look at henry

okay hear me out: 

you know those photo series that are like “In The Running For The Next Spiderman/Young Han Solo/Bachelor/Prince Eric/Property Brother”

and it’s just like nine generically handsome brunet white men that might all be Henry Cavill or might all be Matt Bomer or might all be the photogenic runner guy from 2012 for all we know but it’s impossible to tell because they are just so generic?

and you know how nobody really remembers what Moist von Lipwig (slash Albert Spangler where applicable) actually looks like, they just remember the gold hat, or the glasses, or the bountiful ear hair?

what I want is an adaptation where Moist, whenever he’s being an anonymous face or The Man in the Golden Suit or Albert Spangler, is played by a series of generically handsome brunet white men who are swapped out shot-to-shot.

It characters as things that happened in my school

Stan: for a whole year walked around with a water bottle on his head

Richie: taped pictures of Danny Devito everywhere and didn’t get caught

Eddie: broke his ankle on the last step of the stairs and had to be carried across the school by his friends

Mike: gave his friend a quesadilla from Taco Bell during the middle of history class

Bev: said “we’re so close to our teacher like I can call him a hoe and he won’t even care… MR BAKER YOURE A HOE”

Ben: blasted cotton eye joe every art class on the TV

Bill: jumped in the pond for weed but never got it

Georgie: in the middle of the hallway yelled SASUKE and then proceeded to naruto run

Henry: at lunch screamed “y’all mind if I hit that YEET?” And then dabbed

Patrick: in Aqua class someone told him “don’t drop the fish” but then he accidentally threw it across the room

Pennywise: was thrown into the water fountain and broke it clean off the wall

3

fresh little unpleasantness has arisen. but i’ve spoken to your superiors & now we’re all such good friends, they’ve kindly agreed to let me keep the team together. ` ❫

2

I need a hug

“But I-”

“Maybe you don’t, but I need one.”

“Oh. Okay.”