look at that crowd

My uncle once won first place in a lying contest, and I feel like this is a rare true story that needs to be told. So here it is.

My family, for as long as I can remember, has had these “adopted uncles” who are my mom and dad’s friends from college/highschool. There’s like five of them, and none of them are related to us. They are awesome, fun guys, and I’m best friends with their daughters (of the ones that have kids). I love hanging out with them, and when I do, I hear lots of hilarious stories that they and my Dad love to recollect whenever they’re together.

My uncles are interesting guys, and there are a lot of interesting stories. One of them is part of a well known band, one of them hung out with Taylor Swift on several occasions, and one worked on the Power Rangers. It’s all very interesting. But I think one of the funniest stories they’ve told me, far from meeting celebrities, or getting lost in the woods, or luring bears into their campsite (yep, they did that) is how one of them (let’s call him S) won a lying contest. This is how it went:

S and my dad, and some of his friends decided to go up into the mountains for a day. They drove up the winding roads, pine trees flashing past their windows, singing to Tom Petty the whole way. My dad and S have a great sense of humor, and I’m sure they were both in a laughable mood.

When they got to their destination, they saw a large banner over the road that read “Annual Lying Contest.” I kid you not. This little town in the piney mountains was so devoid of excitement that they legiterally hosted a Lying Contest every year.

My dad and S thought this was the FUNNIEST thing they had ever seen. They HAD to go watch the contest take place. They pulled into the parking lot, found their way to the stage, and asked someone about what was happening.

Apparently, the lying contest is an annual contest put on by the city, to see who had the most believable lie. Contestants would spend months coming up with elaborate lies, that were sure to convince people in the crowd. At the end, the judges would rank the lies on most convincing to least convincing. The winner of the contest recieved a home baked pie, and some other prize. Some of these lies could take fifteen minutes or more (remember this).

So anyways, S and my dad found a seat, and were ready to hear some lies. Later, my dad told me that it was hilarious to watch. There were lies about Bigfoot sightings, about bear wrestlings, army experiences, ghost hauntings, and more. My dad and S were cracking up the whole time, while marveling at how unique the demographic of the town was to enjoy something like this.

Finally, the last contestant stepped down from the stage after a 20 minute elaborate lie about an alien abduction. The judges took a sweeping look over the crowd, and spoke loudly into the microphone; “are there any other contestants?”

Before my dad could stop him, S stood up and raised his hand.

“Well, come up sir!” 

S climbed the steps to the stage. He looked over the crowd seriously, and desperately tried to come up with a lie in time. His mind was blank. Empty. But S had no shame, and I’ve known him long enough to know this was 100% something he would do. The man throws himself into every awkward situation ever.

He took a step towards the microphone. His hands were clasped in front of him. He looked around at the people watching, the trees surrounding them, and said in his most serious voice into the mic;

“I was born a fish.”

That was it. The audience lost it. There was no build up, no elaborate detail, no story behind the lie. Just 1 ½ seconds, and he had told his entire lie. It was hilariously short, and there was no plot holes, or inconsistencies. Just purely, seriously, “I was born a fish.”

S left the stage in the midst of roaring laughter, as the audience, judges, and my dad tried to contain themselves. It was one of his proudest moments, that one second lie.

And guess what? He won first place.

First. Place.

A true inspiration, imo.

BTS @The Late Late Show
  • Some of the fans waiting in line before the show were being interviewed.
  • Fans were talking to James Corden and pointed out he was wearing a Gucci tie and mentioned that Tae would love it since he likes Gucci. James responded saying “Oh true because it looks like Gucci threw up on them”.
  • Jungkook was like a little kid and extremely pumped, he waved to the crowd before the first recording. Namjoon looked really proud.
  • James Corden took a selfie with the boys after they finished performing.
  • At the end of the second recording, Taehyung and Jimin were dancing with James.
  • Jimin kept laughing and hugging James, he looked like he was really enjoying himself. 
  • Jin sent James a flying kiss LOL
  • Taehyung was the last one to leave the stage, and seemed very excited to see all the fans.
  • THEY PLAYED FLINCH.
  • Lastly, THE FANCHANTS were amazing (as we all saw) and the camera crew confirmed that the fans were louder than when 1D performed.

Sources: (x,x,x)

3

“So stop making that face at me…”

fleur delacour was always too pretty to be smart. 

she is cooed over and admired, dressed like a doll and adorned like a mannequin, intended to smile and stand in the corner and bring honor to her family through her silent beauty. her chubby cheeks take precedent over her razor sharp mind, her glacial eyes over her loving heart, her delicate hands over her strongheaded determination.

she confesses one time, hesitantly, to her first friend at eight years old that sometimes she feels like people don’t even want to get to know her before dismissing her as airheaded, only to have nathalie scornfully dismiss her misfortune to be born so pretty, oh no, what a hardship. she keeps her doubts to herself after that.

she arrives at beauxbatons amidst hushed whispers and widened eyes, stalks down hallways through murmurs of veela and look at her, all beauty and no brains. her very first class, she completes the transfiguration task within the first five minutes of instruction. her classmates call it a fluke. so she finishes first in charms. potions. defense. herbology. she is not given respect, so she snatches it out of clenched hands, airily forces it out of gritted teeth, wins it from the begrudging.

she stands, on the triwizard stage, the only female among four champions, facing a new crowd of doubters and naysayers, who look incredulously at her flowing hair and fine features, not her fierce spirit and sharp mind. let them be fooled by her appearance, let them underestimate and undervalue and undermine her. she would disprove them, this time and every time, by showing them just how much more she could be.

after all, fleur delacour was always too smart to be only pretty. 

The longest 1 minute and 30 seconds of my life.

Batfam Embarrassing Moments at Galas

Bruce

Let’s out a loud cackle in the middle of a speech praising the work of earths Green Lantern(Hal Jordan). The crowd all turns to see Bruce Wayne laughing his fool head off at the prospect of Hal, the guy who regularly runs into buildings and hums the theme song to Star Wars in the middle of battles, being given such credit.

Dick

This was when he was still a teen… he accidentally burped really loud and let out an “oh fuck I’m sorry” right in front the mayor of Gotham. The look Bruce sent him could have turned him to stone.

Jason

Popped five hot chili peppers in his mouth. He then preceded to yell my mouth is on fire, fan his watering eyes, and stumble to the drink table to chug an entire jug of water.

Tim

Tripped, grabbed the first thing nearest to him, which was a ladies skirt, and tore the dress down the back as he fell to the floor.

Damian

Was caught, by Dick, staring at a woman’s butt in a tight dress.

Barbara

Gagged on an orderve and choked up the entire thing, which landed with a loud slop on the floor.

Cassie

At one of the Wayne banquets, Bruce asked his kids to join him on stage. She fell asleep durn the speech and tipped against Damian, who let her fall to the floor. The crowd went silent, a look of utter exhaustion flashed across Bruce’s face, and he turned to see his kids beginning a silent argument of glaring at each other(Robin was spotted falling off a building later that night).

Stephanie

Got drunk. Stumbled around mumbling “Howdy, sexy lady” to everyone.

Alfred

Non. He’s British perfection.