look at me i'm making pizza

PJO/HOO characters as things my friends have said (spring 2017 edition)
  • Nico: The gods got halfway through me and said "it's useless" and threw me in the reject pile yet here i am!
  • Sally: *notices divorce papers* OwO what's this?
  • Percy: I SCREAM BUT THE GODS WON'T LISTEN
  • Annabeth: Appreciate my science you ungrateful mango
  • Octavian: Do you fuk wit da war?
  • Paul blofis: I look like the creepy uncle at the barbecue who comments too much on your khaki shorts
  • Leo: FUCK PIZZA CRUST *proceeds to try and make a sassy exit but instead face plants into the ground*
  • Jason: *whispers* who am-*sings loudly* WHO AM I
  • Hazel: Like this vine if you've ever..... Died.... Inside Before
  • Reyna: I'm starting a new band called "Tragically Queer". You can find us collabing with panic at the dick in the near future.
  • Frank: Leave me and my bae alone you meme lords
  • Piper: might as well call me your waitress CUS I'M GONNA BE SERVIN UP SOME TEA FOR YOU TONIGHT LADIES
  • Will: My mom said i can't hang out tonight
8

Sonny in season 16

Okay but an AU with the 13 Reasons Why boys having games night (with Taffy and Justlex)...
  • Alex: Why the hell do Jeff and Bryce keep winning? Their cards are rigged or some shit. Who the hell shuffled?
  • Tyler: Of course Bryce is gonna win cards against humanity
  • Monty: I swear Clay and Jeff keep exchanging cards- that's why Clay's in his lap, Jeff can cheat
  • Bryce: Maybe it's just because none of y'all's are funny, Zach and Clay might as well not even be playing
  • Zach: Yeah, well at least we're not relating all our answers to our boyfriends like Justin!
  • Justin: What? Just 'cause I'm gettin' some and you're not?
  • Clay and Jeff: Actually-
  • Tony: Guys! ...
  • Alex: Seriously, Justin?
  • Monty: Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with Standall here, seriously?
  • Alex: Hey, don't agree with me
  • Justin: Don't agree with him
  • Tyler: Guys-
  • Everyone: Shut up!
  • Tyler: I was just gonna see if anyone wanted the last slice of pizza, but I guess it's mine
  • Clay: It's yours
  • Bryce: Look lets just go another round
  • Alex: Why? So you can kick our asses again
  • Bryce: Yep
  • Justin: I have a better idea
  • *Justin and Alex start making out*
  • Clay: Seriously Justin? Is it necessary for you to do that when we're all right here
  • *Justin gives Clay the finger*
  • Monty: This game sucks
  • *Monty throws his cards across table*
  • Tony: Agreed
  • Jeff: Mmm
  • Tyler: Yeah
  • Monty: I'm going to get a beer
  • Bryce: Fine, bunch of losers
  • *Bryce flips the table*
  • Jeff: Did he just-
  • Clay: *nods* He did
  • Zach: This is why we can't have nice things
the signs as matthew gray gubler tweets
  • aries: wanted to look sharp for my driver's license so i shaved with dad's razor but i didn't know i cut my face and now i look like i eat humans
  • taurus: sometimes i drink olive oil
  • gemini: when someone tries to start a pretentious conversation about some fancy novel i only make references to young adult fiction
  • cancer: tag me in your #wonks
  • leo: retweet if you just ate so much pizza alone in a dark kitchen
  • virgo: if you've never had a nervous breakdown you're either lacking passion or are maybe a monk
  • libra: be cool stay in school!
  • scorpio: looking forward to the day i'm finally eccentric enough to carry an umbrella in the sun
  • sagitarrius: the only sport i follow is eating cheese
  • capricorn: beware of snickerdoodle...
  • aquarius: driving to coachella but listening to the soundtrack from shrek
  • pisces: heyoooo it's saturday night, i'm in comfortable pants and about to eat 2 bags of sour skittles
Best Friend Starters
  • "Want to go somewhere?"
  • "Wait. Wait. You did what now?"
  • "Hey. How's it going?"
  • "I am sooooo bored."
  • "Yeah. Yeah, we could do that. Or we could sit around and do nothing."
  • "What fresh hell did you get me into?"
  • "When's the last time you bathed?"
  • "Got anything to eat?"
  • "What did I tell you about touching my stuff?"
  • "You're dating my ex?"
  • "Please tell me you have coffee."
  • "How do I look?"
  • "Let me give you some advice..."
  • "Drink up."
  • "You look ridiculous."
  • "I'm not going and you can't make me."
  • "What do you think I should wear?"
  • "Screw them. They don't know what they're missing."
  • "Can we not actually do this?"
  • "Pizza?"
  • "Is anyone else coming?"
  • "I'll walk with you."
  • "You look like you need a hug."
  • "Forget about 'em. You're better off."
  • "Pain gets better with time and alcohol."
  • "You need me to kick their ass?"
  • "Don't leave me hanging."
  • "Did you see that?"
  • "I leave no one behind."
  • "I don't suppose you have any idea what to do now..."
  • "Tea? Scone?"
  • "Stop being so melodramatic."
  • "I'm here for you."
  • "Give me five minutes."
  • "Why do I even hang out with you?"
  • "You know I would do anything for you, right?"
  • "Maybe you should cut down on the booze."
  • "That has got 'nope' written all over it."
  • "What's the worst that could happen?"

anonymous asked:

Tips to anyone wanting to get on Batgirl's good side- make her waffles. Last night she was chillin' on my fire escape and she looked cold so I invited her in and offered her waffles since that's what I had for dinner and now she keeps coming back??? And doesn't want to leave??? Like I'm glad she likes me, but what are the repercussions of this??? Will she summon the others??? My best friend's house became a vigilante hot spot cuz she had good pizza, is that gonna be me???

drake & josh;; starter sentences
  • "There's a NEW Jersey?"
  • "Are you calling me a liar?"
  • "I ain't calling you a truther!"
  • "I don't care. I like it on my face."
  • "Pip pip da doodly do!"
  • "Maybe 'E' means 'extra fuel'!"
  • "That is not my job."
  • "I have dreams. And sometimes, in those dreams, things happen to you."
  • "Dude, when life hands you free nachos, you don't question it!"
  • "Hang on, I'm doing something really important!"
  • "I love this album more than I love myself."
  • "Whoa, just take it easy, man."
  • "So my foot's totally stuck in there, right, I'm freaking out, the dog's having a seizure and I still got half a pie left."
  • "You should date whoever you want to date."
  • "So I don't like her, big deal."
  • "If you make fun of me one more time, I'm gonna tell everyone we know that you named your favorite pillow Mr. Puff Puff."
  • "I don't like half the girls I date."
  • "Nice going, you ran over your sister!"
  • "I hope you go bald!"
  • "I hope they cancel Oprah!"
  • "I'm really glad someone invented pizza."
  • "Well, sorry doesn't sweeten my tea!"
  • "Whoa, that cat IS fancy."
  • "Don't you have a rib to nibble?"
  • "You sicken me."
  • "You're the worst!"
  • "Look, I was wrong, okay?"
  • "I need you, I need you way more than you need me."
pop punk gf

if you’re looking for a guy that finger points, eats pizza, gets emo to citizen, loves vinyl, loves cuddling, is super nice and goofy, supports you in every way and never judges you, and tells you bad jokes to make you laugh, I’m your guy, let me love youuuuuuu

Confidence Mantra

For all of those who are tired of their own negative self talk, frustrated with themselves or just want to read some sweary, vaguely inspirational fuckery. 

MY INEXPERIENCE IS NOT WEAKNESS.  

OTHERS’ SUCCESS OR SKILL DOES NOT MEAN I AM UNSKILLED OR UNSUCESSFUL. SUCESS IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE. 

OTHERS MAY BE DONE GROWING AND LOOK DOWN ON ME FOR STILL GROWING. THEY CAN KISS MY ASS WHEN I PASS THEM. 

JUST BECAUSE OTHERS ARE BETTER THAN ME, IT DOES NOT MEAN I AM BAD. 

CONFIDENCE IS QUIET. ALSO THE LOOK ON EVERYONE’S FACE WHEN THEY REALIZE YOU’RE COMPETENT IS FUCKING GLORIOUS.

SOMETIMES ITS OK TO CRY OVER STUPID SHIT AND EAT LEFTOVER PIZZA. THEN YOU GET BACK UP AND DO THE STUPID SHIT. 

BE FUCKING NICE TO YOURSELF.  

Iron Bars // Warren Worthington

Guess who’s back, back again, Els is back, tell a friend

anyway I thought you might like this one and I was feeling really emo over Warren today so this happened lol:))

-Els x

/////

Iron bars. Twelve of them. Perfectly aligned, reaching from the floor to the ceiling and covering the small perimeter of the cell. The metal was cold against Warren’s pale fingers as he gripped the bars tight as if his life depended on it, he had memorised every detail in the confined space he was forced into only hours ago. A plain white ceiling and a plain white floor, covered in dust and a large brown stain in the corner of the room that he had yet to discover what it was, but he was pretty sure it was blood. There wasn’t even a stool for Warren to rest his fatigued limbs. He wasn’t supposed to be there.

The deafening echoes of his cellmates yelling, screaming and fighting had now become white noise to him and the smell of sweat that clouded his senses every so often almost made him gag. Warren couldn’t imagine what he must look like now, his hair was a tangled, curly blonde mess on his head, with pieces if broken glass still digging into his scalp and his arms littered with fresh scrapes and angry red bruises. His wings that were once white were now crippled, with dried blood that was not long ago seeping from the skin on his back. He was sure he would never fly again. Not that they’d let him anyway, as far as he knew, Warren would be looking these iron bars for the next few years.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Warren had gotten into one of his moods, as you liked to call them. They usually occurred when you two would have a fight or late at night after a bad nightmare when he would reminisce his past, the iron cage in Berlin that he believed somehow looked the same as the cell he was locked in now had forever haunted his dreams and kept him awake at night. Some days were worse than others, but this time, he knew he had taken it too far.

It was a small fight that he had blown out of proportion, his insecurities getting in the way as they always had when it came to you. A small remark that Peter had made about your relationship suddenly had him questioning why on earth you were with someone as wrecked as him. He was the one with wings, but you were the Angel.

He had left you, just like that, and he did what he always did when he was angry or upset. He drank. It was a crowded bar, the memories of what happened were still vague when he tried to recall them. Warren didn’t even remember the face of the man that he had gotten into a fight outside the bar with or even why he had thrown the first punch, but he knew that the man had come off much worse than he did.

He hated himself for this, he hated himself for being this fucked up and insecure. Warren always tried to believe it was because of his past and the horrific images that would flash through his head very time he closed his eyes but now he was wondering if it really was his fault. You had always told him to open up, that maybe if he told someone about his past that it would help, you had even suggested a therapist, but being the asshole that he is, he always declined and shrugged it off before continuing to suck you into the shitshow that he called his life. It was always his fault.

Warren knew he had to get out of there. He knew that he had to find you and apologise for everything. He couldn’t imagine how you must be feeling now. He wondered if you knew where he was, he could practically see the look on your face when Charles would tell you, that they had found him. That he was in a bad state and was thrown in a cell without a choice. Warren imagined your face changing from hope to disappointment. He couldn’t even begin to count how many times he had disappointed you.

Suddenly, Warren was awoken from his trance when he heard loud footsteps coming from down the hall. His initial thought was to grab whoever it was that was about to pass him and strangle them until they let him out. But that was then he heard it.

The soft angelic voice that had soothed Warren since the moment he first heard it, he only had to hear a few words to recognise the voice immediately. Once the figure came into full view he straightened himself out, removing his hands from the bar and dropping them by his sides in shock.

You always seemed to look flawless, even with your tired eyes and stressed expression that was most likely caused by the man stood behind bars in front of you. Your hair was a mess, still in the same messy ponytail since he last saw you, the image of tears streaming down you face as he left you at the mansion’s front door still fresh in his mind. You studied each other’s faces for a moment, taking in both of your dishevelled features once again as if you were old friends before Warren broke the ear-piercing silence.

‘Y/n…’

‘I know.’ You said softly, ‘Charles is outside, he’s gonna get you out of here, okay?’ You stepped closer and put your shaking hand on the railings of the bar, flinching slightly when he placed his bruised ones on top of yours and leaned his forehead against it, sighing quietly.

‘I probably should have listened to you when you said about the therapist,’ Warren whispered with a soft laugh.

‘Yeah, probably,’ You smiled ‘I’m just glad you’re okay. I really thought I lost you this time, Warren,’ You sighed and looked down, the pieces of hair that had fallen out of your ponytail covering your face, making Warren’s heart sink even more.

‘Baby, I’m- ‘

‘I know,’ You said reassuringly ‘But not now. Let’s go home first, I need a hot bath and some pizza,’ you smiled, and so did he.

‘Okay. Let’s go home.’

I need to head to bed, but I’m learning that apparently things happened after G McClaned that dude from the window. Hmm. I guess I got distracted replaying it in my head.

anonymous asked:

So I'm making a pizza, my coworker is at her own till. This guy comes up to my till and my coworker doesn't notice him. I pass by my till to get the pan from the pizza warmer. He goes "Yo can I get a pack of Newports 100s?" at me. Like, dude, did I even LOOK at you? Go to the other till!

This Story Reveals The Fault In Traditional Heteronormative Marriages
  • Wife: What's the matter, dear? Don't you like the tasty fancy dinner I cooked tonight.
  • Husband: I do. It's delicious.
  • Wife: That look on your face doesn't say "it's delicious." Tell me what's the matter.
  • Husband: I'm getting tired of fancy dinners. You're an amazing cook, but sometimes I just want to try some a little more, y'know *makes some hand motion*, plain.
  • Wife: I could make burgers tomorrow night, if you'd like.
  • Husband: No, your burgers are too fancy.
  • Wife: There's hamburger helper and pizza rolls.
  • Husband: Hamburger helper and pizza rolls are too ethnic. I want something that's really basic and milquetoast.
  • Wife: I could make you toast with milk.
  • Husband: Honey, you just don't get it. I'm winding down for the night now. Dinner was wonderful. *smooches wife*
  • Wife: *rubs the smooch once husband is out of sight* He didn't like my cooking. No one dislikes my cooking.
  • *the next day at the supermarket*
  • Wife: Basic... milquetoast. What could he possibly want? Ah, this might do it. *picks up a plain white box labeled "edible product"*
  • Wife: Edible product, hmm. *turns product around* Edible product meets minimum nutritional guidelines. Do not consume edible product if you suffer from depression, have any blood diseases, or untreated migraines. Consult a doctor before eating edible product if you are pregnant. Edible product contains artificial paste flavoring... is this a joke?
  • Wife: *examines product closely* Eh, it does seem about as basic as can be.
  • Wife: *tosses product in shopping cart*
  • *that night at the dinner table*
  • Husband: So what do you have for me tonight, honey?
  • Wife: *slams product on table* Edible product.
  • Husband: What is it?
  • Wife: It says right on the box. It's an edible product.
  • Husband: What type of product?
  • Wife: Edible.
  • Husband: And the flavor?
  • Wife: Paste.
  • Husband: Any specific specific flavor?
  • Wife: It's paste flavored.
  • Husband: You couldn't make crab rangoon?
  • Wife: You said you wanted something basic! So I bought something basic! You do no cooking or household work, so I want to hear no complaints!
  • Husband: Alright, calm down.
  • Wife: *pours plain white cubes of product into a plain white bowl* Eat up. *grins smugly*
  • Husband: *eats a cube* Mmm.
  • Husband: *eats another cube* Mhmmm. *stuffs mouth with cubes* These are actually pretty good. You can really taste the paste flavoring. Is it natural?
  • Wife: No, it's artific- wait, are you fucking with me right now? Don't tell you actually enjoy that garbage.
  • Husband: It's delicious! Absolutely DELCUSH!
  • Wife: Delcush?
  • Husband: It's the most amazing food I've ever tasted.
  • Wife: Stop playing around!
  • Husband: Oh, sorry, honey. I mean your food is "amazing", but this is just AMAZING. You have to get more. Anyway, I'm winding down for the night now, honey. *smooches* See you in the morning.
  • Wife: *rubs off smooch and tries a cube* BLECH! It tastes like cardboard. Is this what he really wants? Shitty cardboard dinner?
  • *later in bed*
  • Husband: *snoring loudly*
  • Wife: *lies awake in bed, staring at the ceiling*
  • Wife: *internally* What does he like about those awful cubes that he can't get out of my food. They're tasteless. Everything I make is well prepared with love and care, and he likes some cheap cubes. Maybe, I overdo it. No, he asked for crab rangoon tonight. Something has to be up. Is he cheating on me?
  • Wife: He has to be cheating on me. He barely talks to me anymore. Does he even make eye contact anymore. *remembers his return home earlier that day*
  • Husband: *without making eye contact* I'm back honey.
  • Wife: Welcome back, dear. *smooches husband*
  • Husband: *closes eyes*
  • Wife: *zips back to the present* He's definitely been avoiding eye contact with me. Why wouldn't he have his eyes open when he kisses me? When you kiss someone you're supposed to form a connection by staring directly into their eyes. Kissing is more of a visual form of affection than anything. That's why every photo we have hung up on our walls is of us kissing. If we remember every time we've ever kissed, we don't have to waste all of our time kissing because we know that we love each other. Ah... that's it. He wasn't looking at me when he came in because he was looking at a photo of us kissing on the wall. He closed his eyes when actually kissed me because he wanted to visualize us kissing in his mind in addition to actually kissing me. That makes sense, I guess. But, if he was actually kissing me why would he ever have to imagine it when he's actually physically experiencing it in reality. Is it that when he closes his eyes he is transported to another reality where he kisses a different version of me. Maybe I'm just a simulation and this closed eye reality is the real thing. Is he doing this to kiss me twice? Is he double kissing his loving wife through multiple dimensions.
  • Husband: Wife.
  • Wife: Yes, husband. You're awake?
  • Husband: Yes, I can hear everything you're saying. You stopped speaking internally a long time ago.
  • Wife: Oh god. *covers her mouth*
  • Husband: You want to know why I like those tasteless cubes, don't you.
  • Wife: ...Yeah.
  • Husband: It's because they're a blank slate. They don't taste like anything particular so I can project any taste onto them that I want. So, they taste like my favorite food ever.
  • Wife: And that is?
  • Husband: Your food, dear.
  • Wife: Are you joking?
  • Husband: Absolutely not. You make the delicious food ever. Even better than mom's home cooking!
  • Wife: Aww, that's so mushy. You're being a sap.
  • Husband: It's true, though.
  • Wife: I love you. *smooches her husband* Goodnight, dear.
  • Husband: Night, honey. *squeezes his eyes shut*
  • Husband: I'm back, honey!
  • Wife: Welcome home, dear! *smooches husband*
  • Husband: Your smooches taste exactly like crab rangoon. I wonder what you've been cooking.
  • Wife: Tasteless cubes.
  • Husband: What?
  • Wife: You said you wanted something plain. So I cooked tasteless cubes again. Don't close your eyes when you're speaking with me! You know I hate that!
  • Husband: Sorry about that! *opens one eye*
  • Wife: Husband, why is half of your body missing?
  • Husband: Uh... Is that crab rangoon on that plate there?
  • Wife: *holding a steaming plate of crab rangoon* Yes, but half of your body is missing.
  • Husband: Oh, you know me, busy day at work. *blinks eye and disappears momentarily*
  • Wife: I knew this would happen! You're only half the man you used to be! I want a divorce!
  • Husband: Honey, no! I can explain! *opens both of his eyes*
  • Wife: *turns over in bed* Explain what, dear?
  • Husband: I don't even think I know...
Literally admin rn
  • AFD!Blake: Y'know what? I'm gonna go to bed early tonight.
  • AFD!Ruby, laughs a bit: Pfft, sure Blake.
  • AFD!Blake, getting defensive: What!?!? I so will!!
  • AFD!Yang, shaking her head: Mhm, just like the last time you said that?
  • AFD!Blake: Hmph! Fine then. I'm going to BED!
  • ~~~~~
  • AFD!Blake, at 4: 30 in the morning, making a pizza in the dark: It's been...one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said, "I'm angry". Five days since you laughed at m-
  • AFD!Weiss, staring at Blake from the entrance to the kitchen, Blake frozen in place, Weiss just looking absolutely done: I'm just...gonna get my coffee and go to work.

There it was the last piece of pizza conveniently in the middle of the room but as he approached the table he noticed that he was not the only one, “Vanoss don’t you dare that last slice is mine.” He took another step taunting him about it.
“I don’t see your name on it.” It was going to be like that was it as he runs full speed towards the table. In truth he wasn’t all that hungry but now he just really wanted it. Now there’s a reason they tell you not to run inside as they literally collide into each other, “I’m still getting the pizza and you aren’t going to stop me.”
“No Delirious its mine.”
“No listen the person getting the last slice is me. I looked at it first.”
“Well I’m grabbing it first and - where is it?” There was a silent pause as they both stare down at the table and realise it’s gone.
“You guys should of just shared it. It’s mine now though.” Turns out neither of them ended up getting the pizza in the end anyway.

interstellarvagabond  asked:

I love how much detail you put into the "favorite things Taako cooks for us" part in Luster! That was such a stunning example of attention to character detail and I loved it so much. This fic basically gives me something to look forward to when work and school get hard lol

@inkedinserendipity and I actually had a big long talk about Taako’s Best Recipes last night after the chapter went live, and it’s now canon that Taako started making Angus pizza’s heart-attack style after watching Angus just stack his pizza slices on each other and eat them.

I might amend it slightly to say he did the thing my brother used to do, ie: take all the toppings off extra pieces and put them all on one piece for the Ultimate Piece of Pizza.

Quick excerpt from last night:

Taako sees this and goes: “Agnes. Kid. Ango my- just. Kiddo. Angus. I can put more cheese on it next time son just chill. This is why humans die young.“ 

"Did you just call me son, sir?" 

"Finish your pizza Agnes." 


And there’s like!!! a cool post going around about how not every dimension IPRE landed in had food they could all eat? So Taako and Lup had be creative but Taako himself had quite the spell-caster’s work-out using transmutation magic to get inedible plants to be recognizable and digestible ingredients for the crew. So when he says that chicken pot pie recipe is the only thing that will fill Magnus in one shot, he knows what he’s talking about, that’s what Magnus ate on the Mushroom expedition until the day he just didn’t wake up. (Pies are historically a method of food preservation and in ye olden days the crust was discarded because it was probably dirty by the time you ate the filling)

So yeah like they say the way to the heart is through the stomach and I think post-Story-and-Song Taako is all about figuring the exact gastronomical directions to make sure the people he loves knows he loves them.

Instagram Bio's for the Signs
  • Aries: "I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I'm joking!"
  • Taurus: "Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza."
  • Gemini: "Walking past a class with your friends in it"
  • Cancer: "I just want to cuddle, that’s all I want"
  • Leo: "Why look up at the stars when the biggest star is me?"
  • Virgo: "Only Swag girls are fascinated by hashtags on the Facebook."
  • Libra: "I put the hot in psychotic."
  • Scorpio: "Hating me doesn't make you pretty"
  • Sagittarius: "Girls be like, no makeup!"
  • Capricorn: "A Caffeine dependent life-form."
  • Aquarius: "Go to the party, they said. It would be fun, they said."
  • Pisces: "I love sleep cuz it's like a time machine to breakfast."