look i see my knee

Sword

“Nobody’s ever pulled this sword from the stone! Do you wish to try?”
“What do I get?”
“The sword, obviously.”
“Nothing else? I don’t get to be king or anything?”
“Dude, it’s a free sword. C’mon.”
“Free sword that’s been stuck in a stone for a while. Probably ruined.”
“Dude, just try. What do you have to lose?”
“Uh, what if I slip on the stone and hurt my knee?”
“The stone isn’t slippy.”
“Prove it.”
“Fine. Look. Here. I’m on the AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY KNEE!!!!”
“See. That stone is slippy as fuck.”
“Fetch a doctor!”
“Fetch? What am I a dog?”
“You look like one!”
“That’s on purpose. I dress like a dog to get free scratches.”
“Does it work?”
“Sometimes.”
“Cool. MY KNEE!!!! AHHHH!!!!!”
“Want me to pull the sword out of the stone and put you out of your misery?”
“AHHHHH!!!!”
“Let me try. Okay. Here we go AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FELL TOO!!! MY KNEE!!!”
“MY KNEE!!!”
“OUR KNEE!!!!”
A peasant happened by. He helped the man that looked like a dog because he thought he was a dog. The other guy died, as all men do, because he didn’t look like a dog.

2

Ten x Rose - Ranch AU

(I was totally humming ‘Fields of Gold’ while doing the second one.)

Last night, I dreamt that I was chasing mice through my room, trying to find their nest. I had almost given up looking when I noticed tiny fingers holding on to the back edge of my dresser. 

I pulled it away from the wall and saw two mice dangling by their hands, shimmying along the dresser like they were in a video game. They were both wearing vests with matches strapped to them, like miniature suicide bombers. They were stealing matches to fuel the fire in the kitchen of their mouse casino, which was a den of debauchery and was located in a hole in the wall. 

I crouched down on my knees and looked inside to see dozens of mice sitting at card tables or shooting pool under tiny neon lights. When they saw me, they all squeaked, dropped what they were doing, and scurried away in all different directions.