look at these man childs

the signs as john mulaney quotes
  • aries: hi, I'm very gay, and I'd like a few dollars
  • taurus: I don't look older, I just look worse. honestly, when I'm walking down the street, no one's ever like "hey! look at that man!" I think they're just like "woah, that tall child looks terrible! get some rest, tall child! you can't keep burning the candle at both ends!"
  • gemini: I'm really sorry about last night, it’s just that I'm mean and loud. it probably will happen again
  • cancer: I have had a very long day. I am very small... and I have no money... so you can imagine the kind of stress I am under
  • leo: some babies will point at me, and I don't care for that shit at all
  • virgo: when I was a little boy, I was more like a 67-year-old gay man that's kind of over it sexually
  • libra: everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds
  • scorpio: I'll keep my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll die
  • sagittarius: sometimes, he will watch a movie on TV, even though he already owns that movie on DVD. pointing this out to him confuses and upsets him
  • capricorn: cars were pulling up and looking over to see who just did that piece of shit move, expecting to see a 100-year-old blind dog who’s texting while driving and drinking a smoothie. instead they see a 28-year-old healthy man, trying his best
  • aquarius: I look like I was just sitting in a room in a chair eating saltines for like, 28 years, and then I walked right out here
  • pisces: in terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroine
the raven cycle as john mulaney quotes
  • blue: i think emily dickinson is a lesbian
  • gansey: i listen to everything my girlfriend says. i don't mean she bosses me around. i just listen to everything she says because, before i had a girlfriend, i never had someone who's always standing next to me who can just point out obvious things that are happening.
  • adam: i dont look older, i just look worse i think. honestly, when im walking down the street no ones every like "hey! look at that man!" i think theyre just like "woah, that tall child looks terrible! get some rest, tall child! you cant keep burning the candle at both ends!"
  • ronan: ill keep all my emotions right here and then one day ill die
  • noah: i am very small, and i have no money. so you can imagine the kind of stress that i am under
  • henry: i guess someone said something like "something something police." and in a brilliant moment of word association i yelled “fuck da police!” and everyone else joined in. a hundred drunk white children yelling fuck da police
public service announcement:

Klaus Mikaelson uses violent and controlling behaviour to cover up the fact that deep down he is so vulnerable and so desperately just wants to believe that he is worth something and that there are people who truly love him. After growing up with a mother who cursed him to be a vampire, an abusive father who wasn’t even his real father and being the only werwolf in his family, making him feel like a worthless and disgusting outcast, he spent his childhood feeling weak and like he was never enough. He was made to feel like there was nothing good or valuable inside him. As he grew up he attempted to fill this hole he felt by lashing out violently and showing hateful behaviour to those around him. If they wouldn’t love him or appreciate him, then he would make them fear him. He surrounded himself with people who he could control and who feared him so that he would not slip back into the feelings of weakness and so he could try and make himself believe he was powerful and superior. There are so many moments in the Originals when for a small moment we suddenly can see Klaus’ true emotions and it is heartbreaking. When he meets his real father we see that really Klaus is still just a child. We look at this mans face and we see the beaten and weak outcast child who only ever wanted his father to see him as an equal. Klaus has such love inside of him for his siblings, Hayley, Caroline, Cami, Marcel and of course his daughter, who he loves more than anything else. Deep down Klaus Mikaelson is extremely gentle and loving and emotional and sensitive and his life has made him so vulnerable. He just wants to believe that there is good inside him and he wants something better for this daughter than what he had. WE MUST PROTECT KALUS MIKAELSON.

Title: At Last
Summary: The day Sakura found out she was pregnant was quite one to remember indeed.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto.
Prompt: That Day
Rating: M
A/N: While I don’t believe they planned to have a baby on the road, this is still a fun and cute scenario to think about. I had lots of fun writing this :)


It wasn’t exactly how she’d ever pictured she would find out: sitting in the middle of a forest, tending to a campfire, watching the love of her life training aggressively against the trunk of an old tree, the warmest smile to her lips—and then, a faint thrumming sensation, odd and completely unfamiliar, sparking low in her belly.

Bemused, Sakura looked down on herself and blinked, touching a palm to her abdomen. An infection, perhaps? she mused, brows furrowing. Shaking her head, the thought was dismissed near-instantly; no, that wasn’t possible—in all her years of experience, she knew with certainty that infections had never been capable of throwing chakra paths off route so much.

Growing evermore perplexed, Sakura simply summoned forth the most basic of her medical techniques, setting about a curious exploration to her body. It was only seconds before she found herself stiffening rigidly, brilliant mind blanking and green eyes snapping wide, rendered entirely speechless by her discovery.

It wasn’t an infection—she’d been right about that. And it wasn’t an instability in her chakra channels either—in fact, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.

No, she was simply… pregnant.

Her heart stuttered in her chest. A flurry of warmth washed over the whole of her. Pregnant, she thought again, feeling the sweet pulse of this new chakra.

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3

—bf!jungshook | he find out GD and yourself are hella close and….freaks…out….a…bit | requested by anon!

AN: y/n and GD have a huge age gap, duh, but they have a sibling bond bc she’s an only child 💙

Vulnerable

2,500 Followers Oneshot

Summary: Dean meets the reader at a party and he finds out something about her that he doesn’t expect.

Prompt: “Will you for once stop thinking with your dick!”

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Requested: @blackcherrywhiskey


“Damn she’s fine.” Dean growls under his breath, practically eye fucking you as you stroll into the frat party.

“That’s Y/N. She’s cool. And a law major too so we have a good amount of classes together.” Sam explains before polishing  off his beer and chucking the empty can into the trash.

“Her friend is pretty good looking too. Let’s get on that and do a double date, man. I get Y/N though. You get…”

“Kelly. She’s Y/N’s girlfriend.” Sam finishes with an amused smirk followed by a full on snicker. Dean doesn’t catch on at first making his younger brother  laugh even harder.

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anonymous asked:

How about the many ways Dick manages to embarrass each of his siblings because of mother-henning, super hugs, etc, but they still love him anyway? (would really love if all the batkids were included like Steph, Cass, and Duke too though Dick and Jason's broship is my favorite)

Jason: Dick will physically haul Jason around just to prove that he still can; he does this especially when Jason makes a joke about Dick’s height or how he’s weak or anything like that. Jason could be having a serious conversation and Dick will just carry him off without warning

Tim: Dick makes awful jokes whenever Tim is hanging out with his friends and naturally, his friends find it funny, but Tim is dying because “Dude, c’mon, that’s not even funny! And it doesn’t make sense!”

Damian: Dick will hug him at any possible moment, including when Damian is attempting to be threatening and it just undermines any level of fear he’s trying to instill in people. Dick also will speak in a “baby voice” sometimes and it takes so much self restraint for Damian not to punch him in the throat

Steph: Whenever Dick wears something absolutely atrocious in public (so this happens frequently), Steph will either a.) fight down the urge to vomit b.) try not to sock him in the jaw for thinking that outfit was a good idea and c.) try to hide him away as soon as possible because god forbid anyone she knows see her sort of brother looking like a (bigger) fool

Cass: It’s hard to embarrass Cass, but if Dick is completely oblivious about something then she feels a bit of secondhand embarrassment that he’s just so clueless sometimes (so if Dick misses a social cue without noticing because he’s really tired or something like that)

Duke: Dick will dance (read: flail about like an idiot and call it dancing) in public and Duke just has to try not to cry because what the hell is this man-child doing? It looks like he’s dying and there’s always people that Duke knows around whenever Dick does this

Things I'd like to see BC do in his upcoming projects...

The Current War; Edison’s dark side. Whilst he wasn’t necessarily a monster, he went for the jugular on Tesla. The underhand dealings, the electrocutions, and eventually the loss to his rivals. And how it really damaged his ego…

Rogue Male: escape after being horribly beaten at the closely-guarded dictator’s house in France, flees into the country, bloodied, broken and near unconscious but still in control of the hunt… and the paranoiac cat and mouse game in the UK countryside. i really hope they make this a contemporary adaptaton. 

The Child In Time; losing Kate in the supermarket (of course). The whole scene from the idyllic early morning near-sex with Julie, tickling Kate’s tummy to the shattering realisation at the check-out and his screaming her name and ending up in a daze. and then waking Julie up to tell her…

Melrose; if Benedict plays the 20-something Patrick (and he should! he easily got away with Hamlet and as the even younger Richard), then the “Bad News” drug days. The circle of abuse is epic. But if not, then the more mature Patrick who slowly and acerbically comes to face how deep his wounds are. Oh and his friendship with Johnny; his best mate. Who needs to be played by James MacAvoy or Dan Stevens please,

How to Stop Time; I don’t know yet. But a time traveller who constantly has to reinvent himself;  has grieved over and over again for all those he has ostensibly lost even his wife, who encounters some of the most famous people in history and who may or may not be running from something and someone. and who realise time can be stopped with “a kiss” - by whom? plus… he’s a history teacher. \o/ and this is a magic realism film so it could be visually really interesting too…

The Man in the Rockefeller Suit; BC as a multi-lingual, suave con man? Who is morally bankrupt and lies and cheats (and charms) his way through decades? Who commands a party and exclusive clubs, speaks several languages, and loves his little daughter Snookie fiercely to the point it ends his ruse. Yes. all of that. 

(and The War Magician; I am more than slightly biased against this movie; it’s BC in another wartime biopic with a RP accent and moreover as magician(!) so tbh I think it’s the last thing his career or his talent needs. So I am not going to comment ;-)

……

anyway; some random thoughts. because I should be doing a report or budgets or something. 

BTS Single Parent AU

kookies-and-myrok asked: Hello, sweets! I love your writing and I’m not just saying that Lol i always get excited when you post smt, anyways do you write parent au’s? If you do can I get a BTS reaction about what they would be like as a single parent? If not then its okay! Keep up the great work 💜

This doesn’t necessarily work as a reaction, but I can do a little like… bullet drabble or whatever on this. Either way, very doable. - Admin Dayna


Seokjin

There’s like… this anime called Amaama to Inazuma (a.k.a. Sweetness and Lightning) which is basically about a single father who raises his daughter to the best of his abilities but he can’t cook as well as his wife (who passed away). I see Single Parent!Jin being like that… except in Jin’s case he can actually throw down in a kitchen

  • Lots of love and affection
  • Smothers his baby girl with kisses before dropping her off to daycare and after picking her up
  • The daycare moms thirst after him bOI
  • His cookies sold out the fastest at the school bakery
  • Partially because Daycare Moms are trying to give him the succ
  • Mainly because his cookies are bomb asf
  • He got hoes
  • Reads/sings his daughter to sleep at night religiously
  • Chocolate covered Strawberries while they watch cartoons together
  • Shed a single tear in the beginning of Finding Nemo evRYTIM
  • Was literally floating on air for like a month because his daughter told him he was the “handsomest appa”
  • Tries really hard to scold his baby girl
  • Can’t look her in the face when he does it because she’s too damn cute
  • Puppy Dog Eyes work every once in a while tbh
  • Will cAUSE A FUCKING SCENE IF HE EVER HEARD SOMEONE WAS BULLYING HIS CHILD
  • Dad jokes, fucking duh.

Originally posted by meganhyunhee

Yoongi

Picture this: Yoongi is chilling, right? Lounging on the sofa, watching some psychological mystery film or whatever emo shit he watches. His face is pretty indifferent. He’s unbothered asf. His right arm is covered in scribbles and squiggles. His 7 year old son is currently surrounded by markers, casually doodling on his dad’s arm.

  • Lets his son choose whatever toys he wants
  • If his baby boy wants a nerf gun, he’ll get a nerf gun.
  • If his baby boy wants a fucking bubblegum pink barbie jeep atv, he’s getting a fucking bubblegum pink barbie jeep atv.
  • Also lets his kid wear whatever he wants
  • Supports the creative and imaginative endeavors of his child
  • Does not support coloRING ON THE WALL YOU LIL DEMON BABY
  • Sometimes stares at his child and thinks “whose mans is this?”
  • Also looks at his child and thinks “that’s the love of my life”.
  • One time considered redecorating his closet just so that he can hang a bunch of mirrors on the wall so that whenever his child does something stupid, he can sit him in that closet and close the door so that he can look at his reflection and reevaluate his 7 years long life.
  • All in all he’s a super supportive daddio.
  • He’s not like the other dads.
  • He’s a Cool Dad™

Originally posted by exoticmaknae

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