look at it every day

I was playing a dating sim. I played it 24/7. That was until one afternoon… where something just broke.

It was just pixels. Reality broke.

These people on-screen… I felt like I knew them.
But now they weren’t people anymore.
They were just shapes. They were lines that someone had written. They never existed. They never had feelings. They never would exist, either.
It felt so sad. Like I’d just lost these real people.
This whole thing we had… was just me… alone.

That realization dumped out of the screen and into real life.

The tree out front. I looked at it every day- it was a friend outside the window.
Now it was just a thing.
Just a thing that was there. Growing, eating, and just… being there. It was like all this stuff I had felt about the tree was just in my head.
There was this guy walking by and he was just shapes. Just this moving bulk of stuff.

I cried, because nothing wasn’t there for me anymore. It was all just stuff. Stuff in the universe.

Just… dead.

—  Margaret “Mae” Borowski (Night in the Woods)

~So this is a Kozik origin story, song fic. Trigger warning- Drug abuse and Death.

Here’s the song- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0NQbKRoUGI&feature=em-share_video_user ~

Merry, merry, merry go round

I don’t want to see you down

I don’t want to see you frown

Merry go round…


Summer day

Bobby and this girl would wake up every summer day

This boy and girl had nothing, they were runaways

Kozik POV

The sun came pouring in through the window. I groaned and wrapped my arm around you tighter. I buried my head into your hair to block out the sun. I felt and heard you giggle as my breath tickled your neck. I smiled and kissed it softly.

“Mmm you awake, baby?” You asked.

“No,” I shushed you softly. “I’m sleeping…” I felt you try to wiggle out of my arms and I held you tighter. You let out a frustrated sigh after a bit of trying. I chuckled and bit you softly. You let out a moan and smacked my arm.

“Don’t do that! Jackass…”  You grumbled. I put my head on your shoulder and kissed your cheek softly.

“I’m sorry beautiful. You’re just so damn delicious.” I told you and you giggled and playfully glared at me.

“You’re so fucking cheesy.” You told me.

“Yeah but you love it.” I said.

“Yes I do and I love you.” You said.

“I love you too.” I turned your face towards me and gave you a slow, hard kiss. You kissed back with as much love and adoration as I was putting into it. I ended the kiss with a soft bite to your bottom lip. You let out a shaky breath and opened your eyes to look at me.

“I’m going to marry you.” I said in a whisper. I hadn’t meant to say it but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. I loved you more then anything, I had since our first day of high school, when we met.

“How about we get married when we both have stable jobs and we don’t live in our car anymore?” You suggested. I looked around the trunk of our car that we were currently laying in and nodded.

“Deal, I’m going to get a job and take care of us. I promise, Y/N Kozik.” I kissed you and then started getting ready for the day.

So in love that now all they wanted was pain and so it came

Never had a silver spoon present in the past

Now at last, the spoon is present and so the boy wet it

Told her bring him a slab, a cotton swab, and a match

And told her one day they’ll fly across the world and have a wedding

Like “baby I have a plan, come with me to this place

Baby give me your hand, now flip it give me a vein

Baby take off your belt, we’ll use it as a restraint”

She sees that it starts to melt, he reaches inside a case

Fills the needle with food, flicks the needle with haste

Brings the needle to her, she isn’t right in the face

The boy can tell that she’s scared, he says “I love you, okay?”

Then shoves it into her arm and says “how the fuck does that taste baby?!”

Kozik POV

A couple of days after promising to marry you, I had met some guys who offered me a job. Which wasn’t a bad thing, the downside of it though was it was a job selling heroin. Within the first week of selling I had managed to make enough money to rent us a house. You were so excited when I told you that, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you what I was doing for a job yet.

You were out looking for a job while I was out dealing. After selling, the guys I started dealing for offered me a couple of ounces to go with my payment. Curious about the stuff that I was dealing, I took it. When I got home you weren’t home yet so grabbed one of your belts and loaded some into my arm.

I kept it hidden from you for the next week and a half. You started picking up on the fact that I was hiding something though. You kept pressuring me about it and finally I couldn’t keep it from you anymore.

“Baby please just tell me what’s happening!” You sighed.

“I can’t, okay? Just leave it at that!” I raised my voice slightly.

“Are you cheating on me?” You whispered like you were afraid of your own voice. That made me pause. I never wanted you to think that. I couldn’t even think of anyone else, you were everything to me. I was never going to love anyone else.

“Fuck no! Never, baby.” I sighed and put a hand on your cheek and lifted your face so you were looking in my eyes. “You aren’t going to like what I’m going to tell you.”

“I love you and nothing will change that, Koz.” You said and kissed the palm of my hand softly. I took a deep breath.

“I’m selling heroin…” I told you. “I’ve also been using it.” I waited for your reaction. You looked confused for a second before your mouth opened slightly as it clicked.

“Oh.” You said.

“Oh?” I asked, trying to prompt more out of you.

“Is that why you were able to afford this place so soon?” You asked. I nodded. You bit your lip and thought about everything. “Are you in any danger?”

“Some but it’s worth it. If I can give you everything we’ve ever wanted then it’s all worth it. I’ll make enough money and we can buy a house and I’ll take you to England and we’ll get married. You’ve always wanted to go there.”  I told her.

“Just be safe, we can’t get married if you die on me.” You said. I smiled and kissed you softly.

“You want to try some baby?” I asked.

“Heroin?” You asked.

“Yeah, come on baby it’s a rush! Trust me.” I took your hand softly and lead you to the kitchen. “Take off your belt baby, I’ll use it as a restraint.” You took it off and handed it to me. I flipped your hand and tied the belt to the upper part of your arm. I sat you down in the chair and prepared the needle. When it was ready I flicked it and looked down at you. Nervousness was written clear as day on your face. I kissed you softly and tried to put as much comfort as I could behind it. I pulled back and looked you in the eyes. “I love you, okay?”

“I love you too.” You said and smiled softly at me. I found your vein fast and shoved the needle in. I watched as your eyes started to glaze over and smiled.

“How the fuck does that taste, baby?”


Merry, merry, merry go round

I don’t want to see you down

I don’t want to see you frown

Merry go round…

Merry, merry, merry go round

I don’t want to see you down

I don’t want to see you frown

Merry, merry, merry go round

See Bobby had joined the army

Been gone for a couple months

she did anything for that feeling

But then she started that feeling, early morning she’s kneelin’

In front of the toilet look at her belly there’s no concealing

That she’s expecting a child

This woman is living foul

She’s only 20 years old

And hardly can even smile

Reader’s POV

Kozik had joined the marines a couple months ago. Cops were busting down on dealing so Kozik figured it would be a steady paycheck until things calmed down and then he would come back to deal again. When he left so did the free heroin he was bringing into the house.

The little stash that we had only lasted a week and then I started buying from the dealers that he was working for. I started stealing money and selling anything that I could to buy more and more. The more I bought, the more I needed. Everything hurt when I stopped using, especially the pain of Kozik being away.

I was so wrapped up in needing hit after hit that I didn’t even notice that my stomach was growing, not until I went to go load up and had the overwhelming urge to throw up. I rushed to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet just in time before I threw up. Once my stomach was empty I looked down and took in the growing bump.

I stood up slowly and rinsed my mouth off before looking in the mirror. My skin was covered with sweat and my hair was a mess. My eyes were bloodshot and had bags under them. My hands started to shake and my eyes filled with tears. I let out an angry scream and punched the mirror. Glass flew everywhere and blood started pouring down my hand. I barely paid any attention to it as I walked out and loaded up.

Ultrasound shows a baby that’s barely over a pound

Sold everything in her house just trying to score an ounce

News of her baby’s father was that he died in the war

Now that syringe is all that keeps her alive anymore

No mattress, so her and her child dyin’ on the floor

As a letter’s at the door reading:

“I’ll be home tomorrow. love, Bobby”

Reader’s POV

I went to the clinic just to see if I really was pregnant. When the ultrasound showed my baby, I began to cry. Kozik should be here for this, I shouldn’t be using, this whole situation should be different. I left the clinic and went back home even more depressed than before. I tried to stop for my baby, for Kozik. I managed to make some progress even with the withdrawal hitting me so hard I thought that I was dying.

That was until Kozik’s brother came to visit me. I had managed to clean the house up before he came. I made it like it was before I started using. He had knocked on the door and I opened it. I hadn’t seen him since Kozik and I took off when we were 17 so my eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Can I come in?” He asked. He looked nervous and I nodded. He came in and he took notice of my growing belly. “That’s… are you..?”

“Yeah I am.” I confirmed.

“Is it…?” He started.

“Your brother’s? Yes.” I nodded. He nodded and avoided my eyes.

“Not to be rude but why the hell are you here?” I asked. He took in a deep breath and then looked me in the eyes.

“Herman’s dead, Y/N.” He said. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I looked to the ground, my head swirling.  

“W…What?” I asked. My breathing came faster and I looked at him, desperately hoping that this was a joke.

“Something happened and his ship blew up.” He told me and placed his hand on my shoulder to try and comfort me. I jerked away from him, harshly.

“Get out…” I whispered harshly.

“Look, I know how you feel. I loved my brother.” He said. I didn’t want to hear it though.

“Get out!” I screamed at him. He seemed to take the hint this time and went to the door fast.

“If you or the baby need anything let me know.” He said before leaving the house. Once he was gone, I ran to my room. I found my stash and quickly set up. Just before I stuck the needle in the sobs racked my body. Days went by and I couldn’t get the heroin fast enough. The only time I felt like I could breathe was when I was high. I sold everything that I could to get more money to buy. I couldn’t even keep track of how much I was using just that I kept adding more and more to each hit. The last hit I took three needles at once and passed out on the floor. I didn’t check the mail before that, so I didn’t know about the letter in the mailbox that Kozik had sent saying he’d be back tomorrow.


Merry, merry, merry go round

I don’t want to see you down

I don’t want to see you frown

Merry go round…

Merry, merry, merry go round

I don’t want to see you down

I don’t want to see you frown

Merry, merry, merry go round

Knockin’ at the door but doesn’t get an answer

Bobby’s nervous, his heart starts to beat faster

He hasn’t talked to his girl in so long

She sold his phone for a hit, damn how he wish that he could hear her laughter

But his drug hit her like a cancer

And he forgot ‘cause he had left and cleaned his act up

Passenger seat in his Acura got a picture of ‘em kissing

Under the words “happily ever after”

Kozik’s POV

I came up to the house that I hadn’t seen in months. I nervously ran a hand through my hair and looked at the picture I kept in my car. It was us sitting in the trunk of it during the time we were staying at the beach. A random tourist had a polaroid camera and asked if we wanted a picture. We had said sure and I kissed you while she was taking it.

Above the picture of us was “happily ever after” written in your handwriting. I smiled and ran a finger over the picture. I set it down in the passenger seat and got out of the car. I walked up to the house and knocked. When you didn’t answer after a couple minutes, I knocked again.

I hadn’t talked to you for a while. The phone I had left with you went out of service a while back. I figured you were still upset with me and started writing letters to you. I looked at the full mailbox and started to panic. I kicked the door in and ran inside.

He walks into the house, it’s a fuckin’ disaster

Every step he takes his shoe crushes a capsule

Holds his breath, he knows what he smells isn’t natural

Looks down, it’s the body of the queen of his castle

“Baby please, baby please!!!”

“Wake up!!!”

He screams on his knees and he sees her hands around her stomach

Inside was a child

And realizes it was his…

Kozik’s POV

The house was bare except for the bottles of alcohol and the capsules that littered the floor. I gagged as the smell hit me, full force. I put my shirt up over my nose and kept walking through the house.

“Baby?” I called for you. I made my way to our room and opened the door. My whole body froze as I saw your hand laying on the floor. I followed it to the rest of your body and my stomach lurched painfully as I noticed how still you were.

“Baby please, baby please!!! Wake up!!!” I rushed to your side and shook you lightly. I kept begging you to wake up as I shook you

“Fuck! Baby! Come on!” I let out a sob as my hands touched your cold cheek and I looked down from your face to see your other hand curled around your stomach. It was a lot bigger then I remembered. I touched it lightly and it suddenly clicked that you were pregnant. I let out a loud and painful scream of anguish that echoed through the empty house.

‘cause a facade made a girl give her love away

But those were Bobby’s consequences that he had to pay

Love is pain

Kozik’s POV

I pulled your cold body close to mine and kissed your forehead softly. I just kept mumbling how sorry I was and how much I loved you as I rocked back and forth slightly.

“It should’ve been me… I started this… I did this to you. I’m sorry baby, forgive me…” I whispered as I pulled the engagement ring I had gotten you out of my pocket and slipped it onto your ring finger. “I love you.” I kissed the knuckle above it lightly and pulled you closer as I sobbed harder than I ever have in my life. I had lost my whole world and it was because of my own stupidity.


Merry, merry, merry go round

I don’t want to see you down

I don’t want to see you frown

Merry go round…

Merry, merry, merry go round

I don’t want to see you down

I don’t want to see you frown

Merry, merry, merry go round

~Thanks to @juiceboxxortiz for editing! @codenamekaraortiz, @dolphingoddess81~


On coming home to Bonanza High School, home of the Bengals:

Pretty cool to see your face on a door right when you walk up. The wall of fame was something that we walked by every day in school and you look up there and think, that would be pretty cool to be up there one day. Now the students here walk by and see my face up there. My wife is up on the student council side of the wall of fame. She was student body president, three sports, she did it all. She still does it all.

On his first varsity game:

First varsity game, I was so nervous. I had no clue what I was doing. I think I made an error, misplayed a ball, it bounced over my head. I was getting the nerves out. My first home run was a grand slam, so I redeemed myself after my first game.

On getting dressed for baseball games:

The locker room … my memories were that we never really got to be in that locker room because the football team had it. We’d pull up our cars and change in the parking lot and blast our music.

On keeping the field looking sharp:

We all had our jobs to take care of the field. Freshmen started off with the worst jobs. As a senior, you got up to watering the field. I took pride in what I did, not just here, even what we do now in manicuring Wrigley Field with our feet in between in each pitch. You take pride in what you do.

On seeing scouts at his games:

When you start seeing scouts in the stands, you feel the pressure. I certainly felt it. I look up and see radar guns and everybody writing notes down. It only helped me later on and eased my nerves.

On a shattering memory:

We had a pretty busy street here. I actually hit a homer over the fence and we hear a sound. Obviously, it was a car; we just didn’t know what we did to the car. Five minutes later, a guy pulls up, window shattered. It was a pretty funny moment.

anonymous asked:

Headcanon prompt: How do the TF2 mercs react to finding shipping art of themselves with another merc?

Hello!! Sorry about the lack of answers. With Mass Effect Andromeda being released I’ve gone back and started to play the original Mass Effect. Any way I’m gonna go NSFW with the fanart they are seeing.

Scout: What the fuck is this shit!? He ain’t gay. Why ain’t people drawing him with his massive dick? Why is he always taking it up the ass?? WHY IS HE BEING SHIPPED WITH SNIPER?? Hides in his room for a few days, can’t look Sniper in the eyes. Every time he does he thinks about the Aussies dick.

Pyro: Low-key draws the shipping art of the rest of the mercs. Tries to avoid seeing it at all costs. But when they do see it gets really uncomfortable, they see the mercs as friends. They also dislike the way people draw them sometimes, that’s not what they look like. However they admire the art, thinking about all the effort would have put into the art.

Solider: It depends, if it’s with one of his comrades he freaks out. Solly doesn’t fully understand how men have sex with each other. If it’s with Zhanna he’s more incline to look at it. He enjoys looking at her naked body seeing people’s ideas of what she looks like with out her clothes. Has jacked off to the images of him and Zhanna.

Demoman: Blushes, people think his dick is that big?? Doesn’t mind being shipped with any of the mercs. Enjoys seeing art involving Sniper, Solly or Engineer more then the others. But after seeing something really kinky has to drown himself drinking.

Heavy: All the shipping art he sees is of him and Medic. Doesn’t mind, finds it quite funny. But tries to avoid it, looking at this type of thing isn’t up his alley.


Medic: Has a stash of the fanart. Loves looking at fan art involving Heavy and Sniper. On lonely night he jerks off to it.

Sniper: With seeing all the artwork he feels violated, he’s shipped with nearly everyone. Scout, Demoman, Engineer, Medic and Spy. Can deal with being shipped with the team except Spy. He would never touch that French bastard, that back stabbing snake. Has to pitch himself when he thinks about Spy’s lean body.

Spy: Of course he is shipped with the mercs, he is the most handsome man on the team. But holy hell, do people think he is that kinky?? Like he has his kinks, but they ain’t that strange. He’s pleased that people draw him correctly, but can’t believe people draw him having sex with the mask on. It was one time.

anonymous asked:

Chubs does indeed have super good sniffy senses! Food defo makes her v happy, so we mayyyyy be overfeeding her a teeny totty bit. Despite not being able to see, she still sits and looks out the window EVERY day, and barks when dogs are on TV. What a smart lil bean. She gets lots of luv 24/7.

So clever!!

lavendermatrix  asked:

I wanna say thanks. Thanks for giving your time and talent on this beautiful story. I never really thought a reader/sans fic would bring me to tears a couple of times, but wow did it ever. This story has given me something to look forward every week. It's brightened up my day and made me happy when i think about it during class. It's pulled me through the dark times and pushed me to the happier, less-suckish times. So from the bottom of my heart, thanks. You inspired me to write again. Thank

TBH my dude, I never thought I’d actually DO it. I’m hitting that point of melancholy where I’m like… holy hell. It’s done. I’m done with these characters that I’ve built and crafted and love and it’s kind of sad and staggering and then I remember that I’ve heard from so many people who have told me the same thing you have, that they’re writing again because of CoBC and now it’s 2 AM and I actually will cry. I can’t believe it’s over, but I’m so glad I’ve done it, so glad I’m going to continue to write, and if I helped even one single person decide that they want to write, I’ve done so much more than I set out to do. And that’s, to be frank, kickass and beautiful and as close to religion as your pal Tist will get. We create. That’s fucking cool. 



q: Is there a reason that among the members, the two of you in particular got close to each other?
cy: I think the way we play is really similar.



Tbh I don’t think Mabel would be such a problem when it comes to bath time, Dipper on the other hand…


It’s been more than a day and I’m still laughing at how the Squire pact in TOZ-X is now just a friendship bracelet while Mikleo and Sorey apparently have each other on telepathic emergency speed dial LOL.

inb4 bro gaydar jokes

my least favorite thing is where I don’t intentionally procrastinate and instead just suddenly find out that I totally didn’t do the thing and it is now too late

I hate that thing