A few years ago we had a cozy little gang that got together every other week. As such, we often forgot what had happened in previous sessions. In one of our adventures, the rogue found a Bag of Holding and proceeded to stuff a live alligator inside. 

Cut to a few weeks later, during a boss fight:

DM: It’s looking bad. 12 damage to the paladin.

Rogue: I know it’s my turn, hold on, there’s got to be something I can use -

Cleric: The alligator! Unleash the alligator!

Rogue: Oh my god. I do it. I open my Bag and release the alligator.

Table, chanting: Alligator! Alligator! Alligator!

DM: …. a bloated, slimy, alligator corpse slips out onto the dungeon floor. I hope you’re happy.

Rogue: It’s dead???

DM: You kept it in a bag for weeks with no food or water, what did you expect?

We died.

a lot of people don’t think adhd exists but let me tell you…….

today i was looking for photo paper and i couldn’t find any but i knew we had some in my very messy house because i remembered that i found some last week while i was frantically looking for something else. at least, i was pretty sure i had. like 60% sure. the other 40% thought i dreamed that. but i vaguely recalled that when i found it i thought to myself “oh, that’s important. i should remember where that is.” and then i immediately forgot about it entirely.

so today i was trying my damnedest to figure out where i had accidentally found the photo paper. the problem was, i couldn’t remember what i was looking for when i accidentally found photo paper, and how was i supposed to remember where to look if i didn’t know what i was trying to find when i found it by accident??? so i wandered into my basement and turned everything upside down for half an hour until i found an orange notebook in a dusty box filled with kitchenware and got distracted by it. BUT THEN I REMEMBERED that what i had been looking for when i accidentally found the photo paper was an empty notebook!!!! which i never ended up finding while i was looking for it by the way. so then i was like “oh ok, where would i look for a notebook?” 

i found the photo paper less than 5 minutes later in my closet in a shoe box at the bottom of a laundry basket filled with old clothes. because apparently that’s where my brain thinks notebooks go. 

anyway long story short i found photo paper while i was looking for a notebook but i accidentally found a notebook while i was looking for photo paper which reminded me that i was looking for a notebook when i found the photo paper the first time so i just pretended i was looking for a notebook so i could find the photo paper again and honestly i don’t remember where i was going with this exactly but adhd is real


A nice city (small and big) I finished up today (forgot that I had it, finished it up in like 5 mins my dudes)

and guess what guys, I once again used the amazing @8pxl  ‘s tutorial which can be found –> here (I learned how to use hyperlinks, I feel like both an idiot and a genius at the same time, a gediot if you will.)

(I like how they look like a loong thing when put next to each other, also still learning how to do water effects, I have some ideas, but they are hard to execute in Gimp, and Sai is just not cutting it for pixel art)


Merlin au “continues”…

Ok, I know it looks like a mess, 3 pages / 5 different styles, but I think I found my groove in the last panel. Working with values is just not my thing… if anything I find it annoying af ‘¬¬ …. for now at least…. *sigh* … And yeah, I had a whole month to draw it, but I completely forgot about it until yesterday (except for the 1st one), so this was extremely rushed….and I didn’t plan to end it here, but *no time!*. Forgive me, darling, I’ll try harder next time.

Yes, I’m calling this project “darling”. What of it?

So I found some makeup I got for experimentation a while back and y'know what I’m in a curious mood and never done this before so fuck it let’s see how this goes.
Either I’ll look like a clown or barely changed or like myself but slightly more defined.
Let’s a-go.

That Can't Be Them Part Four

A/n: Hey look it’s the series I forgot about…

Steve and Bucky were the first to race down the hall. Everyone else quickly followed. They found the room you originally in was empty. A crash was heard from the hallway. You had ran out of your room, and knocked over a vase. How they didn’t see you at first, you didn’t know. Steve ran towards you, but stopped about five feet away from you.
“Y/n?” He asked hesitantly.
Everyone else was standing behind Steve, waiting for your response.
“What happened? I was watching a movie waiting for you guys to return from the mission, then I woke up strapped to a table. Quite poorly, I might add. It was really easy to get out of.” You rambled.
Relief flooded everyone’s faces. Steve immediately pulled you into a hug. Everyone else soon did so.
“Ok seriously, what happened.”
Tony explained everything that had happened. You were shocked.
“I was gone for three months?”
“Yes. We thought you were dead until we found you at a Hydra base.”
You stood there for a moment, processing the information. It was silent until Wanda spoke up.
“How about we relax for the night? I think at this point we all deserve it.”
Everyone agreed. You all decided to watch a movie. After picking (your favorite movie), everyone sat down in the living room. As the movie went on, you took the time to think about everything that had happened. You still had a lot of questions, but for now, you relaxed and watched the movie.

Crappy way to end, but that’s all I had planned before I forgot about this series

You know what really fucks me up? Anakin’s and Pamdé’s relationship.

Like when I first watched the movies i didn’t really care about their love story all that much. I just liked them individually as people. But then I looked into fan interpretations and what not and I found myself in love with it. They could have had so much. Their love story could have been great and it would be all the more heartbreaking.

Like here we have Anakin, the boy born into slavery and the only person he loves is his mother. He knows even at a young age that his mother had it tough. Not only is she a slave, but she is a single mother on a lawless planet. He probably sees people talk down to her constantly. She never gets the respect she deserves. But at the end of the day she says she wouldn’t trade him for anything because he is the best thing that happened to her.

Then he is brought to the council. They know he has no father- that he was born from the force. And they suspect he is the Chosen One, meant to bring balance. He is meant to protect everyone who can’t protect themselves and you know he would be fiercly devoted to that.

So he grows up being told that he must bring balance and prevent the galaxy from living under some unimaginable evil.

He thinks that in order to do that he must be strong. He has no time for illess, or injury. He has to be smart, cunning, strong and just every thing else. He has to be the best of the best because he has the weight of the galaxy’s fate on his shoulders.

But he is told he must also be above emotions, that he must control himself and not let them run him. But that’s Anakin. He is an emotionally driven person and he knows this. But he tries. He tries so hard to be the perfect Jedi because he knows that the only reason why he was freed was so that he would protect the galaxy. Emotions would only bring him down.

He thinks emotions aren’t good. They mean he can’t save people the way they expect him to and it makes him feel weak.

But then here is Padmé. She gives him friendship, validation, hope and love. She doesn’t say his emotions are going to ruin him. She says it makes him like everyone else. She makes him feel like a person.

Not the Chosen One. Not a Jedi Knight or a General.

He’s just Anakin. A boy who has lost so much and still has very little, but he keeps what he can.

He spends some amount of his life just thinking he was only born to fight for everyone else. He wasn’t born to live a life where he can just have friends or love in his life. He wasn’t born like everyone else.

But he does love. He loves his mother, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka and Rex. He loves plenty of people. But then he spends more time with Padmé and he tries to think that since the force loves all it’s children equally, then why can’t he just love Padmé too?

She gave him so much and she makes him feel good. He doesn’t need to relinquish every fiber of his being to be with her. Its a give and take thing.

Not just give.

And then Padmé gets pregnant and their lives are a giant mess but then he remembers his mother’s words and hopes that he can have what she did.

Look what I found in my folders. I almost forgot I even had this, I did this back when I was still using UNP lmao. I could finish it for cnhf and add it to the outfitshop mod buuuut…. This requires to be retextured. And doing all that without my tablet is going to be tedious. Yes, I am still down about it, bah.

But I could try. So uhh yay or nay? If yay, I will retexture this similar to the vanilla mage robes so it blends in the game aesthetic.

I found this post the other day about how if pilot Ame and Pearl fused, Opal would have an undercut. So… I couldn’t resist sketching it out.

When I met you, I had a feeling I had found something I didn’t even know I was looking for. I stumbled upon something worth keeping without even trying hard to look for it. And that’s what terrifies me. That I could lose you anytime. That I could lose you as easily as I have found you. I was terrified nothing like this would ever happen again. That I would never meet someone as amazing and beautiful as you ever again. I had all these wonderfully ideal pictures in my head about the person I wanted to be with, and the funny thing is when I met you, I forgot everything I thought about being ideal. What I know is that I wanted you. Right there and then. Like you said, fate has dealt us a crappy hand, how we have to be so far apart from each other, but maybe we are each other’s lucky charms and in the end we’ll both be just fine. I was done looking, done searching for that one thing we all seemed to be looking for. So maybe this time it’s the other way around—you found me. And I’ve never felt more at home with you than with anywhere else.
—  Letters to heroedelsol, half a world away
Overstimulation is Real

Guess who has who thumbs and decided to do way too much today…this chick.

I decided to eat inside Starbucks (not to go per usual), then drive around looking for a music store. I also decided it would be a good idea to go into a giant crowded mall alone during this search.

By the time I found a store that had what I needed, I’d talked to so many strangers and gone into so many new places.

I arrived home just in time for my improv group to arrive ( My partner and I recently began leading and improv comedy group). We played. It was fun.

I didn’t burn out. I forgot I was autistic. I went with them to dinner. Had I been aware of my autism at that moment I wouldn’t not have gone.

Towards the end of dinner I started feeling achy and grumpy…like PMS. I didn’t care what anyone want talking about. I was about to hit max capacity. I wanted to go home. I wanted to get out and forget manners.

I held on and we got on our motorbike and I relaxed behind my partner as much as you can relax in traffic…

…and that’s when the bike broke down.

My partner, bless her, called our mechanic and got it settled. I told her I needed to call an uber and get home now. This was too much. I put too much in a day and this was pushing past my limits. I told her I needed to go.

She said we’d have to wait for the mechanic to actually arrive. I call the uber anyway.

It’s hot. Traffic is loud. Mosquitos are out. My day has overflowed.

I sit on the sidewalk and put my hands over my ears and rock. Then I become self aware of the motorbike riders at the stoplight watching me.

So I stop.

And then I realize that I can’t stand how it feels to not do those things so I go back to doing them. And I think I’m yelling or maybe just crying. Wailing? I dunno.

But I do know that I’m a professional educator. I lead an improv troupe. I have a degree. And I’m also rocking and screaming on the sidewalk like…like…well, like an autistic.

And I realize that I’m holding all these ableist ideas against myself. Of the kind of person I am and the kind of person I “should be”.

My partner is talking. Asking to help. Trying to console.

I keep rocking until the uber arrives.

And now I’m quietly typing in the uber and the artificial clicking sounds are soothing.

When I get home I will stand under the hot water and take a Klonopin.

Overloading is real and it sucks.

The hardest part of saying goodbye to you was having to hear the silence the next day
And all that I could remember were your calloused hands and how they felt holding my fragile hands; the way you held my fragile heart as it was crumbling
And the way your arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to you
All I could remember was the dip in my stomach and the way I forgot how to speak when you looked at me like every single girl wants to be looked at; as if there was more to me than even I knew

All I could remember was the way my name rolled off you tongue, as if you had searched and found that name just for me
The way you brushed my hair out of my face as if it was blocking what you really wanted to see
And then how you’d brush your hands through my hair with more passion than should have been permitted

All I could remember was the way you looked at me. Across the room, heck it could have been across the world and I’d still feel how your eyes pierced through my soul
And I couldn’t hide anything from you, you saw it all

All I could remember was the look of vulnerability splashed across your face when you held my hand on that Saturday night and pleaded with your eyes for me to respond to what you were saying with your mouth

All I could remember was the look of hurt that followed when I couldn’t do it

—  I’m sorry I wasn’t ready for love

AN: Part of me wants to delete all the prompts I have and start from fresh, opening my askbox to prompts again. The other part of me would be sad to see some of the really good ones I forgot I had go. 

“Steve?” Tony snapped, charging into the kitchen. “Did you leave Bruce on his own again?”

“What -?” Steve looked up, spotted Bruce attached to Tony’s shirt with blood on his furry little face, and paled. “I swear I literally just left him -”

“I found him in a pile of glass!” Tony sighed. “The coffee table is basically shrapnel now -”

“Jesus, okay, let me get some towels,” Steve nodded, laying down the wooden spoon in his hand. “Bruce, I’m so sorry.”

“He’s a sloth, Steve,” Tony rolled his eyes. “Pretty sure he can’t understand you -”

But then the little guy made a tiny squeaking noise and Tony fell silent, just watching as Bruce slowly lifted an arm and -

- hit Tony in the face. Great. 

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