The Signs as t̃ͩ̂͆͛̽͒ͩ͒̎ͩ͂̐̐͂̊ͧ͏̸̸̢͘ḩ̛ͪ͒͂ͣ̒̇̃̎ͫ̌̇̂ͣ̐͞eͮ̊̅̾̆ͤ̇ͯ͡ ̶̛ͮ̊̒̊ͪ̊ͥ́ͥͨ̿ͩ͏l̴̽̓̈́͌̽̎̅̏͐̍̃ͧ̅͢ā̷̍̅͋͗ͫ́ͤ̑̐̓̓̚̕͝s̵̷̅ͤ̓ͦ̑͆ͭ̇͛̾ͩͥ̓̆͊̋̊͑̚ţ̶ͭ̎͋̎̃ͯ̓ͦͧ͊͊ͦ̓͗ͦ̆ͯ?̨̀̍ͨ̏͛ͯ͏͟
Aries: You are the comfort of an old stretched out hoodie.
Taurus: You are a turn on. Even though they know you shouldn’t be.
Gemini: You are hunting the guy down seven years later and bashing his knees in with a pipe.
Cancer: You are locked eyes from across the restaurant, and the bashful look away.
Leo: You are an unpacked ikea footrest box being used as a footrest.
Virgo: You are the sound of distant fireworks and wind on a warm autumn evening.
Libra: You are the homemade flamethrower fashioned our of a super-soaker.
Scorpio: You are the kinkiest person at the PTA meeting.
Ophiuchus: You are the cup of coffee, grown cold.
Sagittarius: You are the self-deprecating joke about mental illness that causes a good 45 seconds of concerned silence.
Capricorn: You are death by suffocating on something hilarious.
Aquarius: You are all of the babies that weren’t named “Quathyryn”
Pisces: You are the poleaxe left unattended on the city bus.