look into the horizon

“Sammy, please don’t leave me”, he begs as the bus appears in the horizon. Sam looks at his big brother mournfully.

“Dean”, he explains. “Dean, I have to… I want to go study and I… I want to escape this life.

“Bullshit”, Dean whispers, the sound of his voice dampened by the roar of the bus. “You can study without abandoning us.”

Sam raises an eyebrow, and behind him, the ten-or-so people are slowly getting on. “I can?” he asks. “How, Dean? Will I hunt with you on the weekends and go to school when I’m not?”

Dean feels like a child, a foolish and ignorant child who doesn’t want his best friend to leave his house.

“Sammy”, he tries. Suddenly, Sam is towering over him, his look stern and face rough with anger.

“It’s Sam”, he says coldly and turns around to border the bus. Dean stands in the rain, numb.

Just as Sam is paying the driver for the ride to California, Dean rushes forward, grabbing hold of Sam’s jacket arm.

“I love you”, he begs.

Sam shakes his head. “No, you don’t.”

He pulls away from Dean and walks into the bus, leaving his brother alone in the rain. The bus door closes and turns away.

Dean looks at the back of the bus that’s carrying his little brother away from him, his heart breaking with every meter the silver beast puts between them.

He pretends that his tears are only raindrops.

19/365

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
4

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Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.