look how far you came

Warm Me Up Ch. 31

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He couldn’t stop pacing.  His psychiatrist kept her eyes steady on him, following him and waiting patiently for him to speak. Finally, he turned to her and sighed. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I… I’m terrified. I shouldn’t be terrified.” He crossed his arms and groaned. “I can’t stop shaking. I thought this was supposed to stop.”

His psychiatrist hummed and checked her board. “You’ve been taking Zoloft for… two months, right?” Nico nodded. “Like I said, we have to move up slowly. It’s not regulating you yet, so I’m going to go ahead and increase the dose, okay?” Nico grit his teeth as she scribbled on a clipboard. Then she looked up and smiled. “Now, about this date. Was he nervous when he asked?” Nico shrugged and nodded. “Do you think he might feel just as scared as you at this point?”

“No,” he said immediately. “Will… he’s so put together. He’s stronger. Maybe he’s nervous but… I’m so scared, I get nauseous. And I don’t know why.”

She leaned forward and interlocked her hands, her eyes never leaving Nico’s. It was slightly disturbing the way she would look him in the eyes so consistently when Nico could barely hold her gaze for more than five seconds. “You mentioned before that the reason you stayed friends was because he said he couldn’t trust you. Right?” Nico nodded. “Do you trust yourself?”

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I Think-I Know (Erik Durm)

a/n: this might actually be my favorite piece I’ve written in a longg time :)

It was a cold and hard fact that you were the furthest thing from emotional. Your mother said that you came out of the womb silently, with the same slanted eye look you get when you’re annoyed. As a kid, you could never recall ever getting super upset or excited about anything. Someone called you ugly? Okay, it wasn’t true but whatever. They stole your toy? Cool, you hoped they enjoyed it.

Interestingly enough, someone came along and changed all of that. His name was Erik Durm. You don’t know if it was his shy smile, or his sense of humor. Or if it was his voice that made him sound a lot younger than he actually was. There was just something about him that made you feel safe. To you, Erik was equivalent to the small things we often take for granted in life. Strolls through the park, long naps on lazy days, or the sound of rain on windows.

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A day to remember [McPharah]

As soon as I received the wonderful news of @escapefrommetalgear‘s wedding I knew I have to make something special for her and her husband.

So I wrote down a little wedding story for her OTP, McPharah, that soon evolved in a 2800 words one shot. I also included some Mercy76 here and there, since it’s another ship we have in common (and I liked the idea of include them too much)

I hope you like it!

A HUGE thanks to @mtex for her help with the grammar


The sun was high in the sky, but the cool breeze of the desert kept the air somewhat fresh for all those attending the special event happening at the Giza Grand Hotel’s beautiful garden, not far from Temple of Anubis. Sunrays were not the main concern for a certain man waiting for the show to start.

Dressed in a full suit with high boots and a fancy cowboy hat, Jesse McCree adjusted hisexpensive tie for the hundredth time and looked at his gold plated wristwatch.

11:58

Almost High Noon.

He smirked. Ironically, it was her who insisted on having the wedding at that exact hour.

The levity moment was brief though, as his thoughts dwelled on the big step ahead of him.

He was going to get married! He was going to marry none other than Fareeha Amari.

The more he thought about it the more he felt unworthy to marry her. She was righteous, headstrong and incredibly beautiful, all the things he was not. All he could see in himself was just a dirty man, whose only chance of redemption was taking out the trash the world one gunshot at a time. How she could love a wreck like him was beyond his brightest hopes.

Someone grabbed him by the arm. Even though he winced, the grip was not tight at all. It was a gentle gesture from the kindest of women. Leaning a hand on his arm was the bride’s mother, Ana. He looked down at the old but strong woman. She was standing right beside him the whole time in her long blue dress that left only her wrinkled arms free. On her head, hijab veil covered most of her hair except for her braid and a bang of silver hair. Just having her there filled him with the confidence to stand his ground and not run away in shame. Ana noticed a single drop of sweat forming on his forehead.

“What is wrong Jesse? Are you scared?” She asked, drying his skin with a napkin.

“Nothin’ escapes your eye, Ana!” He replied.

“You’re gonna be okay. She loves you. Trust her as I do!” Ana told him with a careful but firm voice.

She then took a glance at Jesse’s watch and added:

“Guess what time is it?”

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“Why Now?” Suga Scenario

Ultimate Masterlist

BTS Masterlist

Yoongi sighed as watched his members dance and sing the songs he should be performing. His head dropped as he watched one of his fellow members performing his part of their songs. He listened contently and told himself to remember to praise his member on doing a good job at his solo. He had his usual gummy smile on as the boys started talking about whatever they were asked about also mentioning him every now and then.

Yet his smiled faded once he heard a faint announcement that his members would be sharing the stage with the group, the group which he had been following since they debuted also the group which homes his ultimate crush. The boys were all very aware of his obvious crush on her just from the way he smiled when you talked and how he wouldn’t listen to anyone if you were on screen. He wouldn’t be able to explain how gutted he was that these were the shows he was missing. The ones which you just happened to be at.

A little while later when your band had joined with his, he watched you and Jungkook laughing at something and jealousy ran through his entire body, cursing at himself for getting injured in the first place. He watched in awe as you got along with every member in his group, amazed at your charisma to easily talk and laugh with a bunch of strangers. He had seen the interview where you had announced that you were bad at making friends and confronting people and how you were trying to get that sorted, he was amazed at how far you had came already. 

As you looked at the camera his heart flickered because it felt like you were looking at him even though he knew there was probably a load more other people thinking the same thing.”Y/N, As you seem to ave gotten along with all of the present members of BTS, what would would you say to Suga who is currently at home hopefully watching?” He looked up at the screen shock written all over his face at the question. He was so excited to hear your reply.

“Suga!” You squeak looking dead into the camera. “I’m sorry that you are not here as I really wanted to talk to you. Maybe we could get in touch one day. Stay strong and fighting!” you giggle into the camera covering your mouth with your hand as your members nudge you in the side. His members laughing probably imagining how flustered he was right now.

“How will I get a hold of her?” He whispers to himself still speechless at her request. “She’s smart I’m sure she has thought of a way” he smiles laughing to himself about how shocked he is. Quickly he grabbed his phone and opened twitter and answered her.

“Of course @Y/T/A, I would love to meet you. Personally I’m your biggest fan” he tweets immediately locking his phone staring in disbelief that you wanted to meet him.

Originally posted by chimchams

Thank you Anon for requesting means a lot to us! As some of you knew I am the biggest Yoongi stan so I like jumped on writing this request and I hope you all liked it :3

-Admin Kira

“I want to be an all-rounded entertainer. I want to be able to say ‘I am the multiplayer CNU who can sing, rap and dance’ when I introduce myself in the future. Since I am lacking in many areas now, I will work hard, hoping that the day I can introduce myself this way is not far away.” - CNU

Happy 25/26th Birthday  🐻 🎤 🌠 🎂 💖

“People may see you in different lights; they will say what they like. But to me, you are EVERYTHING.”

blossom-got7  asked:

"Dont touch me, I don't require affection from anyone." Yoonmin please💞

Yoongi wasn’t as untouchable as he seemed - Often taking criticism a little too personally, and always bottling it up as to not bother the people around him. A constant weight on his shoulders, some could say. He wanted to work harder, be better, show that he was a skilled producer who could create art himself instead of falling into the stereotyped laziness of a hip hop idol. 

“They always say they write their own stuff,” He’d grumble during dinner after Namjoon would ask why he hadn’t slept the night before, “But they always manage to finish their shit in one night. Kinda strange, don’t you think?” 

His train of thoughts wouldn’t make any sense, jumping from objective criticism to subjective complaining, which Jimin put down to the lack of sleep. Four night in a row the singer had heard his Hyung tip toeing down the hall of their dorm at five in the morning - Jimin and Jungkook would rise early to go to the gym, but recently Jungkook had been feeling slightly queasy, so due to the company’s instructions he was to calm down the training for a few days. Yoongi, however, would collapse into his bed as the sun welcomed the new day, and would only force himself back into the waking word minutes before they were all to leave for their schedule. 

It was a never ending cycle which had Jimin feeling second hand fatigue from simply watching. Comments as fanmeets would linger through the weeks, and remarks online would burn themselves into his thoughts. Of course none of it was malicious, but it was the kindness behind the words that stung the most.

“Yoongi Oppa ~ When are you going to release your mixtape?”

“Suga-sshi! I bet whatever you release will be amazing!”

“Wasn’t he supposed to release the mixtape around the time Rap Mon released his?”

“I wonder what happened?”

“Because he’s taking so long the songs are probably going to be such good quality omg!”

“Namjoon’s mixtape is going to be hard to live up to ~~ maybe he shouldn’t have announced it so early XD” 

Even Jimin noticed the almost constant pulling down of his lips, the furrowing of the brows, the drooping of his bloodshot eyes. Yoongi was a perfectionist, and the mixtape’s creation was hard to watch. That’s why the singer chose to rise at two in the morning, sneaking around to get dressed as to not wake anyone before leaving for the studio. Of course Yoongi would be there, as he always was, scarf wrapped securly around his neck with hooded eyes as the glow of his computer screen being the only source of light in the room - the didn’t do much in terms of light, but acted more as an air freshener as the room had little ventilation. 

“Hyung?” With a knock on the door, Jimin found himself entering before he was offered a greeting. “What are you doing here so early?” 

Despite his new-found company, Yoongi didn’t turn from the mixer program he was fiddling with. Instead, with a tone so dull it took Jimin by surprise, he answered with a simple, “I should be asking you the same question.”

On the screen read Track 2, which had Jimin’s heart sinking to his stomach as, a month prior, Yoongi had announced he’d completed the first four tracks and was determined to leave them as they were. Obviously, that was no longer the case. “How long have you been here for?” Yoongi didn’t answer immediately, and so Jimin sat himself down on a couch they had against the far wall. Usually it was Jungkook or Hoseok sat beside him, with Namjoon in a chair beside Yoongi - Now, however, it was just the two of them with a haze of lethargy weighing suffocatingly heavy upon them. “Hyung?”

“Not long.” A blatant lie, and both of them knew it. “Go back to the dorm, Jimin,” Finally, the man turned away from his work to face the younger. The shadows under his eyes and the dull tone of his skin was noticeable even from where Jimin sat. “Get some sleep, it’s going to be busy tomorrow. Do you want me to pay for a cab back?”

“No,” Instead, the singer rose and approached the rapper, who watched him with mild irritation beginning to seep into his aura. “I’m not going to leave if you’re not coming with me. You need your sleep too, Hyung.” He rested a soft hand on Yoongi’s shoulder, and it took a few seconds before the man shrugged it off, clicking his tongue as he did before showing his back to the other - getting back to work. 

“Don’t touch me,” He grumbled, his hand on the mouse as he begun to tweak beats and adjust sound levels. “I don’t need your affection, Jimin.”

It didn’t sting as much as Yoongi had intended it to, but instead gave Jimin further incentive to remain. Perhaps it was the fear of his health, or the nervousness of Yoongi finding his way home whilst lacking a dangerous amount of rest, whatever it was, it pinned Jimin to the couch, offering to bring him food and liquids - whatever that could keep his body functioning, as, no doubt, Yoongi had been relying on coffee during these all nighters. 

“Why do you do it?” It was a question Yoongi had asked out of the blue one morning, which had Jimin’s eyes raise from the magazine he was reading. “Why do you come every morning and bring me a sandwich?” Wheeling away from the computer, Yoongi spun to face the younger straight on. His complexion had brightened over the past few days, and his eyelids no longer hung dangerously low, which proved to Jimin that he was right, and that Yoongi truly hadn’t been taking care of himself throughout the long nights. “Why do you come at all?”

“You work yourself too hard,” Lowering the magazine slightly, Jimin’s pulling up of the lips could be see clearly from across the room - gaze fixed on the rapper. “Somebody has to take care of you, because we both know you won’t do it yourself.”

I’m honestly in tears because this song goes to show how hurt Namjoon still is even after all these years. Even after all these awards, fans, and accomplishments. Depression still hurts after a long time.

He mentioned on fancafe how we wrote this a year ago and he doesnt feel the same, but the fact that he felt this low a year ago hurts me.


I can tell that this song was talking about his trainee days and even after debut.

 This song literally made me realize Namjoon was suicidal and I wanna hold him so badly. Guys…we could of lost Kim Namjoon. My absolute favourite human being in the entire world who saved my life.

 He is a human being who does not deserve such pain but I am so proud he endured it so well and look how far he came. 


One of my favourite verses “I live for the sake of understanding this world, but why hasnt the world tried to understand me atleast once”

Its a really vague phrase which is why I like it. WORLD could mean destiny, fate, life, even parents. 

He tries so hard to accept his life, to understand his parents wishes, sacrificing his own happiness yet fate decides to only give him the worst.

“Dad please listen to me” “dead dad, your dead to me,” Talking about how his dad wouldn’t let him rap. I remember him mentioning that his dad once told him all that education he worked hard for was for nothing and I can’t imagine how sad Namjoon felt in that moment.

“I would tell god if I ever meet him, i would hold him by the collar and tell him this life is like a coffee I never ordered”

A pretty sad and a bit confusing verse, maybe leading to why Namjoon eventually became an atheist. Namjoon was in so much pain he didnt want to be born.

 "I wished I was dead…… I wished
Someone would kill me" No Namjoon never utter such words.

My joonie mini I hope you are better and hopeful now, look at how far you came, your so successful and loved, and you made your family proud.
Dont ever doubt yourself and even think about death, just keep living happily and moving forward.

He honestly felt lost in this point of his life and still continues to feel lost. Namjoon you have such in important role and your existence was destined. You were born for a reason. You were born to change lives.


This goes to show that depression still affects life even in the long term and I want all the pain Namjoon has inside to drift away. 

STAY STRONG MY NAMJOONIE

Tyler, if you see this, I just want to tell you how much I love you. Tbh, I don’t think I can properly put it in words but you’re such an amazing person and you never fail at making me smile. You’ve given me one more reason to smile every day since the day I started watching your videos. You’re an inspiration to literally millions of people just by being yourself and doing what you love. I wish there were more people like you. You make the world better place. And look how far you’ve came. I’m so proud of you. I hope you have the best birthday ever. You mean the world to me and I love you a lot. Stay amazing ❤️
-Helmi

The only reason you should ever be looking back is to see how far you have came. eat sleep and lift, that is life. I’ve never been happier I am never quitting this life style it’s the best and literally changed my life. It gave me confidence and happiness, it gave me discipline and mental strength. The iron will teach you lessons. lessons you will destroy and kill. you have to keep consistent to see progress, even if its little progress. never compare your self to others because you are not them and you are at a different level. its probably the most unhealthy thing you can do.